Chapter 68
I ran as fast as I could. Through the trees and into the shadows that were growing bit by bit as the sun sank lower each minute. My breath was labored - and I knew this was just like before. A matter of life and death like it was when they attacked the house. Only now, Francis wouldn't be here to save me. And it wouldn't be me that dies if I don't get away the guy behind me; it would be Luke and his brother. That's how I managed to pick my feet up more. That's how I ran for what seemed like forever. Though debating where to run most of the time, I know I couldn't run to the neighbors. They were too far away and with the time it would take, they would both be dead. Besides, at this point, could I really trust the cops to come and help? Too risky. That's why when I lost the guy, I couldn't bare leaving the area. I needed to stay... and I needed to do this myself. That was the only option for them to live. I couldn't run and wait for help which might not even be on our side.
After a bit, and knowing I was now alone and that nobody saw me as I ran, I was hiding very still in the woods behind the house. Like I said, I wasn't leaving. So now, I was crouched low in the shadows. I swallowed hard as I looked up at the house. I could feel the chills run up my body, knowing that could be the final place both Luke and Francis could take their last breaths. I needed to change that, so desperately and urgently too; I could feel my nerves on edge.
Before I could move though, I knew... that no matter what happened, this would be someone's last night on Earth. If it got bad, I would kill Clare with no hesitation. There was a huge chance she would first kill Luke or Francis, me too despite my efforts I soon needed to act upon. It made me shake my head and take a deep breath. I needed to do this. And it started with the stare I bore around every inch of the property. Eyes scanning over the yard and into the trees around the house, I saw no sign of that guy, Reid. My guess was that he was out here in the woods somewhere, looking for me still. I could thank the sinking sun that it would become harder and harder for him to look. Especially when I didn't plan on staying here in the woods. I needed to get up to the house.
Though I was worried walking up into the back yard would reveal me (since I'm in an open space) I know I needed to. After all, I wanted to get to the back sliding door - which was shot in from the destruction caused over a week ago. Clare wouldn't hear me come in that way. I could do it... but how would I do it? How could I stop or kill her? I didn't have a gun, and knowing she did, I wanted to make sure this would be more than my fighting skills against a gun. I needed something that could end her if it got to that. And I knew the only option was in that pit we dug.
Biting my lip, I took a deep breath. There was no time to think too much. I just needed to be a little organized and get in there. She could kill them at any moment, if she hadn't already. I needed to get in there... now. I kept saying that to myself and after scanning the yard multiple more times, I quietly stepped out of the tree line. But slow and sneaky was not the way to do this. I needed to get from here to the house fast before Reid comes back or one of those other guys that helped Luke in the house.
So, the step out in the open was done in speed. As were the following steps when I started to sprint towards the pit. My boots pressing to the grass, I ran fast up and over to the edge of the pit. I didn't slow down or stop. I just jumped in quickly, trying to get out of sight by staying low. I slid to my side when I jumped in and stayed that way; if I stood up or knelt enough, my head would be visible if someone was in sight. So... I needed to be quiet and stay low as I froze my body in place in the dirt under me. The same dirt that held Emily's body all these years... crumpled and just bones in hard plastic.... Christ, I couldn't think about her right now. Even as my eyes slowly, almost automatically found her close. On my side and staying low as my eyes acted and looked for that shovel, those eyes of course found my dead little sister.
It was more than getting Luke and Francis out. I realized that the moment my eyes hit her bag of bones as I looked around for the shovel. That this was not one incident as a reason for why I needed to go in there. There were millions of reasons, so many... and so many that allowed my thoughts to find all of my terrible past with her. And that terrible past were the million reasons why I needed to go in there. For not just the two men inside. But for Emily. And... and for me too. I didn't think in terms of life and death at that moment as my eyes became lost in the blackness of the old trash bag. All I knew was that I was going in with the intent to end this, one way or another. If she lives or dies... that lied with fate. I didn't know if it would come to that yet. All I knew was I was doing this for all of us. Even if I didn't quite know what that exactly was. I first needed to find out.
I needed to move around in the pit quietly. My eyes though were fast - fast enough to find the shovel after I was forced to tear my gaze away from the garbage bag. And knowing I must hurry, I scrambled over to where my eyes landed on the shovel, cautious of not being seen. When I picked it up, I wasted no more time pondering over irrelevant things - like what happens if I mess up....
