While I was trying to summarize what I had understood about the Cold War, I was looking at Ben sideways. He seemed much more focused on what he was doing, more than I was actually. Occasionally, I raised my hand to my neck, in the exact location where Ben had kissed me. I could still feel his soft lips touching my skin. I could still feel the mixture of shame and surprise for what he did. I did not expect this, not after I send that message.
During the break, he did not say anything about the texting of last night. He seemed to ignore the fact of what I had offended him. He did not say much, what was rare to happen. He did not try to tell any stupid thing to Carla, but he seemed very comfortable with Fernando. They scheduled something; Ben did not invite me, and I felt left out. Maybe he is giving me a little punishment.
When the bell rang announcing the end of the break, Ben almost pressed me on the door. He backed out the wheelchair and apologized. I wondered if he had done it on purpose. His cynical smile proved it.
In the last class, we received one of the worst news possible. My mother postponed the presentation of the schoolwork, because would coincide with the end of classes. Ben snorted, rolled his eyes and he was impeded of offending my mother when I took one look at him with a look that said was better he does not do this. After that, we agreed to meet at his house later.
Benjamin
My mom spent the lunch smiling today, I knew most likely she will spend the rest of the day this way, or who knows all week. She liked how the house was filling up little by little. I invited Fernando to come to lunch at my home and spend the rest of the afternoon here. He is not like your old friends, but he is better than nothing is, dad said it just for me, as soon as Fernando turned his back.
Despite the nasty comment, Dad also seemed a little more excited. I listened he invites my mother to go to dinner with him today, and this was rare off to happen. I did not like when she refused. She thought had the obligation of stay here with me if I needed anything. Almost two years paraplegic was enough for me to learn how to manage on my own, but convincing my mother of that was impossible.
After lunch, I invited Fernando to play the video game with me. I think that was the only thing that we could do. He seemed to be a right person, and that was what irritated me the most in him. Maybe this is the reason that Carla is interested in him. I would not have a chance. I am not a right person.
It was already the fourth round and my fourth win. Let's say that with a limited life I had enough time to train.
I looked at the boy who was in front of the computer looking for some website to download a movie. I was reluctant, but I decided to ask.
"And Carla? I hope I'm not too invasive."
"I didn't understand," He was still staring at the computer screen.
"She is beautiful," I said.
"She is not ugly. She is a good friend."
"What do you mean asshole?"
"Why did you call me of the asshole for?" He finally looked at me.
"I'm sorry; it's the coexistence with Elle. I did not mean to offend you, seriously. So you just see Carla as a friend?"
"It's what we are. Do you think I am interested in her? No, wait. You are interested in her."
"I do not want talk about this."
"I thought you wanted. You started."
"I just wanted to know your opinion of her."
"Okay, I think I have already answered," He turned his attention to the computer, and then he looked again to me. I did not like the way he was looking at me. "Maybe you could help me with Elle," I blinked twice thinking if actually, I had heard right.
"Elle?" I gave a slight laugh. I could not believe what I just heard.
"Yes, Elle."
"I got it, asshole."
"What did you call me to asshole again?"
"Yes, but now it's for real."
"What?"
"What do you want with Elle?" I asked not understanding how the question came out so firm.
"What do you mean... What..." He stuttered. "I'd like to get to know her better. I am shy, and she is your friend, I thought you could help me."
"I can't."
"What?"
"I can't, asshole."
"Can you stop calling me an asshole?"
"I won't help you."
"Why? Are you interested in Elle?" I looked astonished at Fernando. In addition, the people saying that I was interested in Elle was already starting to bother me. Can a guy be a friend of a girl?
"I'm not interested in Elle. I just don't think you and her are a match."
"Why not?"
"She does not like guys who wear glasses. I think that must be, so the glasses don't knock on each other when they're kissing," I pretended I was going to throw up. I felt a little uncomfortable imagining them kissing.
"I knew. If you behave like an adult and tell me that you are interested in her, I give up on her."
"First, I am not adult. I'm still a teenager. I'm nineteen years old," Fernando smiled but was not supposed to, especially when I am serious. "And second, you do not need to give her up. Elle never would be interested in you."
