Chapter 38
Luca's Pov
It hurt, it really did.
It was an excruciating pain like I'd never felt before. It was a pain worse than that of a bullet to the chest or even a stab to the gut.
It felt as if she had ripped, no, torn my heart from my chest and discarded as if it was gum that had lost its flavor leaving me demolished and soulless. I wanted to scream, to destroy everything in my path, I wanted.....to have her back.
I tip my head back, watching the swirls of colors which explode behind my closed lids. The burning copper liquid gliding down my throat, doing absolutely nothing to ease the pain but doing much to numb my unbridled emotions.
I should have gone after her, I should have tried harder. Instead, I let her leave, I let her slip from my fingers yet again.
But, how could I have stopped her? She made up her mind, I could have seen the promise, the determination in those dark chocolatey brown eyes. There was no way of swaying her.
There it is that now familiar pang in the space my heart used to belong.
I rake my hands through my hair for the millionth time, my fingers becoming entangled in the disheveled mess. Squeezing my eyes tightly, I try to keep a hold on my emotions. Cazzo, who was I kidding I wasn't the one in the driver's seat anymore.
I lift the bottle to my lips again, downing its contents like the last few bottles. I grimace slightly as it burns its way down to my stomach. I enjoy the pain though, it distracts me momentarily from everything.
Letting my eyes flutter open, they flicker around the gloomy depressed and mostly destroyed study. I push my self off the floor, staggering to my feet. I make my way over to the liquor cabinet which is going to run dry soon enough.
Fuck, when I crash I'm gonna crash hard.
Feeling around for another bottle, I grab a crystal-like bottle of vodka. Uncapping it, I waste no time in raising it to my lips. Scrunching my nose up in disgust at the horrid cheap taste, I purse my lips.
Now I know why it was at the very back of the liquor cabinet.
Making my drunkard way over to the couch, my eyes catch sight of the phone I'd abandoned. It lays undisturbed in the remains of what used to be my desk. Bending at the waist, I pick it from the rubble with a snort.
Plopping down on the couch, I grasp the phone in my right hand, my bottle of vodka in the other as I deliberate whether to call her or not.
Oh, fuck it.
Taking a shot of liquid courage, I dial the number I have come to know like the back of my hand. Raising the phone to my ear, I listen and wait, wait to hear her sweet melodious voice, hoping just to hear a simple utter from those perfect plump lips even if it was her telling me to 'fuck off'.
But, she doesn't pick up and on the last ring, I feel myself crumble, even more, that single betraying tear falls from my eye without my consent as that bursting pain blossoms into a full-scale hurricane.
"Stupido." I curse myself lowly as I toss the phone carelessly away.
I didn't understand it yet at the same time I did, that old saying 'If you love something you have to set it free and if it came back it was yours to keep.'
Then why was I so selfish, I didn't want to let her go.
And I know that makes me a bad person but I couldn't help it, I love her.
Yet I knew she deserved the typical American dream, she deserved nothing but perfection. A life a man like me could never give her. I only brought chaos and pain to the table.
But damn, she's mine and I need her, I love her.
I need that gorgeous kind smile of hers, I need that precious love that only she can give to me, I need to stare into those swirling mesmerizing chocolate orbs which light up my entire existence, they were like a beacon of light for my dark soul.
I need to wrap my arms around her, to make sure she's protected, to make sure she's happy. I need to kiss her, I need her, to smile, to survive, to go on, to love, to be Luca because without her...
I didn't know who the hell I am anymore.
✨✨✨
I shield my eyes as the intensity of sunlight streamed in through the usually closed windows, hissing in pain, I growl out at my mother who stands above me, hazel eyes clouded with disappointment.
"What the hell?" I groan, turning over.
"Svegliati!" She yells, making my head throb even worse.
"Gesù Cristo, mother." I groan sitting up and rubbing at my pounding temples.
"I apologize, figlio. Are you having a headache?" She asks, eyes softening as a look of mock innocence crawled on to her face. "Well, suck it up!" She shouts once more, before strolling from the room.
Letting out a string of curses in both English and Italian, I get to my feet with a huff of annoyance. Grabbing the half empty bottle of whiskey from the floor, I stroll to where I know my mother has gone off to.
The kitchen.
"Who let you in?" I inquire rudely, rubbing my face in exhaustion.
She purses her lips, possibly at my attitude. "I let myself in, Luca. I didn't think you would mind."
"Yeah, well I do." I scowl, taking a seat at the dining table. "You could have called first."
"I did." She responds with a bit of snarkiness. "Multiple times."
I see.
"What are you doing here?" I mumble, resting the liquor on the table as I turn my attention to my mother who was seemingly making breakfast.
"I came to visit." She says simply.
I cock a brow at her, watching as she plates her signature panino. "Why?"
She sighs heavily as she strolls towards me."Iris' dad called said you two had a fight-"
"Let me guess, dad wants you to play devil's advocate," I say as she sets the plate before me.
Of course, my father doesn't want to lose his associate. He could care less about his son and how he was doing.
