Alexandria Anderson
It is already dark and the boys and I are walking to Winter Wonderland from the train station. I am just quiet as I follow the boys in front of me, staring at the captivating view ahead of us – the bright, colorful lights from the park. When we arrive at Winter Wonderland, the boys keep on shouting Alice every now and then, which makes me laugh yet embarrassed at the same time cause a lot of people are looking at us. Just like what I expected, there are more people than the last time we went at the park. Later on, I notice Rye slows down his pace and waits for me.
“Hey, you okay?” he asks.
“Yeah.” I reply with a small smile.
He nods and the two of us just walk in silence, following the lads in front of us.
“So,” he says after a while. “is it your first time at Alice in Wonderland or..”
I laugh and shake my head, “It’s my third time.”
“When was the first two?” he asks.
“Hm,” I utter, as I try to recall the first two times that I went here. “the first one was when I was four, I went here with my Mom and Dad and the second one was when I was five together with my best friend’s family.”
“Aw, that must be fun.” he smiles, looking up at the rides’ bright and colorful signs.
“It was.” I reply, unconsciously saying it with a flat tone.
I breathe out and just walk faster, leaving Rye by himself as I look for the boys. I see them waiting at the side from the distance, looking up at the ride. Just as I approach them, Andy turns around and sees me.
“What’s the matter, are you okay?” he asks, the concern in his voice perceptible.
I simply nod and try to avoid his gaze, so I walk past him and look up at the ride together with the other lads. Despite of the mesmerizing bright lights of the ride, I couldn’t help myself but feel sad.
“Let’s try that one,” Brooklyn says out of the blue. “that looks fun.”
I look away from the ride and notice that Rye and Andy are looking at me, as they talk to each other. I look away and turn to the ride that Brooklyn was talking about. We all fall in line, I was in between Brooklyn and Mikey whilst Rye and Andy are at the back and Benji, on the other side of Brooklyn. Mikey’s talking about his first experience going on a rollercoaster, but I couldn’t quite focus as my mind races with thoughts of my father.
• • •
We’ve been at Winter Wonderland for a few hours now and we already tried almost every attraction here. The boys are currently talking about who and who isn’t going to ride the Sky Swing. I have already made up my mind that I will just stay here with Brooklyn, since he’s afraid of heights. Rye haven’t spoken that much after our conversation earlier, I wonder what Andy told him when I saw them talking to each other seriously. I snap out of my thoughts when the boys says that they’re going already, but before they go; Rye speaks up.
“I am not going.” he says.
“Why, you’re scared?” Mikey laughs.
“No.” Rye replies and looks at Andy, who smiles a little and nods.
“Let him be, Mikey.” Andy says with a smile.
Andy pulls Mikey with him, whispering into his ear as the two of them walk away. Andy turns back to Benji and calls him over, leaving me, Rye, and Brooklyn. It was quiet for a couple minutes, until Rye breaks the silence.
“Hey, um, I am sorry about earlier.” he says.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Ryan.” I reply, smiling a little at him.
He breathes out and looks away, but it seems like he still wants to say something. I look over at Brooklyn and he quickly looks away from us, smiling at himself.
“I am so sorry,” Rye says after a while. “but I just want to know; Andy told me that maybe the reason why you got upset earlier was because of your Dad.” he says the last word quietly, as if uncertain of what my reaction would be.
“Yeah.” I admit.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your Dad?” he asks with distinct curiosity.
“He died when I was six due to stage four leukemia, neither of them told me about it; maybe because I was still little and I wouldn’t understand what was going on.” I stop for a second and take a deep breath as I try to hold my tears back. “I remember when I went here with my Mom and Dad, when he and I went on the carousel, I – I had no idea that he was already sick and –” my voice cracks, I couldn’t hold it back anymore.
Rye and Brooklyn look at me in concern, I didn’t want them to see me crying so I look at the other side to avoid their gazes, as I wipe the tears that stream down my cheeks. Neither of them said anything, but I am quite taken aback when Rye walks closer to me and suddenly wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on top of my head. After a while, I wrap my arms around his waist whilst he lightly rubs my back to soothe me.
“I miss him so so much.” I sob.
“Yeah, I know.” he replies, as he runs his fingers through my hair. “I am sorry for bringing him up.”
Rye and I just stay in that position for a couple more minutes as I cry against his chest. I couldn’t explain what I am feeling right now, but I find comfort being in his arms; his warmth putting me at ease. Later on, I pull away and wipe my cheeks.
“I am so sorry.” I mutter as I did.
He looks at me in concern, but I quickly look away and breathe out. I continue to wipe my cheeks and let out a giggle whilst doing so, which makes him smile a little.
“I bet I look like a mess right now.” I say with a small, faltering smile.
He shakes his head, “You look beautiful.. just like always.” he whispers the last part, but it was loud enough for me to hear it.
I furrow my eyebrows and choose to let it slide, I am certain that that doesn’t have any meaning especially for him. I look at the side and Brooklyn walks over and gives me a hug.
“You okay?” he asks, pulling away.
“I am alright, Brook, thank you.” I assure him with a smile.