♤ Quinten Salazar ♤
You can say that you forgive someone all you want but, if you do not let go of that anger or hurt you have towards them then you never forgave them in the first place nor yourself. Many people simply say that they forgive someone just to end an argument or to prevent themselves from actually talking about why they're hurt or angry. That's never okay, you have to actually want to forgive them no matter how much it hurts. By not forgiving others you're hurting yourself and toting around flow frequencies which makes your own spirit imbalanced. In some cases forgiveness is more about yourself than the other person, sometimes you have to forgive them so you can heal; forgiveness is also one of the hardest things for the human race to do, so many people rather throw your wrong doing in your face instead of simply letting it go and moving on with life.
"You a bitch for that bro, excuse my language but you know mommy would've said something way worse." I glare at my sister as she laughs. I need to remind myself to go to my father instead of my sister when I need advice but at the same time, I prefer to have a woman's outlook on things so I guess that's why I always go to Cyarra. "Are you going to help me or not?" I ask, desperately. Amini may have returned home and said to have forgiven me but I know that she hasn't.
She can barely stand to be in the same room as I; when I walk it she suddenly walks out and claims to have something to do. We're now sleeping in bed together after not doing so in months but she has a pillow dividing us, I'm not allowed to touch her and when I attempt to she finds some way to get as far away from me as possible.
It hurts me to see her that way and no matter how much I have apologized for what happened it still does not seem to be enough for her. Cyarra looks up from her phone at me and smiles a bit then interlocks her fingers. She looks over at the staircase making sure that my wife was not standing there ( I have no clue why I was even bold enough to invite her while Amini was home) once meeting my eyes she mouths something that I could not quite catch.
"Excuse me?" I lean forward and raise my brow at her. "You have to understand that it's worse because you were with Imani before so in her mind," she stops to look at the staircase once more. "In her mind she thinks that you may still feel some type of way about her."
"I most definitely do not." I say truthfully. I felt guilt right after Imani kissed me. The love I have for her is solely because she is the mother of my kids, my love for her is on a platonic level and has been since our divorce. Not to mention, the differences we have towards one another would never allow me to try and love her romantically, even if I try forcing myself to I know that I would not, my heart and spirit rejects things of that nature but my wife cannot see it.
"Okay but keeping it a secret was so wrong of you like why the hell would you do-"
"Quiet down." I warn her.
She rolls her eyes at me and looks down at her phone, "You're really an ass for that like, I want to pick your side because you're my big brother and all but, Quin you really fucked yourself." I tuck my bottom lip at her statement which was sadly true. By keeping a secret from my wife I made matters worse, I'm not sure if she'd still have this type of reaction towards me if I told her the night it happened or not but I honestly do regret not telling her.
"Don't do that." I gaze up at my sister and furrow my brows. "Don't start thinking all those negative things about yourself now, I hate when you do that. You made a mistake and you feel shitty about it but do not think negative at all. If mommy were here she'd beat your ass for that and you know it." The fact that she was right made me laugh. I know my mother would pull my ear in a heartbeat if she was beside me right now. She'd also tell me not to stress so much about it and own up to my wrong doing which I believe I have; It's been a month now and things still have not changed which frightens me.
"I have to go pick the kids up from school." Cyarra and I both look in the direction of the faint feminine voice and see Amini standing at the bottom of the stairs wearing a black tank top and a pair of my sweatpants that were hanging loosely on her hips from them being too big for her. You could tell that she had just got out of the shower due to her wet, wild curls. "No, I'll pick them up. They'll be spending the rest of the week with Imani." I attempt to stand but my sister beats me to it and walks over to Amini, taking her car keys out of her hand. "I'll pick them up, I have not seen my nieces and nephew in so long." Cyarra cooes.
"Yesenia is volunteering at a shelter in Sherman Oaks and Paz has gymnastic practice. I told Lur that I'd take her to the pet store to get a turrtle after school and Osvaldo has basketball practice." My wife says, listing our children's activities. I do admire how she's more hands on with them now but I feel like she's only doing that as an excuse to stay distant with me. I assume spending more time with our kids helps her not think so much about what's going on between us. "Okay, and I'll make sure of that but I'm still getting them from school so I'll see you guys in a while. Bye Quin!" Cyarra glares at me hard then looks at Amini then back at me before hurrying out.
