ROZIE'S POV
The non-stop clinking of bottles, the endless laughter of drunk people around me, and the loud beats of 'Lonely together' played in the background filled my ears. Yoona finally arrived from Seoul and Jennie and I decided it would be best to give her a girls' night out. She was having a blast. It's been too long since we've seen each other and it is indeed true when they say that True friendship isn't being inseparable; it's being separated and still, nothing changes.
My friends have gone dancing somewhere. The smoke that filled the air made it impossible to see them. I was left at our table downing the remains of the bottle in my hand.
"Happy birthday!" I lifted the bottle in the air. I was supposed to have three beers max but I just couldn't refuse Yoona and well, I had one too many.
I got up from my seat and headed towards the restroom. A struggle it was to even get myself through the crowd. The dizziness I felt made it even worse. After forcing myself into the mob of dancing bodies, I managed to get out. The next step was to find where the restroom was. I was in a daze. All I see was a total blur. I squinted my eyes as I focused on looking for the comfort room sign.
I headed to my left occasionally stumbling over as I tried my best to steady my gait. I hope it was indeed the restroom I was making my way through. Taking one step after the other was already so hard to do and the guys who would suddenly block my way as they offer to buy me a drink made it even more difficult. I pushed them away while saying, "I just need to pee." out loud.
I finally reached the restroom. I almost fell not noticing the steps a meter away from the door. Good thing I was able to hold on to a stranger nearby.
I pushed the door open and the strong stench of pee paired with the fruity scent of perfume welcomed me. There was a long line of ladies waiting for their turn. I lazily went to the end and closed my eyes as I waited. One of the cubicle doors suddenly swung open to a couple who hurriedly made themselves out the door. One of the ladies falling in line shouted, "Why not just get a room, you idiots?!" I smiled to myself.
Booze can really do a lot of things to people. Some would have it after a hard day's work. Some would grab one just to get themselves to sleep. Celebrations would not be complete for others without them. While some would intoxicate themselves just to forget their problems even just for a moment.
It's the last one for me.
"Oh aren't you.." I can still recall how ridiculously sexy she said it. I just wanted her to eat that towel wrapped around her head.
I quickly shook the thought away because when I remember her, he instantly gets into the picture.
Boom!
Just as I thought.
His face was all over my mind again.
This was definitely the worse of his birthdays. We were apart and he was with another woman.
After what took like forever to get myself to pee, I got myself out of the door. An even bigger crowd appeared before my eyes. I groaned in frustration. My drunken state has not improved one bit.
I wanna get out of here. I whispered to myself.
I reached for my phone in my pocket as I made my way into the horde. Unlocking my phone as I drew the pattern I did with immense difficulty. People pushing me out of their way didn't help at all. I searched for my girls but everything was just too clouded.
As I tried to do the pattern for the nth time, two girls on my left were so hyped in their dancing, they toppled onto me causing me to drop my phone to the floor.
"Damn it! Those bitches didn't even care to apologize." I could still hear them laughing somewhere nearby.
I bent over to look for the damn phone in the darkness. All I was relying on was the strobe lights hitting the floor from time to time.
"Looking for this?"
I turned around searching for the source of the voice. A man was right behind me, my phone was in his hand.
"Look at yourself. You're drunk as fuck."
I came closer as I try to make out his face. I wasn't sober enough to get a clearer view but he sounded very familiar.
"Who you with? You came alone?" He said to my ear.
"I'm with my friends but I guess I lost them somewhere. Can I have my phone back?" I shouted at him. The bass from the speakers was just roaring too loud.
"Come with me." It was like talking to a shadow. His face was just too hard to see.
"Sorry but I have to get home. My phone please." My hand was laid out in front of him but my phone was still in his grasp. It didn't seem like he was giving it back anytime soon.
"Stop playing hard to get love. You know you're easy." I was too preoccupied with one of the words he said that I didn't even have a chance to protest when he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of the crowd.
Love?
We moved so quickly we were out of the club in seconds. I tried to break free from him but his hold on me was firm enough.