Crawling through the dirt over to where the edge of the grass was a few feet up, I stared up. And though I was noticeable if people were closer, I was more concerned with the edge of the trees. As I slowly peaked out and looked all around me again, and saw I was clear, I knew I had to go. Go in with heated skin and a need to end this all. I needed to stay rational and in control though at the same time. That was key I realized soon with how much anger was building in me as I continued scanning the perimeter. One thing I did know and was happy about though... was that they had to still be alive. Their bodies were not in this pit.
Swallowing hard, and allowing my loud breathing to quiet, I started to slowly crawl up out of the wide pit we dug. The moment I was over the edge, and my dirty body was in the grass, I wasted not a second. I got to my feet with the shovel in hand and ran up to the back of the house that was only a few yards away. Go, go, go.... I was so on edge and paranoid at this point. It rose even more when I ended up pressing myself right up against the siding of the house. Even with the shadows as my protection.
But even though I was very paranoid and scared, I knew I couldn't waste time. So I didn't. Inching my way towards the sliding door, I forced my breath down and tried focusing on straining my ears. As I took slow steps, I got closer. Closer... until I was pressed against the siding with the door right next to me.
I tried hearing anything.... And when I couldn't, the only way my chances would improve is if I got closer. Though cautious and careful, my heart shot up harder. In my heartbeat, the way I was breathing, and my nerves on end.... My eyes were wide and searching. You can also thank my body tensing because of the hatred, pure and fire, that was igniting in my soul it felt like. I was anxious and wanted to get in there, and kick her ass. For her daughters se couldn't be a mother too and for the two men suffering inside too somewhere. I was sick of this bullshit and it would stop tonight. It made me even fight my caution with wanting to go in there and fuck shit up. But after all that Luke has taught me, I knew better.
One last deep breath... and I moved away from the side of the house. Looking over the sliding door, glass shattered all over, I tried my best to do it quietly. I stepped through the opening of where the glass once was. But I knew just the crunch of glass could give me away. That's why I forced myself to take my time, even if that was hard - and carrying a shovel with me. But once I did and was in, I could hear something at being closer Standing in the dark back hall now, I took in what I could from one voice I knew too well....
"We.... Family...." It was all I could make out in Clare's voice. I slowly started to move and turned the corner of the hall packed with shadows. My eyes shooting all over, I knew it was coming from the living room. I could see the front door... with holes embedded in it. As were the walls all around me I soon noticed thanks to that war that took place here. But that was all I could really see. The door just barely there as well as the kitchen entrance but no more. I couldn't see the couches, TV, anything else since I was still too far back in the hall. But as I got closer, going as slow as I could, I heard more.
"I'm going to hurt him," I heard a voice, the same one again say. Only this time, it was nearly in a whisper. But I knew well enough it was Clare. I was so close... I went more than slow now, my eyes straining to the right to hopefully see something. I didn't yet, even as I noticed the couch and the chair slowly move into my view. Both were empty. More noticeable was the condition of the house even more than just the bullet holes.
There was dust, dirt, cement pieces and dry wall laying all over the floor. The furniture, I could just see, was laced with bullet holes too. That is if the furniture was still in place - unlike the lamps and TV, broken shards all over and the items themselves on the floor. It was a terrible sight - but one I paid no mind to. I just took note I didn't see them yet but could hear her. Clare's voice was close. Her words she said didn't make me feel any better. I could tell she must be talking about Francis. Especially when I heard a shaky and tear-filled voice reach my ears that I knew to be Luke's. It felt like it literally broke my heart in half at his voice and those words.
"You're such a liar... You-You're lying. You hurt him..." he said in a choke and it made me cringe, made me want to cry. I didn't see either of them yet. But since neither were in my sight yet, I could tell they had to be by the stairs then. My hand gripping the shovel tightened on instinct.
"Oh I will. I promise you... I will hurt him, just like I am hurting... you. I will kill him. Because you betrayed me," she said in a breathy voice, one that was shaky and hurt, filled with tears among her insane words she was speaking. I could hear the tears in her voice, making her sound groggy or raspy almost. But unlike his tears, hers were heavier and over her love she had for Luke. She was letting it all out I could hear.... And soon, I was able to see too.
I slowly and finally managed to see them. I reached the corner of the hall, and when I looked around the edge and towards the stairs, I saw them. And if it wasn't for my hard grip on the shovel, I probably would have dropped it. Hell, I'm lucky I didn't break down then and there. I was shocked I was able to stop myself from charging her then and there. Maybe because all my mental strength went into taking in what was before my eyes....