I take that as a sign to talk to my wife since we'd be home alone for a while. Once the front door closes I look at her and watch as she looks away from me. She begins to chew on her bottom lip and fumble with the drawstring on her- my sweatpants. I stand still and study her, watching irritation grow by the second. It was clear to see that she did not want to be in my presence but she was just tolerating me for what reason? I have no clue. "How are you?" I speak, trying to start a simple conversation with her, If I can get at least that then maybe I can talk this out with her again. She looks everywhere but at me, refusing to look into my eyes even though it's taking everything in her not to. "Why would you ask me that?" She responds after a few minutes, I lean my being against the doorframe and look her up and down, still studying her. "Don't do that with me, I'm your wife not one of your patients." She says lowly, walking right past me, I turn and watch her begin to take dishes out of the cabinets, I assume preparing for dinner in a few hours. "I'm sorry, I just want to help fix what I messed up. You said that you've forgiven me but your actions show otherwise, my love." She ignores me and opens the refrigerator. "You have yet to do that, if you forgive someone then you wouldn't still told anguish towards them it's been a month, allow me to right my wrongs. It's not like I'm going on about this as if I don't care. I do, baby I care and I want you to stop hurting." I confess. Knowing that her pain is caused by me hurts me even more. I'm supposed to be the one to ease her pain instead of cause it.
"I'm trying to." She closes the refrigerator door and looks at me, I see her coffee colored eyes pooling with tears and purse my lips at the sight of them. "I wish I could just forgive you, and believe that it was all her wrong doing but I can't. I can't stop picturing her with you, after all the apologies and talks we had about this I just can't let it go and I want to. I don't want to be sad all damn day about a kiss but I am."
"Do you trust me?" I ask her. She looks at me briefly then turns around to grab a dish out of the clean rack. By her not responding I knew that the answer was a swift no. That simple betrayal has broken the trust she did have and it's breaking our bond as well, it's like walking on thin ice with her now. I knew that my wife was always a complex being but as of now, she's like a jigsaw puzzle. I'm trying to fit the right pieces in but each piece I pick up seems to be the wrong one.
"You kept that a secret from me but you told me countless times that it was not a big deal, I tried treating it like it wasn't but I can't. You loved her once upon a time and I know that you always will. But I can't bring myself to say that it was just one little kiss. I want to forgive you and move forward with our marriage but my heart won't let me. I stay away from you because I have yet to heal, I can't forget this or mask the feeling I have inside. I-I resent you now." Hearing her say that pains me; my own wife resents me. I stand still and look at her, unable to respond. There was nothing for me to say at this point and I'm starting to doubt that this will even be fixed, if she resents me then where else can we go from here?
"I think I'll always have an internal grudge towards you especially from the times you treated me when I was unfaithful to you. It's just different in my eyes because those people meant nothing to me at all, you are literally my world, my heaven, earth, moon and stars but. Imani is the mother of your children, I can't be bitter and tell you to cut all ties with her because I'd never be that selfish plus, I'll miss our kids. I love them as if they're my own but I just keep thinking that she has had what is mine and I feel like she always will because you have kids with her. I feel like I'll always come last if you had to pick between us two. I'm not trying to be second best. I'm trying my best to look past this but it's like I keep getting hurt, everywhere I look I see and feel pain. I want to just give everything up at this point and just fall into a black hole, disappear or leave and never look back but, I'm still here because I love you but, I hate you at the same time." Finally turning around to look at me, I meet her bloodshot eyes, tears cascade down her redden face as she stares directly into my eyes.
"I hate you. I h-hate you and I love you b-because ﹰI can't help it, you're my husband and it's taking everything in me not to hurt you out of revenge. I want to make you feel my pain but that's wrong." She tries to wipe her tears away while I try to fight my own, trying to be strong enough to take her hurtful words like a champ without showing any vulnerability. "I have done some fucked up shit to you, more than once. I know you tried not to hurt me but look at me!" I look away when she yells at me, not being able to look her in the eyes any longer. My tears soon come forth and fall from my eyes, I grow angry with myself because of it. "Every time I drop our kids off I have to look at her. I have to look her in the damn eyes and know that she had what is mine!" She steps to me, tears still spilling from her eyes. She looks up at me and grabs my face, making me look down at her. "I have to look at her ass and try to contain myself for the sake of our kids. And she's bold enough to fucking smirk at me every damn time and that's not helping at all. My heart feels fucking mutilated!" She screams, slapping me across the face. I firmly grab her arms and place them to her sides, descalating the situation before it goes any further than this. "Do you trust me?" I inquire.
