Forgive Rose? Forgive my parents?
It had never crossed my mind to forgive anyone. Yes, I had been angry and resentful but I never wanted the words "sorry" or "I was wrong" from them. All I wanted was acceptance.
For Rose to ask for my forgiveness was strange to me. What is it there for me to forgive when I never needed her apology? While she pleaded with tears, I was confused. Why was she crying? What did she expect for me to say? What did she expect for me to do? Did she want me to comfort her with false words and hug her to ease her pain?
Did she think that everything will be beautiful and perfect – that our family will be normal if we cry and hug it out? The problem was our family was never normal to begin with – never perfect or beautiful.
We're both adults. Even though my body held a 19 year old young woman, I've already lived pass 25 years. Rose is already 21 years old. For us, our innocent childhood had long expired. I was never a part of that whole, sweet, and happy family. She should realize that my relationship with my parents is beyond her control now. Instead of clinging to the childish belief that we can still be a happy family, Rose should accept things as they are now.
"Rose" I took my sister hand, holding it tightly because I wanted her to hear my words. "There is nothing for me to forgive..."
"Calla..."
I shook my head quietly as I let go of her hand.
"There are things in this world we cannot change"
People's heart and feelings sometime can never be change. Even if I were to return once again to the past, I will not be able to change my parent's feelings for me. For them, Rose will forever be their beloved child. I will always be the afterthought child.
"Rose" For the first time, I truly smile at Rose. "Thank you"
I needed to thank Rose. If not for my sister, my complexity toward her, I would not be where I am and who I am today – a stronger Calla Lind.
"Calla, please don't leave" Rose said sadly as I stood from my seat. "I still have so much to say"
"It's not like we're never going to see each other again Rose" I laughed softly. "For today, let's stop here. There are people waiting for me"
Even though she didn't want to let me go, she had no choice but to watch as I turn to leave.