I jolted awake, the nightmares too much to handle. I looked around at the room I was in. It was a steel square with medical items scattered around. I looked at myself to see multiple bandages and a white hospital gown with little blue diamonds scattered around the material.
I sat up quickly, and regretting the rash movement, I leaned back a little. My vision blackened a little before clearing. I looked to the right to see a steel door and a window, to my left was just a wall with hexagonal steel panels. I saw a group of four people standing peering through the window, looking at me. It was Natasha, Clint, a man who I presumed to be Director Nicholas Fury and Agent Maria Hill. I recognized them from when I hacked the system and looked at their files.
The door opened and the four of them walked in. I pushed myself into the wall and made myself as small as possible.
"Don't worry, we don't want to hurt you." Fury said putting his hand up and stepping back slightly.
"Then, why are you here? All everyone wants to do is use or hurt me." I said looking down. My voice was deeper than normal and was also horse from sleep.
"We want to help you." Hill said with her hands clasped in front of her. I scoffed at this.
"Help. Why would you help me? I killed without thinking about it when I was only thirteen, my own 'family' probably doesn't miss me, and my best friend was apart of the people who were torturing me. So why... why would you want to help me?" They looked at me with sympathy and pity. "Everyone I love ends up dying or hurting me, so I would like it if you guys would just drop me off somewhere in a desert with food and water. It would save everyone around me."
"I want to help you because you remind me of myself. I started younger than you, and I still got a second chance." Natasha said walking up to me. I flinched away and looked at her.
"I've gotten my second chance. And when I got it... I was being watched by a company to be recruited to kill. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I was supposed to grow up happy. But I guess that being abandoned at one and a half by your mother is a sign your life is going to be crap." I ran my hand through my hair sighing. Clint spoke up this time, everyone's eyes on him
"I was an orphan. My parents died when I was about three. I was picked up by S.H.I.E.L.D at an archery camp. I was raised here." He said his hands in his pockets.
"They died though. They didn't want to leave you. My own mother left me. I was picked up by a Russian Assassination company. I was brought here because you found me half dead. Oh, see our story's are only a little different." I snapped at him. He only looked at me with sad eyes. Fury said something about leaving us to talk. He and Hill walked out.
Without thinking I said this. "Трахните Вас, Vlad. Трахните Вас." I looked up to see a surprised expression on Natasha's face.
"Who?" she asked looking like she was going to crap herself from fear. "Who did you say?"
"It was only the head of the company. No one special. Unless you call people who I want to kill special." I looked at her now calm expression. "Did you know him?"
"Yeah. He picked me up at an orphanage when I was nine. I left his company on a mission where Clint gave me a second chance, bringing me to S.H.I.E.L.D." She said looking angry now.
"N-Natalia? Natalia Romanova" she looked up from the ground her eyes dark, but an expression a couldn't place.
"How'd you know?" She had a sad glint in her eye, like she was remembering her past.
"He told me about you. Said I was going to become almost as well known as you, but that it wasn't possible 'cause you were the best." She looked taken back at this. She had her hard expression covering her face again.
"He made me who I was. He was the one who made me think killing was a good thing. He manipulated me to do his work. I hate the bastard." She said her fists clenching.
"He took me from my family. He said he would kill everyone I loved, all my friends-and me- if I didn't join. He forced me into it. Kevin was the only one there for me- but we all know what happened to him." I took my right hand and dragged them over the cuts and scars on my left arm.
"We're sorry about that. We thought you were going to use them for your own use. We had to destroy them." Clint said shifting the weight from his left to his right.
"No, it's fine. He knew his time was coming. In that business, he was overdue." I blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill over. after a long few minutes of silence, Natasha decided to speak up.
"Hey Clint? Can us girls speak for a moment... alone?" Clint got the not-so subtle hint and left the room closing the door on his way out.
"What's wrong, Natasha?" I asked as she sat on the bed. I was taking deep breaths, clenching and unclenching my fists, trying hard not to flinch or back away.
"Just call me Nat. Um.. What..." She sighed and looked at me with such sadness for an emotionless assassin, I couldn't believe it. "What the hell did they do to you?" she asked after hesitating.
I waited thinking about what they did. "They gave me pain, and they took things from me. They tortured me everyday, and if not, then every other. I was kidnapped the night we saw each other, got out when you came. The only times I left that room was to be tortured. I got out one other time... but that was different. They- they were trying to make me feel as much pain as I could without dying. And they did. They said they wanted to avenge their friends' deaths, but they would have just killed me. Why does this happen to me?" I wiped away the tears that were now falling silently.