She sucks in a breath, taking a seat by my side. "What happened?"
"We had a fight, she left." I shrug nonchalantly though my eyes don't meet hers, they stayed trained on the panino.
Her eyes widen as her brows shot up. "And you didn't go after her."
"She made it clear that we were over." I swallow hard, averting my eyes as that familiar feeling struck me once more.
"Oh, my poor sweet boy, how dumb you are." She shakes her head with an amused look on her face.
I quirk a brow at her. "How so?"
"See, girls don't always mean what they say. Sometimes they like it when you try even harder when they push you away, to us it means your really interested in us." She states with a small smile.
Great, I feel like a 15 year old boy who needs girl advice from his mother.
"Well, I'm sure she doesn't want to see me," I grunt, popping a piece of the panino's flaky crust into my mouth.
It really hurt to say that, to even think of that.
"I doubt that. She loves you and you love her, I bet she's just waiting for you to show up and sweep her off her feet." She sounds so sure of herself, it's unbelievable.
My eyes roll up to her and I sigh heavily, shoulders falling slightly. "You make that sound so easy."
"It is, mio caro ragazzo. All you need to do is get off your ass and show that girl why she fell in love with you in the first place." She rolls her eyes with a shake of the head.
I snort, biting off a piece of my panino. "And what do you suggest I do? Order her a million roses that spell out I'm sorry. Should I stand outside in the pouring rain and proclaim my undying love for her only for her to reject me? She doesn't want me."
My head perk up as a sharp slap was delivered to the back of my head, scowling in pain I narrow my eyes at my mother who purses her lips at me, looking as if she wants to knock some sense into me.
"You are such an idiot. Yes, Luca, even if you must stand in the rain and proclaim your love only for her to reject you, you will do it. If you truly love Iris, if you truly feel as if you cannot live without her, then you'll fight for her." She smiles sincerely. "You do love her don't you?"
"Si, I do." I nod without hesitation.
How was that even a question? Wasn't it obvious?
"Then you will fight for her until you can fight no more and even then fight harder." She lays her hand atop mine as she advises wisely.
Cracking a smile, I kiss her cheek seeing as her face warms up and she beams with adoration.
"Thank you, Ma." A grin crawls across my lips and I stroll off each step pulsed with newfound determination, barely passing the threshold of the kitchen when she lifted her head and suddenly she calls.
"Luca?"
Cocking a brow, glancing over my shoulder at her I pause in my step."Si?"
"Take a shower and shave, you look like a drunken hobo." She teases, taking a bite of my half-eaten panino. "No girl finds that attractive."
Shaking my head with a slight chuckle, I stroll on out of the kitchen leaving behind my mother. She was right, if I was getting my Iris back then I'd have to bring my agame and turn the charm up.
Because by God, I was getting my fucking girl back and I'd do anything to get her back. To call her mine once again.
Iris' Pov
Burying my head in the pillows, I close my eyes trying not to think of him but damn it's hard, it was like I couldn't stop thinking of him. It's really hard not calling him or going back home to him but I have to do this.
But do I really?
Gah, why am I questioning myself?
This was what I need, I reassure myself. Luca and I aren't good for each other. He and I only brought each other pain and heartache. Our love is catastrophic and deadly, it was nothing but a ticking time bomb.
But damn, we're good together and damn do I love him.
I should really stop thinking about him.
It doesn't help either that the younger kids keep asking about him, well they used to ask about him they stopped asking after I broke down in front of them, a few nights back.
Sigh.
I mean who would have guessed a simple game of revenge quickly turning into a passionate love saga.
Lifting my head from the pillows, I reach for the cookie which rests on top of the bedside table and take a bite of it.
Great, now I'm eating my feelings.
I miss him, I really do. I miss those soft pink lips that used to kiss me softly, passionately and heartstoppingly, yeah I missed that. I miss those silky strands that I used to run my fingers through whenever.
I miss his arms, the arms which made me feel safe and loved. Mostly I miss his eyes, those hazel eyes that at times were dark as night, filled with mischief and playfulness, lust and desire. Those eyes which at times twinkled like the stars in the sky, filled with light and promises, love and laughter.
It's strange to think I almost thought I had a life with him, a life with a family, a life where we would wake up by each other's side, a life were our love would last forever, oh how naive I was, for nothing can last forever.
Wiping the stray tear away with the back of my hand, I sniffle, trying to blink back the tears which threaten to roll down my cheeks.
A knock and a call at the door makes me slip from my dampened thoughts.
"Iris, it's me James...can I come in?"
Clearing my throat, I quickly respond. "Yeah."
The door handle twists signaling the door being opened, James sticks his head inside, a sympathetic smile on his face.
"Hey." He smiles softly, stepping in and shutting the door behind him.
"Hi." I smile back, though the smile doesn't reach my eyes or ease the pain in my heart instead it makes me want to sob.
"I uh...brought you chocolates." He says sheepishly, outstretching a box of chocolates I hadn't even noticed he was holding. "It's semi-sweet. You're favorite."
