"What's depression like?" He asked.

Difficult family situations.

There is nothing harder than going through things that you can't change. Then being stuck in an environment you can't simply escape from, because it is what you were born into.

I have dealt with bad to horrific family situations all my life. I grew up in a family with an abusive dad, which everybody ignored. Nobody tried to help, since there was - and still is - such a huge stigma on child abuse. 

My mother used to never talk to me. I think she hugged me once, when I was very young and "fell" of the stairs. It was the only time she tried to calm me down, probably so that nobody would alarm anyone. 

Family situations are a complicated thing, especially when everybody around you seems to have it so much better than you. Except for Alex, most of my friends had an amazing childhood with great parents. Whenever I went over there, I used to get almost emotional from seeing all the happiness and all the love. 

Many people have asked me why I never spoke up about my father to those parents, and the truth is that I was brainwashed. I was told to shut my mouth, that it was normal to get beat up and most disturbingly, that I had deserved it. 

Four suicide attempts later, people started to get worried. Not just about my mental state - which wasn't great, I must say - but also about the reasons behind my actions. 

More people started to ask questions. They asked me if there were other things I wasn't speaking up about. If I wasn't that clumsy after all, but the bruises resulted from different things. 

Still, I didn't dare to open my mouth. I was scared, and I still am. Even now that I have escaped my family and decided to cut all ties, I am still afraid of what they might do to me. It still baffles me that there are people who manage to have children and then treat them this way. Making it clear that they are unwanted, and never will be anything more than that. 

Being stuck in a family that treats you that way, is the hardest thing anybody can ever imagine. You can run, but you can never escape. You go through hell every single day. You despise being at school, but there is no other safe place, until you make friends who are there to protect you.

I am more than thankful that Alex decided to get me away from that place. That he quite literally came by and told me to pack all my shit, and that he announced that he had rented a small apartment and that we were going to get away from the situations that were hurting us so bad. 

I know that not everyone is as lucky as I am to have friends like that, which is why I have one important message for everybody out there who is in a bad or difficult family situation. Whether it is abuse - emotional or physical - , difficult siblings, being the lesser sibling, being degraded, family members who are sick, people who fail to take care of you, or whatever else that sometimes makes you feel sad, lonely or depressed at your own house, speak about it. Talk to someone. Alarm somebody that things are not so great right now, and that you either need help or simply somebody to take you out to a skate park and drink Starbucks with you.

You don't have to do anything alone. And you might feel like you have to, you might be scared that something extremely bad will happen if you talk to someone about your situation, but in the end, it can kill you. Keeping secrets this big and this bad, can kill you. I serve as the example that digging a hole and styaing silent can make you incredibly sick, so sick that you are willing to take your own life not once, not twice, but more than four times. 

Please, talk to someone. And if you can, try and get away. You don't need them. If they don't want you, there are people out there that do. That care about you, who think that you are great. 

Never stay somewhere where it is toxic. My mind might be permanently damaged, I might have things done to me that are never ever going to get away, but it is never too late to escape.

Never think that you deserve this. All that you deserve, is to be happy. We all do.

- Kyran

p.s. if anybody has any questions about my past and about my experiences, don't be afraid to ask about it.