Chapter 72
"Albany," I heard a deep voice a few feet from where I was against the wall. Against the wall yet in a dark and confusing pit at the same time. Looking up to my left where I heard my name being softly called, I noticed that Jackson, that asshole, was looking down at me from where he peaked out of the door. And with his head bent, he was staring down at me. I saw something I didn't expect from him. It went along the lines of worry over me.
His damp looking locks of dark hair behind him, it left his eyes clear to look deep into. I saw the brightness of that color, the excitement in his eyes again. But this time, it was without that assy attitude in his gaze. Did it really matter though? I was happy they all gave me a while to think - but it wasn't enough. I went over everything, every possibility, ever reason on both sides whether or not I should go. And I still felt just as torn in half and tortured with this choice. Because it was an obvious choice and yet, a very hard one to accept.
I was shook up to say the least. I could feel each second count in the building of that lump in my throat. It made me realize just how often I have been giving into that urge to let it out; maybe a bit too much or way more than I usually would. After all, I don't like crying, never have and usually refused to cry. Now, it just seemed like a habit. But one that had a right to be an actual habit. I felt my entire body off balance and my mind in a slow pain that wouldn't leave unless I had Luke in my arms, with us safe, and with no worries. That was not an option.
"What do you want?" I groaned, looking down away from this confusing and seemingly bipolar man. So weird... his stare was filled with interest yet his words before were so mean. And trust me, it's not like it bothered me; I'm not the type to cry when some dude is being mean. It was just strange to see this combination in him.
I watched him stare down at me for a long moment when I looked back up at him. He walked out of the room and into the hall. The door closing behind him, it was just me and him. "I want... to," he sighed and didn't look enthused to go on. "I want to help you," he seemed very embarrassed to say. "And I want you to make the right choice here. And that choice needs to be that you leave with me and these other agents. You need to be safe."
He stood before where I was sitting on the floor against the wall. His eyes in mine, the entire time, I watched as he crossed his arms across his chest. Just... watching me. His eyes so interested, curious, almost enticed as he searched my face. I ignored it and instantly let my thoughts fly loose.
"I owe the people I care about much more than just leaving." Yeah... I owed them a lot more. God, I couldn't imagine leaving them behind. It would kill me; it felt as if it was already doing that job now. Christ! I mean, I wrecked Luke's life - killed his baby, nearly killed him enough times, let his brother get shot. That's not even mentioning Mike and Jan... oh god. They are in so much pain... and it will be because of me that Brooke won't have a father to run around with and play. I took a huge chunk away from all of them. And if I leave... what would that say about the kind of person I am? What would that say about my love for Luke? I loved him so much.... I couldn't leave him like that - with no answers! I couldn't leave Luke.... "I did so much to damage them.... And right now, Luke needs me. I need to show him how sorry I am; I need to be there for him! He just lost his baby... and we have been through so much for me to just... fucking abandon him! He's been there for me through everything! I need to be here for him!"
"I think it's time you started thinking about those people's well being," Jackson said to me in a whisper. I watched him as he crouched down in front of me, staring at me. He had hard and guarded eyes... ones he was almost forced to put up. "Be honest with yourself. You hurt them so much. What better way to make it up to them? Leave. I know you don't want to hear that. But if you stay... do you know how much more they will hurt. Especially your stepfather?"
"What do you mean?" I asked a little more aggressive, a little louder. His words... not something I needed to hear right now. No, not one bit. Yet... I knew far too well what he meant.
He sighed and there was something incredibly serious about the way he was looking at me - and incredibly... deep. "How many times have they been in danger because of you? And now... this isn't some stupid gang after you. This is a very serious, very dedicated and obsessive man, who has more connections than you can imagine." He continued in a very slow voice, stressing his words. "You stay here, and if your stepfather keeps protecting you... I promise you - I promise you - he will die. And when he dies, you will be taken and never forgive yourself. You can't be selfish about this... you just can't. So for all he has done for you... you owe him a chance to live. Live a good life and here with his family," he sighed, his elbows on his knees as he was still crouched to my level and staring at me. Penetrating me. And it felt like almost fatal with how I felt.