At this point, I felt like I could only trust her, but I still couldn't bring myself to do it. She had the ability to kill me three times, but she didn't. She spared my life and wanted to help me. So I wanted to tell her what happened. I was a threat and she decided to keep me alive. I still didn't trust S.H.I.E.L.D though. Nat went through the same things as me. She knows, but only the half of it. No one else knows the other.
"At first, they gave me this." I pointed to the scar that was almost on my hairline. "It was the first person I killed. He was trying to sell explosives, and I shot him in the forehead. The next one was worse. They shot me twice in the stomach, and apparently the guy I shot knew that he had to get the bullets out, so they did that to me. The guy who shot me took the first out. Then they made my um... ex-best friend take the other one out." As I said this I showed her the two round scars. I pointed to a long, diagonal cut on my stomach, going from under where my ribs started to right under my belly button.
"This one... There was a man pointing a gun at my head so I pushed the gun away and cut him. So they did the same. It was deep, and if they hadn't had the doctors there I would have died in minutes.
"They kept doing things... less major things, like stabs or cuts, burns, shooting me. That was until a few nights ago." The tears came out at a quicker pace now. The memory's came flooding back, their faces etched into my brain. HIS face etched into my brain. "They said something about not having a lady in their presence in a while, said the commander left... They then took-took me to a room... where they..." I looked up hoping I wouldn't have to say it. She looked terrified, like she had been my friend for a while and we were talking about this as best friends. She looked into my pleading eyes and she pulled me into an embrace. I stiffened but soon relaxed when she rubbed my back soothingly.
I cried into her shoulder, grabbing her as if my life depended on it. It felt like it had. She saved me from them. She took me away from the hell I lived in. I hadn't cried like this in years. Since I was... I'd say 8. She kept saying soothing words into my ear. After a what felt like hours, I straitened up.
"I woke up after, with stitches on my stomach and scars in my mind. But while all of that happened that night, I bit a man. I was slapped and hit multiple times, but I-... I didn't expect them to go as far as they did. I don't know how long it lasted, but I was whipped for what felt like forever. Then you came in, saving me." I looked into her eyes, hoping she could see how thankful I was that she had been there.
"I'm sorry." She pulled me into another tight hug. I tried to hold it all in, but I broke. I was broken. I sobbed into her shoulder, shaking.
After what seemed like forever, I steadied my breathing and calmed down. I wiped my face running my hands through my hair.
"Well... I haven't cried like that in a while." I looked at Nat who was smiling lightly.
"Everyone bends until they breaks, and I think you were done with bending." She said. I nodded and leaned against the wall.
"Do you think I'll ever get past this? That I'll recover?" I was staring at the ceiling.
"I know you will. You're strong enough... After the night in Bremerhaven, we were tracking you. We saw some of the missions you went on. The only time I've seen someone do those things you did is when I'd train. And trust me, I'm strong," she looked at me with a sarcastic smirk but continued after her short pause. "But I'd never get through all that you have." I laughed lightly shoving her shoulder slightly. "Seriously though, I would have been done long before you. I know my limits and those are far from exceeding them."
I smiled at her. "Thanks Nat. I feel like I've found the only person I can trust." She nodded and patted my leg standing up. But she didn't know the plan that was coursing through my brain.
"You need to rest, you need it." I nodded and felt the tiredness of my body. She left the room and I was left alone. I laid down on the bed staring at the ceiling. I was scared I'd get the nightmares I got whenever else I slept. I knew I wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, so I got up and looked through all the draws. When I was at STAR's HQ I was required to know a small amount of medicinal information.
I looked for diphenhydramine pills. I finally found some and took one. I laid back down and soon the pills took effect and I drifted to sleep.
-Dream-
I woke to see darkness. Complete and utter darkness. I turned my head and looked around. There was nothing.
Suddenly I heard voices. Hundreds upon hundreds of voices.
"Worthless."
"You were always just 'the girl who never liked attention'."
"Disappointment."
"There's a reason your mother abandoned you. You're a disgrace."
"They're only using you."
"No one ever wanted to adopt you."
"Your 'family' never thought twice about you after you went missing."
They were all memories of what people had told me. Him, the people at the facility, even some people from school.
One stuck out the most though.
"You think S.H.I.E.L.D can help you? They will only use you to kill. They only want to help themselves." This was said by a man with a deep, gruffly voice.
The reason it stuck out was because no one had ever said that to me. I had never told anyone about my S.H.I.E.L.D encounter.
