Kali's POV
I admire how everyone manage to silence their dirty mouth when my books fell on the ground. It's like they are watching a fairy tale where a villain and the main character are fighting.
"Ano sa tingin mo ang dapat kong gawin sayo huh?!"- I pretended to be mad at the person in front of me. I saw how she trembled in so much fear. That‘s it, fear me!
" Sorry po Miss Kali hindi ko po sinasadya!"-she was begging like her life is at sake well, I can‘t blame her, I bet my whole face screams danger because that's how I want everyone to see me.
"Ang sabi ko, ano sa tingin mo ang dapat kong gawin sayo?!"-I shouted this time. Gosh! I hate shouting but I should give everyone a good show.
I noticed how her eyes watered, indicating that she is about to cry. I was peacefully walking while wearing my bitchy face a while ago then she suddenly bumped unto me, my books fell on the ground. I was about to ignore it since I know that she didn‘t do it on purpose but then the students started to gather and I just can‘t leave because it might ruin my reputation.
"Sorry po talaga Miss Kali hindi napo ito mauulit”- she is begging right now while collecting my books who are scattered on the ground. Biglang nangibabaw ang awa ko nang halos hingalin lang siya sa pag ihip upang matanggal ang mga dumi na nakadikit dito. I just wanted to run away from the image I built but I just can‘t.
I held back my emotion "Sasagot ka sa tanong ko o ako mismo ang pipili ng parusa mo!!"- I make sure to put some emphasis on each word for her to understand that she can pick whatever punishment she can do. I silently prayed that she will understand what message I want to convey. Please don't make it hard for both of us.
Every time na may nangyayaring ganito, I just can‘t help but to feel guilty since I know that I am dragging innocent and kind people to my problems and personal issues.
"Dapat ko pong linisin ang dadaanan niyo"-nakayukong sambit nito. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag on what she said. Sa totoo lang ay naaawa ako ngunit hindi nadin iyun malaking trabaho sapagkat palagi namang malinis ang University na pinapasukan ko.
"Good"-walang emosyon na sambit ko. I want to end this scene as soon as possible.
"Simulan mo na"-sambit ko at naglakad na. Wala naman siyang nagawa kundi ang sumunod sa utos ko dahil alam na niya ang mangyayari kapag sumuway pa siya and I don‘t want that to happen.
Narinig ko na naman ang mga bulong-bulungan ng mga estudyante na nadadaanan ko, bigla akong huminto sa harapan nila at tinaasan sila ng kilay. I want to shout at them that the show is over, the villain won against the main character.
They shivered in so much fear at nagmadaling umalis. Nagpatuloy nalang ako sa paglalakad hanggang makarating ako sa labas ng gate kung saan naghihintay ang driver namin. Agaran rin akong pumasok sa kotse upang huminga at muling tanggalin ang maskarang araw araw kong sinusuot upang huwag akong masaktan. Yes, I‘m just pretending to be someone else, I‘m pretending to be a bitch in front of others so that I won‘t get attached and hurt myself again. I‘m just preventing myself from another heartbreak. Is that bad? Because if it is, then that makes me a terrible person. I‘ve experienced so much, that I learned to shut down myself from everyone and build an invisible wall to protect myself.
I didn‘t even notice that we already arrived at my parent's house. Yes house, because I didn‘t felt that this is home. Because this place is more terrible than the university. Tahimik akong pumasok ng bahay, ingat na ingat na huwag tumunog ang heels na suot ko, upang hindi ako mapansin ng kapatid ko sapagkat hindi na naman ako titigilan non. Ngunit napatigil ako nang makarating sa living room, medyo nagulat pa ngunit agad ring napangiti ng mapakla, sapagkat hindi na naman nila sakin sinabi na nakauwi na sila, sana nagmadali man lang akong umuwi. Even if they didn‘t treat me right, I‘m still excited to see them arrive safe.
Nagmano ako sakanila "Mom, Dad nakauwi na pala kayo, hindi man lang ninyo sinabi sa akin!"-mapait kong sambit pilit kong tinatago ang disappointment ko but I failed.
Ngunit bigla na namang sumingit ang magaling kong kapatid, si Bea mas matanda siya ng tatlong taon kumpara sa akin. Ngunit kung utak at ugali ang pagbabasihan mas matured pa ata ako. She's like trash that even if you pour perfume on it, the disgusting smell will forever remain.
" Bakit kailangan pa bang sabihin sayo na darating sila Mom and Dad?!"-sarkastikang sambit nito. Here we go again. Nagsisimula na naman siya ng gulo na sa huli ay ako na naman ang dehado. That's why I hate her, I can‘t help but to rolled my eyes on her. I was about to walk out when Dad angrily called my name.
"Kali ano yun huh? Bakit ganyan ka kung umasta sa ate mo?"-saway ni Daddy na ikinayuko ko. I don‘t want to add some fuel to the fire they started but I can‘t help it for once I wanted to defend myself.
" Kasalanan niya yun Dad, nananahimik ako dito kung ano-ano na namang sinasabi niya"-pagtatanggol ko sa sarili.
I saw how Bea‘s expression changes. Well the bitch didn't expect that I will talked back. But she just plastered her smirk that I really despise the most. She looks like the clown from It movie. "Alam mo Kali napaka Over Acting mo nagreact lang naman ako ahh?!"-sambit niya. Should I thank ger for that? Well, if may parents didn‘t notice her salty attitude, ibahin nila ako dahil alam na alam ko ang mga galawan ni Bea. Sasagot na sana ako nang pigilan ako ni Daddy. Great! Alam ko na kung anong susunod nito.
" Wag kanang sumagot pa Kali gumalang ka sa ate mo!"-saway ni Daddy. Should I be sad about the fact na inasam kong ipagtanggol nila ako for once in my life? Or should I be sad dahil for the ninth time I am defeated.