"I... I know they don't... that they shouldn't have me in their lives for all the damage I have already caused," I said, biting my lip and swallowing hard. Running a hand up to the loose strands from my bun, I tucked them behind my ears as I took a shallow breath. "I know that. But um...." They don't need you. Luke doesn't need you. You are the one that needs him. I just shook my head slowly, looking down. I know that wasn't true... I knew it in my gut. But somehow, his words made me think that Luke didn't need me. That maybe I was just clinging onto the only love I have ever known.
I couldn't say anything else; I couldn't continue. I was stuck. I think Jackson saw the distress on my face. And it was shocking to see him offer me something close to concern when he spoke up again. Not in the kindest voice but one of at least partial reassurance. "But, even if they don't need you, even if you go, you can decide to come back after Reid is captured. By then... well, your step dad and his family will get over everything on his own by the time you get back."
Or maybe he will move on without me. Maybe he will hate me. The most likely... was that maybe that year would drive him crazy because he didn't know what happened to me and that would result in the first two!
I felt as if my heart was trying to eat its way out of my chest. I felt it burn... and shake around inside me! I felt ready to pass out; I felt ready to throw up maybe. It was a draining, a very overwheming feeling... of just a release of pain in me. For all Jackson said... I began to let it sink in. Of just how right he was. I owed Luke more than being there for him; I owed him a chance and I owed him a break. A break from this chaos and from the girl causing it..... I owed it to him. But I was afraid what that could mean.
"Or by then maybe he will hate me!" I said in hysterics, my voice breaking as I tried blinking away the urge for my eyes to spill tears over. My eyes fell to the ground, not wanting to look at him. All I wanted to see was Luke. My eyes searched the floor aimlessly as if for him. "He will be terrified! He will not know what happened to me, where I am! He won't know whether I was taken or not and that will drive him to the edge of his sanity! He won't know what happened to me; I will just be... just be gone! Out of his life like nothing! And if he doesn't assume I was taken, if he knows I left, he will think I abandoned him! He will hate me, hate himself, and hate everything about the matter. Because he won't fucking know! He won't..." I trailed off, swallowing hard with a gasp. Many more of those gasps came. I felt my stomach build in tremors at the thought of just leaving him without any warning! "He won't know.... He won't know where I am. He won't know how I am! He wouldn't have a clue and it would kill him. He cares about me so much! How could I do that to him? Huh? How the hell can I do that to him?! Hurt him so badly!" I wanted to rant more... I wanted to scream how I couldn't do this to someone I love so much, over and over again. I couldn't do this to someone that loved me as much as he did. I've hurt him enough.
My hands were in fists at my sides and against the cool tile floor. Staring at the ground, my breath coming in and out harder, I heard Jackson sigh from in front of me. Like he didn't want to deal with this - and I honestly didn't blame him. I wouldn't want to hear some emotional roller coaster some girl is on where it doesn't affect you. But this was my life; this was more than that. And with his expressing eyes, the rest of his face hard, I noticed him move. He reached forward towards me where he was squatting before me; I felt him rest a hand, delicately so, on my shoulder. Gripping my shoulder through my clothes, in comfort, I searched his eyes and saw a great deal of reluctance in them as he eyed me - as well as in annoyance of the matter, strange enough.
"Alright look," he said, sounding not at all sorry for me. Yet at the same time, I felt him stroke my shoulder with his thumb. It was like it was so fascinating to him as he watched his thumb stroke the material. His eyes slowly moved up to my eyes in adoration almost. Yet... stone faced! "You need to understand that I am what I am. And that is a jackass, a smartass, and a hardass. So you aren't going to get much out of me besides sarcasm and some inappropriate quips for now. However, I want you to know..." he said in a groan, swallowing. "I want you to know how fascinated I am by you and of your life, your past, and even more so your future! That's why I am here and why I am more uptight than usual - because I need to be at this point."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm just trying to say that I understand and get how this is very upsetting and I reluctantly apologize for being an ass... even though I'm not really that sorry," he said. "But on subject, this is only for a year. You are acting as if this is a life thing; which gives me a right to call you a crybaby-ass."
