LLH 2.4 - The Show Must Go On
Dawn Hall paced backstage. She wondered that the show the Legionnaires had planned was going to be too amateurish. After all, these were some of the moneyed elites of Utah. They could see just about any show, David Copperfield, David Blaine, anything they wanted.
Hall doubted, however, that any audience would have as free a run of the stage as this one would. They could examine the set, examine the performers, as much as possible. It would promote the Legion and give it a public face, as well as raise money for tsunami relief.
"I hate these! They're itchy!"
Another complaint from the increasingly unhappy Quinn Morgendorffer. Hall received the uniforms that morning: blue for Quinn, red for Daria, and pink for Jane. Quinn immediately demanded the pink uniform, and then Jane wanted Daria's red one. As a result, the uniform sizes weren't quite right. Hall was just glad that they were scrubs.
"I don't know if I can handle this," said Daria.
"Trust me, we won't let 'em get too close to you. You'll be the last one. Quinn will astound them, Jane will surprise them, and you'll send what's left over into cardiac shock."
A man pointed to Dawn Hall from behind the stage. "I'm on. And remember, ladies -- there's no way you can screw this up. Because anything you do will be something that they've never seen before in human history. Just be yourselves."
Dawn Hall strode out to the front stage to the applause of the moneyed executives. Each had already planned to give a significant amount to tsunami relief; the key would be in making them so happy they'd give more than the minimum -- and the goal was to make sure that when it came time to roll out the Legion officially, the Legion would have a lot of high friends.
(la la LA la la)
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Quest Corporation's presentation. Today, for your entertainment, you are going to witness a historic event. Do not doubt what your eyes are showing you? Is it magic? Is it real? What is it?
"It -- is --the Legion. This is power unmatched anywhere on earth. If you doubt what you see -- you can come up to the stage. Get as close as you dare to. Ask questions. Set conditions. Blindfolded, upside down, what have you. Bet money that there is no, and I repeat, no magician that can do anything that these three young women can do.
"Do you doubt me? Then put your money where your mouth is. How much extra would you give if you thought it was real? Then set that extra money aside and be ready to give it to the Quest Corporation Tsunami Fund...you won't be dissatisfied!"
A drum roll started. "Without further ado, please welcome Jane Lane, Daria Morgendorffer and Quinn Morgendorffer...the LEGIONNAIRES!!"
The three girls walked out hand in hand...Daria in the middle and Quinn and Jane to either side. Quinn and Daria were glad to break hand contact, and Quinn was left to the stage all on her own.
(la la LA la la)
Daria watched as Quinn started her part of the show. In her pink scrubs, she asked anyone who had no history of heart conditions of any type to raise their hands. Many of the older men in the audience raised their hands, but not all of them.
"Oh, come onnnnn!" said Quinn as she batted her eyes. "I need six strong, cute men!!" The businessmen laughed and there was some argument as six more rugged types made their way up the stage. Quinn played kindergarten teacher, bossing these captains of business around as if they were children. She had the six of them link hands and the last man held a light bulb down at his side.
"And as you can see, I have nothing up my sleeves!" Quinn kicked off her shoes, and grabbed the first man by the hand. "Are you ready?" The men nodded.
Quinn put her hand up to her ears. "I cannnnn't heeearrr yoooo-oooo!!" The men happily shouted that they were ready, and the lights went down.
Quinn sent a small jolt which went through all of the men. The light bulb blew out as the men in the chain yelped and jumped (the light bulb had been specially primed to glow brilliantly and pop loudly). Everyone in the audience laughed as the six men looked stunned, but each enjoyed the wild applause from the audience.
"That goes to show you...never trust a girl!" More laughter as Quinn took her bows.
"And so that you don't think I'm cheating, you can come up on the stage...if you dare to!!" The audience sat still as the lights went down and Quinn let forth a fusillade of electrical effects from her own body. They were all eating out of the palm of Quinn's hand after that.