She begins breathing heavily while trying to free herself from my hold but I don't allow her because if I do, I'm sure she'll hit me again. "Do you trust me?" I reiterate. She continues to squirm in my hold but soon stops once realizing that she wasn't getting anywhere. Her anger subsides and tears form in her eyes once more. "I want to." She murmurs looking at me.
"Then trust me."
---
After talking for nearly an hour the couple finally come to an agreement and Amini finally stated that she had trusted him but, she made sure to let him know that she was still hurt because of it. Quinten respected that and knew that it would still take time for her pain to heal.
The little light from the sun seeps into their bedroom, shining right on their somas. Quinten hovers over his wife's half naked body, admiring every aspect of it; thankful that she was now home and speaking to him. Amini reaches up and cups his face, slowly caressing his cheeks before pulling him closer to her. Her soft lips against his is what he longed for along with just being with her. He had missed his wife dearly, the last few months didn't just take a toll on her it also took one on him but now, he could let that worry go and just love her endlessly. "I love you." He whispers as he kisses her lips once more. "More than myself at times." His mumbles not thinking she'd hear him but she did. "No, you were the one who told me about self love so you better have that same energy with yourself." She retorts. Even after being with each other for nearly four years Quinten still hasn't mastered what it was he always preached about which was self love.
He did have love for himself in a way but his focus was always on the ones he loved, as long as they were okay then he was. His happiness came from making others happy instead of solely from within. He was so good at hiding it that even his mother couldn't see it at times but when she did, she grew livid with him. His wife was slowly noticing it as well but she figured that it was because of all the drama that had taken place in the last few months. He ignores her statement and places a kiss on her neck as his large hands begin to roam her body. She runs her fingers through his curls and watches as he kisses down her abdomen, arching her back at the warm sensation of his tongue. She releases a shaky breath when she feels his plump lips on her inner thighs, growing nervous and anxious; the two haven't been this close and intimate with each other since their honeymoon and it scared her. She didn't want to disappoint herself nor her husband but she was petrified to even engage in sexual intercourse. Her previous traumatic experience left her not wanting to open her legs for anyone even if it was her husband but, she didn't want that fear to build a home within her so while he was placing kisses and love bites on her thighs she was coaching herself, reminding herself that her husband was not out to hurt her.
"Are you okay?" Her husband stops his actions and gets up, looking down at her, seeing her coffee colored eyes gloss over. "Y-yeah. I just missed you and this." She utters, kissing him. Hesitantly nodding, Quinten now begins to leave love bites on her neck causing her to whimper and tug on his curls. He takes his time exploring his wife's body, there was no need for them to rush anything right now especially with them being home alone. Hell, if he wanted to, he could treat her like a five course meal right on their kitchen table or have her bend over their sofa. "Oooh baby." A moan emits from Amini's parted lips when she feels his tongue swirl around her rosebud. Quinten grips her thighs and pulls her closer to him then tosses them over his shoulders. He interlocks his fingers just to keep her in place while devouring her with ease, treating her as if she was his last supper. Amini arches her back as he increases his tongue movement, pulling his curls only to try and push his head away moments later, her whimpers become moans of melody, bouncing off the walls of their bedroom.
"Quinten-Firefly, baby." She stammers.
A smirk spreads across her husband's face as he watches her body react to him simulating her in the right way. He takes it upon himself to insert two fingers inside her, feeling her instantly clinch around him. Slowly stroking, Amini's moans increase and her back legs shake. She grips their dark bedsheets while trying to control her body. "I'm right here baby, let it go." He teases, using his thumb to stimulate her rosebud. She sinks her her teeth into her bottom lip, trying her best to fight her upcoming orgasm. "Stop stop. I-I can't. Fuck baby stop, please." She pleas, trying to free herself but he ignores her and continues until she releases on his fingers. He removes them and sticks them into his mouth, sucking all of her juices off then quickly grips her hips and pulls her down to the edge of their bed, spreading her legs and positioning himself in between her. "You trust me?" He questions, rubbing the tip of his phallus against her entrance. She squirms underneath him and nods. He then leans down and places his hands on both sides of her. "Do you trust me, Moonlight?"