I can‘t help but to droop because of so much disappointment. I hate it! I hate the fact that my tears started to build up and anytime soon, I‘m going to cry.
Hinayaan ko nalang na tumulo ang mga luha ko at inilabas ang lahat ng sama ng loob. Sobrang sakit na halos araw araw ako nalang ang sinisisi nila, ako nalang palagi ang mali, ako nalang palagi ang walang kwenta at bastos. Ako nalang palagi ang masama sa paningin nila, kailangan ba aki magiging mabuti para sakanila. Gosh my life is a complete mess!
Kung akala ng iba na napakatigas ko at walang pakiramdam nagkakamali sila ayaw ko lang ilabas yung kahinaan ko dahil alam kong aabusuhin lang nila ito at alam ko na masasaktan lang ako pag dumating ang panahon nayun.
Mas mabuti nang katakutan nila ako, at husgahan , dahil alam kong sa huli hindi ako iiyak at masasaktan. Ayaw ko nang umiyak, pero bakit pagdating sa pamilya ko hindi ko kayang pigilan siguro dahil mahal na mahal ko sila ngunit parang hindi nila ako mahal dahil halos araw araw nilang ipinaparamdam sa akin na hindi ako kasali sakanila na para bang isa lang akong hangin na hindi kasali sa pamilya.
Pinunasan ko ang mga luhang tumutulo at lakas loob na umalis sa harapan nila. Kailangan kong maging matatag dahil wala nakong pwede pang sandalan kundi ang sarili ko lamang. I immediately changed my clothes into a comfortable one and lazily jump unto my bed.
Kinabukasan, maaga akong nagising dahil magluluto pa ako ng agahan namin like my usual routine. Mayaman nga kami pero wala kaming maid dahil gusto ng mga magulang namin na lumaki kaming may alam sa gawaing bahay.
Pero mukhang ako lang naman ang natututo. Ano pa nga ba eh ako lang naman kasi ang nagtratrabaho ng mga gawaing bahay. Pinagluto ko na sila ng agahan at nauna na akong kumain dahil alam ko na gagawa na naman ng eksena ang magaling kong kapatid at ako na naman ang masisisi nito. Kung ako ang villian sa University then Ate Bea is the villian in my life.
Muli akong umakyat sa kwarto ko at naligo upang makarating ng maaga sa University.
I'm currently Grade 12 senior highschool student at graduating. May isa pa akong kapatid bukod kay Ate Bea she is Yancy, 1 year lang ang gap namin at di ka tulad kay Ate Bea malapit kami ni Yancy at palagi kaming nagkakasundo. That's why hindi ko alam kung saan nagmana ng ugali si Ate Bea. Kung sasabihin nila na sa basura ipinaglihi si Ate Bea, hindi magdadalawang isip na maniwala dahil that‘s how I described her. She's like a trash that can‘t be recycled.
Pero pagdating kay Mommy magkaiba ang turing niya sa amin ni Yancy, paborito ni Mommy si Yancy while me etsapwera, pero kahit ganoon hindi kami nag-aaway ni Yancy dahil para sakanya pantay-pantay kami. Yancy is pure and sweet, she don't judge people easily dahil ang katuwiran niya, she can‘t make a judgement without knowing the whole story.
Si Ate Bea naman ay paborito ni Daddy kaya nga kunting bagay na sinabi ko kay Ate Bea na hindi nagustuhan ni Dad ay papagalitan ako. Kaya minsan minabuti ko nalang na umiwas kay Ate Bea. Pero I don‘t know kung meron sa kaniya at dikit ng dikit siya sa akin kaya palagi ding nakadikit ang gulo sa akin.
Do you think my life is unfair? Should I be glad that I was born? I don‘t even know where their hatred came from? The only thing that I know is that the moment I began to understand things, I discovered that they loathe being with me. Except for Yancy, of course, she is the only reason why I remained strong. My whole sanity is immuned on what‘s happening in my life. But sometimes, hindi ko maiwasan na masaktan at malungkot pero kahit ganoon mahal na mahal ko silang lahat. Hindi ko kayang magtanim ng sama ng loob sakanila kahit ano pang bagay ang ibabato nila sakin, kahit pagbali baliktarin yung mundo, pamilya ko parin sila. I am not someone who can easily turn her back to her family.
Bumaba na ako upang makapagpaalam na sakanila nadatnan ko naman silang kumakain ng niluto kong pagkain. They are like a complete happy family without me. Matagal ko nang natanggap that this family is a hopeless case. I am aware na wala nang chance na magbago pa ang turing nila sa akin pero kahit ilang beses kong itatak iyan sa utak ko, ay hindi ko magawang hindi umasa. Na someday, they will realize that I have feelings too, I am vulnerable and fragile. I am a person with emotions, I get mad, my eyes will twinkled when I‘m feeling excited, I have my own fear, and I am seeking for love. But when will they realize all of it? Pag huli na ang lahat? When I will finally gave up, when I don‘t want to live anymore? I hope that day won‘t come. I hope things will get better soon.
Magalang ako huminto sa kanilang harapan. I make sure na hindi ako gumagawa ng kahit anong ikinaiinis nila.
"Alis napo ako"- sambit ko at naglakad na. My parents didn't even throw a glance at me. Yancy was about to invite me to have breakfast with them but I gestured for her to stop. While Ate Bea is now wearing her annoying smile.
I walked out to the dining table feeling disappointed. Hanggang kailan ko mararamdaman ang ganito. I wondered sometimes if mayroong iba na nakakaranas ng ganito. Because kung meron man I will gladly hug them.
Well, this is my life. Welcome to hell!