Hermione tells me to meet them in a quiet, isolated corner of the library. After potions, I walk to the library by myself and sit down, ten minutes early, waiting for the others to come. I twiddle my thumbs in anticipation, hoping that my words will put them to ease. I want my friends back and not fearful of me.
Right on the dot of our five o'clock meeting time, they all walk over, Ron included. I still need to talk to him one on one, but I know that he won't until he is sure he can trust me to not kill him.
Sitting on the edge of the comfy chair, I prepare for the questions they may ask but know that they are worth it.
"So...any questions for me?"
Harry talks first, his confidence seeping through, "How are you...you know...getting what you need if you can't drink from us anymore because of the..."
"Vervain," I finish for him. "Well, I may have stolen blood bags from some hospitals on my way here. And by stolen I mean compelled."
Hermione pipes in, curious about compulsion, "Can you explain that to us? Is it like the imperious curse?"
I think about this for a second. "In a way, yes, but also no. We can tell people to do anything and make them think certain things. So, it can be much darker since we can alter your memories. I could make you forget your family and you would have no idea." Her eyes widen in response at this, "I am also going to answer the question you are all thinking- I did not compel any of you."
Ron of course asks a hard hitting question, "What's the worst thing you have ever compelled someone to do?"
Hermione goes to scold him, but I stop her, "No, it's fine. I said I would answer anything, and I always stay true to my word. You have to understand that who I am now is very different than who I have been in the past."
Ron sits expectantly as I continue since he always wanted to know more about my past, "There was a vampire hunter coming after me and she wouldn't stop. I compelled her young daughter to kill the husband as motivation to stop. When the hunter came home, I made the girl ask her mom if she would stop hunting me. To no surprise she refused, it was her life long mission to find a way to end me, so the child took her own life. I did what I had to do to survive and live without someone threatening to kill me all the time but that little girl was the youngest life I have taken. I am not proud, but I had my emotions turned off."
I look down after my summarized story, finally feeling the guilt from my actions and ashamed that I ever did something this horrendous.
"Emotions turned off?" This question comes from George, and I realize that our first deep conversation touched on this out of context.
"Yes. You see, vampires' emotions are heightened, just like everything else, so they can be very controlling. It is like a switch. When we get overwhelmed, or are just pure evil to begin with, we turn off our humanity. We don't feel the bad stuff, like the remorse, or guilt from what we do. It's hard to turn our humanity back on because what follows is an intense flood of emotions."
The trio looks deep in thought, remembering the day I was sitting against the wall after my emotions came back. Hermione tilts her head at this, silently asking if that is what happened and I nod my head.
Harry asks carefully, knowing that something major had to happen for me to flip mine off, "What made you turn yours off?"
I shift uncomfortably, not used to being exposed like this. "Mine was off for a very long time. Honestly, I probably had my humanity on for a less amount of time than when I was human. I turned my humanity off right after I separated from my family. They took everything from me and supported my evil brother, Niklaus, over me. I no longer believe in family, or love them for that matter."
Fred, who I haven't heard talk once since I have been back speaks up quietly, "What did they do to you?"
I sigh, wishing I could stop reliving my past memories that will forever haunt me, "There are a lot of years to cover. It started with my siblings not helping me when my father tricked me when I was human. He took away my first love, Elliot, as my siblings watched on, telling me nothing." Hermione looks at me sadly, remembering the mention of Elliot last year.
Continuing, I say, "After we turned, it was forever and always, but that did not last long. I held resentment as my siblings ran from our father in fear since he was hunting us down to rid the Earth of the abominations he helped create. Years of betrayal occurred, so I went off on my own until the 1400s when I was helping a friend escape the wrath of Niklaus' crazy plan to become a hybrid. We evaded it, but the price to pay was a dagger in my heart for a long time."
Curiosity arises from Hermione, "Dagger?"
"Yes, the dagger is my weakness. This dagger keeps us trapped and put down until removed."
Ron mutters sarcastically, although I still detect some truth in it, "Wish I knew about that." That earned a whack on the arm from Hermione. I roll my eyes and he sheepishly smiles before avoiding eye contact, knowing it is too soon to joke about what he did to me.