Then suddenly, I felt as if I were falling. Memories swarmed through the black. There was one of me and my adoptive brother, Bryan. He was the one in the family I'd gotten closest to. We were sitting on his bed in his room, watching videos of people being assholes and idiots. We had carefree smiles and light happy eyes. One of the only times I'd been like that.
I smiled at that, but it was soon destroyed by an image of myself in a room. I was hanging my ankles, my hands secured to my waist. The people were yelling at me, throwing insults, hitting me, cutting me, stabbing me.
I tried to move and look around the darkness, but was paralyzed into place. The voices were still filling the silence. I was stuck having to watch the memory. I tried to scream, but nothing came out.
The darkness soon dissipated. My surroundings were soon replaced by a warehouse. It was a random warehouse, but there was something that made me shudder. Something happened to me there, I could feel it. The only problem was that I have never seen it before in my life.
"You will soon arrive at the place of your beginning. There, you will find out about your past. About the monster you truly are."
---------
I jolted awake as I looked and saw Natasha barge into the room with her gun pulled out. I was breathing heavily, my throat sore as if I had been screaming, and had a thin layer of sweat covering my shaking body.
I looked at Nat with a 'what the hell' expression. She quickly explained.
"I was walking by and I heard screaming. It sounded like someone was being killed." She said with calm and composure.
"J-just some... memories." I tried to get out, my voice was barley audible with the hoarseness. Nat holstered her gun into the holsters attached to her catsuit and grabbed a paper cup off a counter. She went to the sink and filed the cup. She sat in the chair beside my bed and handed me the cup.
I took it gratefully and gulped all down. "Wanna talk about it?" her eyes were studying my face. I shook my head.
"Nothing to talk about." I said. My feelings were not of priority. I was focused on the dream I had. It felt like I had no control over what was happening. I'd never heard that voice before and I've never seen the warehouse either.
"Come on. Don't shut me out. What happened?" she pushed further.
"I'm pretty sure I never let you in to begin with. I just needed someone who I knew would keep a secret. And I know you can keep secrets." I snapped. She looked at me, her eyes widening in shock. I widened my eyes and covered my mouth.
"What did you just say?" Nat stood up with a dark fire behind her eyes.
"I-I-I don't know what happened. I meant to say that nothing happened..." I looked at her thinking of what just happened.
Don't be so quick to correct yourself. I know you wanted to say that.
I looked around looking for whoever the voice belonged to. It was the same voice in my dream. Nat looked at me suspiciously.
"I'll have the doctors check your head..." She turned to walk out, "And I know something happened. No one would scream for help if there wasn't something going on." She closed the door behind her and I held my head in my hands.
She is only using you to help herself, you know?
I shut my eyes.
'Who are you?' I asked in my head.
'Only the person who speaks the truth.' The voice was dark and menacing.
'Why?' I simply asked.
'You will know in time. But if you ever try to tell anyone about me,' he had a light laugh. 'I won't hesitate to kill you.' A shiver ran through my spine along with a headache.
My 'conversation' was cut short my a doctor knocking and entering the room. The man walked in and took my chart. He read it and looked at me sitting up against the wall. I, well I've had trust issues with doctors... and men since the 'incident' as I call it. He reread a part of the paper, and his eyes widened. He walked away slowly, realizing my expression. Minutes later a woman dressed in a blue nurses outfit came in.
She smiled at me and I nodded an acknowledgment at her. She babbled on about checking my eyes and all the crap that was going to happen. I nodded and she took one of the white flashlights and checked my pupil response.
She wheeled me to a white machine that she told me was going to scan my head. I laid down on the bed and she pushed a button, sliding me in.
The scanner made noises and started to spin around my head.
'Don't worry, they won't find me. They won't find a brain either' he said in a joking tone. 'But they will find that you are special... special to us.' he said. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.
'What the hell are you talking about? I'm normal... at least I would be if STAR hadn't gotten involved with me.'
'You will find the answers to your questions in time. Just wait... you will know. I will talk to you later, don't expect me back anytime soon. I have better things to take care of.' The voice left and I felt the small pressure in the back of my head leave.
After about five minutes of laying on the hard cushion, the machine stopped and I was pulled back to looking at a paneled ceiling.
"Well... it looks like your fine. You only have a minor concussion, nothing to major. I'm gunna have to take you to an interrogation room though. Director's orders." The nurses high pitch voice was beginning to give me a headache. I let out a deep breath.
"What did I do this time?" I whispered to myself as I was wheeled through multiple corridors and passage ways.