We stopped beside a car parked right in front of the club. He swiftly opened the door and put me in like some lawbreaker in a police car.
"I'm not leaving without my friends.."
"They already left without you." He slammed the door closed and ran smoothly to the other side. The scent of his car sent me to memory lane. It was like a dream I once had. Peppermint.
He bent over to put my seatbelt on. Even in the darkness, I can feel his eyes on me. I stopped breathing for a moment. His nearness made me really tense.
"Don't worry love. You'll thank me enough once this night's over."
There he goes again. Love? Who is this guy??!
I closed my eyes and prayed for dear safety. I didn't have my phone with me and am sure as hell couldn't pull off any self-defense knowing how drunk I am. I should have just stayed home and slept.
I heard him start the engine. When I opened my eyes we were already in front of some high-rise building. Did I doze off or did he drive this car like a maniac?
"Is this a hotel?"
"Sort of." He said coolly as he parked the car. My eyes have been failing me since I downed that last bottle. Give me some clarity! I batted my eyelashes repeatedly hoping for any bit of improvement with my eyesight.
He put the car to a stop and released me from the seatbelt strapped across my chest.
"Shall we?"
I gathered all that's left of my guts and said, "Hey mister. I just wanna go home okay? I'm not that kind of girl.."
He rested his arm on the top of my seat. "If you're not that type, then why get so wasted when you can't even look out for yourself?"
You don't know what I've been going through stranger so get your judging eyes off of me was what I wanted to say but silence was all that ever came out of my mouth.
"Ease up now. I'm not some psychopath. We're here to have a good time."
He pulled me out of the car and I almost tumbled over him. Good thing he was fast enough to catch me with one of his arms. I felt his arm circle my waist as we began to walk towards the entrance.
"Good morning sir." The doorman said in a voice that didn't seem to suit his physique. I tried to look back but he was all fuzzy. Good morning? What time is it anyway?
My knees were really wobbly and my eyes were more than ready to drift into a long deep sleep. I tried to fight it as we waited for the lift from the 5th floor.
It really felt like I've been here before.
It felt like...
"Hey. We're not there yet. Keep your eyes open." I hear him groan.
When I opened my eyes, I was already in another place.
A room.
Dimly lighted.
I was laying down on a bed and a pair of eyes were staring back at me.
I can see him clearly now. As I looked right back to his eyes, it felt like I was gazing at someone I know.
His eyes resembled someone's.
I touched the side of his face and traced small circles with my thumb. He didn't move a muscle. I was frozen right beneath him with his knees locking both of my legs straight. Both of his hands were on each side of my shoulders pinning me to the bed.
I no longer feel tense at all. I know this was no stranger. The gentleness in his eyes assured me that he was not going to hurt me and that alone made me feel secure.
I cupped his cheeks with my palms and felt how warm he was. It soothed the coldness of my hands. We gazed at each other in silence. I wanted to have him even closer. As if reading my thoughts, his eyes drifted to my lips.
I pulled his face closer to mine and he gave no resistance. Our lips were already inches apart now.
"Do you know who I am?" He asked. His voice broke a little bit.
"I'm not really sure. You're a little bit blurry."
I heard him sigh.
"But I know how I feel about you." I put my right hand at the back of his neck and pushed his head closer to mine making our lips touch in the process.
As I feel his lips against mine, I knew this was what I've been longing to do for so long. And now that I've finally done it, I want to make the most of it. I parted my lips and enclosed his upper lip with mine. He didn't respond at first but when I made another attempt, he began reciprocating the movement of my mouth. I could tell he was holding back. I pull my lips from his and whispered, "I love you, Zach."
I don't know if that was actually a smile that formed in his lips but I know for a fact that what I said brought his feelings to a whole new level. He kissed me again and this time, there was more intensity to it.
He pulled away from me and got off the bed. He was unbuttoning his shirt but his eyes were still fixed on mine. He swiftly threw the top to the side and placed himself on top of me again. He was towering over me now. My eyes were starting to fail me again though.
His lips found mine again. He was demanding more this time and I gave it to him.