"Why not?"
"Carla is interested in you." Fernando closed the eyes for a moment, adjusted the glasses making me remember Elle. "Then I think she wouldn't betray her friendship with Carla because of you."
"Carla and I are friends, only this."
"So say that to her."
"I will not say that to her. And you should not have told me that," At that point, I remembered that I should not have even told him. Carla and Elle were going to be mad at me.
"You better not even talk. Carla did not tell me anything, I just found out."
"Just as I found out that you are interested in Elle?" Fernando asked me.
"I am not interested in Elle," My voice left a little changed announcing that I was already beginning exalted.
"So why the whole jealousy scene?"
"I am not jealous."
"You are."
"I'm not."
"You are."
"I'm not," We stayed in this yes and not for at least three minutes, not that I had counted the minutes, but lasted a long time until the subject of the conversation gets in the bedroom without warning.
"Were you arguing?"
"No," I replied without looking directly at Elle. "But Fernando is already leaving."
"I'm not leaving."
"Yes, you are. And don't wait for me to open the door for you."
"You're going to kick me out really?"
"Ben, are you kicking Fernando out?"
"I'm not kicking him out. How can you think that of me? He was already leaving."
"He said he was not leaving."
"Must be why someone arrived," I huffed.
"I did not understand."
"Do not try to understand, Elle," Fernando said and got up from the chair. He put his hand on Elle's shoulder. I did not like what I saw. "I'm going now."
"Bye!" Elle said while observed Fernando coming out the door. She turned her gaze to me, and before Fernando closed the door, he whispered a word to me:
"Jealous."
"Son..." I whispered to him.
We chose the song Just the way you are by Bruno Mars to start. I gave some support to Elle singing first. I used to take singing lessons when I was a kid, then sing for a crowd or sing for a girl did not embarrass me, but when Elle laughed, I confess that I was a bit embarrassed. I could not understand her attitude. I turned and drove the wheelchair to the stereo. I turned off to contain Elle's laughter.
"Why did you do that?"
"Must be because I do not like to feel like a clown."
"Then I'm the one who has bipolar disorder," Elle turned red and silent suddenly, she bitterly repented to bring on this subject. The girl straightened her glasses and pretended to wipe something off her pants. "I was just laughing because I did not know that you sing."
"Everybody sings, Elle."
"You understood what I meant."
"Understood what?" I said inducing her to speak what she meant. "No shyness, Elle. Admit that my voice is beautiful."
"Less, your modesty."
"It is beautiful too. I could stay all day talking about my endless qualities."
"You are ridiculous."
"This is what you say. Come on! Now it is your turn to sing."
"I do not know if I can."
"You have to try. I will not laugh. I promise. I will count to three. One two Three," I turned on the stereo.
"Her eyes, her eyes..." Elle's voice came out almost like a whisper. She sang to low. I do not think we will get a good grade with her singing this way.
"It's horrible."
"What?" She looked at me how if she had been offended.
"Not your voice. I can't hear you."
"So give me a microphone."
"I know you can do better."
"Not with you looking at me."
"So the problem is me?"
"Is not you. Not totally. You know I'm shy."
"Me too," Elle smiled. I pulled the chair up for her to sit on. As soon as Elle sat down, I brought my wheelchair close to hers. I put my arms on her legs. "Let's see how long you can look me in the eye without turning red and look away," Just as I said that and Elle was already red, and her gaze was already in another direction.
"You are crazy."
"It is serious. If you cannot even look at me, how can you face a class of thirty students?"
"I have already presented school work before, and I never needed to stare at someone to see how long I'd hold without turning red."
"I just want to help you."
"You'll help me a lot if you keep quiet."
"You do not like me, do you?"
"I did not say that."
"But sometimes it's what it seems. You're so mean to me."
"You asked me to be."
"But at no time I saw you are rude to Fernando," She looked at me in amazement.
"That asshole is interested in you," I said it all and turned the wheelchair back to Elle.
"Where did you come up with that ridiculous idea?"
"He told me."
"Why did he tell you that?"
"Because he wants my help to win you."
"And you said no?"
"Yes. You are don't a good match."
"And who said that?"
"I said."
