her other tattoo :) ---->
CHAPTER 32
“So.” Zayn said sitting back down with the bowl of popcorn. “what's up with the tattoo?” he popped a few pieces into his mouth smiling. My hand went over the four birds that were forever running along my neck. I smiled at the memory of getting them- not because of the pain oh god no but because of the reason for getting them. They were symbolic. So was the other ones, but this one meant a lot more than the others. Zayn snapped his fingers in front of my face trying to get my attention. “you going to tell me or..?”
I laughed clearly I went into my on little world. “nothing, I just thought it looked cool.” I lied. It felt stupid to keep it to myself, but hey I didn't need to tell him if I didn't want to. He shrugged it off grabbing the remote and turning on the movie. Josh jumped onto the seat next to me grabbing some popcorn off Zayn.
“she told me the same story,” Josh said randomly. “But I'll find out eventually.” he pointed at me narrowing his eyes. I laughed pushing his face away. I didn't really mind telling people. I just felt like they would all think it was stupid. So I just said it looked cool so I got it. But that wasn't the case at all. I looked down at the infinity tattoo I had on my wrist. That I had gotten after my birds tattoo. It was just symbolic of pretty much everything. Everything that I could trust in, my friends and family that they would stay with me forever. No matter what. “so what are we watching?”
“Home Alone 2 I think.” I told Josh, I turned towards the TV to see everyone in the movie packing for the big trip for the holidays. I loved this movie. I found all the booby-traps hilarious and always loved seeing all the yummy food Kevin ordered during his stay at the Plaza.
The Plaza, I remembered when I stayed there. It was much more modernized since the movie. But it brought back so many memories. The week we stayed there, the wonderful week with Liam, the first time he told me he loved me everything. Tears started to well up in my eyes as I started to remember everything after the trip. The awkward few days back, finding out what he did for me, then the fight. I started to feel a bit guilty about the fight. If I hadn't over reacted then I might still be with Liam. But I didn't want to still love him. After all this time, and then seeing him this morning. He obviously hated me now, and yet, I still loved him. I could never stay mad with him for long. Sure I'm quite pissed with the things he said. But still.. something about it after thinking back.. it just seemed so … I don't know. I looked over to Josh and then Zayn. I sighed getting up and walking into the kitchen to grab a soda.
“something wrong?” someone said behind me while I had my head in the fridge looking for something to drink. I grabbed a Dr. Pepper opened it and stood up straight looking over my shoulder to see Josh leaning against the counter. I took a sip of my soda walking over to him.
“just remembering stuff.” I mumbled looking at my soda.
“good or bad?”
“a little bit of both?” I told him. He nodded understanding. He had always been there for me through my emotional roller coaster. From when I went from upset to angry back to upset to completely depressed and then finally normal. And he went through it all. He was always there when I needed him the most. He never got annoyed with me, never said anything. He always understood and gave me space or just gave me a cuddle when I needed it. He got my mind of things when I was over thinking. He even encouraged me to go for auditions that I thought I would never get and got anyway. He was truly someone I could call my best friend.
“hey you want to get out of here for a bit?” Josh asked, I looked up at him nodding before walking into the front door and grabbing my jacket. “Zayn we are going out for a bit feel free to stay and watch the rest of the movie.” Josh told Zayn who just waved as us stuffing his mouth with popcorn. Charmer, isn't he?
.
We had been walking in silence for a while. I looked down at the concrete sidewalk kicking a lonely pebble.
“so what's going on?” Josh asked. I sighed looking at him.
“everything.” I replied completely drained of energy. I would usually tell him nothing was wrong and he would keep asking me till I finally tell him. But now I just needed to talk about it. I couldn't act like nothing was bugging me, because this time I couldn't just push it back. It was all too much and I needed to talk about it. And Josh was the only person here. “I mean, Liam just came back into my life, and the first thing he does is have sex with me and then say it's all my fault. I don't even remember anything from last night.”
Josh sighed sadly looking at me with apologetic eyes. “Rena this would have never happened if I had just stayed with you last night i-”
“no Josh it's fine, we both go completely trashed, you were in no state to look over me.” I interrupted, he didn't need to be looking over me. I' m 19 soon to be 20 year old I should know my drinking limit by now. I was responsible for my own actions. It felt weird, calling myself and almost 20 year old. It was like I was entering a whole new world. Like it wasn't all fun and games now, it was serious. I had to act my age now that I was no longer in my teens. I think that's what scared me the most, growing up. The fact that I would no longer be considered 'just a kid'. Like I was playing with the big sharks now.
“but, something worse could have happened to you! I shouldn't have drank, I should have stayed sober to watch over you. It's my fault your in this situation.” He exclaimed. I looked back down at the ground shuffling my feet.
“Josh, you don't need to feel like you need to protect me, I can take care of myself.” he shook his head.
“you don't get it.” he mumbled as if I wouldn't hear him. I stopped walking looking at him with confusion and a little bit of hurt.
“what do you mean?” I questioned. “'you don't get it'?” I said mocking his deep voice. He stopped walking and looked at me. I was getting worried. Was this it? Was he finally going to blow up from everything I put him through? All the crying and throwing things, was it finally getting to him? I didn't want to lose Josh, I didn't want to lose the one person that had been by my side the whole time I tried to recover.
He took a deep breath looking down before looking straight at me. “Let me tell you a story.” he said, he licked his lips walking closer to me and continuing. “Once upon a time there was a girl, a very beautiful girl and she had a boyfriend. But one day this boyfriend of hers got mad, and so she ran away. And one day a friend she made a while ago got back into contact with her, and he helped her. He comforted her when she was sad, gave her the space she needed when she was angry. He was always there for her. But this girl never knew the reason he stayed for so long, through all of it. She never asked, never once questioned why because she thought he was just being a good friend to her. But in reality, he was so in love with her. Every day he would wake up and think 'this is the day that I tell her' but would always chicken out in the end because, She would never love him back. She would never think of him like that. Only as a friend.” he voice cracked at the end and he turned sideways. He looked up at the dark sky before back to me.
“the end.”
I felt like crying. I had never known, I didn't think this was possible. I never thought Josh would ever like me like that. Let alone love me. Tears were forming in my eyes as he continued to look down at the ground. “Josh-” he snapped his head up looking at me hopefully, but then frowned. He took cupped my face in his hands wiping away the little tear that had escaped. I let out a shaky breath not sure of what I was even going to say.
“i'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that.” Josh said still holding my face. I grabbed his wrists and shook my head.
“No, I think... I think I needed to hear that.” I smiled slightly. “you know? I never thought about anyone other than Liam loving me, I never thought it was possible.”
He looked at me confusion written in his eyes. “I don't understand.”
I laughed slightly. Letting the corners of my mouth pull up into a little smile. “i guess it's just my own twisted logic.” he let out a breathy laugh.
“Well, your welcome... I think?” He said amused. i scrunched up my face sticking out my tongue at him. He laughed again. “Come on lets get going it's late.” letting go of my face. I grabbed his wrists from moving. He looked up at me raising an eyebrow. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath and leaning in. I didn't know what I was doing, but I sure felt right. I just pray to God he leans in too.
And sure enough within a split second his lips were attached to mine.
~*~
if you read the title and freaked out then don't worry because it's not the end :)
what do you think of Serena's and Josh being together? Leave your comments below! Love you guys a lot :) and i'sdjklagjskagljskgsla i'm getting my haircut tomorrow then i have some stupid therapy thing so i probably wont upload sowwie :) lots of love to you all your great people really :) -Me! x