I tried not to get too pissy with him; I had enough energy pumped into just thinking everything over as well as things like explaining to him why this was more than something to shrug about. Narrowing my eyes on him, I spoke in a lower voice. "It doesn't matter if it's a year," I said, jerking away from his grasp on my shoulder; how did I even allow him to touch me to begin with? "It could be a month for all I care! A month, a year, whatever! Doesn't matter! Luke still won't know what happened to me! He will still suffer more than I could imagine," I said, resting my head back against the wall. "He doesn't deserve this."
"Well he is going to hurt when he gets shot protecting you! Ever think about that? It's either he gets shot and dies or he, if the worst happens, goes crazy looking for you or hates you! At least if the later, he could move on eventually - no matter how hurt he would be." Jackson scoffed and shook his head. "Damn, your are acting like you guys are lovers or some shit," he smirked.
"Maybe because we are lovers! Maybe he loves me and maybe I'm in love with him! Would that fucking justify why I am acting this way?!" I said in a fast breath. Not bothering to think, care, or process what I just said to this guy. But that's all i could think in my head; that I loved him and I couldn't leave him. Even more, I couldn't leave him knowing nothing!
Jackson's smirk slowly faded from his face - as did the slight amusement that was in his eyes before. Faded to a seriousness that I could tell wasn't sitting well with my words. He stared at me with those bright eyes, framed by those bushy eyebrows lowering over them. I wasn't sure what to expect... since I didn't even expect that I would say that to him. He spoke up though in grave and low voice. "I am going to pretend that I did not hear that," he said in nearly a whisper - a very deadly one. "Do you understand me?"
That's all he had to say on the matter - and it was enough with the amount of seriousness he stressed in his voice. If this was under different circumstances and if there was no other problem, I bet Jackson would have done something about it; he didn't look thrilled at all about that. Either way, it was strange. I mean, it wasn't like it should have bothered him; I mean, we just met!
After a long stretch of silence and him searching my face, the pent up tension faded from him and I moved on without waiting for him; my head was spinning too much to dwell about that - about anything for too long at once. I felt drained enough as it was. Jackson just looked at me for a little longer blankly before speaking up on something that actually moved me along the path of a decision (even though my heart already made its decision before all this). I knew from the start that no matter how badly Luke hurts, it would be better than him dead. I knew that and realized I wasn't trying to make a decision but rather trying to accept it.
"It won't be as bad as it sounds."
"That Reid guy wouldn't hurt him right? No more attacks for him since I am the one they want, right? And they wouldn't strike unless I am clearly there?"
"Of course he wouldn't hurt him," he said. "Your stepfather would be free, safe, and he wouldn't have to worry about his family in danger either because of you. Reid and his men would keep an eye on him, yes. But no more. They would watch for signs of you but they wouldn't hurt him. Their aim lies with you and you only. Luke would actually get a break. And so would you! You would get to live normally, even if under a new identity."
I wanted to hold Luke to me and show him I loved him. But the reality was, that whenever that happened lately, we were in his parents house. Hiding. Defenseless. It was two of us against a man and his army. What kind of life is that? So far it was a life full of fear and caution these past few weeks. This needed to stop and Luke, more than anybody, deserved a break.
However there was one thing I could not shake. That Luke would be safe, get his break... but it wouldn't be spent in peace and relaxation. It would be in pain, worry, hurt, and not knowing what happened to me. I couldn't deal with that.
I groaned, shaking my head and sitting forward more. This was pure hell.... It really was. I stared up into his eyes and pursed my lips, sighing unevenly and still holding back tears from falling. "Listen... I will go." My voice broke and I swallowed hard. "I will go. But... I need Luke to know what is happening. Somehow, I need him to know that I didn't abandon him and I need him to know I wasn't taken. That needs to happen," I said in a more demanding voice.