My... my stomach. It dropped. My love for him soared... and... my hate for her was never so full before. My legs were shaky. And I bit my lip to stop myself from making a sound - at her and what I saw before me. And that was of Luke. Of him handcuffed to the end of the railing of the stairs, low to the ground. He was laying flat on the ground too for the most part besides his hands trapped above his head on the railing. His shoulders were also propping up against the wall that cut off to the first steps but the rest of him was stretching out before him. He was even laying facing this direction so I had a good visual - of his body and face and what exactly was happening.
His shirt was removed and his chest wasn't just bare... but bloody too. Bloody and moving hard with a ridged breath he inhaled and exhaled hard. It made my stomach turn as I looked him over. Blood purposefully smeared, thick and thin all over him. His blood. But I also noticed the side of his face was bleeding too in a long and one way stream down the side of the face and jaw, dripping from a large cut. If that wasn't enough for me to take in and punch me in the gut, there was more; more caught my attention. Not only was he shaky, and a few tears were streaming now, I saw it wasn't with his eyes open. They were closed, as if refusing to look at her or accept this was happening.
I couldn't blame him either. Because she was so close to him. She was laying on the floor with him and his arms cuffed above him, her stomach pressed into his side. Her back was towards the TV more so I figured if I could make it in that direction, I could hit her hard without her even seeing me beforehand. But that thought took a bit to come to me; I was too taken over at taking it in to process much else. Because it was then that I saw why his chest and bare stomach was so bloody. Clare, her head resting on his chest as she was laying with him, she was tracing his skin over with her famous knife. Just slightly this time, aimlessly smering the blood over him with the side of it. The sick bitch... like she was buttering his in his blood. It made him appear worse than he was, I knew, but it still made me feel just as hurt as he appeared. Her clothes with her hair were soaked in his blood since she was against him too I noticed. But she didn't seem to mind. I think this was her sick and twisted way of saying goodbye.
"Don't you fucking dare do it," he said in a spitting whisper, his stomach shaking and his eyelids closing tighter. I heard him pack his damage heart into his voice. "Don't touch him..." he said, filled with so much emotion. Then, as I watched Clare look up to his face, he shook his head violently, clearly conflicted mentally too. As Clare tried to caress his cheek, he tried moving away from her. But he could only do so much with both hands pinned and cuffed. He let out a humorless laugh. "What the hell am I saying.... I know you're lying. You have to be lying. You're trying to upset me even more, you pathetic bitch," he said, breathing hard, his words making me slightly confused. As if he was trying to dismiss whatever it was they were talking about. Either way, I began to inch slowly around towards the front door; she was too distracted with him to notice and I made sure of that.
"Oh sweetie... you know I'm right. You know what I said is true." What did she mean? What were they talking about? Swallowing, raising my shovel up in a defensive stance, I continued towards the front door. The only reason I didn't go up and hit her yet was because of that knife she was playing with... and that gun.
It was taunting Luke, laying right in his lap and still very much in Clare's reach. It was then... that I knew there was no option of her getting out of this arrested and not dead. It was too risky to try to do this myself, restrain her, and stop her from killing me and Luke with that gun and knife she had. I had no choice but to kill her... and in all honesty, I knew deep down that's what I wanted this whole time anyway. I wanted her dead. And seeing this now, on top of everything else... I wanted to cut her up. I wanted to torture her. And with those gruesome thoughts came the sensation of control slowly beginning to fade.
Seeing him... it killed me, tore me up with hate, but I was forced to stay back. I could barely hold back or stand it but I did it - for now. I needed to wait until she either moves that knife away or moves her body in a way where the gun is not in reach. It was painful... because she looked comfortable where she was. But I knew I needed to wait... at least until her eyes are diverted enough.
Luke didn't answer to her words. He just bit his lip, and I watched as a slow tear crawled out, still releasing from his closed eyes. He breathed heavily and seeing him... oh god! Dear fucking god, just give me a chance to move in! That didn't happen yet; I watched Luke stay silent... until I watched Clare. It was so clear... that smile she gave up to him. At this point, I was backed up far into the corner, in the shadows. Waiting. Needing for her to look a different away. If she saw me coming, she could shoot us both. "Baby, look at me," she whispered up to Luke. "Open your eyes."
