The lump of butter sizzled in the pan. Ali turned the pan spreading the hot liquid around before she added several strips of bacon. The pan spluttered and out shot hot droplets of butter that stung her bare arms.
"Ow!" She shrieks, patting her arm.
Using a fork she turned the bacon and finally it began sizzling more calmly. Ali moved away from the stove to stand by the open backdoor. With a cup of tea in hand she leaned against the door frame and admired the late January morning. It was New Years Day and the sun was high and bright in the sky. The snow on the ground glistened like crystals as it withered and melted. The air was still cold and the ground crunched beneath her feet as she stepped out onto the back step. Her breath fogged up in a small cloud in front of her but the sun warmed her bare arms and she smiled. It was a beautiful day.
"Knock, knock,"
James taps the the side of the house as he appears smiling.
"James," Ali sings. She sets her cup of tea on the step and embraces him in a warm hug.
"I have these for you, your mother and sister" He holds out a beautiful bunch of white and yellow flowers.
"You didn't have to do that," Ali takes the flowers from him and leads him inside the house.
"I wanted to," he replies following Ali up the step and into the kitchen.
Ali turns to face him "It's very kind, thank you-"
"Is something burning?" James sniffs the air.
"The bacon!" Ali darts round, handing the flowers hastily back to James as she grabs the pan and flips the bacon which was now a dark crisp colour.
James chuckles as he sets the flowers on the table. He removes his fedora hat and suit jacket. His red tie contrasts with his crisp white shirt and navy blue suit trousers. So smart, as always she thought.
Ali sighs "It was supposed to be a surprise for you. To thank you for the party last night," her eyes sad as she regards the burnt bacon in the pan.
James rubs her shoulder "You didn't have to do that,"
Ali grins then "I wanted to," she repeats James' earlier words.
He laughs then, just as Katie appears in the doorway.
"Oh hi James. Err Ali there's a phone call for you," Katie announces.
Ali looks towards James.
"It's fine, I'll make us some fresh bacon," he smiles, taking the pan from Ali.
Ali unfastens the apron from around her waist and hands it to James before she leaves the kitchen and walks towards the front door where the telephone rested nearby on a small side table. Ali regarded the phone with curiosity before answering it. The phone hardly ever rang these days. Only for bad news she thought, but she tried to push that thought away as she picked up the hand set.
"Hello, Ali speaking," she answers.
"Ali,"
"Jack?" Her voice lights up upon hearing him. "This is such a wonderful surprise! How are you? I thought it was going to be an officer with terrible news. I know I shouldn't think that but it was only for a moment. Happy New Year by the way," The words tumble out of her mouth quick with excitement.
"Happy New Year my love," His voice is reserved and laced with sadness.
"What's wrong my darling?" Ali picks up on Jack's tone.
"Nothing my love, I'm just a bit tired. Tell me about your night," he clears his throat.
Ali smiles reassured "It was wonderful. Emily and I went to a New Year's Eve party at the Harrington House. It was quite lovely actually,"
"Was James there?"
Ali laughs once "Well it is his house my love, yes he was. He invited us,"
Jack mutters something over the line but it crackles and Ali can't make out what he is saying.
"Jack?"
"You spend so much time with him now," he blurts.
"On the contrary, I see him far less than you think. Besides there's not that many people my age left in the village, would you rather I be alone?"
"He's a little old for you isn't he?"
Ali pulls back and stares at the phone in her hand. She pulls and twists the cord in frustration at Jack's words.
"He's twenty five...Besides the point, too old for what? Jack what has gotten into you?"
There's a pause on his end. He's still there, she can hear him breathing.
"Jack?"
"Ali I have to tell you something," His voice is quiet and broken.
"Jack what is it?" Her frustration is gone and replaced instantly with concern and panic for Jack.
"You're a loving woman Ali," he starts cautiously "You're beautiful and strong and kind," His voice cracks "Please.... somehow find it in your heart to forgive me,"
"Jack you're scaring me," Ali grips the phone cord tight.
Jack inhales and exhales quickly "There was a New Year's Eve party on the base last night. I went along with Farrier and a few others from my squadron,"
He pauses and waits for her to comment but she doesn't. He continues.