Jackson looked at me hard for a long moment. And his words hurt even more the next time he spoke. I saw he wasn't being mean; he was just telling me his honest opinion. Clasping his hands together, he pursed his lips and tried to get something through my head that I didn't want to even think about. "Why are you so set on that? Do you think you gone would really drive him that crazy?" he spoke in a curious voice, not understanding. Then with more certainty, he continued. "He was married and within months, he was over her if what you said is true about you two. Months. You think he will miss you that much if he fell out of love that fast with your mother? By the time a couple weeks pass by, he will move on with his life. He will be okay."
"You are wrong," I said, laughing at him - but just to hide away the pain that caused me. Because it got me thinking what I didn't want to before. When I come back, would everything be the same between us? And in the end... did it change anything anyway with my decision? No, it couldn't and I needed to leave. It hurt but I could only hope he will still want me when I get back, especially if he feels like I abandoned him or was taken. Him hating me or worrying, moving on... it was better than him dead. "I don't care what you say. I told you what I want. And he needs to know!" I said, lips parting more in a gasp.
He licked his lips, not looking happy. But not looking willing to try to convince me or fight me on it. "Fine. Listen, I will work something out and try to convince the agents to contact him. But that's something they are always on edge with. But I will try to get them to as much as I can; I will try my hardest," he said. "If they allow this, we need to be gone before he is informed in the slight chance Reid finds out. Inform him after you are gone - that is if the agents even allow this. No matter their decision though, no matter how hard I push for this, you are not at all permitted to speak with him; you cannot call him, try in any way to contact him, or in any case come back here. Nothing. Nothing starting now. But I will work on getting him informed after we leave. Fair enough, sweet pea?" he said in a sharper voice. One that was telling me the truth though. That was all I needed to hear.
"Yes... yes it is," I said, relieved. It was better than nothing. It sucked, and I wanted to go off screaming more. But what other choice did I have? Refuse the whole offer, get Luke shot?
"I will discuss that with them later. For right now though... we need to get you ready. Our flight leaves tonight."
***
It was one of the most hectic moments I will remember. Because... this was all sprung on me so fast. It was hard to handle and process. And to think we were leaving tonight was a hard pill to swallow. No time to think. Especially when there was a lot that needed to be done. Most were very sorrowful moments for me. Like cutting my hair....
When Jackson said we needed to get ready, he meant get my things together as well as my new life, life story, name... everything! Me and him and the two agents I had become familiar with - and who I found out would accompany me and Jackson to our new home temporarily - were focusing on getting my things. Getting my things and changing my appearance. Which was actually very hard for me especially the appearance part. Not because it was yet another shocking change; but because it affected my hair. The hair Luke loved to bury his nose in and stroke with his gentle fingers. The hair he liked me to keep down, free and not bound with caution. So that would be hard - along with some specialists in this area dying it afterwards. But for now, I needed to take on the hard part and I needed to do it on my own and privately.
I stood before the mirror of a private bathroom they had in that building. Door locked, and scissors in my hand appearing as a sacrificial blade in my eyes. It was so hard... just looking at my long hair I let out of my bun then the scissors I held. It was a lot they wanted me to cut off. They told me it would be good to cut it just up to my shoulders, no less no more to make it difficult for people to recognize me since many probably would.
My breath turned shaky as I raised the scissors up to my hair, my other hand extending a long strand of it away from me. With the fog that began to come over me as I moved the scissors closer, jaws open and ready to cut, I felt my mind go under. My senses went elsewhere... and I heard the most beautiful voice in my head. Saw the sweet face and his smiling lips... Saw him and heard his voice perfectly in my head. A very... surreal moment. To see him, burned in my memory. The words and the emotion behind it as I slowly cut the first lock of my hair. I was so lost in a haze of his voice, not wanting to think about what was really happening.
Staring at myself in the mirror, I swallowed hard. In the yellowish light of the clear and sanitary space, I felt anything but clean. Especially knowing these long curls that reaching down my back would soon be gone. All i did was cut and listened to him sweetly in my head. As my music, in my haze.
I don't care if he gets away because I'll find him again. I will never find anyone like you again.