"No," he said. "If I die, you are the last person I want to witness at the end of my life," he growled viciously at her.
Since she was so close to him, he could feel her against him well enough to know where she was with her body close. In the next moment, taking advantage of that, I watched as Luke spit in the direction down, where he knew she was. And as he spit, it hit her in the face. Hit her face with a sound of disgust - and a disgusted look from her right away. She winced and growled at him. Even through she wiped it away in her shirt a second later, she was punishing him for that. Clare pushed that knife in her hand up to the side of his forehead. And slowly, she moved it down... down and I heard him grunt first... then give short spurts of screams he couldn't help. His face contorted to his pain and it made me feel deeply sick to see him this way. Clare glided that blade down the same spot that appeared to have already been cut into.
It was... the worst thing I ever watched happen. That says a lot too.... Because this was the man I loved. Suffering. Hurting. Fucking screaming! And I couldn't move yet.
Oh god, I wanted to so bad. But I needed to wait; just turn your fucking head you bitch! No matter where I went in the room, no matter the angel, she would see me come at her. She had to be the one to look away. Fucking look away you piece of shit I wanted to yell at her as I was forced to clasp a hand over my mouth to keep me quiet. My tears were silent as a few slowly slid down my face and I had to be thankful for that. That I was quiet despite the torture my heart was enduring at watching this.
I ended up closing my eyes for a moment, pulling it together or trying to. Breathing hard, I couldn't watch. But I needed to at the same time. When I closed my eyes, it could only take in that pleasure for a moment. I forced my wet eyes to open again as I gazed upon them. Luke was wincing and hurt, trying to buck her off. And despite being very hurt, he didn't stop his anger flowing out when she stopped. She was so crazy... she actually kissed along his bloody chest as Luke groaned in anger, hate, and pain. All the while though, she still was alert enough and didn't look in the direction I needed her too.
She continued smerring his blood around his chest, making it look worse. "And who are you thinking about with those eyes closed? Huh? Your daughter?" she growled up at him, frustrated as she glared up at his face. Her neck craned as she stared up at him, her brown hair resting on her back, some I saw was wet with his blood even more.
"She is not my daughter," he said back right away. "She is my best friend. And... she's the woman you weren't. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me... and you pale fully in comparison to her, you fake stupid bitch," he said, at this time, he spoke softly under his breath, but with a firmness that made my eyebrows dip in love and hurt. His eyes still didn't open.
"I'm your fucking wife! And you cheated on me," she said, a smile crawling on her face. A crazy smile while I watched a couple tears reached her own cheeks. So devastated and delighted at the same time.... She really was out of her mind.
"You never existed. You weren't real. You are not a wife. You are a monster. And it doesn't matter if you kill me or not. I will always love her... and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it." His breath grew smoother and I felt chills run up and along my body in tremors, knowing he was talking, thinking about me at that moment. It made me that much more harder to keep control.
"You are to blame. For all of this. If you just trusted me... stayed my loyal husband, this wouldn't have happened. Francis wouldn't have to die. And neither would you or...." she stretched on, smirking up at him through tears. I felt she was too distracted at that moment. So I moved slightly out of the shadows, moving towards the couch more, despite her confusing words still running in my head. What the hell was she talking about...? I gripped the shovel in my hands tighter.
As her words stretched on, as if teasing him, he broke out into near hysterics and started to try to yank and break out of the handcuffs, his voice growing louder and his tears still coming. "No! No, no, you are a fucking liar! I don't believe you, you fucking bitch!" he screamed out, his eyes closing tighter. And I knew... there was so much more happening before my eyes than I could imagine.
She started to laugh. "You know I am telling you the truth," she smiled. "You can feel I'm right."
What the hell...? What was she talking about?! What was this conversation they were having? I wasn't sure. I just knew that I couldn't take much more of waiting. By the time I was at the couch, crouching slightly, I held the shovel low, almost ready... just look the other way.... Look the other way and I'll fucking hit you.
He just shook his head, and as he did, I noticed another tear fall in the light I could see him in. That tear along the tracks of many other before it. At whatever they were talking about maybe. At his brother, me, him dying. At her winning. And at... everything ending like this. Maybe it was a good thing he didn't open his eyes. If he did, he would have seen me and we didn't want him to give me away unintentionally. Because I was ready to do whatever it would take to make his tears stop. To keep his heart beating and his brothers.... At least, as far as I knew, Francis was okay. Just where was he? He came in the house along with those other two guys. No doubt Clare probably wanted to be alone with Luke first.
