E L L I E
"You grow up thinking the fairy tale is real, and more than that, you think you're entitled to live it." Even I've come to the realization that it's ridiculous that I can quote a Nicholas Sparks novel word for word without actually ever having read it. But why is that? It's because I've found a common ground with every lovesick-riddled character he has jotted down onto a blank page.
I do believe that I am entitled to live a fairy tale life. I believe so because all my life I've been handed the short end of the stick and right when the possibility of me recovering from such a disaster appeared, the stick became increasingly shorter.
Why shouldn't the universe make me happy? Why shouldn't every person in the world who has been done wrong find their fairy tale ending?
I know the answer to that.
It's because life isn't a storybook. It isn't meant to please every living organism that treks the earth. If we were all given the long end of the stick there would be no suffering, no despair, no heartache. That sounds like a beautiful world doesn't it? But it would also be an unbalanced world.
Without the pain, we wouldn't be able to cherish the happiness for what it is. We go through hardships in life and we're like the rock standing firmly on the sea bed as cold whipping water thrashes against us when the tide rises and the storm brews. But how does that saying go again?
After every storm comes a rainbow.
Only then can we truly appreciate the rainbow because we know what it feels like to have lost it. So no, maybe I don't deserve a fairy tale story. But one thing I know is I deserve a rainbow. "No, don't let go, hold on tighter!" I squealed as I wrapped my hand around Stewart's head, balancing myself on his shoulders.
He groaned in pain as my nails dug into his skin and I quickly retracted my hands when I was sure I had the hang of it. Standing before us, torso buried in the clear water was Alec holding onto Lizzie's legs as she propped herself onto his shoulders.
We were playing a game of chicken fight and Xavier was our referee. Said referee was propped up on the edge of the pool, a whistle which he bought on the way here dangling from his neck. We were surrounded by people who were also enjoying their time in the pools but played them no mind.
We were here to have fun!
"Okay, rules! You obviously know whoever gets knocked down into the water first loses. However, we'll have three tries. The person who falls the most is the loser and they have to carry one of the guys on their shoulders for the second round."
"You mean the 200-pound guys holding us up right now!?" Lizzie exclaimed in bewilderment.
Xavier nodded his head nonchalantly, a devilish smirk etched on his lips, "I mean the 200-pound guys holding you up right now," he reiterated.
"200 pounds!? I'm 195 pounds, thank you very much." Alec scoffed in offence. "What's the difference?" Stewart asked incredulously. Alec's eyes narrowed and a look that could only be interpreted as 'what the hell did you just ask Bitch?' Flickered across his face. "The difference is 5 pounds, 5 whole pounds! I don't go to the gym to be insulted like this."
"Okay enough bickering! The game starts in 3, 2, 1!" Xavier was barely done speaking before the ground began to move beneath me as Stewart moved swiftly towards Alec and Lizzie–I mean as swiftly as the water would allow him. Lizzie's arms were already outstretched towards me when we got to them.
Our fingers intertwined and with as much force as I could muster up, I fought to push her back, squealing each time that I rocked unsteadily against Stewart's shoulders. Our arms widened, then enclosed, moved forward, then back until the pattern had become tiring.
"Come on, Ellie, you can do this!" Xavier cheered, his fist flying into the air. I'm not sure if it was those minuscule words of encouragement or a sudden and unexplained burst of adrenaline but the moment I turned my attention back to Lizzie it was like my body had a mind of its own.
I wrapped my hands around her shoulders and shoved her back with as much force, watching in astonishment as she slipped off Alec's shoulders, plunging into the water. "YEAH!" Stewart cheered, his hands slapping my thighs vigorously in excitement.
"Lizzie, you suck ass!" Alec teased as Lizzie emerged from the water. She flipped him the bird and threw a punch against his shoulder, screaming at him to hike her back onto his shoulders. The two bickered back and forth and I couldn't help but imagine them as a couple. Sure it would be a disaster but in a sense, they do have chemistry.
A flammable one at that.
"Yo! Are y'all gonna continue acting like babies or are you gonna come over here for us to beat your asses?" Stewart exclaimed, startling us all, and rightfully so. Yo? Asses? Well, someone is getting competitive and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.
Xavier blew his whistle and tipped his head back, screaming, "Let's go!" Setting the game back on track.
•••
"You just can't admit we kicked your butt in that first round." I teased as I threw a hand over Lizzie's shoulder, dragging her in for a side hug to purposely annoy her. After a long day of prancing around the park, nightfall had finally come down on us. It was probably just past six and we all decided to take one last ride and play one more game before leaving.
"Whatever! I'm gonna go play ring toss, I'll be back!" She slipped away from my arms and sprinted towards one of the carnival booths. Following suit behind her were Alec and Stewart who surprisingly were engrossed in conversation to my utter surprise.
I guess they've found some common ground.
"Hey, come play a game with me." I turned towards Xavier who was the last one left beside me. He suddenly outstretched his hand, beckoning for me to take it in my grasp. I was hesitant at first because I'd been struggling with understanding my complicated feelings towards him.
Sensing my hesitancy, he retracted his hand slowly but not before I slipped my fingers through his before it could fall at his side. His mouth twitched and somewhat of a scoff and a chuckle emitted through his lips. He tugged me close behind and sauntered towards a carnival booth and as he did so, I tried but failed to maintain my rapid beating heart.
"What game is this?" I asked.
"Gun ball, the goal is to hit all three cups and we can win any prize," Xavier responded as he fished out money from his pocket. He handed it to the worker standing behind the booth and retrieved the toy gun. He raised the gun upwards and fired one shot without hesitancy.
