I lazily reached over to my dressing table to pick up my phone that had been ringing non-stop.
'It's me. Open your door.' Dontae says before hanging up. I get up, not caring that I probably looked like utter shit and opened the door for him.
'Why aren't you in school?' I ask as we travel upstairs to my room, it was 9am. I hadn't been to school this week, and it was currently Thursday. I had work experience next week so I had to firm it but throughout the whole week, I had been having nightmares similar to the ones I had when I was 11. They gradually got worse every night and I slept for about 2 hours per night, if that.
'Missed you.' He says staring at me. I had also developed this reflex action. I could not be touched by males, in any way. When Jayden tried to hug me, I went mad. Literally. I was screaming and crying, it took my mum 45 minutes to calm me down. I actually just felt like shit. 'How you feeling?' He asks sitting next to me but not too close. I shrug, not even bothering to try and explain the emotions running through me.
'Who is he?' I ask.
'Who?' I look up to see he was avoiding my face. I narrow my eyes at him. They had all ignored me this whole week, everytime I tried to ask who this guy was. They were also too over-protective of me. Even though I hadn't left the house, I was on 'Jayda-Watch' which meant that my family had made a rota of who would watch me whilst I stayed home. Today was the one day where no one was here. I felt like a child, it was depressing.
'Do not piss me off Tae. Ever since I mentioned this guy, you, Jay and Jayden are all acting weird and I'm having nightmares? Do you know how it feels to have everyone know something and you don't even though it involves you? And don't tell me you don't know who he is, cos you do. And I'm sure he's something to do with my past so answer me. Who the fuck is he?' I ask feeling highly irritated. Dontae sighs.
'Jay don't want you to stress. I mean you don't even know him and look at the impact he's had on you already? I can't even touch you without you crying. Do you know how I feel? I can't even comfort you, or hug you when you cry or shit. I don't want you to get worse.' He drags his hand down his face.
'Just tell me! I deserve to know! And if you don't tell me I swear I'll find out.' I say. He sighs.
'Alright. But..argh.' He groans. I knew he was contemplating telling me.
'Please Tae.' I plead with my eyes.
'He's Junior's little brother.' Dontae mutters. Have you ever had that moment when the whole world freezes, and the only sound you can hear is your heart beating? I just had that moment. Hearing his name made me want to cry. Images flashed through my mind of that day. The day he had ruined not only mine, but his younger sister's life. Junior was Dani's brother. He had been the one that set up the rape. He got paid to allow boys and men to rape me and his little sister. How can someone be so sick? So twisted and perverted that they don't mind two 11-year olds getting raped by boys aged 19, only as long as they were getting paid?
I felt the vomit rise up as I realise my past would never stay in the past. I figured his little brother was back to get revenge or something. A year after the horrible events, I was brave enough to stand up in court and testify against Junior. He hadn't actually raped me or Dani, but he had planned it out. It was basically procuring with minors, and he had committed three of the four crimes involved: operating a prostitution business, transporting a prostitute to the location of their arrangement and deriving financial gain from the prostitution of another.
Also, since Dani had died he had been sentenced to 15 years in prison which was a lot more than he would usually get. Every single person who was in that room, when I was 11, was now in prison as they had all been caught.
'Jayda?' I felt Dontae shaking me and immediately moved away.
'I'm gonna be sick.' I ran into the bathroom and emptied the contents of my already empty belly. I felt Dontae hold my hair as I retched over thee toilet. I got up, washing out my mouth and went back to my room and lay down.
'Why is he back?' I whisper. Dontae lies down infront of me and stares at me, concern etched across his face.
'I don't know. He's been watching us for months. We know he's planning something but we don't know where he's disappeared to. I promise you, we're gonna sort it. He won't hurt you.' He tried to comfort me as tears streamed down my face.
'How, how long has he been watching?' I whisper in disgust.
'9 months.' He says. I gasp in shock. This creep had been watching me for nearly a year. Just watching. Why had I never seen him before?
