Throughout the night Zak had moved, releasing me from the overwhelming heat of his chest, but still remaining close enough to touch.
I wasn't sure what the time was when I finally gave up on the idea of sleep, in favour of laying beside him, watching him sleep. Not in a completely creepy, I'll eat your babies kind of way. But in an appreciative way.
He was completely dead to the world, his upper lashes resting on his lower set, his chest rising and falling evenly. His hair had been washed, removing all traces of the gel he had used, leaving it flat and a little fluffy, something I was finding adorably cute and wanted nothing more than to thread my fingers through it.
As my eyes rolled off his sleeping face, they moved down to his chest, to his stomach and then back up to follow down his arm, eyeing the thick bicep muscle and the long Dracula tattoo down his arm with the number 11.
I found myself smiling as I reached out and touched the inside of his forearm. My fingertip tracing over the words and down over the veins in his wrist. Right now, he was completely vulnerable, wide open for any attack that may happen.
Of course there was none. I would never wish him harm.
His fingers twitched and his arm shifted before he rolled it over and reached for me. I laid my hand on his, causing a deep sigh to leave his lips and as simple as that, he falls into a deeper sleep.
The longer I looked at him, the more questions I had...
I had held out on him being a terrible snorer - He didn't even make a noise, in fact I had lifted my head up a few times to make sure he was still breathing. Whilst making a note to ask him if he had sleep apnoea.. Just in case.
I held out on him being a bed hogger- Nope.
A kicker- Nope. Just a cuddlier...
So now I was lost, he wasn't any of those, he was undeniably attractive and was financially stable. So why wasn't he settled?
Maybe it's his choice?
Maybe he chose his career? Or he didn't have time? Or he hadn't found the right one?
Maybe I was being too much of a judgemental bitch when I thought there was something wrong with him? When clearly he's perfect..
••••••••
Humming along to the small radio stationed on the window sill, I look down at the booklets.
Paint swatches lined the floor as I tried to find a colour and find accessories to go with it. I was no interior designer and it was safe to say that I was struggling to find the perfect tones for the room.
What I needed, or more of who I needed was Cody. I needed his opinion on it because this was as much to do with him, as it was for me.
I was a dab hand at painting and I had settled on the colour grey.. But what shade?
Not 50 shades that's what! Although that kind of activity will one day be the outcome that fills this room.
Using Pinterest like it was my own binge box, I found cute rooms and beamed at certain ideas and frowned at others. However each room appeared grey, being gender neutral.
The front door opened and closed, making my head lift and after what felt like ages, Cody walked in, wearing his uniform.
The sight made my blood heat and my bottom lip to suck in between my teeth. He had the sleeves rolled back exposing his tanned skin, his boots shone and he always looked impeccable.
I smiled to myself because this handsome stud... He was mine.
"Hey babe." I beam.
I'm glad he's home, although he hasn't been at work long according to the clock, it had felt like a long time in my mind and I wanted nothing more than to drag his ass back to bed. We've never got past the new couple stage, fuelled with energy and an undying need for sex. We were both healthy newly engaged adults who loved each other, so there was no reason why we couldn't waste a whole afternoon in bed, only getting up for food or water.
"Babe?" I question as he looks at the floor full of paint swatches with pain. "Are yo– Cody are you okay?" I worry.
He shakes his head and falls into the chair by the door. The one I've used to pin the door back whilst the white gloss paint dries.
"Well what's wrong? Is it family? Work? Money?"
"Work.." He settles before looking at me with those same eyes..
"No... No please." I whisper knowing exactly where this conversation is leading.
"I'm so sorry Lamb." He whispers as he drops his head.
"W-when?" I croak.
"Soon. Real soon."
"Well.. How long for?"
He looks up and shrugs. "At least 9 months."
"9? But what if...."
"It makes no difference." He answers guiltily.
Of course it doesn't.. Why would it? When the country is at stake?
I look around the planned nursery, the one that was going to be our reminder to love each other forever. For us to carve a small space out of the word for our child.
"They need me..."
I resist the urge to tell him that I need him too, because he already knows. He doesn't need me burdening him down.
"I know. It's just a shock, that's all." I reply making him nod.
"Leah, I want us to wait, until I get back.. I don't want to... Whilst I'm over there and you're here. I want to watch you grow our baby. I want to be here when you crave something in the middle of the night. I want to rub your feet and back after a hard day, run you a bath and wait in your, hand on foot. I want to be at very appointment and class. I want.. I want to be there when you go into labour."
I nod wiping the tears that welled up. "Then we will."
"I'm so sorry."
I shake my head and pull the best smile I can. "Don't be silly. You're making this world better for our baby. Come here."