The next thing I know he was trailing kisses down my neck. Then everything suddenly turned dark.
When I opened my eyes again, his face was so up close.
Did I doze off again?
But I was too sleepy to care. I closed my eyes again and felt myself drifting away.
"Stay with me, Zach. I can't lose you again."
___________________________________________
Stay...
Stay...
I can't lose...
Stay with...
Lose you...
Stay with me...
Again...
I can't lose you again...
Zach.
My eyes sprung open.
Is it over?
I alternately opened and closed my eyes trying to check if I was now in an awakened state. I was indeed conscious but the echo of the voice inside my head repeated over and over. Strangely, it was actually my voice. There was nothing much to make out from that dream. It was pitch black darkness. The voice was a whisper at first until it grew louder and louder it was almost deafening.
I can still feel my heart racing in my chest. I may have thought about him too much that I was even calling out his name in my sleep.
Then it hit me.
What the hell happened last night?
I was suddenly oriented to my surroundings. I was staring at the window partly covered by white curtains. This isn't my room for sure. I slapped myself in frustration with the fact that I ended up in somebody else's bed. Then my eyes drifted to the white fabric I was wearing. I was wearing a robe. Certainly not what I was wearing last night and what's even worse is I was totally naked underneath.
I cringed in misery at my stupidity. I should have never let my friends coerced me into drinking too much than I can handle. Why have a girls' night out when we could've done a sleepover?!
I wrapped myself in my arms feeling so vulnerable at the moment. What have I done? What has been done to me? I tried to extract bits and pieces from last night but my mind was in total secrecy.
I struggled to keep my thoughts straight. Who was I with? A random guy from that club? Was he still here? I want to glance back to check but fear took over me.
Just get yourself out of here!
Okay. Clothes. Where are my clothes?
My eyes darted within the area they could reach.
Not on the floor. Not on that corner. Not on the bedside table.
Where...wait...
My gaze drifted back to the bedside table a few inches above my head. There was a lampshade placed at the center but what caught my attention was the picture frame that was underneath.
It was a candid shot of a guy and a girl looking at each other with smiles on both of their faces. They look really lovely together. The guy had his head rested on his hand while his eyes focused on her. From a third person's perceptive, I could tell that he was in love with her.
How lucky she is.
And she was me.
As I stared at the picture of Zach and me, a wave of sadness swept through me. How I wish he'd look at me the same way again.
Then I suddenly realized...
I'm in Zach's unit!
Why am I here???
I sat myself up and got surprised as my eyes caught the image of a man sitting on the bed just inches away.
"Woah!"
I fell from the bed bringing the blanket with me.
It's Zach! I mouthed to myself. At that moment, I just wanted the damn floor to swallow me alive.
What do I say to him?
Do I apologize for last night?
What do you apologize for when you can't even remember a single thing??!
Dear Lord get me out of here!
"Finally."
I peeked from the edge of the bed and saw him looking straight back at me.
"Stand up and get yourself together. Your clothes are right over there."
I obediently stood up but awkwardly froze on the spot the moment he got off the bed and took a few steps towards me. He was scrutinizing me from head to foot.
"You're wondering how you ended up here? ... You don't remember a thing? Ha! I never knew you were the touch-and-go type. I guess I didn't know you at all." He was looking down on me and it pierced my heart to hear him say those words of all people.
"Zach.."
"Hmm? Is it all coming back?"
He let his finger run down my cheek and said, "You were really great last night. One hell of a slut in bed."
I slapped him hard on the cheek. This was already too much. I don't remember ever doing it with him last night but if I did, I would certainly swear that I did it out of love and not just for fucking pleasure.
"Can't handle the truth? You know you're not in the position to get mad right?" The redness of his face showed how furious he was. He was like a bomb ready to explode any minute.
I know that I'm guilty of so many things he's accusing me of but even criminals are given the right to defend themselves. Ever since he knew about it, he didn't hear me out. All he knew was his pain and my betrayal. But how about me? I just followed my heart and it so happened to be wrong. Don't I get a chance to redeem myself? If he was angry at me, I was outraged with this whole situation I've caused and I'd like to put an end to it once and for all.