Then however, he connects some dots together, "Wait. That day you were telling me about vampires, I asked you about the 20s. You told me you didn't know because you were dead. Was that from this dagger?"
I close my eyes, "Sadly, yes. I missed a lot."
George asks, "How long?"
"Over 500 years." They all look at me with wide eyes, unsure if what they just heard is true. "Now you can see why I despise my family. I missed so much and I hate them for that." Niklaus is the puppeteer and all my siblings are his puppets.
"But you are here now." Harry states from his seat across from me.
I respond based on what Kol told me when he visited me, "According to my other brother, he sent a vampire to pull the dagger out after he was undaggered himself. This was last year, right before I came here."
They stare back shocked. I would be too if someone was away from the world for over 500 years until recently, so I understand their reaction.
Ron breaks the pause, "Wow...I had no idea. I can't imagine being as old as you are and missing that much." I shoot him a look when he calls me old, but technically, he is not wrong. "Your family sounds messed up. I mean look at you, and you probably seem like a saint compared to them."
Instead of getting annoyed at his snide comments, I realize that this is Ron acting normal, which I am almost grateful for, "I am no saint, but yes, we are a lot to deal with."
Everyone takes it all in, but no other questions about my personal life are asked. I still feel slightly guilty for not telling them that I am Original, but that is a lot more to deal with. And me being the creator of this magic? That changes everything.
"I have one last question, for now because you know I like to know these things." Ron snickers at this, and Hermione rolls her eyes at the ginger. "Anyways, how does someone become a vampire? I feel like this differs from book to book."
I answer her question easily, "Well, it's not a simple process. The key is to have vampire blood in your system when you die. You will come back in transition, which means you have to feed or you die for good."
Fred asks one last question, "Have you ever turned someone?"
I nod, "Many. That's how I helped my friend escape her fate." The group remains silent, staring off into nothingness, attempting to register and understand all the information. "I hope most questions have been answered. I apologize again for dragging you all into this, but I want to move past this."
Hermione smiles, "Being able to talk to us and share these things is enough security. You were my friend last year, and no one, or any thing, can change that."
Relief fills me and for that, I am glad. She gets up to meet me in a hug, and the others watch on. A small smile makes its way onto my face because this action gives me hope.
"I know things won't be normal yet, but thank you for giving me a chance. It means more to me than you know."
Everyone starts to leave, and I sit back down for a second to wind down. My eyes close, pushing back the thoughts of family and my dark actions.
A voice returns back to the now empty space, "You okay?" I look up to meet Fred's gaze to see him composed yet curious.
"Better now. It's hard to open up like this sometimes, but this is the first time I have really discussed these things so vulnerably."
Normally I hold the power over everyone, but changing means not always being above my emotions and others.
He shifts his weight from his right leg to his left, taking my words in. Instead of responding to what I said, Fred changes the subject, "So what happened with you and my twin the other day?"
I have to internally laugh at this because he used to hate me talking with George, but now he actually cares about my response.
"He needs time, so for now we mend and try to move forward. I don't know what's going to happen."
It hurts to think about losing George, but I would rather have him as a friend than not in my life at all. No matter what happens, he still holds a lot of meaning in my heart.
"You really care for him, don't you?"
Yes. "That will never change because he made me realize things about myself that I did not think I would. However, that also comes from all of you."
Fred seems content that my happiness includes him. "Do you think he's 'the one'?" he jokingly emphasizes and makes fun of the concept of 'the one', which makes me giggle a bit.
I do have to think about this though, "I am not sure."
Fred's raised eyebrows signal for me to elaborate. "Just because he made me feel again does not mean that he is the perfect guy for me. There's no way to know that now. I know now that I care but what if there is someone I could care about even more?"
He stays silent, so I continue, "This does not take away from him, but after being in this world for so long, you come to terms with some things. My life is eternal, so how can anything be finite?"
An almost perplexed look appears, "Not the answer I was expecting."
"Is that a good or a bad thing?" Fred shrugs his shoulders and gives me a small wave before disappearing from my sight, leaving me to wonder what his answer may be.