He gets up and crosses the room instantly, dropping down into his knees to hug me tightly. "I love you so much." He whispers in my ear.
"I love you too. We will wait and then when you're home. We're going to make the most beautiful baby." I answer trying to overcome the excruciating pain that's in my chest. He was leaving me again and I would have to pray every single night that he would return...
•••••
I rouse out of my small sleep by a large hand rubbing my back. Opening my eyes a few times, I adjust to the light and roll over to face Zak who is led there watching me.
"Hey."
"Hey." He responds.
I lean forward and kiss him, surprising him as well as myself. But I don't pull away as I begin to enjoy the softness of his lips against my own. His hand slowly comes up and gently holds the back of my neck, not releasing me now until he has finished.
When he does, there's something in his eyes that I can only describe as want and need. Reaching out, I placed my hand on his collar bone, my finger stroking over it gently making his throat bob as he swallows. I glance up at him, looking into his ice blue and grey eyes, taking note of the flecks of green and gold within them.
I can't describe how I feel inside, but I know the atmosphere is tense, palpable as we both tried to gauge on what the other was doing or wanted. Neither of us making a move until I leant forward and kissed him back, this time with a little more force.
A gasp left my lips as he pulled me onto his body with ease before rolling us in the bed, trapping me underneath him. I ran my hands up over his shoulders and giggled before his mouth descended onto mine with heat. My legs part of their own accord, letting him slip between them and closer to me.
I can't get enough of his body, of his skin, soft yet hard with muscle, smooth but a little rough with the stubble on his chin. My fingertips feel his pulse beating rapidly under the skin on his neck, his body flushing warmer causing mine to heat up. Moaning softly as his tongue slips between my lips coaxing me into something we both will enjoy.
As his hips lower, mine rise and we both grind against each other torturously. My fingers digging into his biceps at the feel of the hard muscle between his legs.
He pulls back, pushing his forehead against mine. Breathing heavier than normal.
"Don't stop." I whisper lifting my hips to his with a pathetic whimper.
"Are you sure? After yesterd—"
I kiss him, to stop him saying the words I know are set to leave his lips. His body relaxes giving me a sign to pull back and nod. "I'm positive."
He smiles slightly "You're so hot in the mornings. You've been holding out on me witnessing this."
I bite my lip with a smile "Says you with the fluffy hair and gravely voice."
Kissing his neck, I make my way to his ear "It's incredibly sexy."
He laughs as he nuzzles into my hair. Our mouths make their way back to each other and we continue to make out until he pauses and digs in the draw beside him.
A condom lands on my chest, shortly followed by his hot tongue as he goes on his own torture mission. Teasing and griping my body, helping me shed clothes that do not need to be here.
My PJ top is discarded somewhere in the room behind us as Zak throws it over his shoulder, his body coaxes me to lay back as he kisses down my chest and stomach before slowly pulling my shorts down and off my legs.
My throat is almost dry when he sits back and slowly pulls down his boxers giving me a full view of exactly what's been the issue. I take him into my arms when he moves closer, his ridged muscle resting against my thigh. "It will feel different. Please tell me if it gets too much. We're at a different angle here."
"I like this angle a lot." I whisper earning a grin from him.
"I'll take that in mind." He answers.
I smile and glance between us. "Zak?"
"Yeah?"
"Has anyone told you, it's not the size, it's how you use it?"
He grins "Yeah. But here is the thing...."
I wait and shiver as he comes close against my face "I know exactly how to use it. Every. Single. Inch." A breathy sigh leaves my lips from his little whisper.
We kiss again, until it's searing hot, my fingers are just threading through his hair when the air is stolen from my lungs at the hard thrust from his hips. His body meeting mine hungrily.
Our bodies move frantically together, trying to find the pace and urgency we both need until we fall into perfect sync. My hips lifting to meet his gracefully. His eyes never leaving my body as I moan and bite my lip. His large hand rubs down my body pinching in the right places making me quiver.
"So beautiful." He whispers as I grasp his shoulders.
I moan back up to him rolling my head to the side as his mouth lands on my neck, kissing and biting. On a few occasions, his tongue laps at my neck making my pulse speed up. Then he moved his hips in a way that had my brain shutting down.
Entirely.
I don't come back down to earth, until Zak is pulling the sheet over us with a lazy look in his eyes. "You were amazing." He huffs.
I never considered how well my own performance was, I was just thinking of the end goal, which we achieved, beautifully...
But to hear him say it gave me a little power trip and I smiled feeling my heart give a funny beat.
"Is this how your sleep overs normally end?" I question making him smirk.
"Told you I'd like you in with me.."
"Well I'll stop by for more in the future.... How does tonight sound?"
His smirk breaks into a wicked grin "Perfect for me."
"Me too."