We walked our way back to the station and I held her hand the entire time. The silence between us is comfortable in the sense that neither of us needs to break it just to rid awkwardness off.
I began to think about where I'm taking her to. My safe haven would always be our dorm but the kids would still be up at this hour and it would just stir up a lot of talks. I've never brought anyone there as it's a total No-No. But girls would often insist that they wanted to see what's inside and meet the rest of the boys. I know for a fact that they just wanted the paparazzi to see us together and have their faces on the headlines the next day. Fame whores. I smirked to myself.
So where then? A hotel? I looked at her from the corner of my eye. I don't want to give her a bad impression of my intentions. Well, I won't deny the fact that I do intend to sleep with her and I mean without clothes on. But looking at her, she doesn't seem the type who sleeps around. She might not be a virgin though. Well, the fact that she consents to come with me wherever I take her means she also consents to the things I might do to her. Ha!
We took a cab to get us to the nearest hotel in the area. She was silent the entire time. I caressed her hand with my thumb to ease her up. She smiled at me and laid her head on my shoulder in return. For a moment, we were just staring at each other. I was never the touchy-feely type, in fact, I hate all sorts of affection. Jimin is certainly that type. He once dated a girl and there wasn't a single time I've seen him not touching her. He would hold her hand and he would always kiss and hug her even in our presence. They didn't last long. I bet the girl got sick of him. 😈
I can feel the driver's eyes on the rearview mirror. People just can't put their noses out of other people's businesses. I tried my best to ignore him and looked at the window to see where we are. We're almost nearing Lotte Hotel.
"Almost there.." I whispered to her ear. I put my hand around her shoulder and planted a kiss on top of her head. Damn it. I guess this is what living together for years does. We pretty much become like each other.
***At the reception area...
"Good evening sir. Welcome to.."
"Royal Suite please." I cut her off and handed her my credit card. All I wanted is to get in that room and take this mask off.
"Good to see you again Mister Min. Here's the access card to your suite. Feel free to call us for any concerns. Enjoy your stay here in Lotte Hotel."
"Let's go." I took her by the hand and went straight to the elevator.
_____________________________________________________________________________
**Inside the elevator...
Good to see you again Mister Min. I rolled my eyes in annoyance. What a blabbermouth. She should have kept her mouth shut. Weren't they oriented to those kinds of protocols?
The door opened on the 55th floor to an old couple. Rozie freed her hand from mine as the couple stood in between us. She could've stood next to me though. Something's a little off. I shrugged the thought aside and focused on my longing to lay in bed since this morning.
We reached the 100th floor of the building and our room came into view as the doors opened. I immediately swiped the access card at the door and led myself right in. I held the door for her and she was quite hesitant to come in.
"Are you coming in?" Sounding irritated. I'm really itching to ditch this cap and mask. Isn't it a little too late to have second thoughts? I tried my best not to look annoyed.
I closed the door right after she stepped right in.
"Finally!" I took the cap and the mask off and threw them at the nearest sofa. I kicked off my shoes and settled myself on the couch across the room and turned on the tv. I was flipping through the channels when I noticed that she was still standing by the door.
"Hey. Why are you still standing there? Sit down right here." I sat straight and patted the spot right next to me. She obediently followed what I said. I could tell she was bothered by something. Her fingers have been fidgeting since we got into the elevator.
I turned the tv off and turned to her. "Hey, what's wrong babe?" I put my hand on her cheek and turned her face to me. "What's been running in your head?"
She didn't say anything and avoided my eyes. One thing I hate about women. They'd really want to put up a guessing game.
"Is this about what the receptionist said?"
She pursed her lips together.
I knew it! Fucking blabbermouth! If I don't get laid tonight, she's gonna pay for it. 😠
I took a deep breath and tried to think of the best thing to say. "Look."
"I'm not like the girls you slept with okay? You may think that I'm easy since I agreed to spend the night with you but I don't just fuck around. I came here because I want to spend more time with you and not because I simply want to get fucked by some famous guy. Like how many girls have you brought here anyways? .. No. You don't have to answer that. I shouldn't have come in the first place. I'll just take a cab home."
She was already pulling her phone out of her bag. I grabbed the bag off her hand and threw it behind me.
"Are you sick?"
"You're not going anywhere. You already said yes. You can't take it back."
She looked at me in total disgust.
"Ya! Don't look at me like that!"
"Is this what you wanted all along? Sex?! Why you put on all that time and effort in touring me around so you could get laid tonight?" She threw the pillow at me. "And I thought you were different. Damn it!"
She was looking at me with anger in her eyes. I didn't know what to do or say. There was always a common understanding between me and the girls I've gone with. It's just sex, no feelings involved. But in this case, I guess there is.
Tears started to form in her eyes and she instantly looked away. She bowed her head down and started wiping the tears trickling down her cheeks. What do I do? Do I give her space? Do I let her vent it all out on me? Do I hold her? Do I just give her her bag back?
This is why I never liked commitments or any form of attachment. It makes you feel liable for what the other person feels.
I bit my lip hoping the words I'm gonna speak aren't gonna make things even worse. I moved closer to her putting my guard up just in case he throws me a punch or slap in the face. I held both her hands softly, just trying to make sure she wouldn't be using them to hurt me.
I opened my mouth and closed it again. I freaking don't know what to say! Just spit it out. Tell her how you feel.
What?! So do I tell her that I do intend to get laid tonight?
Stupid! Tell her how you feel about her! Oh, God. What has become of me? I'm having an argument with myself!
"Listen. If you're thinking that I see you as someone I'm just gonna fuck overnight, then you're wrong. Honestly, I'm not really in the right state of mind right now."
"What?" She looked very confused.
"No. I'm not crazy okay. It's just. Look. I'm not good at this whole expressing thing okay but I'm trying my best here so bear with me for a while."
That shut her up. Now what? I tried to organize the next words I'm gonna be saying but I just can't think straight. Thinking is useless.
"I'm very confused about how I feel about you. I stood you up remember and it's not because something came up. I did it on purpose. I was thinking that it's just a waste of time and the risk for me is just too much. I didn't even bother to message you up because I'm just not like that.
Are you getting me so far?"
She nodded.
I took a deep breath and continued.
"But the thing is, the day after that, I was reminded of you over and over. I tried to shrug it off but then I saw you at the fan meeting this morning. I had every reason to just let it go but I just couldn't. That's why I ditched the event and looked for you. You have no idea how much trouble I'm in right now but I'm still here.. with you."
I crushed her hands and went on.
"I won't deny the fact that you interest me, a lot actually. And I do intend in sleeping with you, you know what I mean. I'm a man okay? I'm attracted to you so it's already a given for me to desire for that. Aish." I let her hands go and scratched my head. "Aish. Dodaeche mwoya!" I buried my face in my palms.
"This isn't normal for me okay? I've been asking myself since I took you out of that restaurant. Wae? Whenever I held your hand. Wae? When I look at you like that. Wae? Why do I feel..."
I didn't even get to finish what I was saying. She suddenly took my face into her hands and planted a kiss on my lips.
To be continued...