"I know. So why don't you just spit it all out? Everything you have in here." I plunged my finger to his chest. "Give it all to me. I'm all ears so fire away!"
For a moment, he was just looking at me speechless. His expression seemed to soften a little.
"So what now? Can't find your tongue? Tell me everything!" I hit him hard on the chest; throwing punches at his arms and shoulders just to set the monster alive inside of him.
"Pour it all out so you could you could.let.me.in!"
I waited for his bitter words as he attempted to open his mouth several times but nothing came out. I stared back at him wanting to make him feel how regretful I am for what I've done.
"The last thing I want is to hurt you, Zach. You know how much you mean to me." I hope he sees through my heart as I say those words.
"I really thought I knew that... but I guess it was all in my head." I see the pain through his eyes. I broke him deeply and I wanted to fix him so bad.
I reached out for his face but he moved backward avoiding my touch.
"Get yourself dressed and leave. Cindy will be here any minute. I don't want her to see me with another woman." He said with his back turned from me.
I wanted to hug him tightly. For so many times I have disregarded him and now it all dawned upon me. I tasted rejection on my lips. What else could I do to have him back? What does he want because I'll do anything.
I want him to love me again.
He turned around and there was a different expression on his face this time around. He was cold again.
"Just leave already!"
It broke my heart to hear him push me away but I did just as he said so. I hurriedly got myself dressed in the comfort room, headed towards the door, and left without speaking another word.
___________________________________________
"Zie. Meeting with the Boss in 10."
Carol called out a few seats away from me.
I groaned.
I was slouched in my seat for hours. I was a sloth the entire shift. I didn't feel like doing anything at all. What happened this morning sucked all my energy and the happiness in me. I left his pad in tears and came home crying my heart out. It was an effort for me to conceal how sore my eyes were and as expected, my colleagues started asking why the hell I cried.
I turned my seat around and my eyes seemed to know where exactly to lead me. He was walking back to his station smiling like nothing happened.
How could he be so good at it?
No wonder a lot of male actors won more awards than females. They're just too good at acting.
My phone rang and I knew exactly who it is.
"Rozie." It was Justin, our manager.
"I'm coming.." I ended the call quickly.
I slumped off my seat and tried to condition myself.
"You're at work Rozie. Leave your drama at home."
I told myself.
I let myself linger a bit more but my phone started ringing again.
I sighed. What's so important anyway?!
I got up, took my planner, and begrudgingly walked towards the door.
******
At the manager's office...
"You guys may not be expecting to be called but this just came in. Anyways, March is coming up and that spells summer. In an effort to improve our working relationships, the management has decided to sponsor a team building activity which will take place a week from now. This will be an all-expense-paid trip so your teams wouldn't have to worry about cashing out.
It will be a joint activity of two departments: Quality and Operations."
"No way!" Shit. I said it out loud.
The rest of them looked taken aback by my unexpected comment.
"Your thoughts?" Justin asked, his eyes all wide looking at me.
"I mean.. there's no way we shouldn't push this through." I smiled awkwardly. Keep your thoughts to yourself next time Rozie.
Joint activity with Operations equals the presence of team leaders equals Zach.
Why does the world have to punish me like this?
*******
Team building day
We arrived at the resort not far from the city. White sand, clear water, and the sun shining at its best. All the ingredients for a perfect summer.
We got off the bus and followed the ushers as they led us to our rooms. It was only an overnight stay so we had to make the most of it. And as validation, Lisa, one of my co-coordinators was already knocking on our door asking us to get dressed accordingly for today's series activities.
"What's the rush? Can't we get even just a little bit of sleep?" Jennie just can't keep her mouth shut.
"You were already dozing off in the bus with your mouth open Jen. How much more sleep do you need?" Lisa snapped.
"I need exactly 8 hours to maintain perfect skin."
Lisa waved her hand at her in surrender. Only I can handle Jenny, no question.