Snip. And I watched with an aching feeling in me as that long black lock of wavy hair fell to the ground at my feet. His voice went though my head again... and again. As I remembered every moment with him when he said it to me as I slid the scissors to my side to cut more.
You don't fool me. And I do care.... God. Those words he said on the first day we met.
Snip, snip, snip... and it fell to the floor. My tears started to resurface again. And they threatened to fall even more as I cut and heard his voice, in love, life, in desperation.
I told you! I'd do anything. Anything for you. I'm stupid for you because you drive me crazy! And... you're so... you're so beautiful because of that. So fucking beautiful and it kills me! You deserve everything that I can possibly offer you!
I felt my lips quiver... Snip, snip, and more fell to the floor! More fell and fell and it wasn't going to stop.... I had to cut it off! No matter how much it hurt with my eyes distorted in tears.
You are such a beautiful woman, sweetheart.
Snip, snip, one more lock gone! To the sink before me it fell as my tears spilled over, released in sync with a soft and shallow gasp. Voice still there, still loving! Luke! Even with those teasing and flirtatious moments we shared!
When we push on... better things come. Like seeing you wearing my coat and knowing I get to hold you like this.
Snip, snip.... snip and gone! Gone guys! My hair, lock by lock of the thick strands falling from me and to the floor! What if I never hear his voice like this again?! What if nothing will be the same when I get back? His voice... so touching and loving and just for me! Just for me those words were!
I can never leave you. I'm in love with you....
Snip... another agonizing cut with my tears falling hard and fast.
Oh god. Oh... baby. I-I-I love you. Fuck, fuck baby... I love you so much!
More falling! More hair cut, snipped, detatched! Isolated! No, no....
You're such trouble. Since the moment I met you.... You could never stop getting under my skin. Until it was too late.
Fuck! Why? Why did this shit have to happen to us? Snip, cut, cut, snip!
My special lady pointed out something very important. That we need a vacation. And I want to give you one. We leave in June. And when we get there, we are going to celebrate our freedom from this hell we have been though.
Rasing the scissors up to the long locks that were resting innocently still on my back and shoulders... I was forced to pause and catch my breath, my uneven gasps. Biting my lip, it didn't stop the rough tremors or the fast breathing. The love my life... speaking our past in my head.
I love you. I love you so much. And if we had more time... I would have married you.
Snip... snip! Oh! The last one I held in a handfull and cut and cut, letting it fall to the ground. And I sunk down with it when I stumbled over to where the closed toilet seat was. Sitting down, I took deep breath and tried to stop my flow of tears.
Those last words his voice echoed in my head left me heart broken. If we had more time... Lord, if we had more fucking time! One year, that was nothing. But it would be if Jackson couldn't follow through and get on the agents side; he needed to convince them to get word out to Luke somehow. If that didn't happen, it would be a year in hell and one I knew would be the worst of Luke's life. If they didn't tell him, he would be so ruined over the matter. He is so wonderful and strong... but through all this, we have been a team. For him to see me just gone, it would hurt him terribly.
The hair laying at my feet on the ground... it made my fists clench as I rested my elbows on my legs. So disgusted, so sick, and so upset! But looking down, I caught sight of that fist and the ring it held. That sweet and colorful stone, facets catching the light and shinning it back. The ring he gave me. As well as the necklace, I felt the jewlery. I played with it in my fingers mindlessly as I just sat there. Sat there, staring down at all that hair on the white floor and letting my tears fade cold.
I needed to be strong for him. I knew that he would be in full support of this if he knew about it which he hopefully would. He would want me to go and I felt the need to make him proud. To go, to do the best I could. He told me before... that I was the strongest woman he ever met. And as heart breaking as it was, as much as I wanted to fully let out my cries, I wouldn't yet. This was for him and I can only have faith he will find out that I am okay and didn't abandon him. I had to cut the ties to show I loved him.
