Chapter 50:
“Senna come on, just hold out your hand!” Caden pleads, pouting in front of me. I’m backed up against the glass in a corner of the sun room, in a last ditch effort to get away from Caden and what he’s hiding behind him. Wincing when he takes a step closer, I quickly shake my head back and forth, nearly smacking my face against the glass.
“You told us we could surprise you so this is which one we picked now you are going to pick this damn thing up and you are going to sit there with it for as long as it takes!” Becca’s voice intercedes, sounding very commanding. My eyes get a little wide and I peek around Caden to look at her and the glass case that’s on a table in front of her.
The thing in the case moves, skittering over the bottom and backing up into a corner, almost like I am. That movement makes me squeak and back even further up, trembling a little. I really shouldn’t have given them free reign on this.
“We will sit here with you in this room until you decide to step up and conquer this phobia just like you did with going outside. Okay?” Caden says, moving his face so it’s in my direct line of sight. My eyes focus on his and I can see that he’s telling the absolute truth. Either I get this over with now, or we sit here until I do.
Sighing internally, I nod my head and then take a few steps towards him. He shuffles out of my way and I take a few hesitant steps towards Becca and the case. I’m still trembling and it seems to get a little worse with each step I take.
“Sit there.” Becca motions to a hard plastic chair a few feet to my left. I turn and walk over to it, and then sit down. Now I’m face to face with the glass, just a little bit in front of me. The thing inside seems to be staring straight at me with all of its little beady eyes. “Now this is totally harmless, it won’t hurt you, but yes it does look very dangerous. We took great measures to make sure that if it bites, it can’t inject its venom into your bloodstream.”
With that, she reaches into the case with gloved hands and scoops the spider up, then takes it over to me. Before she’s even close to putting it on me, my eyes slam shut and my breath seems to be sucked out of my lungs.
I wait in agonizing anticipation until those first few furry legs touch the bare skin of my arm, and I nearly scream and toss it off. But I steel myself, clenching my hands on the arms of the chair, and wait it out. Becca’s hands brush against my arm as she finishes depositing the spider, sending chills up and down my body.
“Senna you do have to open your eyes at some point.” Caden whispers, from a few inches to my right. His voice makes me tense up, but I nod once quickly. It takes me a few minutes but finally I do open my eyes, and look down at my right arm, where the thing is.
Its body is huge, hairy and just so… imposing. The spider is just sitting on my arm, staring at me with its beady eyes. Its presence is just like a glaring red neon sign saying ‘DANGER’ but I know I can’t do anything about it.
Of course I could throw it off of my arm or make them take it off and put it away. However a piece of me, deep inside the back of my mind, keeps making me stop before I try. A tiny voice is whispering ‘Don’t. Stop. Leave it. You can do it’.
“Um Senna, are you okay?”
The voice snaps me back to the present and I move my eyes from the spider to Becca, and somehow nod my head. It seems like my whole body has frozen up. There’s ice in my veins.
Gradually, the spider starts to work its way up my arm. Its long, furry legs tickle my arm as it moves, which is a very disturbing sensation. Normally in a situation like this I would try to move my arm, use a hand to brush it off or something.
But every part of me is frozen, locked to the seat. Only my eyes move, following the creature on its dreadfully slow path up my arm, to my shoulder.
A small voice in my mind is screaming ‘OFF GET IT OFF NOW ‘ but I can’t make my mouth work to form words that probably wouldn’t be heard. And my pad and paper are elsewhere, not close enough to reach. Even though Becca told me it was harmless to have the spider crawling on me, I’m still afraid that at any moment its going to sink its fangs into my flesh.
My throat starts to tighten up and I just know that there’s a flood of tears coming. And soon enough it happens, just a few at first, sliding down my face and dropping onto my shirt. The spider is now somewhere on my shoulder, tickling my neck and moving my hair. I can’t see it but I sure can feel it.
“Senna?”
A minute trembling begins in my hands, sending shivers up and down my spine. It starts to get worse, a whole lot more visible, and I try to keep still. That same fear from before is still blaring in my mind.
“Get it off of her.” Caden’s voice weeds its way into my fear-stricken brain, but the words don’t exactly register.
“But its working.”
“I don’t care. Get it off.” His voice takes a hard edge and there’s a short pause after which rustling starts.
Hands enter my vision and the spider is scooped off of my shoulder and dropped back into the case. As soon as it’s away from me, it seems like a giant weight has dropped off of my shoulders. Air rushes into my lungs and I gasp, hands shaking.
“Are you okay?”
I can only shakily nod my head in response, seeing as I still don’t have anything to communicate to anyone with. Just as that thought enters my mind, my pad and pen are placed on my lap, but I make no move to pick them up. My mind is reeling, thoughts bouncing around from the forefront of my mind and then getting pushed away for something else to take over.
Keeping my eyes carefully averted, I stand up out of the chair and edge my way past Caden, Becca and the glass container. Once I’m a few feet past, I straighten my eyes and walk at a quicker pace out of the room, just wanting to be away. Luckily, this time, I didn’t exactly have a panic attack. I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be any good for my mental health, to have two major breakdowns so close together.
This time, I just can’t seem to get this tingling feeling off of my skin. It’s almost as if the spider is still there, crawling up and down my arms, my legs, my neck… It’s very unnerving, and as I make my way back to my room I catch myself scratching at things that aren’t there.
I know I should stop doing that before I scratch myself raw, so when I get to my room I make sure to keep my hands busy, doodling on my notepad. Caden comes into the room at some point and sits on his bed across from me, silent. I can’t tell whether he’s silent because of what happened or if he’s thinking or what. But I kind of don’t want to talk about it, so that’s good.
When the dinner bell rings, Caden gets up and walks out before I can even look up. I don’t mind, however, and I take my time getting up and going down to the cafeteria. The more I keep myself busy and my mind occupied, the quicker the tingling feeling goes away.
As Caden and I eat, I send him a few tentative glances from under my eyelashes, trying not to let him know I’m watching him. He hardly touches his food, and finally just stops all together, leaning back in his chair. From there, I can feel his eyes on me so I quickly look down at the table, stuffing my face.
“I know you were looking at me, Senna.” He whispers, but I don’t acknowledge him. Instead, I finish my food and stand up to toss what’s left in the trash, and deposit my tray on one of the counters to be cleaned. From there, I hurry out of the cafeteria and up to my room, Caden following close behind.
Once I’m securely on my bed, with him across from me, I finally look up at him. He looks back at me and for a few seconds, we just sit there staring at each other. Soon he sighs and rolls his shoulders, back popping.
“Do we need to talk about earlier or are you okay you think?” He asks, and I shrug, scribbling something on my notepad and showing him.
‘It was a little iffy but I do believe that I’m okay.’
He reads it and nods, a small smile spreading over his face.
“I’m glad, Senna. I thought we were going to have another freak out like with going outside… but this time it was different. Although I’m sure it would have turned into something like that if I didn’t get Becca to take the damn thing off of you…” His voice trails off and I nod a little in response. I’m actually not sure what would have happened… It’s all messed up in my mind, some parts sharp and there but others fuzzy and unreal.
He doesn’t say anything after that, and neither do I. I feel like nothing else needs to be said. After a while, when the lights start to go off, I curl up under my blanket and turn to face the wall, knees up to my chest.
“I will make you better, Senna. I promise.” Is the last thing I hear before I fall asleep.
***
Hope you liked it!
Sorry for the late update
- Lexi