So guys. Here we are. 100.000 reads, a little more than a year and over 500 followers further. I've said it alot, but I'm going to say it again: I could've never expected this to happen. When I started "What's depression like", I did it because it was my only way of expressing what I felt.
Later on, it turned into my way of helping people. People like me. People who felt like instead of something beautiful, life was a nightmare. Something they wanted to wake up from, but never did.
I've never opened up to anybody, as much as I've opened up to all of you. I don't think that, besides my friends, anyone understands me as well as you do. You've seen every side of me. The side of me that didn't saw a point in living anymore, the side of me that felt guilty, the side of me that was trying and the side of me that believed things would get better. For all of us.
I like to believe I've created a little community and I honestly hope that not only I, but you guys too are helping each other. Sometimes telling people around you, your family, parents or friends can be hard. You're afraid they'll be sad, disappointed or angry at themselves and so you keep your feelings to yourself. I hope that finding support over the internet has been easier for some of you. I hope that I've been able to give some of you my hand and pull you a little bit out of the dark hole that is depression.
At the moment, my life is busy. Filled with school, ignoring my parents, avoiding my dad and celebrating Alex' graduation. Summer holiday is coming and I am leaving my home for as long as possible. Camping sounds like a good idea to me.
A lot of people have asked me why I've never done anything against my dad. I think most of you by now know what's going on between me and my dad and that things are anything but great between us. They're not. They probably never will be. My parents should've never gotten a kid, but they did and decided to make his life as miserable as possible.
So why have I never done anything? Why did I never go to the police or social service? Why did I never fight back?
Because for some reason I don't want to blame them. They wanted a kid, got a kid and then decided they actually didn't wanted a kid. They never put me up for adoption, which is the only thing I blame them for.
I like to believe that all people are born good. That they turn bad because of circumstances, other people, drugs or alcohol. I also like to believe that nobody is completely bad, not even my dad.
He has never been able to show his love for me. Or maybe he just never loved me, but I can't find the energy or the will or the strength to blame him for it. I've accepted the punches and the name calling. I've accepted the fact that he never took me out to play basketball or something. That he never called the docter when I was very ill and that he never read me stories before I went to bed.
That's just how my life is. And I can't change the way my dad thinks or behaves or treats me, but I can accept it. Which is what I've done, not so long ago.
I will make of my life what I can make of it. I will finish High School, go to college, get a job and treat my kids the way I've never been treated. Instead of letting the circumstances make me a bad person, I will learn from them.
I'm won't stop this book, since it has become very dear to me, just like all of you. I will write now and then, update all of you on my life, help whoever needs help and can't find it yet.
I want you all to know that I'm doing okay. That I've been clean for about 1.5 months and that I'm fighting to believe more in myself.
I've been telling a lot of you that everybody is strong. You're strong enough to do anything. The only one stopping you, is you. I hope that someday you will all be able to push yourself out of the way, pick up the pieces, glue them together and give everyone is giving you a shit time the finger.
It's your life, you know. You shouldn't let anybody ruin it. You should fix what's broken. Look for help, smile at strangers, make friends, travel and be nice to everybody who's shit to you. Because nobody is born as a bad person. And everybody has a story.
- Kyran