This felt nice to write. You get to see more of Nate's caring character.
I hope you guys like it!
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-DANA
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NOT EDITED
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Dear Journal,
I cannot believe I’m a senior now. These four years of high school have gone by in a blink of an eye. It’s true when someone says high school, and maybe even college, will go by in a snap of your fingers. I can just remember my first day of high school. I was so nervous and scared, but now I’m a senior. This is it. My last year of high school. Usually this is where people will declare how “this is their year”, but it won’t be. Even if I said it out loud and am determine to have this year be my year, I won’t go through with it. I’m a wimp. The phrase YOLO doesn’t apply to me and I’m fine with that—most of the time.
There are times I wish I can walk up to a guy and start up a conversation. Or talk to my crush, Nate, and ask him out. That’s the problem with being shy. Shyness holds people back and I am one of those people. When I think I can go up to Nate and talk to him, my stomach starts to ache and my nervous get the best of me. Maybe if I was more outgoing I would have friends and more importantly Nate. I wouldn’t feel like such an outcast.
It’s funny. Almost all my entries in this journal are about how I wish I had courage, or about Nate, or about how I don’t belong anywhere. If someone who read my journal, they’d think of me as a whiny teenager.
-Alison
♣
I’m almost at the end of Alison’s journal. She doesn’t write in it often. I like reading her journal entries and yet, at the same time, I don’t. I hate reading about how she thinks she is pathetic and doesn’t belong anywhere. I hate how low she thinks of herself.
Her father thinks she’ll wake up in less than a month now, but I don’t know what to think or believe. I want to believe it more than anything, but I can’t. I need to focus on my last baseball game in a few days, finals, graduation, and then college.
“Honey,” my mom’s voice comes out behind me.
I turn around in the patio chair, hiding the journal under my leg. Mom walks out with a cup of steaming coffee or tea in her hands. She hits down in the chair beside mine.
“Are you alright?” she asks. “You’ve been quiet lately.”
I shrug. “Just stressed is all.”
She smiles softly, patting and rubbing my left hand. “You can tell me you know. I fell like you haven’t been telling me what’s truly happening.”
I look down at my lap. “It’s just finals coming up and my last baseball game later this week then dad is coming home and graduation. It’s just kind of stressful.” I look into my mom’s eyes and I can see some doubt. I sigh before saying, “And Alison’s dad said the doctors think she’ll wake up soon. Maybe a couple of weeks, but I don’t know. I don’t want to get my hopes up.”
Mom keeps rubbing my hands. “I know it’s tough right now. But you have to have hope, otherwise, you won’t get through the hard times. Trust me; hope helps me when your father is away.”
I feel the pressure of tears behind my eyes. I close my eye tight, willing the tears to go away. “I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing Mom. I don’t,” my voice cracked with emotion. Those same emotions starting to clog my throat now, making it hard to finish my sentence.
Mom runs her fingers through my hair, bringing me to her. I wrap my arms around her torso and bury my face in her neck. My body convulses as silent sobs rush out of my mouth. Mom soothes me, rubbing my back. “Do you love her?” I hear her whisper. I made a slight sound, acknowledging my mom. “Oh honey. Everything will be okay. She will wake up and you’ll see that there is nothing wrong with having hope. It’s okay Nate.”
Once I was done crying, Mom pulls away and wipes my tear stained cheeks. “I will be here whenever you need to talk.”
I nod, “I know. Thank you.”
Mom kisses both my cheeks before standing. “Alright. No more tears. I’m going to go make some lunch. Two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?”
“Sure.”
I relax back into the patio chair, the journal sticking to the back of my thigh from the humidity outside. I take the journal and hold it in my hands, just looking at it. This could be the only connection I have to Alison if she doesn’t wake up. That thought scares me the most. This is just like Anne Frank. People nowadays only now about her because of her diary. Will that happen with Alison too? Her nieces and nephews will only know her through this journal? Okay, I’m getting way ahead of myself. I’m becoming an overdramatic teenage girl.
“Nate,” my mom calls from the backdoor.
I turn my head. “Yeah?”
“Josh is here to see you.”
Mom opens the backdoor and Josh walks out. He says thank you to my mom before walking over to where I am sitting.
“Hey,” I say, wondering why Josh is here. My first instinct goes straight to Alison. Is something wrong? Is she awake?
Josh smiles, “Hey. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“No, it’s okay. So how’s it going?”
“Good. I can’t wait for this school year to over with honestly. I’m sick of people looking at me with pity. I know by next year, when I enter senior year and Alison’s class is in college, everyone will forget what happened to her. Would you think I’m a bad brother if I say I can’t wait until that happens?” Josh looks at me with anguish in her eyes. “I’m not saying I’ll forget about Alison because she is my sister and I hope she’ll wake up any minute now, but I just want people in school to forget what happened. The teachers, I think, are giving me easier homework and they don’t care if I slack off because of what my family is going through. The swim team didn’t give me such a hard time this year, but it’s kind of entertaining when they do prank me. They don’t though because of what happened with Alison. All of this pity I’ve been receiving at school is driving me insane. I don’t know how much more I can take.”
I can relate to Josh. “I know what you mean.” Josh gives me a look full of confusion, so I continue. “When my father was first deployed everyone was coming to our door offering my mom help if she needed anything. At school, people looked at me with pity too. They didn’t know if he was going to come back so they didn’t know what to do, which made me feel worst about the fact that my dad is in a middle of a war we shouldn’t even be in. However, as time passed, everyone forgot. It’s odd to me. People spend a certain amount of time feeling sorry for someone and then one day, it’s gone. Something new happened to gain attention.”
“D-Do you miss the attention?”
I shake my head. “Not really. I have people watching me anyway since I’m on the baseball team. I’m glad people no longer pity me.”
Josh nods. “I see, but when Alison wakes up, she’ll be forgotten anyway. That’s just how her life is and it sucks. I wish I can bring her under my wing and let her experience things—parties or football games, but I think because I’m her younger brother she finds it unnecessary. I feel like she doesn’t want to bother me, but it’s not like someone is pulling my teeth. My friends would understand.”
“It’s scary for her,” I say. “Alison is a quiet person. Thrusting her into your world, our world would overwhelm her. She may feel more alone in a crowd than by herself.”
Josh sighs, “I guess. I just don’t want people to simply forget about her.”
I smile. “We won’t let that happen.”