Then I saw Zach pass by bringing Cindy's bags while she trailed after him. I instantly diverted my attention into unpacking my stuff.
Just one day Rozie. You can co-exist.
******
We stood under the blazing heat of the sun as we were grouped into four teams. Jennie was already complaining the moment she stepped foot on the sand.
"Can we do this a little faster? We're literally burning out here!" She shouted in her bratty little voice.
I just smiled to myself. Just watching her suffer was already entertaining.
"Okay. Go to your respective teams, everyone. Each team should have 5 members."
"What you got?" Jennie asked.
"Red. You?"
"Blue. Damn it. I'm with Mark and Jason. What a bunch of losers." She rolled her eyes and went to her team. I was left looking out for other possible members of mine.
"Red team! Red team here!" Someone shouted from afar.
My eyes searched for the source of the voice and found the red paper sticking out from a pile of heads. I moved towards it and found that it was Carol.
"Ooh. We're teammates!" She gave me a high five.
"Who else is with us?"
"Lisa. And two from Ops."
"Who?"
She gave me a smile that made me slightly nervous.
"We're here now. We just got some water."
Cindy said gleefully. She was smiling at Lisa and Carol but when she saw me, her smile faded right away.
Oh please don't tell me...
"Zach. Come over here quickly."
Please just kill me now.
Zach hurriedly ran towards where we are.
"Hi, I'm Zach." He said shyly, his hand scratching the back of his head.
"Of course we know who you are. I'm Carol." She offered her hand and Zach eagerly took it making her giggle. Carol's flirting didn't seem to delight Cindy. Her eyebrows raised at her. She seemed to notice Cindy's reaction that she quickly diverted the attention to introducing the rest of us.
"This is Lisa, one of our QCs and there's no need to introduce this one. I know you know her too well Zach."
I didn't dare look at him. I just waved my hand at everybody and focused on the other teams nearby.
Can this get any more awkward?
Like a blessing from above, the games have finally started.
I thought being in the same team with Zach would just lead us to lose but everyone seemed to be geared towards winning that awkwardness was barely even noticed.
All of us were having such a great time that we didn't know it was already past noon. We fed our hungry stomachs after being so worked up from the games prepared by the facilitators.
We were given the rest of the afternoon as free time. Jennie and I chose to spend ours under the tiny hut. The heat from the sun was just too hot for any sunscreen to handle.
Looking at the rest of them happily swimming and playing in the water was such a sight to see. These people have been working their asses off for so long trying to hit the targets set for us. We all deserve this break from our busy lives.
I've always loved beaches. It was Zach who influenced me into loving it. I knew how to swim provided that I could still feel my feet touching the ground. Otherwise, I'd totally panic as I hold on to dear life. But Zach was very patient with me. He'd laugh at me every time I don't get what he says or if I drank too much seawater. He taught me how my feet should move to keep myself afloat. He taught me the right way of breathing and the different styles of swimming.
Sooner than I know, I was already swimming like a mermaid. We hit the beach every chance we get and I recall how excited I was every time.
Looking at him now with someone else just sends my heart into pieces. He was doing the same things with her as he did with me. And I couldn't shake the it-should-have-been's off from my mind.
Was what I've done that big of a deal? Does he really have to treat me this way because of one little lie?
I told myself not to dwell on the past and just get on with my life. But how can I do so when he always ends up being around me?
"Let's take pictures over there Zie. I'm bored."
Good thing Jennie offered to go somewhere else. Watching the two of them make a music video for some love song would be so masochistic of me.
*******
At around 5 o clock, we were on to our last game.
"The mechanics of this game is very simple. Just choose one representative from your team who is very good at feeling. That person will be blindfolded and spun around and has to find his teammates. The rest of the team will wear a different set of clothes and a wig. When he finds one, he has to know who that is through feeling."
The team decided that it's gonna be Zach who'll lead us for the win. He was about to take note of each of our features but the facilitator took him to one side and covered his eyes with a piece of cloth.
All teams played at the same time. The first one to get the right guess was the winner.
