CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE; HAZE
"He set fire to the world around him but never let a flame touch her."
"Underneath the pouring rain, finally feeling alive and somewhat forgetting about the exhaustion left in our bones, I had never felt so...soft. At peace. At home."
➳
FROM A FRIEND.
Multiple large gray gallons of water sat in front of my feet like one large temptation, sending the beats of my heart into one maniac frenzy as I gaze at the forestry around us. With Carl pressed to my side, there wasn't much for me to do besides keeping a stray hand placed to the holster of my gun as I first assessed our surroundings, and then the reactions of the people inside of our group. All of us, not a single person left out, held the same look of pure exhaustion mixed with an extra layer of sweat as we gazed down at the surprise collection of the thing we needed most. Our bodies could not afford to go this long without stopping for a break, not counting the small one we had took to cook up a few dogs that had stumbled across us (something I would love to forget about after my childhood dreams of owning a pet dog of my own), and we hadn't seen a drop of water underneath this scorching sun since I had cleaned myself.
And now, apparently, we weren't the only ones who had the knowledge and sights to see that we were brutally unprepared for whatever lies ahead of us.
"What else are we gonna do?" Tara questioned from my right, practically voicing my own thoughts as she shifts her weight from foot to foot and props her gun a bit higher.
"Not this."
At this point, I knew for sure that all of us were asking the same exact question as we gazed at the leader: What in the hell was Rick playing at? Every single person in this group knew that he was smart enough to get us through to whatever was waiting for us at the end of our lives, but sometimes it seemed as if he had the pure intention of pushing us to our breaking points, nothing less but definitely so much more than we would ever be able to handle. He was smart, but sometimes a bit too vague and shady whenever it came to trusting whatever life throws at you. I was not my place to judge him for that, for it would be way too hypocritical of me to do so after the many days, weeks even, it had taken me to actually muster up the courage to feel relaxed around these people. But not letting us drink gallons of water that were still left unopened? Complete torture.
"We don't know who left it," The man insisted, his eyebrows drawing together as he continues the job of scanning the woods that I had given up on just a few seconds ago. "If that's a trap, we already happen to be in it."
"And if it isn't, and we let it pass, then we might as well be pushing ourselves over the limit here," I retort, feeling Carl tense in the slightest as his hand raises to rest on my shoulder. Looking directly into Rick's deadly blue eyes, I continue. "Who knows how long it'll be until we find another water source. Walking under this sun is like asking for us to collapse from heat exhaustion. We can't just-
"Milah, however much I would like to believe it's from a friend, we all have to think about the possibilities. What if it isn't? They put something in it?" He looks at me for a few more seconds before shifting to look at everyone at once, putting all his weight on his right foot as he casually rests his hand against the holster of his revolver.
"Those are only 'what if's'-"
My sentence is sharply cut off by the sudden groan that comes from Eugene, the only warning to whatever he had running around in his mind before he quickly decides to snatch one of the water bottles laying on the road, chubby fingers quickly working to unscrew the cap.
"Eugene-"
"What are you doing dude?"
Amongst the cries of my peers, I can't help but smirk at the audacity of the man as he attempts to raise the bottle to his lips, only to have it smacked away by the red-headed Abraham with only a harsh glare to defend his actions. Selfishness was what it was, but if he was willing to drink it, what exactly was the harm? If it were truly laced with something, then that would be the perfect way to test it. Besides, Eugene was more of heavy-weight to the rest of us anyway. If we lost him, it wasn't like we were truly losing something.
Moments like these are times when I feel glad that the people around me can't read my brain as well as my father used to be able to.
"We can't," Rick states, his voice loud and clear even with the amount of exhaustion that was painted on his sweaty face.
Something that surprised me most about this entire situation, though, was not the fact that Rick absolutely refused to allow us to take even the slightest drink from any of the bottles, but the fact that even though I could feel the exhaustion and thirst throbbing from the depths of my bones, I was still prepared to argue for my own sake and for the sake of the others around me who were so tired of walking and fighting underneath the influence of dehydration and fatigue to even speak up. Even now, with my mouth open and ready to say something, anything, to convince the stubborn leader, the universe seemed to have other plans.