Luke just kept shaking his head and I never saw him look so torn up before, not even considering the blood on his chest and the side of his face. She continued speaking, her tears the only sign of sadness. Besides that, she was smiling softly. "I just wanted to tell you," she said in response to his not responding. "I just wanted to say goodbye to you before I kill you, burry you. Then after that," she said softly. "After that gunshot goes off, they will bring Francis down here. And I'm going to kill him too. At least you can take to your grave that Albany is alive. Even if it's not much of a life she will live," she said, smiling with satisfaction.
I watched his eyes squeeze shut even more and more tears fell from his closed eyes. I saw his lip quiver in a hard gasp before he tightened his features, shaking his head. He didn't owe her any words to that. So he just said it simply. "Fuck you."
I watched Clare tilt up slightly, and I was at attention instantly. Just as she started to pet his hair back that was brushing the cut, I watched her head tilt slightly.... Moving her head to rest on his chest too as she began to stroke his hair. But this time, she was at an angle that gave me a chance. I didn't hesitate either as I raised the shovel up, moved around the couch swiftly.
My heart was beating so fast and I felt my stomach rise in me.... I didn't care. I couldn't. This was it and I was ending her. For everything she has done to me. Everything covered everything and it made me feel sick myself. With horror and hate, with anxiousness to end this. I wanted her dead, gone, forgotten. There were no barriers left. My control wasn't tense but now... broken. With wanting her dead and gone, with each step I took towards her... I felt each step took me closer and closer to a sadness I never faced in my life and refused to. Because it wasn't a type of sadness I was willing to accept or face. Now... it seemed like the only time to face such hate and sadness together.
It happened so fast and so slow at the same time. When I got to her, standing at where Luke's outstretched legs were on his left, it happened at the same time. I saw Luke's eyes fly open just as Clare looked up to me, spinning her head around and finding mine. Shocked. Just as Luke's was shocked. I didn't have any time for his sweet and beautiful eyes at that moment. They focused on Clare 100% - and I'm ashamed to say not because I was killing her like I've always wanted too. But because this was my goodbye to her.
Her oh so innocent, fucking blue eyes met mine in surprise. Her eyebrows rose and there was so much in me... there was so much hate and resentment. A haze came over me, hate clouding and it burned my chest it felt like. Her face close enough, I couldn't spare a moment with that gun and knife close. Hate swelling so deeply into my being, I swung the shovel up from my left and struck it forward like a baseball bat swinging out. It hit her with the back side of the shovel against her cheek. And with it, I heard her cry out instantly the second the impact on her sent her whole body back. To the floor fully on her back and away from Luke more.
Grunting after a long couple seconds of shrieking out in pain, I didn't give her much time to recover. My body knew what she deserved from the pain she inflicted upon me my whole life. Now, I responded on need to return that hurt. On her back, I stared down at her shocked face, Luke's blood still over her. Now, hers added to it from where I watched her cough hard. With it, red came out of her mouth as she rolled, just slightly, on her side, grunting. She was in no hurry to get up, to fight, because she couldn't. She was stunned - physically and mentally. Clare always made it a tradition to kick her children while we were down though. I felt like making her proud and keeping that family tradition alive. Especially as I saw her shaky hand grip her infamous knife she was still holding. But her gun still laid by Luke's powerless and trapped body.
As she tried getting up, I stared down at her.... hard and with a burning sensation rise in me. I was too distracted to try to identify what I was feeling. I just knew my intentions were no longer based on Luke or Francis, even Emily at the moment. This was about me and my mother and our past. And how that would all end tonight. The sight of her bleeding from her mouth and nose brought so much joy to me, so much relief and delight, it was scary. It was beautiful, to stare down at her and feel that hate turn into power. Felt wonderful. Because as I stared down at her, only to move closer and shove her fully back to her back with the shovel, I knew this was going to happen. In sweet delight and relief I was ending this... and yet, so much grief I didn't understand as it seemed to pound from my insides.
"Ah... Ah god," she groaned hard and I believe I heard a tint of panic in her voice through the blood in her mouth. Grinding my teeth as shoved her back hard, fully to the floor with the end of the shovel, it all happened before my eyes.... All of it and all over again.