Zach was spun around ten times. He might have felt dizzy from the spin that he was walking crisscrossed trying to find his balance. He froze in the spot for a moment then he took a step in Carol's direction. Carol in return couldn't hide her excitement about Zach feeling her all over. I giggled. Carol was just too comic.
Zach was almost two feet away from her when he suddenly changed his direction. He was heading towards Cindy now. His arms were outstretched trying to find the first person he could get his hands on.
Cindy had an all-out smile on her face. Maybe she was thinking how destiny was drawing Zach towards her. I looked up the heavens and prayed for this game to be done quickly. I just want to get in my room and sleep the night off.
When I checked on the progress of Zach and Cindy's love story, I was shocked to see him right in front of me. Carol and Lisa were all smiling like nitwits. I stood frozen as he took one more step towards me. He was a foot away from me now. Just enough for him to lay his hands on me. He began to reach over, his hands touching my shoulders. His touch gave me shivers. I could hear other people screaming in delight from the background. He slowly moved his palms upward. His hands found their way to my cheeks. His hands were warm as usual but I was chilling on the inside. I've missed the closeness we once had.
As his fingers traced the shape of my eyes and down to my nose, I closed my eyes and let my mind remember how good it felt to feel his touch. This was already a very rare chance given our status at the moment so I savored every second of it.
His fingers stayed on my lips, as he sketched the fullness of it. I stopped breathing. All I wanted was to put my hands on his and just continue feeling his nearness and his warmth.
Why did we become like this Zach?
Can't we be just like the old days?
Tears started to fall from my eyes and one of them might have found its way into his fingers. Even with the blindfold on, I could tell he was taken by surprise by the feel of it. His hands trailed back to my eyes and he let his fingers run through my lashes. I shed tears even more.
"Don't cry, love." He whispered softly.
I was dumbfounded by what I just heard.
Did he?
Did he really?
Did he just call me love?
"It's Jennie!" Mark shouted a few feet away from us. The rest of the blue team was already celebrating their victory. I could tell Jennie had the worst experience ever with the expression she has on her face.
I held his hands and took them off of me. I didn't know how to react so I just decided to walk away. I bumped into Cindy who looked like she just saw a horror movie.
Lisa caught up with me and asked, "You okay?"
"Yup. I'm just tired." I faked a smile.
I just wanna be alone.
*******
After filling ourselves up with the sumptuous meal prepared by the staff, we were instructed to head to the shore for last-minute announcements from our manager.
It took a while for everyone to join in since others were too exhausted from the games we had earlier. Reinforcement from the other staff was given just to make sure everyone complied.
"As the highlight of our team building activity, we will have the Evening circle. The aim for this one is to provide appreciation to those who we are gratified for; an eye-opener for the things we are not aware of about ourselves and lastly, to promote reconciliation to those whom we may have hurt or who hurt us in the past or present. I know everybody is tired from all the activities we had the entire day but I assure you this one is the most meaningful of them all.
The staff started handing out pieces of paper to each one of us.
Each one of you will be given three sets of papers. The pink one will be given to the person you are thankful for. The orange one to the person you want to confess something to. And the yellow one to the person you want to apologize to.
You will also be given pens for you to write on those papers.
Please take this seriously. This will build better and stronger relationships within the team that we can really bank on. So I'll let you to it. We'll start in 5 minutes."
People around me started asking themselves who they will be giving their papers to. Others were complaining about how they would rather spend the time sleeping than doing this activity.
I looked at the three colors in my hand.
Thanks. Confession. Apology.
Only one person came to mind. Would it be okay to give all three to just one recipient?
"3 minutes guys.." our manager called out
"Well, I guess it's alright."
I began writing. It wasn't hard for me since I already had all the feelings kept inside me ready to pour out when given a chance. And this was the chance I'm waiting for.
"Alright, time's up everyone. Gather around!"
"Five minutes isn't enough!" I grumbled.
I struggled to write all my feelings as quickly as possible.
"Looks like you poured your heart out Zie." Jennie peeked behind my shoulder and I instantly clasped the papers to my chest. She snickered to herself as she walked towards the circle.