When Quinn began destroying thrown clay targets, she got more applause. Quinn drank in the attention, asking other wealthy men to "throw up a pidgeon", asking them about names and businesses, joking with them as if she had done this for years. Each man did his part and Daria could watch the audience members chatting with each other as if they were so filled with awe that they couldn't wait to share the experience with others.
Jane came out next, wearing her dark red Legion scrubs. "Ahem -- are there any more of those six strong men?"
A few hands went up.
"Cool. I have some work for you to do. And I'm too lazy to do it, so get up here."
Even Daria was amused by the next stunt. There were cannonballs, weights, all kinds of heavy lifting things. The lightest of the objects was a good three hundred pounds, guaranteeing that the only way they could be lifted was in combination.
"I thought you guys were strong. Geez, they sure don't need you for famine relief." Jane would then come along and "help" the guys, by grabbing some ridiculously heavy object and "lifting" it with her magnetic powers. At one point, she grabbed an item in each hand, and sarcastically asked, "do you want me to help you with this one...or this one?"
The six "strong men" faced good natured catcalls from their friends in industry. A charity event merely to be tolerated had become an informal get together among friends. Daria could almost feel the party atmosphere build up.
Jane levitated silverware, "threw" knives with uncanny accuracy, but the crowd stood and applauded when they brought out the "bars". It was a gigantic jungle gym, but Jane's magnetic abilities allowed her to master the gym (Jane's 'instructor' at Utah had already worked with her using a similar training device). Jane could "leap" from bar to bar and twirl rapidly.
At the end of her act, Jane "juggled" two three-hundred pound steel spheres. Two crates were brought out, obstensibly to support the spheres when she finished. Instead, Jane let the spheres fall and the crates were splintered into kindling.
Daria could feel the creeping sensation of anxiety set in. She tugged at the sleeves of her dark blue scrubs.
"Daria?"
Daria was surprised. It was Dawn Hall.
"Don't be anxious. Trust me, these people are ready for anything. There's no way you can screw this up. They'll eat up anything you do. Just be yourself."
Thank you, Dale Carnegie.
The props were cleared out of the way as Jane met Daria. "You okay?"
Daria looked at the blood pressure indicator. "One twenty six over seventy eight. It could be a lot better."
"Did you take your pee pill?"
"Yeah. My mouth's as dry as cotton."
"You want to know what to do?" said Jane, "find some dumbass and pick on him. These industry guys seem to like humiliation."
"Theirs, or mine?"
"C'mon? Where's that Morgendorffer sarcastic wit?"
"It's -- uh..."
Dawn interrupted, pointing a stern finger. "Daria, GO!"
Daria stepped out onto the darkened stage, a spotlight following her. She looked around. Stage fright.
Everyone waited.
Daria knew she had to say something. "Uh...damn, it's really dark in here."
People applauded beyond the proportion of the remark. "O..kay. Since I don't have command of elemental forces, could someone turn on the damned lights?"
The lights went back up. "Thank you. My tricks aren't that great. I was going to do magic but the last two performers destroyed all of my props. Therefore, I'm just going to have to do a simple mind reading trick. All of you guys with the heart conditions can now take part.
"I warn you, this is real mind reading. Trust me, if there's info you don't want to get out in public, I don't know what's safe to blab and what's not safe. So this game is called, 'Stump the Legionnaire'. You ask me any question, no matter how obscure, or how personal, and I will answer the question. Do we have any volunteers?"
A woman stood up.
"What is your name, and what is your company's name? I need to know the second because if I read that the stock's going up, I'm buying."
More laughter. A woman raised her hand.
"You, in the angry looking jacket."
"Karen Maxwell, assistant vice president of Watson Electric. My father used to sing a song about a pirate. Do you know the name of the song?"
Daria began to read. "Yes. The name of the song is called, 'Olaf, King of the Sea'. But in order for me to sing it, you have to pay."
Laughter.