Sighing, I eventually got to my feet and, for the real first time, concentrated on my hair in the mirror. Choppy but it was at my shoulders nonetheless. I grabbed the scissors again and straightened some spots out. I hated how I looked with hair short like this. It was plain, flatter, shorter. Not long, not loopy. It could only imagine how much worse it will look dyed. I would kill if they dye my hair blonde; I am not a blonde folks, physically or mentally. Of course, I was about to find out what it was....
***
I wasn't happy. I stared into the mirror at the complete product. From the time between getting my hair cut and now, they got me something to eat and they dyed my hair. Which they straightened flat and boring at my shoulders. And it was now a strawberry blonde. All I could think was 'die' at first when they proposed that color as being the best opposite color but also one that was tasteful they said. I stared at myself for a long time in that mirror now, the others around me and waiting for me to say what I thought.
And really... I could see tasteful and it looking natural. But, Jesus fucking Christ, did I look different! I didn't care for it but it was better than bleach blonde to say the least. I looked from myself in the mirror to the woman that took care of my hair. I gave her a blank look. Sighing, I met her eyes and shrugged. "Not something I like; it's something I can deal with though." Christ, if Luke saw you now without the hair he loved, he might cry. That sweet thought of him, of his special 'bond' with my hair, made me sadly but fondly smile at the thought.
After everything was taken care of, and some of the other officials here were taking care of my new identity and setting up false info, false background, coming up with everything.... We were off on what I knew would be at least easier.
Agent Ryder, Moore, Jackson, and I were going to get the few things I wanted to take with me. And at the top of that list was my buddy Jack. God, it would suck so much worse if I couldn't take my dog with me. The dog Luke gave me.... Hopefully, if the worst happens and Luke isn't informed about anything, he will at least suspect I ran away since Jack would be gone too. I would rather him hate me than suffer agonizing pain thinking I might have been taken.
The three of them were not happy at all I was taking my dog but they can suck a cock; Jack was coming. He was a part of Luke in a way; I got my puppy for Christmas from him. And he would be my only friend for a long time with wherever it was I was going - which, I might add, none of them told me yet when I asked. It just put me in an even worse state of mind not knowing. The only thing that could make this a little better maybe is if I get closure. Not just for Luke. But for someone I didn't even get to speak with since that terrible incident; I longed to talk to Francis and tell him I was very sorry. I wonder if they would allow that....
When we picked Jack up, they drove us back to our house - the one in ruins, even if the dirt and debris was cleaned up. The house that held a number of bodies at some points, the one that housed the devil who tortured me and the one I was stuck in. Home sweet home, I suppose. At least it was cleaned up for the most part. We were only stopping quickly to grab a couple things.
Walking through the front door, I took in the clean floors - but ones with blood stains. Couches had bullet holes still in it... walls tore up. From all that's happened, it was a miracle this house is still standing. It was a house of hell - but Luke and I fell in love within these walls too. It would be a strange feeling to leave this place like I did before for a year on the streets. However, this year being absent will be much more painful.
"Wow, throw a party?" Jackson spoke up from next to me as he walked in behind me. His eyes looked around the house, the living room where we were and the entrance of the kitchen. It was a wreck to say the least but he didn't look shocked. He did look quite... fascinated though when I looked him over, his eyes searching.
Sighing, I crossed my arms and watched him carefully. "Yeah, there is a reason you weren't invited."
The agents stayed back and checked around the perimeter along with a few others that accompanied us here. Jackson and I though started for the stairs, almost in a slow manner as he took it in. "So..." he cleared his throat and he looked tense with his words. "This is where your mother raised you?" His humor was gone and a sadness was there.
I raised a brow, looking down at the steps as we walked up them slowly. The steps two men died on. The stairs I climbed at three years to now. The stairs I tried shooting a man from before. So much history in each step and room of this place. I watched the floor as we reached the top and I started towards my room. "Yeah. It was always a fun place to grow up," I said sarcastically, going into my room.
I havne't been in here for a very long time it seemed. It didn't look as damaged as the other rooms which was nice. I started to get things I would want and found impotant. I grabbed a few bows, grabbed a certain blue stuffed dinosaur, and it went along with a paper crown that I picked up while we were getting Jack. I also grabbed the braclet Jan and Mike gave me.