The session started with our manager at the center followed by those from his right. We were about 20 in the circle and I was seated at his left which means it would take forever for me to have my turn but also meant more time for me to write. Zach sat next to Cindy. They weren't listening to it the entire time. They were busy whispering to each other's ears and giggling to themselves about something that was just too funny. I rolled my eyes. Zach was definitely losing the meaning of this whole thing.
Tears were shed as each person took his/her turn. It was indeed a great chance to say the things you don't normally say on a daily basis. I don't know if I'd have the guts to say all these but I'll have to at least try. I looked at the evening sky. It was way too dark than usual and there wasn't a single star visible.
Please don't rain on us.
It was Zach's turn now. He was holding the pink paper out first.
"In my 5-year stay in this company, I have a lot of people to be thankful for. But this person has played a major part in transforming me to a better version of myself."
I smiled to myself. I knew it was me. Zach seemed to have all the baggage in the world when we were still trainees. He was too dark and too hard to deal with. But I didn't give up on him until he started to open up again.
He was walking towards me. His every step made my heart beat even faster. He stopped right in front of me, his eyes glued on the paper he was holding. I looked down at my hands to avoid revealing the excitement I have. Maybe this friendship isn't over after all.
"This is for you.."
I waited for him to hand over the paper to me. I held my breath and this time I just couldn't conceal my enthusiasm. I had the biggest smile on my face in a very long time.
"Sir Justin."
What??!
I looked up to see him handing over the paper to our manager. He in return seemed very surprised he was staring at him for a while and the sheet was still hanging in the air from Zach's hand.
I couldn't deny the disappointment on my face. I really thought it was me. And as if the skies were feeling exactly how I felt, a roar of thunder came from above silencing the whispers and laughter from the circle. For a moment, all we heard was the surging of the waves from the sea.
"Thanks, Zach. I never expected this." Our manager's deep voice brought us all back.
"This one's for you too. I know I've been more of a liability than an asset to your team. For my reluctance and stubbornness, please accept my apology. I intend to work even harder this time I assure you that."
Justin got up from his seat. Zach had his hand available for a handshake but Justin didn't take it. Instead, he pulled him into a tight hug that made Zach smile awkwardly.
"This leaves me to the last one..."
He gazed at me for a moment and the rest of them were howling in delight. Almost everyone knew how he felt about me all these years and I guess even with Cindy's presence lately, they still haven't forgotten the chemistry we had.
"Cindy. This one's yours..."
Right there and then my heart was crushed and carried by the waves. The rest of our colleagues gasped in disappointment. Cindy on the other hand, looked like she just won the crown to Miss Universe as she stood up and took the paper from him.
"You already know what I mean so.."
"Hey. How about us? We don't know what you mean!" A round of laughter filled the circle.
I lost every bit of excitement I had for this activity. I didn't know being hurt came along with it. I looked at the pieces of paper in my lap.
What's the use?
"Hey." Jennie gave me a nudge. "It's okay." A sweet smile filled her face. I smiled back.
"Alright. My turn!" said Carol as she gleefully stood from where she's seated.
"...and for the yellow one... I'm giving it to.."
The growl of thunder drowned her voice and raindrops suddenly fell from the night's sky. We didn't mind at first. There were only Jennie and me who haven't gotten our turns. But the rain grew even stronger and people were already starting to run towards the cottages for some shade.
"Let's go Zie." Jennie grabbed me by the hand and we raced to one of the nearby cottages.
"Damn. I was next!" Jennie muttered as she shook off the raindrops from her hair. "Oh well. I was giving all three to you anyways so.."
I faked a smile. Maybe we weren't meant to reconcile. Even the heavens didn't permit the chance I thought I already have.
"Just get back to your rooms. We all need rest. We'll resume the session first thing in the morning. Good night!" Justin's voice from the megaphone blasted.
I pull out the papers crumpled in my pocket.
Stop forcing things to happen Rozie.
Just let it be.
Let him go.