Accepting the box, I give him a grateful tug of the lips and a nod of the head. "Thank you, James. I uh, appreciate it."
"It's nothing." He shrugs, burying his hands in his pockets.
Resting the chocolates on the bedside table, I stare down at the bed covers, smoothing it out beneath my fingers.
"Iris?"
"Yes, James?"
"Feel better."
"I will," I mumble softly, glancing up at the teenage boy who gives me a large smile which actually makes me feel better even if it is slightly.
A hand on the door handle he's on his way out when suddenly I call out.
"James?"
"Yes, Iris?" He chuckles softly, mimicking our previous banter.
"Don't fall in love." I advise, hoping to protect the boy from future heartbreak.
"Sometimes you just can't help it, Iris, your heart does what it wants." And with that, he closes the door leaving me.
He's a smart kid who deserves a girl who will love him just as much as he will love her. He deserves true happiness. The truest.
I sit there for God knows how long until my ass has fallen asleep and it's just getting uncomfortable to sit in bed all day, with a sigh I throw the covers off. Strolling towards the door, I open the door of Claire's old room, making my way into the kitchen.
Pulling the refrigerator open I grab a bottle of water unscrewing the cap, closing the refrigerator I view a sticky note that's attached to the refrigerator by a magnet. It's from Naomi who claims she's brought everyone out for ice-cream so not to worry.
I was wondering why it was so quiet.
Gulping down the water, I lean against the island. I hadn't realized just how thirsty I was. I guess that was to be blamed by all the cookies and other junk I had been consuming the past 2-3 days. It's hard to keep track of anything when you're depressed and heartbroken.
I wonder what he's doing right now. Is he thinking of me just as much as I'm thinking of him? I sure hope so.
A knock at the front door makes my brows furrow, dragging me from my little thinking world. Sighing heavily, I walk towards the door peeking through the keyhole to see a sort of distorted version of Luca.
My breath catches in my throat and my lungs forget how to function. I had backed up significantly when suddenly I step on the devil's building piece, hissing and cursing every single word in the book.
"Iris?" He calls unsurely.
Shit, I can't open the door looking like this. I look horrible, I don't want him to known just how devastated I am.
"Uhm, yeah." I answer meekly, silently scolding myself for even answering at all.
I should have just crept away or something, maybe he would have went away if he thought no one was home.
"It's Luca." He says lamely as if I didn't already know.
"I know." I respond, mentally rolling my eyes.
"Are you going to open the door?" He asks and I can practically see him arching that perfectly arched brow of his.
"I don't think that's a good idea." I mumble, running my hand through my hair and mentally grimacing at how grease and dirty it is.
"I understand."
Does he?
Does he know that I don't want to open the door because of the fear that in seeing him I'll run into his arms and bury my head in his chest?
"What are you doing here?" I question, my tone becoming hard and steely.
"I came to see you." Luca says indifferently, acting as if my words don't wound him.
But I know different I can hear the hurt in his voice.
Shit.
Stay strong, Iris.
"Why?" I nibble on my lower lip.
"Because I'm in love with you, Iris, and I need you believe it or not." He states like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It makes my heart throb achingly in my chest. "And I'm going to fight for you, amore because there is no way I'm letting you give up on us, if you haven't noticed I'm not me without you."
I'm quiet, fidgeting with my fingers. His declaration of love, playing in my head on a loop.
Why does he always have to make me look like the bad guy?
"I don't want you to fight for me." I mutter.
"Too bad cause I'll never stop fighting for you, Iris. I'll fight for you even when you don't want me to because believe it or not, we're good together, really fucking good." He responds brazenly.
A small smile tugs at my lips as my heart beats for the man who stands behind the door.
"Iris?" Luca calls.
"Luca?" I mimick, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear.
"If I haven't told you lately, I love you......like a whole fucking lot." My smile blossoms at his words. "Bye, amore."
Glancing down I whisper it back, listening as his footsteps grows faint as he strolls away.
With a heavy sigh I lean against the door, placing my hand over my heart as I close my eyes.
I really do love you, Luca.
"Iris!"
Perking my head up I stroll quickly towards the window were the sound floats in from, popping my head outside to find Luca in the parking lot looking smart in black pants, a black trench coat that has fur on the lapels and combat boots.
He stands beside the words 'I love you' which he's written in the snow, a handsome smile on his face and a retro bomb box held above his head blasting eighties love songs.
"I love you." He shouts over the music.
"You've said that." I purse my lips hoping to bite back a smile but I just can't help it.
How corny.
Laughing at his cheesiness, I take that minute to admire, to take my eyes over him for what might be the last time.
"Goodbye, Luca." I smile with a shake of my head.
"I'll see you tomorrow, amore." He winked, turning the music off.
Whatever, I think with a grin.
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💕Late chapter, really late chapter.💕
💕I apologize, I've been really really busy with stuff.💕
💕But I do hope you enjoyed.💕
💕Bless up💕
~A
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