"Your seriously wearing pearls to a bachelorette party" I had expected this from my mom but not Grace.
"Do you not like them they were Grandmothers"
"I can tell, you can't go in them. Take them off and the jacket" I pull the jacket from her shoulders. Grace is wearing a knee length maroon dress with matching heels the accessories she's wearing just take away from the dress.
"You look great" I hope I can install confidence in her, she really looks good. With a figure like hers it's was hard to believe she had given birth to two big headed boys.
"Not as great as you, I wish I could pull off a dress like that. You know mom will not approve though"
I look down at the black skater knee length dressnand know she's right. My legs are showing true but my chest is fully covered. I'm showing just the right amount of skin.
"I still don't believe mom will come" Grace laughs, I nod neither can I.
"Well believe it because here I am" Mother comes down the stairs in a pair of black pants and cream shirt with jewel detailing on the cuffs and collar.
"We're going clubbing mother not playing bridge" I joke.
"You think I would wear something like this to bridge, the girls would think I'd lost my mind. You look lovely Grace very tasteful and Savannah" she pauses or dramatic effect. I'm ready for the insult coming my way.
"Good choice, black is very slimming"
I look at Grace for confirmation that I wasn't hearing things, she looks as shocked as me. From my mom that's a compliment.
"Thanks, should we go"
"Lead the way, your father is going to drop us off before he joins your brother at the club"
"Dads going clubbing"
"Don't be obserd, there having a few drinks at the country club before they go out then your dad is coming home. Really do you have brains in that head of yours"
"Sorry mom" I smirk.
I walk out I the house and hear my mother gasp, " I hadn't realised your dress had such a low back, you will catch your death"
"With any luck" I say under my breath.
"Excuse me" mom says sternly.
I tell her I hadn't said anything and slip into dads car before she can question me further.
"Looking lovely ladies, do we all need cash" dad asks as he pulls some notes from his wallet. Before we can object he hands us all wad of notes. There's no point refusing as he won't take no for an answer.
"Thank you" we all chorus. Grace rolls her eyes as I stuff the notes in my bra luckily my mother doesn't see, dad smiles as he catches me. He finds my quirks amusing as mum just says I'm outrageous.
The journey to the club is surprisingly painless, Dad warns us about not accepting drinks from strangers and other drinking protocols. It's like being a teenager again. Mother comments on how she hopes the club will be clean and how she is hoping no one embarrasses her, she doesn't specify anyone in particular but we all know it's aimed at me. Is it bad that I just want to get drunk and go crazy just to annoy her.
"What is Toni wearing? Lord give me strength"
I follow where my mum is looking and see Toni wearing a short white dress with a pink sash and a veil on her head. It's not that what's the problem, I think it's the penis headband she's wearing that's left my mother so appalled.
"Remind me to put mother that on when she's drunk" I joke to Grace, she agrees with a snigger. We have made it our mission to get out Mother to let go her inhibitions and get drunk. I have only ever seen her drunk once and that was at my grandmothers wake, quite weird thing to say but it was one of the best days of my life. Mother made a complete fool it herself but for once she was like a regular person, I had actually enjoyed her company.
Toni had obviously been drinking already, she's unsteady on her feet as she hugs us. After being introduced to the others we go in the first club, I'm so pleased that it's a drag club. I can imagine my mom enjoying herself here. The place is crowded but we have two tables reserved, I order a Long Island ice tea which mom likes the sound of so she orders it also. We decide to not tell her about the alcohol content, she probably thinks it's just like ice tea. Evil laugh. Mwah hahaha
"Where's Diana Ross with our drinks"
"Mom That wasn't Diana Ross it was Beyoncé" I correct.
"Never heard of her"
"How can she not have heard of Queen Bey" Toni asks.
"She's a queen, of which country. I'm surprised royalty are aloud to wear such skimpy leotards" my mom is seriously behind on the times.
"Anyway..." I turn to speak to the Dolly Parton impersonator.
"Where's the hot men at"
"Darling, the only hot men you will see in here are either in pantyhose or are gay." Dolly replies sassily.
Liza Minnelli takes the stage as our drinks are served, she mimes and dances along to maybe this time from cabaret.
My mother gushes telling us how much she loves the song. We encourage her to drink quicker so we can order more. After an hour she's up dancing with Toni and her mother. I take as many photos as I can as my dad will never believe me.
Toni announces that it's time to move on to the night club, mom boos as we lead her out of the bar. I can't resist, I film her stumbling out of the bar and up the street, my dad will find it hilarious. I sent the video to Joseph I'm not waiting long until he sends me a laughing emoji back.
Toni pays the bouncer a bribe to let us all que jump, every one behind the the red robe sigh in frustration. The club is hot, it's so busy we're packed in like sardines. I pull Grace to the dance-floor, mother follows like a lost sheep. We dance until their feet hurt, they leave me and go to sit at a table. I wear heels every night so I can dance for hours, I don't mind dancing alone.
I feel a pair of strong hands on my waist, I can feel someone dancing behind me. I finally look after I fake annoyance I smile. I don't hide my dislike of him.
"Aren't you meant to be with my brother and the other men"
Jason smiles and pulls my arms around his neck. My chest is against his as his hands move to my lower back.
"I am, there here too. Your brother is probably watching us as we speak. I've been warned"
"Oh yeah"
He moves so his mouth is by my ear, "yeah, baby sister is off limits. Apparently your a shy and innocent flower"
He laughs, I try to look mad but I laugh along too. My family really do not know me at all.
"Did you correct him"
"Where's the fun in that , I would rather everyone assume that I've been the bad influence. I have a reputation to keep"
"Oh yeah and what reputation may that be and who said I would agree to be corrupted" who am I kidding, I was corrupted at 16.
" I was a ladies man"
"Paying women for sex makes you a ladies man huh"
He pulls up an arm and holds his chest, he grimaces "shots fired"
"Sorry" I smirk
"Can we play nice"
"I'll try"
"Sorry to disturb you but me and moms going home, she's getting a headache. Don't stay out too long brunch tomorrow " Grace stops and looks at her watch.
"Today at 10" she clarifies.
"I'll be there will Bells on"
"I'd settle for clothes to be honest"
"I can't make any promises" Jason jokes with a wink. Grace looks confused , she looks at me strangely before walking away.
"That went totally over her head" he whispers.
"Not all of my family have my great sense of humour"
The bachelorette party is a huge success, it gets crazy when we met with the guys. Too many shots are served and too many secrets are shared, these folks are newbies who can't hold their alcohol. I am one of the only functioning people left when it turns 2 so I take on the responsibility of making sure everyone gets a cab.
Jason and I share one back to the hotel, we may also shared a bed. Oops