Of the first time she beat me. Of being so scared as a little girl I had been, the not totally tainted girl before she changed that.... The memory of her grinning face moved before my eyes, my memory, the picture of her standing over me as she humiliated and hurt me. The perfect image that was all too common, of her standing before me and scowling as she was forced to change my clothes as a small child. That's one thing I recall visually very well... her hating scowl and hiss as she roughly would dress me. That went for everything, until I learned to raise myself.... I saw it all. All... Saw all this all over again before my very eyes as I stared down at her now. In my place. And for once, I would happily do as my mother did best.
I raised my shovel and hit her again on the side, making her moan and grunt. I watched her eyes grow and roll in hurt to the back of her head. Screaming weakly again on the floor, I was just shocked she was still conscious - even just after that first hit. Bloody from Luke, her own blood mingled even more as I saw blood start to stream from her nose and the corner of her gasping mouth. Even more so as she rolled slowly to her side in pain. And once again... the memory hit me again. Like in little flashes I couldn't get out of my head. She hit you countless times, she cut off your hair, she burned you, hated you, made you get the worse abuse one could ask for by being insane. She made you cry countless amounts of tears as a child until you allowed no more. She made you sit, dirty and helpless for days in the dark, and made you endure limitless amounts of screams and hateful remarks that are inerasable!
I heard Luke was trying to get my attention, was even yelling at me from where he was still sprawled out. I could see him try to fight out of his grasp from my side vision. But no matter what he was saying, nothing registered. This was just me and her. This was winning my life back, winning Luke and Francis's, and getting what I have wanted for years. "I'm going to kill you..." I growled down at her moaning body and her tears that were no doubt from pain this time and not her twisted words with Luke. "I'm going to fuck you up... for everything you have done to me. I'm going to make you nonexistent. I'm going to make you crazy and insane!" I said in a shallow and cracked voice. My sight became blurry again... and though I felt tears, it could have been the red haze of hate I felt in my bones too.
Pinning her down with the shovel right against her neck after she rolled back over onto her back, I pressed my foot and boot down tightly on her stomach. And with my other foot, I kicked her hand that was sprawled out and shaking with no power - the one grasping the knife that has made me bleed too many times before. And just as good as pinning her like I was, it felt just as great as I kicked her hand and knocked the knife out of it, making it skid across the floor a few feet before my stare penetrated back and into hers. Her bright and scared, shocked eyes that made me feel so satisfied. So filled with hate, I needed this so bad. I was so caught up in it all. To the point where this wasn't just physical domination. This was different. Different from any time I faced her in the past.
"You killed my childhood," I said, my voice breaking as I just stared down at her. I watched as she tried squirming out from under my boot and the shovel. I put more muscle into it. "You killed a part of me that I never knew. You killed off what a mother... could have been to me," I whispered as I felt tears slowly begin to crawl from my eyes down my cheeks. "Nothing was ever good enough for you. Nothing. Never and nothing," I growled down at her, pressing harder down. But... this just didn't feel like enough. I watched as a trail of blood started to seep out from under the point of the shovel and I knew I was starting to cut it into her neck a bit. It wasn't enough. Never could be. She needed to suffer deeper pain than this. Like mother, like fucking daughter! Why not?! Right ladies and gents?! The only time I will even fucking be like her! Maybe I could make her proud of me!
My foot that kicked the knife out of her hand, I placed my boot over where it was a few feet away. Full of Luke's blood at the moment... as I tried to get it with the intention to flood the knife with her blood for once. And just before I could slide it back my way, she started to struggle hander under me. Besides her effort being completely surprising after being struck with the shovel, I was shocked... because there was still determination in her eyes. She struggled more under the spade of the shovel...
As I was sliding my boot back with the knife under it, the shovel against her neck no longer laid even. She put that to her advantage too. The shock level in me spiked as she managed to find movement in her arm and she shook the shovel out from under her as she reached for the knife under my boot. And though she wasn't able to grab it, the shovel was off her. That was just enough. With the pressure I put into it too, the shovel's end hit the wood of the floor hard with a deep thud as she avoided it.
Clare wasted no time. She started to roll as fast as she could; I was just lucky I managed to kick the knife out of her reach. But when she did get away from my hold against her with the shovel, and scrambled away from me, I started to see something strange in my sight. A past memory... of me trying to scramble away from her the many times it happened. When she would push me down, hit me, whip me, kick me... I would always try to scramble away. Just like she was now and the sight before me was... surreal. It flashed almost, between me and my past and her before me now once again, more vividly. Though I said control was key, I could tell now... that control was out the window the second I couldn't comprehend what Luke's words were this whole time. Control didn't happen as I watched her now too... scrambling with a trail of blood slowly being made from her neck, nose, and mouth. Control didn't exist with these flashbacks of memories and this haze of hate in my vision.