"I was miserable, I was missing you and I was drunk. I'd been drinking all night to try and drown my sorrows,"
"It's just drinking Jack, I think I can forgive that much-" Ali starts.
"No Ali you don't understand," His voice is flat "There was a girl there, Erica, a nurse at the base. I knew her from Biggin Hill,"
"You never told me about her," Ali says, slightly hurt that Jack had kept something from her.
"There was nothing to tell then," Jack replies.
There's a long pause. Ali hangs on Jack's words. Then. Slowly the pieces start to fit together in her mind and she starts to understand.
"And now?"
Jack blows out a long exasperated sigh "I'm a fool Ali, a complete fool-"
"What did you do?"
"We danced together and then at midnight...we kissed-"
Ali inhales sharply at his words. The words were like a knife to her heart.
"Ali-"
"Carry on," she says.
"We kept kissing and then...I don't remember,"
The knife in her heart pained her so. Tears started to pool in her eyes but she remained calm "I don't believe you,"
"All I know is that I woke up in...in her bed and my clothes were on the floor,"
Tears rolled silently down Ali's cheeks. The knife between her ribs was twisted and plunged deeper into her heart. Her heart physically ached and it was all because of Jack.
"Ali I'm so sorr-"
"You were in bed with her," Her voice mutters the words quietly, she looks behind her to make sure nobody was listening in.
"Ali I-"
"You had sex with her?" She hisses under her breath.
She can hear him sniffling over the line "I'm so sorry Ali, please-" his voice breaks and she can hear hiccuped cries escaping him.
A surge of emotions overwhelm her. Sadness. Anger. Hate. Love. Jealousy. They all toiled and broiled inside of her all at once. The tears were spilling from her eyes and there's a long pause before she speaks again.
"We shared intimate moments together, more than once," she utters "I thought what we had...what we did," she whispers cautiously "I thought it was special and I thought it meant something to you. Now I can see it meant nothing-"
"It meant everything to me Ali, please-"
"How could it? Because if it did and this is how you show meaning. I can't be around this anymore,"
"Ali please. Hear me out," He croaks.
"What more could you possibly have to say to me?"
"My dearest Ali please, I love you. I love you so much, I really do. This was a huge mistake, it's something I will regret for the rest of my life-"
"Yes, you will," Ali's voice is cold and flat.
"Ali please. Please don't let this be over. I love you, I still want to marry you," His voice is rushed and urgent now.
"And what about this Erica?"
"What about her?"
"You love her?"
"What? No! Ali no! I don't have any feelings for her, I swear it to you,"
Ali stares blankly out the frosted glass window at the side of her front door. She follows the swirling pattern of the glass. It curves and turns in all directions. It makes the world outside blurry. The greens of the trees and the white snowy ground merge into one.
"Ali. Are you still there?" His voice is weak and sad.
"I'm still here,"
Jack goes to speak and then stops himself. He tries again.
"Can you forgive me Ali?"
There's a long pause as she struggles to hold back the sobs waiting to escape.
"It doesn't matter if I forgive you or not. It's whether I can forget this, put it aside and move on,"
Jack breathes a sigh of relief.
"Thank you Ali. I promise-"
"But I can't forget this Jack," she cuts him off "This is too much," her voice cracks.
"You've broken my heart Jack. Do you understand? You've broken my heart, you've shattered my whole life. You did that! I...I can't forget that and I can't forgive it, I just can't," Her sobs echo down the phone, she tries to sniffle back the tears but they keep coming.
"Ali please, don't do this," he's crying too.
Ali takes a deep breath in and tries to steady the sobs escaping her "I have to,"
"Ali-"
"Goodbye Jack,"
She places the hand set back onto the holder and collapses to the floor. She holds her head in her hands and cries. Just cries. There is no end to her sobs, the tears stream down her face, making damp circles on her blue and white floral dress. She hears footsteps creak across the floorboards towards her but she doesn't look at them. She knows who it is.
He slides down the wall beside her. His knees are drawn up to his chest as he wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her to his side. He rubs her arm and holds her. Neither of them speak, for no words can help.