'Why can't he just leave me alone?' I say as I sob. Dontae's face was filled with hurt as he was scared to comfort me. He slowly moved forward until he was softly wiping away my endless tears. As he attempted to rub my back, I flinched and subconsciously moved back. He sighed and settled for just stroking my cheek.
'Shh. I aint gonna hurt you Jay. I promise he aint gonna hurt you. I won't let him.' He whispers soothing words into my ear until my tears stopped, and my eyes closed.
*
'Why didn't you save me Jayda? I'm your best friend.' Dani giggled as she floated around me.
'I-I'm sorry!' I screamed as her voice echoed.
'You let me die!' She screamed, repeatedly in a screechy voice.
'ARE YOU DUMB YOU LIKKLE BITCH?! YOU TRYNA GET MAN ONA RAGE! I'll FUCKIN KILL YOU, RAASCLART BITCH!' The voice of the boy who had stabbed Dani repeatedly played, along with Dani's screaming voice, telling me I let her die. They both floated abve me in circles, along with Junior and Dani's mum.
'You let my baby die! It's all your fault!' Dani's mum screamed, tears rolling down her face.
'N-No! I-I'm sorry! Please!' I screamed over their voices but they seemed to get louder and louder. I crouched down and put my hands over my ears, wanting to block them out. I realised I was in the basement and heard Dani's screams come from the dirty mattress in the corner of the room.
I run over to her to see Dani lying down, blood pouring out her chest but her mouth and eyes were wide open as she screamed.
'You let both my baby's die!' Dani's mum shouted at me.
'I'm sorry!' I screamed repeatedly, still with my hands on my ears as the pitch of Dani's scream intensified 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!'
*
'Jayda!' I felt Dontae shake me and I woke up, in his arms.
'Get off!' I scream pushing him away as tears streamed down my face.
'It's alright. You're having a nightmare.' He says, knowing not to touch me.
'No! It's not alright! Nothing will ever be alright!' I scream as I sob. 'Where's my mum?' I ask, wiping my never-ending tears.
'She's not here yet.' I nod, mentally telling myself to calm down. I slowly edge forward and lay in front of him, being careful not to get too close as I still felt uneasy.
'Is it ever gonna stop?' I whisper to Dontae. He doesn't reply to my question but sighs deeply as he stares at me.
'No one's gonna hurt you. I can promise you that.'
*
'Jayda? You hungry?' My dad called from downstairs. I hadn't gone to school today as I wasn't ready yet, and I had barely eaten all day.
'A bit.' I reply. I wasn't one of those people who stopped eating through depressing times, I love food too much.
'McDonalds run?' He asks.
'Yeah!' Jayden shouts.
'Do you wanna come Jayda?' My dad asks, emerging at my door. I shake my head. He sighs and nods.
'Can I have a grilled chicken wrap, with mayo and chips and coke?' I ask.
'Alright princess.' He pecks my forehead quickly before descending down the stairs.
'Wait for me dad!' Jayden shouts. He comes into my room and throws me a large packet of skittles and a big bar of Galaxy before running after my dad. I smile as I mentally thank him.
When my parents got home yesterday, Dontae told my mum about my latest nightmare and she took me straight to my old counsellour. My mum demanded I was seen right then and as soon as my doctor realised it was me, I ended up having a 3 hour session. I'm not gonna lie, it helped so much.
She gave me pills to help me sleep, then we discussed my nightmares. She found out there was a recurring pattern, in each one Dani was blaming me for her death. The counsellour, Dr Vyginskitah, said I was blaming myself for Dani's death and I need regular sessions to help me deal with this.
She also helped me to deal with the issue of males touching me. I had to tell myself that they weren't gonna hurt me. It didn't take long for me to realise this, and I realised my family weren't gonna hurt me. After that one session I felt so much better.
I also had a regular 1 hour session today, and I could already witness the change. I had another session next week Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. They would gradually decrease when I would need to stop taking the pills.
'Jayda!' My mum calls me. I go downstairs.
'Yeah mum?'