By the time she got to her feet, I dropped the shovel and just ran straight at her. Not away from her like how it was as a kid. I charged at her fucking body as she tried getting up and running down towards the hall. I bound after her the second she got to her feet, not even looking back. I wouldn't let her leave the living room though. With the will as strong as ever, and hate deeply bubbling in me, I ran and launched myself at her and tackled her to the floor by the kitchen entrance, before she could reach the hall. Through her struggle, even as she managed to get a solid hit against my face, I didn't feel it. I didn't even feel my own blood release when she dug her sharp nails into my neck and tried whipping me away from her. But... I felt nothing. Nothing but the hate and the sorrow I was ashamed of. And it let me forced her down more, restraining her body. I ended up grabbing her soulders hard, just as she started to try to punch me again. I managed to dodge her swings and instead, nailed her a hard punch in return.
Using me for attention... using me as a slave.... Using me and abusing me. All before Luke came along.... Then she tried to kill me. Mental hospital, letting Mark try to get me, letting these people ambush us.... Hate! I hated her! Hated her so much! I knew I wasn't good mentally with all that happened. But I felt it all ready to come out now. All flowing out... to the point where I don't even recall how but I flipped her over and straddled her to the point where her arms weren't free and she couldn't even buck me off. I started to hit her harder, in the face over and over again. My fists grew more desperate.
"I. Was. Never. Good," I said as my tears grew stronger. I gave her a begging look down to her as I punched her again, making her head hit the wooden floor. Her lips parted slowly and she let out a deep breath, her hair long spread out over the floor as I gave her one more punch. Bloody and hurt. Just like I always wanted. "Never good enough for you! Because dad left! And you went bat shit crazy! Because you are a weak piece of shit for a mother. I hate you so fucking much," I said, more tears coming as I hit her more and my words turned into more than hate. They turned into uncontrollable bursts of thoughts and an overwhelming pathetic urge to cry and rip her apart all at once. More scenes of the past hit me as my vision blurred and I slammed her head back.
She killed my friend that was a bird, she killed my sister, she killed off hope in my life. She killed every chance of me to be happy and have a future. She ruined it all... Oh fuck she ruined it all because of her selfish needs. It all flashed over in my mind again. Threw knives at me.... Made me freeze.... Made me raise and teach myself. Not caring! Never fucking caring!
There was once last push in her. And it managed to put her in better shape. I take the blame for that. I was distracted, my mind uncontrollable, and she took her last chance she had. And it worked as her arms became free. "Bitch," she growled at me as I felt her reach up, grab my arm as I tried to hit her, and she pushed that arm back and up into my body before I even realized it. Only to buck up and kick me off of her.
I wasn't going down though. No. I was done failing and done living and breathing the same air as her.
As she moved, I watched in horror. And just as she got to her feet, stumbling and grunting hard, I was right behind her. On my feet, and feeling nothing but pain and desperation. Fear and anger once I noticed she didn't make a break for the hallway to get away like before. No... this time, she was trying for where Luke was, who was struggling and suffering because he could do nothing. He was stuck and though he tried breaking the railing, he couldn't I noticed. Because the gun laid right next to him, the gun I needed to get to before her. The one... that would end or save lives. The gun that would end this all in a second. I had to get it first. I refused to let her win, to let her get the upper hand this time.
It lasted all but a moment. I paid no mind to anything but my will and that gun. And just as Clare rounded around the furniture, heading right for the gun, my heart ran a shock wave through me. I could do it. I could get the gun first. I could I knew. But Luke, who couldn't do anything this whole time, changed the game in our favor even more. His eyes on us, in that smallest second, I watched his wet eyes find mine and he spun and stretched his leg out along the floor and kicked the gun that was close enough out and away from him, out away from Clare, and back where I was closest too. Kicked it... to eliminate any doubt that we would win.
He kicked the gun my way, just as I was behind Clare. And since I saw it and was faster, I got it. I got the gun right before she could grab it when she saw Luke do it. The gun on the floor, I sprung for it in a grunt and with so much need to have it. And I got it. I held it in my hand, with no sense of relief yet...until I turned where I was on the floor, holding the gun. Clare ready to tackle me, I managed to kick her hard in the leg just as I raised the gun up further, aiming it right at her chest.