"There was nothing that could have stopped it from happening though right?" I heard Jackson speak up as I collected those few things along with some clothes. No phone - those devices were 'off limits' for now, which I grudgingly understood. After all, I had a few people I wanted to speak with - and no, not just Luke. I knew he was completely off limits. But that didn't stop me from wanting to apologize and say goodbye to someone that helped save my life too. Who was now hurt and recovering.
I cocked an eyebrow at him when I turned to face him as I put my things in a bag. "Stopped what?"
"You from getting abused. There was nothing that could have stopped it?"
I scoffed. "Yeah. Maybe if my father didn't leave. That or if I had killed her when I was younger, it would have stopped it at least," I scoffed, shaking my head. I searched his blank eyes. "Why?"
He shrugged, looking down and said in a serious voice, "I just find your past... interesting is all," he said in a voice that almost held a hint of hurt and worry aimed at me.
After getting the few things I had together, Jackson and I headed back downstairs. With each step... the thought kept occurring to me. Of Francis, how it was my fault he was shot. Luke occupied my mind the entire time; but I realized that I couldn't do anything about it - and it hurt me terribly. I wouldn't get to see him and it made me want to break. However, I at least got to tell him how sorry I was about everything; about his family hurting, about what would have been his future baby, and his brother. I never personally got that chance with Francis yet.
As we reached the bottom of the stairs and were in the living room, I had to try at least. I needed to. "Jackson," I said in a quiet voice, stopping beside him as we were half way to the front door. He came to a stop, not looking happy. He probably assumed I was going to beg him to go see Luke or something like leave a note. I swallowed, staring up into his hard and bright eyes. "I need to talk to someone before I leave."
He smirked, amusement on his face as he shook his head. "Man, you are just stupid aren't you? I thought you understood no step daddy."
My eyebrows lowered in pain but I sighed, brushing away that reminder. "No. I want to talk to his brother - Francis. He was shot and it's my fault. I haven't had a chance to tell him I am sorry and if I can't at least say goodbye to Luke, I want a goodbye with Francis - whether he is conscious or not. I just need to be there and say I am sorry."
He was a hardass like he said. But he wasn't all that bad. He groaned and looked ready to punch a wall, yes. But with a deep breath, and just staring into my eyes, he thought for a long moment. "Wasn't Reid after him too? Wasn't he shot in the first place by his men?"
"Ried and my mother worked together that once and the only reason Francis was involved was because Clare wanted to kill him. Reid was only slightly helping. Now that she is dead, Reid wouldn't care."
"And you think just because Reid doesn't care about him, I am going to let you do that? Nobody can know where we are going! Nobody can know what happened to you!" he said, leaning closer and stressing his angry words in my face.
I knew that was a huge issue. But Francis didn't need to know any of what was planned. "For all he would know, I'm just stopping in to say I'm sorry. That's all I want. Besides, he's probably still unconscious but I still want to tell him I am sorry. Where is the threat in that?" I wanted to ask him if his ass was really that tight for him to refuse me a chance to say I was sorry but I didn't want to push his buttons if he was feeling generous.
He looked incredibly aggravated and ready to yell at me but he didn't. He just took one very long deep breath and proceeded to walk towards the front door. Following after him, knowing I was going to be a pest about this, there was one last thing that caught my eye before we were about to leave. And that was the coats hanging up by the door we were nearing. Iit made me pause for a moment. I spotted his coat. Luke's coat that he let me wear before - that I felt warm in and could smell his sweet scent in. Biting my lip, I sighed and continued towards the door and the coats next to it. Before I got there though, I heard Jackson groan and mumble loudly an answer to me without looking at me.
"I will give you a couple minutes. That's all. So we better get going before I change my damn mind," he said in a rough voice, one that made my heart jump in happiness that I could at least get this. One last chance to see Francis at least before I go. I could do that! And as for Luke... well unfortunately, that was a negative. At least I could have his coat I realized when I grabbed it and walked out of the house.