For that's when the sky opened up.
With a large flash of light that cracked through the thick clouds and a loud clap of thunder that drowned out whatever words I had prepared, it took less than half a heartbeat for a light drizzle of rain to shower over our heads in an almost euphoric feeling. Large, fat, warm drops of water scattered throughout the air and landed every which way, earning all of our attention as we turn our eyes to the heavens and open our mouths to welcome the refreshing, yet scarce, amount of water that we were able to catch. Even though the water was warm and most likely something that would go away in less than a few seconds, I still took the time to scrub my face and tighten my already dripping wet ponytail, a loud laugh erupting from my mouth as the cheers of others make their way into the air, mingling with the rain and humidity. Guess my argument about not being able to find water anytime soon wasn't so valid after all.
Using his hand that was still resting on my shoulder, Carl takes this opportunity to spin me around so that he could look me right in the eyes, a large smile adorning his face as a chuckle of his own bubbles through his lips. Using his free hand, he grabs the dark brown sheriff's hat off of his head and places it on my own, the perfect shelter to protect my half-hearted attempt that had been cleaning my hair just yesterday. And, now with both hands-free, he takes no time to grab a hold of my waist and pull me to him, gently cupping my cheek with a calloused hand as his lips press against mine as if the world depended on it.
The entirety of it was soft. It was the only way to describe kissing the boy. In a world as sharp and lifeless as this, the only soft thing was this boy, the way his eyes looked at me from underneath those ink black eyelashes, and how carefully his thumb ran over my cheek as we chuckled in the bare centimeters of air that was left between us. Underneath the pouring rain, finally feeling alive and somewhat forgetting about the exhaustion left in our bones, I had never felt so...soft. At peace. At home.
"We're okay," The boy smiles, quickly followed by another thunderclap overhead and the giggles of the group members around us.
"Could you be any more cliche, Sheriff?" I laugh, gently tapping his chest before lightly wiggling from his grasp and ruffling his hair, making sure to scrub the water deep into his scalp and whatever grime might be layered in it. "Of course we're okay."
In one swift moment, he grabs my hand with his own, taking that as his moment to tangle our fingers together, shooting a smirk my way. "Only with you."
Only with you.
-
-
Thunder continued to rumble in the air outside the thick wooden walls of the barn, every once in a while lighting up the air with its partner in crime as it flashes for a brief moment between the cracks of the panel. Along with that, the most soothing sound of it all, was the dim crackle of the fire that sat in the corner of the large building, a good twenty feet away from where I lay as I attempt to shush the roaring thoughts of my brain as I tightly shut my eyelids and pray for an ounce of rest tonight.
Usually, whenever there was a storm like this, I never could truly fall asleep, simply because of my irrational fear of thunderstorms. It was not the lightning, nor the thunder that scared me, but rather, the loudness of it. It seemed, to me, that during every storm there seemed to be a war going on. A battle between the dominance of electricity and noise to see which could be the most intricate and complicated. The fear was something based off of how threatening storms seemed, and yet here I was, on occasion, pretending to be a threatening person amongst my peers only to feel as if I had never grown from the child I had used to be.
The only difference between now and then was the fact that, now, as I lay against the bundled fabric with my eyes as wide as saucers, watching the dance between thunder and lightning, I couldn't feel the faintest hint of fear. Instead, I felt jealous of its presence. Jealous of how wild and free it was allowed to be when it came to the sheer force they both made once they combined into one another.
"Milah, are you awake?"
Of course, I was. Anyone could've probably guessed that I was if they walked up to me, and if it were anyone else but Carl, I probably would've feigned being asleep until they had eventually wandered away. But, since it was him, I had zero hesitation before carefully flipping to my other side as a response, lying on my stomach and resting my cheek against my wrist so that my eyes met his bright blue ones, his silhouette flickering every so often due to the dimness of the light that came off of the small campfire.