'I think it's time I told you.' She sighs looking concerned. I sat down next to her.
'Tell me what?' I ask wearily.
'Okay, a couple of months ago we got a letter saying J-Jun...that he had attempted suicide.' My mum says. My mum could never bring herself to say his name. My body stilled as I nod, emotionless. 'A month ago, we got another letter from the prison. He committed suicide in his cell.' She says almost inaudibly. I stare at her, as her words sunk in. I hid whatever emotions I was feeling as I realise she knew this for a month and didn't tell me.
'Before he...he left two letters. One for his mum, and one for you. You don't have to read it but I'm going to give it to you. It's your choice what you do.' She says. She picks up the letter on the coffee table and hands it to me.
'When did you get the first letter?' I ask after 10 minutes of silence.
'Around October.' My mum answers. I nod as I add things up in my head. That was 9 months ago. So I'm guessing Junior's brother got the letter about his brother's attempted suicide and began stalking me, to get revenge or something.
'And, he killed himself last month?' My mum nods. Without another word, I stand up and go to my room.
Was it bad that I didn't feel anything? I didn't even feel sympathetic for his parents. He was dead, and I didn't care. Although I didn't feel remorseful or sympathetic, I felt angry. He had basically been let off. In prison, he had to live everyday with the fact that he had killed his littler sister. That was enough punishment in my case but now, he didn't have to. At least he's going to hell.
His brother must think that it was somehow my fault that he had killed himself, hence the fact he had been stalking me. But he's been stalking me since the first time Junior attempted to kill himself. This was so messed up. I stared at the letter. Why had he written me a letter? Not his brother, not his dad, not any of friends, not even his daughter who would be 4 by now, but me.
I was tempted to read it but then I was also tempted to burn it. What if what I read destroyed me? But what if it gave me closure?
'We're back!' I heard Jayden and dad shout. I pick up the letter and put in my drawer, pushing it to the back. Jayden came into my room and handed me my food. He sat down as we both started eating. I watch as he dipped his chips in barbecue sauce then in sweet chlli sauce.
'You're so nasty.' I say grimacing. He laughs.
'Shut up. It tastes buff.' He says moaning as he places the chip in his mouth. 'Who you going work experience with?' He asks.
'No one.' I say.
'Who's working near you?'
'Corahn, I think.' I say. He nods. 'Mum told me.' I say. I peer up to see Jayden's confused facial expression. 'Junior killed himself.' Jayden's face immediately changes to a hard one.
'Oh. Yeah.' He says. So he knew also?
'You knew?' I ask. He nods. 'And no one told me.'
'We didn't think you would be able to deal with it.' He says.
'He left me a letter.'
'You're not gonna read it, are you.' It came out as more of a statement than a question. I shrug. 'Why would you read it? He's probably gonna say sorry or sum shit. You don't need to read him tryna justify his actions. He's a prick who deserved to die, and he did. There's no need for any extra baggage.' I agree with him to an extent. We eat the rest of our meal in silence as I was thinking.
'Night nut.' Jayden says getting up after the film Columbiana finished.
'Night mut.' I smile before throwing my arms around him then pushing him out my room. I smile as I realise I just had physical contact and I didn't go crazy. I got in my bed, thinking of how complicated my life is when Nia called me.
'Hey. How you doing baby?' She asks.
'I'm good. Miss you guys though.'
'Don't lie. You only miss me. Anyway, I called you to gossip.' She squeals. I laugh before listening to her detailed story. We ended up staying on the phone for 45 minutes, which was quite short as we normally stay n the phone for hours on end.
'Anyway boo, on Wednesday we're having a link up to see how our work experience is going.' She says.
'Alright then. Goodnight big'ed.' I say, happy that she had distracted me from life, if only for 45 minutes.
'Night! And tell your brother that we're not on talking terms.' She says. I laugh and hang up to see 5 missed calls. Someone's popular. I had 2 from Dontae, then one from Aliyah, Michael and Corey. It was 11.30 so I called Corahn back first.