"And you have to pay me more to stop singing it."
"Don't make me sing it!" shouted Jane from the side of the stage.
"Then you'd empty the room. Next question?"
"Jared Young, comptroller of StarLand. I received my Master's at Brigham Young University. Tell me the name of the person under whom I did my master's thesis...and the name of his dog."
Daria smiled. "You didn't do a master's thesis. You completed your master's by exam. Your teacher was Dr. Wendy Pujols, and she had a dog named "Cycle", after the economic cycle...because it would chase its tail."
The crowd was now quite informal, and multiple hands went up. Daria regained her composure. The first part of the show seemed to be going well.
(la la LA la la)
Daria would remember for a long time what would happen after one question.
"My name is James Ulmann. I'm head of Ullman, Young, Taylor, and Kyper. What was the name of my first legal secretary?"
Daria concentrated. She read Ullman's mind.
you're a little cutie I would like to see those legs of yours wrapped around me any time
"That's not funny!" shouted Daria. "You're a perv!!"
Immediately, the crowd went wild at Ullman's expense. Ullman got a few good natured boos while Daria turned beet red with fury.
The indicator on Daria's wrist went off. She swore not to look at the numbers.
think...think...
She remembered the first time she saw Trent. Trent drove his car to the house to pick up Daria when Daria and Jane went to Brittany's party at Crewe Neck. He had his left arm resting on the rolled-down window and made eye contact with Daria.
Trent grinned. Daria could remember herself turning red. Did...does...does he like me? He was very, very good looking....
As the audience laughed, Daria snuck a look at the indicator.
One oh seven over sixty six. She knew that her blood pressure had to cross over 140/80 for the indicator to go off. And...if she just kept Trent in mind....
...he was very, very good looking....
"Okay, one more question," said Daria, " this time from a woman. No more dirty old men!"
By now, the audience would have done anything for Daria. "Felicia Harris, President of the Utah Boyce-Hodges Charitable Trust. How much do I plan to give to Quest Corporation tonight?"
Daria read the thought.
Her only word was "wow". Everyone applauded.
Dawn Hall took over the show. "Let's have a big hand for the Legionnaires, Quinn Morgendorffer, Jane Lane and Daria Morgendorffer! Remember, the Legionnaires may have powers but there's no power greater than helping another person. You can have a few brief words with the Legionnaires backstage...if you give enough! Good night!"
Jane smiled. She took Quinn by the right hand and Daria by the left. Without telling the two, she lifted the both of them a good sixteen inches off the stage. Quinn and Daria gasped as the crowd demanded more and the lights went out, closing the curtain.
The curtain closed. "Nice job, ladies. Very well done."
"I'm not doing that again!" said Daria. "That lawyer guy had a lot more on his mind than charity!"
"Gee, I thought that was a joke!" said Quinn.
"It wasn't. His mind is a place I don't want to be in."
"Like any guy's mind isn't," said Quinn, "you should just have made a joke about it. Tell him he's not-that- big !
"You can tell him. I'm not doing anything else like this!" Daria felt dirty and ashamed.
"Well," said Dawn, "you don't have to. This is the first and hopefully last Legionnaires show. Now, some very wealthy, pasty people want to meet you. These are all seven-figure donors. So you'll smile, act charmed, and make small talk. Even you, Daria. It will all be over soon enough."
Daria frowned. Her only hope of getting through this without wanting to shoot someone for their ignorance was in thinking of Trent. His jet black hair, his eyes....
A small group of donors, not numbering more than seven, entered the backstage area. The three made small talk as the donors asked about their hobbies and interests. Or rather, Quinn made small talk and Jane and Daria nodded, letting Quinn chat up a storm.
"Mike Warwick," said one man. "I have a question for all of you."
The three turned to him.
"What are the three of you doing in the United States? Why aren't you in Iraq, with the American troops?"
Complete silence. Quinn's mouth dropped open. Jane had nothing to say, looking very uncomfortable.