******
The rain lasted the entire night. I was too exhausted to even think of what happened all day I drifted to sleep the moment I lay on my bed.
I woke up to the sound of laughter from the hallway outside. The rain has finally stopped. I checked my phone and it was already four in the morning. I tried to put myself back to sleep but the sound of the waves from the shore was calling out for me. I decided to get out and take a walk. I made sure not to make a single noise knowing Jennie was such a light-sleeper.
It was still dark but the clouds were slowly making way for Mister Sun's arrival.
I sat by the shore and closed my eyes. I listened to the wonderful sound of the waves as they try to get a touch of the land within reach. No matter how they tried, they just couldn't reach where my feet were. Again and again, they attempted even using a stronger force several times. But they fail. They fail every time.
A strong cold breeze of the wind swept through me. It made me chill. It was a good thing I was still wearing my jacket. I put my hands in my pocket and one of them happened to come in contact with something. I pulled my right hand out along with the papers I still had from last night's activity.
I read what I wrote on each paper. It would have been nice if I could give this to him. He would know exactly how I felt. All he needed to do was to read them. But it's too late for that now. I'm quite sure Justin would be too preoccupied tomorrow that he would have forgotten about the entire thing by then.
Maybe there are just some things better left unsaid.
I grabbed a piece of stick that was right beside my foot. I dug a shallow hole. With a stick this small, digging a deeper one would get my hands dirty and would take too long. I placed the papers into it and covered them up with the sand.
I stood up and wrapped my arms around me.
It's just you and me so keep our little secret safe. I patted the sand with my foot and took one last look at the sea before I went back to our room.
*******
ZACH'S POV
What kind of sleep was that?
I felt restless. After turning in last night, I just couldn't sleep at all. I tossed and turned but I was still wide awake as fuck. I was expecting to sleep like a baby after all the exhaustion from today but my mind just won't put me to rest.
I decided to go swimming. Maybe I just needed to tire myself even more. I got into my swimming gear and headed towards the beach. The smell of saltiness filled me up. It's been a while since I've been in touch with the ocean and my body was yearning for it. Maybe it's not just the ocean I was longing for. It was also the person I always come with.
I took off my slippers and walked towards the shore. The waves seemed to have noticed my presence, they were enticing me with their strong big waves. I decided to run as they welcome me.
"The f!"
I groaned. Something pricked my foot. It was a small piece of wood sticking out from the sand.
"Damn it. Totally ruined my moment!" I picked it up and threw it right into the water. I was about to dive in but something caught my eye.
There was a yellow paper sticking out from the sand. I could just ignore it but it made me curious. I pushed the sand aside with my foot and it revealed another piece, an orange one. I knelt to check and wiped off the rest of the sand that was covering the entire thing. I pulled the papers out and brushed them off my shirt. There were handwritings on all three of them.
It was still a little bit dark so I went back to the nearest cottage and turned the light on.
I sat and spread all three on the table.
Who's this from? It's definitely from one of us. Should I read them? Maybe I should have left them buried in the shore.
But curiosity was really drawing me in. It was saying, Read me! Read me! In bold capital letters. I decided to give in and read the pink one first.
My hands begin to shake as I read the content of the first paper. It didn't have a name it was addressed to but I have the strongest feeling that I know who it's for. I need not think if I should read the next one. The moment I got a hold of the orange paper, my eyes began moving from left to right. It left me breathless. The words were piercing through me. The person who wrote this surely knew how to cut right through the heart.
That leaves me to the last one, Confession.
I hesitated to pick the paper up from the table. I felt scared and nervous at the same time. For a moment, I was just staring at it. Curiosity was eating me up like crazy though. Whatever's written in that sheet will surely put this prying mind to rest.
I slowly picked it up and began reading. As I digest every word my eyes has laid upon, I trembled. It was the shortest of all three but it was the one that struck me the most. It was filled with so much emotions it left my heart crushing in my chest. Reading the first two gave me ideas but the last one just validated my thoughts.
It had my name on it and the one who wrote it.
Zie.
To be continued...