I woke up the next morning and immediately called Beth to plan our breakfast date. Yeah, it was a Friday, but neither of us had classes until the afternoon. We ended up deciding on the easiest option, which was just eating in the dining hall. Going for an easy option really made me feel better after the freak out I had last night.
Today was a tad mundane. I had class, and I was teaching, but Ali and Beth were clear that they wanted me to come home right after I finished teaching. I had been cranking out choreography after teaching for a while now, but they really wanted me to come home. I could see how worried they were, and it was something I really appreciated.
When I walked into Ali and I's room after teaching, I was greeted by the last person I was expecting to see. "Hullo there darling." I dropped my bag and hugged him tightly, tears springing into my eyes.
"You have no idea how much I fucking missed you," I whispered gently, and I felt him wrap his arms around me tightly and rub my back.
"I missed you more," he whispered back, kissing my cheek and wiping my tears. "Ali called me yesterday and told me how tired you are."
"I am," I mumbled as I buried my face into his neck.
"We're all concerned about you, Grace. No one wants to see you stretching yourself too thin." The calming circles he was rubbing on my back were doing just as they intended, which felt great. "I want you to get some good sleep tonight, okay? We can talk about everything tomorrow."
"Are you gonna stay with me?" My voice was soft, but I could feel a small smile forming as he nodded. I always slept my best when he was with me. "Let me get ready for bed first, okay?"
I woke up the next morning at about eleven thirty, and I had to say, last night was one of the best nights of sleep I had ever gotten. Usually, I was choreographing by eight thirty on Saturday mornings, but I had turned my alarm off. I didn't want to upset anyone, especially after seeing how concerned they were.
Once he noticed I was awake, Tom smiled and kissed the top of my head. "Good morning, darling. How do you feel?"
"Like I've had the best night's sleep in a month." He smiled as he pushed some hair away from my eyes, and I sighed softly. "I'm so sorry I've been ignoring you."
"Grace--"
"No, Tom, I mean it. Yeah, I've been stressed out and busy with this whole choreography thing, and yeah, I've stretched myself a bit too thin. But me not talking to you because I was afraid to start a fight is not something that should have happened."
"That's what you were afraid of?" His voice was, again, the calming one he had used with me so many times before. I swear, he knew exactly how to make me feel better.
"Yeah, it was. Every time I lose my sleeping and eating pattern, I tend to not think before I say things. If I do think, my anxiety gets the better of me. I didn't wanna accidentally upset you and get in another fight." His arms were tighter around me at that, and he sighed. "I'm so sorry I've been a shitty girlfriend for the past month."
For once, it seemed like I had rendered him speechless. We sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke up again. "I love you more than anything in the fucking world, Grace. Your mental health is so important, and you doing what you did is related to that. You're not a shitty girlfriend, okay darling?"
"I love you too, baby. More than you know. Regardless of what E! News says." He rolled his eyes softly, and I sighed. "Should I make a response to that?"
"If you want to, love." He kissed my head softly, and I bit my lip.
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fullofgrace I'd like to personally thank @enews for writing that piece about me and Tom. I wanna thank them because that piece is giving me the opportunity to address some important topics and issues.
1-No, Tom and I did not break up. The two of us are still madly in love. In fact, he's with me right now as I write this. But we are in a long-distance relationship. Of course, we can't be with each other all of the time, as much as we would love to be. So the fact that we were "last seen in public at the end of March" isn't really as big a deal as it seems to them.
2-I've taken on a big project since I returned to school, and that has made me busier than I've ever been. It's not something I can disclose at this point in time, but I can say that it is a major project that has taken a toll on me, both mentally and physically. I haven't been sleeping right, I haven't been eating right, and my emotions are all over the place. It's a project I am incredibly grateful for, don't get me wrong, but it is one that I completely underestimated.
3-Not a day goes by where I don't think about Tom, but I'm not gonna lie; yesterday was the first time we spoke to each other since our little getaway to Georgia. And that's completely on me. I've been very vocal about my anxiety in the past, and this is no different. When I am off my sleeping and eating schedule, it messes with my mind. My anxiety kicks in and I tend to go about my day on autopilot because when I think about things in a state like that, I tend to overthink them and it becomes me anxiously dwelling on my negativity. I shut Tom out all month long. I didn't want my autopilot to say anything that would cause a fight between us, so I didn't give it the opportunity. I'm fully aware and acknowledge that doing that makes me a terrible girlfriend, but at this point, it doesn't matter. Both of us understand that it was for my health.
4-Finally, our relationship is just that--OUR RELATIONSHIP. Yes, we like flirting with and poking fun at each other on Instagram, but that is our decision. There are aspects that we like to keep private, and those aspects shouldn't matter to the whole world. We're regular people, just like you. One of us not being on social media for a month (due to the aforementioned project, by the way) shouldn't be a concern at all unless it's been stated that it should be through someone we both personally know.
So thank you, @enews, for posting your little gossip piece. It's let me be real and genuine--something you're not.
Tagged: tomholland2013
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"So eloquently said." He smiled, and I grinned up at him.
"I love you, Tom."
"I love you too, Grace."
AAAH two updates at the same time?! What do you think?