'JAYDAAAAA.' He screeches. I burst out laughing. 'It aint even funny. You don't even understand how much I've missed you. Real talks.' He says seriously. That causes a wide smile to grace my face.
'Aww Corey.' I coo. 'I missed you too.'
'Skeen. Stop smiling now. How you been?' He asks.
'Alright, I guess.' I shrug. 'What have I missed at school?' I ask.
'Nuttin really. Everyone keeps asking about you. Cassie tried to talk to Dontae, you should've seen the way he swerved that hoe.' He laughs causing me to laugh too.
'Nice to know you lot survived without me.' I say.
'Barely survived. And I'm picking you up on Monday morning, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday-.'
'Alright! I get it. Jayden made you, didn't he?' I sigh.
'Nah, I wanna see your beautiful face every morning.' He says causing me to giggle. 'I'm lying you look like shit in the morning.'
'Fuck you Corahn.' I mutter.
'I'm joking! You know I love you. Anyway, I was in the middle of getting head so call me back tomorrow.'
'Oh my gosh Corey! You're so vile!' I say gagging but couldn't help laughing. Who picks up the phone when they're receiving head? And he fully had a convo with me, oh my.
'What? I had to talk to my best friend.' He says like its normal to pick up the phone whilst engaging in sexual activity. 'About hurry up, shut the fuck up you thot.' I hear him kiss his teeth. I shake my head and laugh in disbelief.
'Okay. Bye Cors.' I say.
'Bye Jay. I would talk to you longer but this thot is getting brave.' I shake my head at him, and at the girl on her knees. He does not rate. 'Suck the ting nuh!' I hang up, not wanting to hear anymore. I call Aliyah but her phone was off. Next was Michael.
'Jayda.' He sings, dragging out the 'a'.
'Michael.' I sing back.
'I missed you.'
'I know, I know.
'K. don't get gassed. That's the problem with these light skins man.' He mumbles under his breath.
'Excuse me?!' I shout. He laughs and I coo. His laugh was adorable. 'Aww Mikey.' I squeal. I actually view him like my son or something.
'I know, I know. You wanna ride the Mike-eister.' He says. I gasp.
'Oh my... I can't even deal with your stupidness.' I sigh and shake my head. He laughs.
'School's been dead without you.'
'Obviously.'
'Nah, I'm lying still. There was a fight yesterday. You know that quiet white girl, ermm Katie? Yeah, she fucked up Cassie. No word of a lie. It was peak.' He says.
'Yeah, Nia already told me.' I chuckle.
'Bitch. Did she tell you some year 11 gave Corahn head in the toilets?'
'That's so skatty, and I thought they left?'
'Some have exams innit.' He says. We have a normal conversation for a while until I hear him yawn.
'Aww, Mikey. You tired?' I ask.
'Yeah.' He yawns again. Not gonna lie, his voice was slightly buff when he was tired.
'Alright. I'll speak to you tomorrow then. Go sleep.' I say.
'Nooo.' He whines. I coo.
'Yes, I need to call Tae anyway. And you're gonna fall asleep on me.' I chuckle but get no reply. 'Michael?'
'Yeah. Night Jayda.' His voice was suddenly cold and blunt, and he hung up without a reply. Okay then. It was 15 minutes past midnight but I still called Dontae, he would probably be up anyway.
'Tae.' I squeal when he picks up, a smile on my face.
'Jayda.' He says and I can hear his smile.
'Yeah, you called earlier?'
'Yeah, I wanted to ask how your therapy went.'
'It was good. Had 1 hour today.'
'Did it help tho?' He asks. I nod, even though he couldn't see me. 'I can't see you.' He chuckles.
'Yeah, it did.' I laugh. 'My mum told me about Junior.'
'How do you feel about it?' So he also knew? Was I the only who didn't?
'Kinda angry. Like, why was he let off so easily? He should have to suffer.' I say.
'I get you. Isn't it like closure tho?' He asks.