"Fernando is nice."
"Would you hook up him?"
"I did not say this. I would never do that to Carla."
"Then, it was not because of Carla, would you hook up him?"
"What you want to say with this? Why are you talking to me like that?" I turned to Elle again. I do not know why that idea disturbed me so.
"Excuse me. It is just that I care about you. Just to let you know, I told him that Carla is into him."
"You what? Carla is going to kill you."
"I know. Please, does not say anything to her."
"I have to warn her."
"Let me tell her. I want to say I'm sorry."
"If you don't do this before the first class bell ring, I'll do. Just to confirm, I wouldn't hook up with Fernando, even if Carla wasn't interested in him. He's not my type."
"If Fernando is not her type, what kind of guy interests you?" I asked without understanding because I wanted an answer. I waited a few seconds for Elle's reply, but she seemed to have frozen. She looked at the floor, seemed to rummage something in her head, trying to formulate an answer. "Isn't there any guys at school that interests you?" I asked since the other answer didn't come. She turned red, and she seemed bothered by something utterly unknown to me.
"I'm not interested in anyone at school," Her voice came out like a whisper. She had difficulty to say every word as if it was a torture to her. "The guys are not very nice to me at school," she completed.
"But everyone has someone who feels some interest, other than friendship."
"I'm not everybody."
"Your answer is cliché. We are friends, Elle; we can talk about these matters."
"Only I don't want to."
"Why?"
"You would not understand."
"Why? Is the guy an asshole?"
"Yeah."
"Who is he?"
"I won't tell you."
"I will not insist. Have you ever dated, Elle?"
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"Then the answer is not. Have you ever kissed someone?" If Elle was already red, her condition worsened. She got up from her chair, took her backpack from the bed and was getting ready to leave.
"I'm leaving."
"You do not need to be ashamed. You're only sixteen years old; it's normal for you not to have kissed yet."
"But it's not normal for you to ask me that."
"I just want to know more about you."
"But what you want know is too much for me."
"Friends talk about these things."
"I want to leave."
"You can go. You're not my prisoner."
I accompanied Elle to the door. The girl stopped to observe the man that was cleaning the pool. She rested her arm on the small fence and leaned to see. I approached too. I have not come to the pool for some time. Elle looked at me, and I observed her fragile face. Some freckles framed her nose. I ran my eyes up into her little mouth. I had never noticed how beautiful she was. Elle turned her attention to the pool.
"What is the reason for this fence?" She looked at me again, and she was silent. I am sure she thought what I do not want her to feel.
"Do you think I'd throw myself?" She shook her head and walked again.
We arrived at the gate, and I held her delicate hands. I gently pulled Elle to my lap. I put my hand in her hair, and I opened my mouth to say something idiotic:
"If you want I can be your first kiss. It will be much more normal than if it were with another guy," Elle looked at me like if she wanted to kill me. I felt that she wanted to do this.
"Ben, you did not tell me that. You cannot have told me that."
"But I said."
"Do I mess up? Yes. I just want to help you."
"I do not need your help with this, asshole," Elle got up and walked around my wheelchair as if trying to assimilate what I just said.
"Can you stop? I'm going dizzy."
"Excuse me."
"No," I shrugged.
"What's your problem? Are you doing this and then going to make fun of me along with Marcos?"
"I would never do that."
"Are you sure?"
"That time... I do not want to talk about that time," I stared at the floor and observed the sneakers Elle was wearing. "The lace of your sneakers is untied."
"And?"
"And you can stumble and fall."
"And?"
"You can break your glasses. And your mother is going to be mad at you."
"Are you changing the subject?" I nodded.
"I do not know what happened to me. I should not have said that. You have to forgive me. You offended me with that text, and I overlooked," I smiled.
"Besides of you be an asshole, you're a blackmailer."
"I'm. I know how to bargain very well. So will you forget what I said?"
"You made me feel like an idiot. Did you feel sorry for me?"
"I did not feel sorry for you. I think you are incredible. I'm sure you still find me a nice guy."
"I just do not like nice guys," Elle opened the gate and then she was gone. Tomorrow I will have to think about what I would say to Carla about Fernando.
.