"Mhm." She nods, her chest heaving up and down. Taking his right hand, he slides it under her back and lifts her up off the bed resulting in her wrapping her legs around his waist and arms around his neck. The two stare into one another eye's leaving a silence in their bedroom until Quinten enters her, causing her to let out a sharp gasp. He then places both his hands on her derriere and slowly lifts her up only to thrust into her. "Shit, don't do that." She exhales, gripping his shoulders. A vindictive smirk appears on his face, remembering how hard she slapped him an hour ago. He didn't forget about that and always took a mental note to the little rude or disrespectful shit she'd do or say to him so he could get his payback in the bedroom. Being that he was sex deprived for months, there was a lot of payback to be done.
Deciding to use the wall for support, he presses his wife's back against it and starts thrusting into her while sucking and biting on her neck. "Baby, s-slow doown." She moans, digging her nails into his tattooed back. He ignores her again and starts giving her stark thrusts. Amini buries her face in the crook of his neck and grips his shoulders as tears begin to fill her dark brown eyes. The pleasure had gone away and was replaced with pain but she didn't know how to exactly tell him and she was angry with herself that she couldn't even fully fall through with making love to her husband without her manager crossing her mind. Thrust after thrust with her back against the wall and her words being ignored was all too familiar to her. She shuts her eyes tightly trying to stop her tears but they roll down her cheeks. "Baby, stop, stop please." She says tapping her husband's shoulder repeatedly with an open palm. Finally stopping, Quinten pulls out and looks into her eyes, concern filling his soma from her tears. "What's wrong?" He puts her down and takes a step back.
Amini wraps her arms around her naked body, suddenly feeling ashamed of it. "I-I couldn't take it this time and y-you got out of hand." She stutters, using the back of her hand to wipe her tears. "Why didn't you tell me to stop, I would've." Her husband questions, retrieving her shirt. She takes it from him and quickly puts it on. "I thought I did." She sniffles and walks over to their bed. She climbs in it then pulls the blankets over her body and places her hands over her face to try and hide her tears.
"You didn't want to do this huh? I figured that you didn't by how tense you were. You did not want to take control either which is not of you." Her husband points out while pulling his briefs on. She shakes her head no instead of giving him a verbal response. Quinten sighs then gets in bed with her and pulls her close to him. "You wanted to and I remember you saying that we were no longer intimate and that made you think that the love had died down." Quinten mentally curses himself out, feeling guilty that those simple words had his wife engaging in sex when she honestly didn't want to. "I'm sorry, Moonlight. You don't have to feel obligated to make love if you don't want to I married you out of love, not sex."
"I know that but I feel so stupid." She sniffles. Quinten lays back and let's her lay her head on his chest. "Something is still troubling you, what is it?" He questions, rubbing her back in a soothing manner. "It's nothing, I swear."
"Remember last month when you said that you had to tell me something about your manager but never did, could that be it?" She immediately shakes her head no, forgetting that she never took the time to sit down and tell her husband about it. The night they returned home she showered then fell asleep right after and since her focus was on other things she completely forgot about it and wouldn't dare try to break the news to him right now after sex.
"I was just going to tell you more about the possible lawsuit." She lies.
"Are you sure?" He places a gently kiss on the crown of her head and pulls her even closer to him. "Y-yeah I-"
"Daddy!" One of their girls shout from the other side of their bedroom door.
"Do not come in here Paz!" Quinten shouts once recognizing her voice.
"Why not, I want to show you something!" The bedroom door opens and Paz enters, her hazel eyes look at the clothing scattered along the floor then at her parents who were half naked in bed "You guys were taking a nap, oops sorry." She whispers turning around to walk out of their bedroom. "I'll come back in a little while, get some rest." She whispers at a even lower tone before closing the door behind her.
"Thank God she's only seven." Amini laughs taking the pillow beside her to cover her face.
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I
would've updated sooner but wattpad been buggin all month.
I personally don't have much to say about this chapter honestly.
What's y'all thoughts, opinions and possible concerns?
~ soulsexual 💫