The cup tipped over, falling from its former position. He moved on to the second and not so surprisingly got the same results. However, for the last cup, the ball missed by an inch, leaving the cup standing still. "My turn!"
Before I could fish out money from my pocket, Xavier's hand came into view, halting my movement, "I'll pay." I didn't get a second to protest before he slid another bill across the counter, leaving me in a temporary state of shock. "Angel," he teased, his mouth forming into a bright smile, "you gonna play or what?"
I snapped out of my trance, ignoring the fact that he called me Angel once again. I aimed the gun at the first cup, swallowing hard at the nerves shooting through my spine. When I was sure my aim was good I fired, squealing as the ball successfully knocked over the first cup.
"Atta girl!" Xavier cheered, sending me into a blushing frenzy. I cleared my throat in response and moved on to the next cup, knocking it over with ease. Xavier clapped loudly–dramatically might I add and as I went on to my next cup I had to fight the urge to burst into laughter.
With newfound confidence that I could win, I aimed and shot, throwing the last cup off the board. "Yes!" I cheered loudly, pivoting on my heels to face Xavier and before my mind could calculate my heart's true intentions, I leaped into his arms, hugging him tightly.
However, before he could reciprocate that hug–that's if he was ever going to–I jerked back, suddenly aware of what I had just done. Trying to play it off cool, I snapped my head back towards the booth, hoping that he didn't catch my not-so-subtle reaction. "Xavier," I cleared my throat once again.
"Yes?" He drawled out, clearly amused by what just occurred. "What's the cutest stuffed toy here," I asked. He peered up at the variety of toys to choose from and motioned towards a pink and white unicorn, "that one." The man working behind the booth retrieved the unicorn from its holding place and handed it to me.
"Here," I raised the unicorn to Xavier's face.
"What are you doing?" He chuckled in confusion.
"Well, traditionally the guy is always the one who wins the prize for the girl. But since you lost and I won, I thought you could have it. I'm breaking the gender norm. See, I won it for you."
Xavier slowly threw his hands over his mouth and even so, I could still see the crease of his lips and the puffiness of his cheeks: a clear indication that he was smiling. Before he could respond I grabbed his hand and hooked it around the unicorn's head. "Give it to someone special, come on let's go, I wanna ride the Ferris wheel before we leave."
As I began to trek away, something caught my hand, halting me in my footsteps. Confused, I turned towards Xavier who stood before me. He took my other hand and wrapped them both around the unicorn, "what are you doing? I gave it to you."
"Yeah, but you said give it to someone special. So. . .I did." If my heart was beating erratically before then I have no words to describe what it was doing now. Xavier smiled, and my heart fluttered.
Was Lizzie right?
Do I like Xavier?
"Come on, let's go ride that Ferris wheel."
•••
I clearly remember saying I've always fantasized about riding the Ferris wheel with the boy I loved and being in a situation where my stuffed toy was so big it needed its own seat, forcing me and said love of my life closer to one another.
I also remember declaring that it would become my reality.
Ladies and gentlemen, it has become my reality.
And I wish it stayed a fairy tale. "Are you comfortable?" Xavier asked from beside me. "I–I, y–yeah I'm good!" I chuckled softly. Why the hell didn't the instructor just remove the darn Unicorn!? Why couldn't one of the guys hold it for me? Why is it here taking up so much friggin space?
"Hold on," Xavier muttered as his hand suddenly slipped across my shoulder, "better now?" He asked. No Xavier, it's not better, it's WORSE! Our faces were barely inches away from one another. There wasn't enough space on the ground to put the unicorn and this was a two-seat Ferris wheel.
It was the closest to the exit so we hopped onto it without a second thought. Ideally, the instructor should have taken the unicorn as a precaution but for some reason, IT'S HERE! Is this the universe giving me what I asked for? Always be careful what you wish for because I've just been handed something I've dreamt of since I watched my first rom-com.
"The view up here is beautiful," Xavier commented as he gazed ahead, a solemn look on his face. I shifted in the seat, trying but failing to ignore his ring-riddled fingers dangling just below my shoulder blades. "It is," I mumbled in response.
"When I'm up here, I feel like all my struggles fade away." I stared at him in astonishment, "yeah, same." His head slowly swivelled in my direction, knocking the air out of my lungs at the proximity between our faces. One move, just one and our lips would meet.
"What do you wanna do when you grow up?" He suddenly asked, seeming unfazed by the little space between us. I didn't need to ponder on that question to know my answer, "a pediatrician," even though I'm sick myself, since my first diagnosis seeing other kids curled up on their beds unable to breathe, walk or talk without support crushed my heart.
Even if I couldn't help myself, I always hoped to help others. "When your back is up against the wall at such a young age you barely have anywhere to look or run to. When you're sick, half or possibly your entire childhood is ripped away from you and all you're left with is the realization that you're going to die eventually.
I want to help kids realize that life doesn't stop just because you're sick and unable to do what others can. I want to give them hope, hope for a brighter and prosperous future. Sometimes hope is stronger than the harsh truth, and that's all anyone needs, it's hope."
Xavier's lips twitched into a small smile, one that didn't reach his ears. Out of all the times he has ever smiled, this one was hands down the saddest. Maybe it's because I've mastered that smile myself or it's the fact that there was little to no happiness in his eyes, but I could tell.
"Are you okay?"
He nodded his head, "y-yeah, those kids would be lucky to have you, Ellie." He tried to play it off by widening his smile but it was too late, I'd already detected the hesitance in his voice. I'm guessing he has someone in his life who's sick. We met at a hospital after all, and I never questioned that until now.
I hope you find your rainbow, Xavier.
I've already found mine.