Daria shot the man a look that would have killed if she possessed that ability, which she did not. She was still wiping the grime out of her skull with the lawyer; she didn't need a question like that on her mind. It had crossed her mind before.
"I mean...my son is over there, serving with the Marines as a captain, and I tell you, our soldiers can't get entertainment like this! That was incredible! You should do a USO tour!"
Daria frowned. He wasn't being a jerk. I was being a jerk. Great.
Dawn Hall took control as the three girls relaxed. "I'm sure, Mr. Warwick, that the Legionnaires would want to go...but they're all minors, and young girls in a war zone...."
"No problem. I understand. A pity that you're not over eighteen. Our troops would enjoy seeing what I saw here tonight. Congratulations, and I hope your enterprise succeeds with flying colors."
Everyone muttered thanks. Dawn Hall and Quinn gladhanded the few remaining visitors. But Warwick's words left a heavy weight in Daria's stomach, one that Jane Lane would not be able to lift with magnetic trickery.
(la la LA la la)
Daria fought a running battle with sleep, one in which she seemed unable to get the other hand....
"Ladies and Gentlemen!" said Dawn Hall, in the suit of a carnival barker, pointing her bamboo cane towards the colored tents, "I present to you the Legion!"
"At the tent on your left, you'll see our lovely mistress of the electrical arts, the talented Lightning Lass!"
Quinn entertained the yokels. She wore a blue and white two-toned uniform with an orange cape and bold yellow lightning bolts on the front of her white tunic. She smiled, and threw a few random shocks into the air.
"In the tent on your right, our amazing Cosmic Girl!"
Jane wore a pink and black stylized jumpsuit. The four silver buttons on the front matched the four silver balls she manipulated in a faux-juggle for the amazement of the country bumpkins watching.
"And...in the center tent...no one knows her mystery...but she knows all of your secrets...the incredible...astounding...SATURN GIRL!!"
It was Daria. Daria in a ridiculous red and white suit with pants and a red skirt that went down to her knees. She wore a chest insignia of a stylized planet with a ring on it.
And she was blonde! And she wasn't wearing her glasses!! She vacantly smiled at the crowd.
There was a voice trying to make its way to the crowd. "Help me....for God's sake, somebody help me!!"
"HELP MEE!!!!"
Russell Stark made his way up to the platform where Daria was standing. He looked wild-eyed, a man on the run, covered in sweat and dirt.
A hunted figure evoking only pity. Daria vacantly looked down at him, as if to say, 'who are you?'
Shots rang out. Daria could almost feel the bullets pass through Stark's chest. Stark shrieked in pain...Daria caught a look at the light in Stark's blue eyes fading out at the bloody figure slid into the sand.
The calliope music came to a spot. Everyone, Quinn, Dawn, Jane, the crowd looked at Daria, as if to say, "what now?"
The blonde Daria looked into the crowd. She saw the present day Daria, staring up at her, having made her way up to the front.
Daria looked down at the dead and bloody Russell Stark. Saturn Girl smiled at her lesser counterpart, the naive Daria Morgendorffer.
"Play the music," said Saturn Girl. "The show must go on!"
(la la LA la la)
"Daria...DARIA!!!"
Quinn was shaking Daria awake. Jane, Trent, and a large number of the staff at the Utah mansion were in her bedroom.
"Uh..." Daria opened her eyes. She felt woozy.
"You were shouting something!" said Jane. "With your mind! It was all about carnivals and Russell Stark and Saturn!"
"We heard you all through the house," said Dr. Burchell. "Are you all right?" Burchell began examining the blood pressure monitor.
As Daria sat up in her nightgown, tended by her sister, her best friend, Trent, and a host of doctors, she knew what the dream meant. The Legion had ignored one detail. They had let it slip by, in their rush to make a life for themselves. Stark had even let it pass. But Daria knew that she was of a different opinion entirely.