'Kinda, but not really. It's not like he was my rapist and now I have his psycho brother stalking me. My life should be a film.' I chuckle at how messed up my life was. 'It could be worse I suppose.' I sigh, feeling grateful for what I have. Dani's mum had lost both her kids now.
'True. But you're so strong like. You're an inspiration to be honest.' He says. I smile at that.
'He left me a letter, what do you think I should do?' I ask. Jayden had told me to burn it, and Nia told me to read it. I didn't know what to do.
'It's up to you. It could either give you closure or mess you up. You have to decide if you want to take that risk. But it's your choice.' He says. He had given the best advice so far.
'Anyway, come see me tomorrow.' I say.
'For what? I need to go see my girl.' He scoffs.
'Oh I just wanted some D before I went to see my man.' I play along with his joke.
'What the fuck? Are you stupid?' He shouts. I burst out laughing.
'Calm down!' I say giggling.
'Your laugh is bare cute.' He chuckles.
'I thought it was "fucking annoying"?'
'Yeah, your proper laugh is. But when you giggle, it's cute.'
'K. Gay shit.' I mumble.
'Don't you dare start this. I'll come to yours at like 10.'
'Pm?' I ask in confusion.
'Nah, morning.' I check for sarcasm but he was being serious.
'Why so early?
'I got a job, traning little kids at football on Saturday and Sunday mornings. 7 till 9.' He says.
'WAIT, you got a job?!' I laugh in disbelief. 'Like job you get paid for? Get paid money?' I ask.
'Yeah, £5 an hour.'
'That's £80 a month!' I say in shock.
'Yeah, I know.' He chuckles.
'Well done, I'm proud of you.' I grin.
'Ahh, I've missed you, you know.'
'You saw me yesterday.'
'Nah, I mean this Jayda. I missed you being happy.' He says. I smile slightly. 'Anyway, I'm going sleep. Gotta be up early.'
'Alright. Night Tae.'
'Night b. Gimme a kiss.'
'What the hell?' I mumble.
'Just kiss me through the phone.'
'You're not normal.' I sigh before kissing my phone screen. 'Night.' I hang up. I quickly go downstairs to get a glass of water whilst I take one of the pills. They were really strong so I took one every night. I settle down to sleep, feeling the happiest I've felt this week.
*
'Jaydaaaaaa!' I felt someone jump on my bed and my eyes snap open in irritation.
'Go away.' I whine whilst covering my head with my duvet covers.
'What? You asked me to come idiot.' I hear his voice. I get up and grin.
'Tae!' I squeal and throw my arms around him. He seemed shocked by my physical contact but just hugged me back.
'You're feeling a lot better.' He notices when I pull away. I nod.
'Hold on.' I go into the bathroom to freshen up. I brush my teeth and wash my face. My hair had slipped out of its hairband whislt I was sleeping so my curls were bushy. Wait, I stop as I notice something. I slept last night. Without a nightmare. I grin before packing my hair in a high bun,
I walk back into my room to see Dontae playing 2048 on my phone. How did he know my password? I lay down next to him, and just watched him with a smile.
'What?' He smiles as he looks at me. My smile widens as I shake my head and look away. He chuckles before putting my phone down and pulling me into him.
'I didn't have a nightmare last night.' I say quietly.
'Really?' He asks. I nod and he pecks my forehead. I lean up and press my lips against his. I missed this. I eventually pull away and smile at him.
'Why are you so smiley?' He laughs and pinches my cheek. I shrug and get in the covers since I was cold. He gets in too, wearing a top that had his name on it, and said Assistant, along with jogging bottoms. I snuggle up to him and sigh.
'You gonna be alright going work experience?' He asks, I nod.
'I feel better already so, I should be fine.' He nods and kisses my forehead. While I was talking, Dontae slowly began to fall asleep. I kiss my teeth quietly before pecking his cheek and closing my eyes too.
Heyyy guys.
So some people have been asking for a chapter in other people's pov's, so the next chapter is gonna be a bit different. Give me 4 people whose POV you would like to read.
Anyway, comment; give feedback, vote and enjoy!