With a small smile, he scans my face and hums. "I'm sorry if I woke you. I couldn't sleep."
"I wasn't sleeping," I mumble, nuzzling deeper into the fabric and ignoring the weakness of my voice. "How could I?"
Silence answers my words and I take that as my cue to let my eyes flutter to a close, not exactly wishing for sleep anymore but still allowing it to have its chance to take me at whatever moment it would like to. I could still feel the burning sensation of those blue eyes gazing at every detail of my face, but it was something I could grow used to, particularly since it made me feel much safer due to who those particular eyes belonged to. The gentle, lingering gaze of his eyes on my own, before gently shifting to my lips and then to the freckles along my cheeks, and then last but not least the light tangle of my hair as small wisps fluttered in front of my face. Every bit of him was so easy to envision in my brain. It was the kind of vision that broke apart any of those pesky thoughts that liked to linger on my brain like a sort of plague, like sunlight and shadows in the afternoon.
And that was frightening to me. If someone like him could do something so big, then what could the rest of his group do?
"I'm so tired, Carl."
"Then sleep, Sunshine."
"No, you don't understand," My voice cracks, but this isn't a scenario where I feel the need to wince at the amount of weakness it shows. Instead, I allow my eyes to open once more, just so that he could read every ounce of fear that was littered amongst my hues of brown. "I'm tired of feeling like my happiness is only temporary."
"But it isn't-"
"You make me happy, Carl," The corners of my lips tilt upwards in the slightest bit. "Judith makes me happy. Rick makes me happy. Carol makes me happy. Hell, even Glenn, Maggie, Tara, and Daryl make me happy."
"Then why are you so scared?"
"I'm scared that if I close my eyes, all of that will just disappear. If I make one mistake, then all of you are gone."
Silence meets my words for a few seconds, the storm even falling silent at the weakness of my voice as the rain slowly begins to fall into a gentle rhythm. As the silence continues to linger, I let my heart slowly fall into my stomach, not even realizing how high in my throat it was until the very last second as I try and decipher what was going on in that head of his.
After what feels like an eternity of watching, and waiting, I finally get the answer I was patiently waiting for, maybe even the answer I was begging to receive after the decades of traveling, my eyes steadily beginning to burn as I watch Carl open his arms, one large invitation, and one large meaning after the heaviness of my words. So, of course, I allow whatever was left of my walls to tumble around my brain in one large storm of debris, letting my thoughts run wild as I scoot across the distance between us and mold against him.
"You shouldn't have to be afraid," The boy mumbles, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear as his eyes speak whatever words he felt like he couldn't say at the very moment. The painting of blue seemed to be as electric as the storm outside, crackling and soaking up all the warmth of the campfire that burned a couple feet away. "I'm right here. We're all right here. And that's how it's always going to be. A promise is a promise."
But promises can be broken.
Instead of answering, I breathe in his scent and listen to the rhythm of his heart, counting my breaths as I carefully let myself soak up the feeling of being welcomed by the inconvenience of sleep, caught in the middle of my own personal storm of thoughts as the walls to the barn creak along with the waves of electricity outside.
TBH this was probably one of my favorite chapters to write so far because I can finally write out their relationship and it's making me so so so happy. I'm still trying to figure out what kind of couple they are, so I'm practically begging you to not call this chapter cliche because yes I know they're in an apocalypse But ComE oN PeOPLe yOU hAvE to AdMiT iT's CutE.
And I'm also very glad that we're nearing Alexandria because that means we are so close to the end of this book.
15 chapters to be exact......
(Please don't hate me.)
Random Question, Is Milarl your go-to ship or do you have another ship in mind?
Random Question x2, What do you wish Carl and Milah would do in the future (DoNt BE nAsTY yOU dIRtY mIndED ChiLd)
Did you like today's chapter? (If you didn't please let me know why :,) )
If you did, make sure to avoid being a silent reader! Comment, vote, and follow for more awkward writing!
Sincerely,
{NOT EDITED}
{POSTED FEBRUARY 12th, 2018}
{WORD COUNT; 2700)