It was then... that I stared deeply into my mom's wide eyes. One millisecond. My mom's eyes... And her fate.
"Alba--" before she could even finish her words, I pulled the trigger. Pulled the trigger and for some strange reason, it seemed like it took a lot of muscle. But I did it and with no hesitation. I did... and I shot her. Shot her where she was right in front of me, right in the chest.
My breath caught and her words hung painfully in the air. And directly then came that loud crack that filled the air. And the second that crack hit my ears, and my eyes watched her eyes freeze, I felt so overcome with too much.... I just knew the moment that her eyes froze, her body froze, and she fell to her knees... I just knew that this was the a relief I needed. One that made me feel lighter. But one... one that I felt was breaking my heart all at the same time. I didn't understand it.
I watched her wet eyes and a stone expression of shock as her eyes rested on mine. And we shared... a very haunted look. Of what we both shared in our past and what was now over. Clare fell back, her eyes never reaching mine again, and just as blood splattered everywhere, I noticed among the blood was a tear slowly falling down her face as she laid there on the floor. Her breaths were slowing as the hateful woman before me was leaving the Earth before my very eyes. Until those blue eyes faded... and her breaths stopped cold.
She was gone. Dead. And the moment I watched her last breath leave her body, that loss of control was gone. And I was back to being fully in reality. One that would change now very quickly. One I wasn't sure I would be ready to face.
I couldn't believe my eyes as I just... stared down at her body. Her bloody body. Because I did it. I finally did it. I killed her. Oh I killed her.... That excitement, even if slight before, was gone. And I felt so sad... so upset as I stared down at her body. I felt one more tear fall, one more ping enter my chest, and the relief wash over me. So strange... sadness and relief, so much relief. The first one I had no understanding of why I felt that way. I was frozen... staring. Until I felt my senses come back to me and I took a hard deep breath. Then another... and another. Deep breaths as I took it in.
It didn't last too long though. Luke was on my mind too quickly to take it all in. Reality seeped back in too fast. Of what happened here, who was still here, and that the man of my dreams was okay. Licking my lips, I sighed and glanced over towards him to my left. Where he was still bound up against the railing, laying there. I found his sweet and wet green eyes.... They were broken, and his eyes were wide in mine. In shock. And it hurt terribly to see what I knew was something that wouldn't ever leave him. He looked so scared and so hurt.... What I didn't know was that I had no clue of the extent that hurt went.
My body shook in tremors I tried getting under control. I slowly began to crawl over to Luke and bit my lip, deep breaths still coming. And I watched him lick his lip, shaking his head at me. Stunned still and so... shocked. No more tears fell for him. But he was shaking. It drew my eyes over him... over his bare and trembling chest that was only slightly cut. She just wanted to smear as much blood as she could over him. I noticed some blood she didn't cause and that came from his tight wrists up and behind him. Bloody and ringed with where the handcuffs dug in and where he tried to break from them.
My breath uneven, reaching him, I looked over his body. Kneeling right up beside him, I stared down into his sweet and scared eyes. His eyes that just stared at me. I made me bit my lip hard as I searched his eyes slowly, my breath increasing. I cupped his cheeks and let a few more tears of mine fall as I stared deeply into his paralyzed and scared, shocked eyes. I saw that jade color was bright and relieved. But damaged at the same time. "Luke," I said, my voice breaking as I searched his face, feeling his hard breathing still over my face. I could tell though there was something wrong right away. Sighing, I took a few more deep breaths, and my arms became almost instant and quick to stroke his hair back, and help him sit up more against the railing so his hands weren't as strained. I cupped his cheek as I leaned closer to him and his shaky body. There was just something off between us at that second. I looked down and shook my head. "I couldn't leave you," I whispered, swallowing tightly and felt my voice get more shaky. "I love you.... And I couldn't leave her alive for all she did..." Despite everything... I was so relieved. Not just because of Clare but from seeing his sweet eyes that I was so sure an hour ago I would never see again. For that, knowing we didn't have much time, I quickly leaned up and kissed his forehead where blood wasn't smeared.
After I spoke softly to him, and noting he said nothing yet, I began to look around the destroyed room. The room that I knew the key to the cuffs were. I needed to get him out of these handcuffs... after all, Francis and those other men are still here. We weren't done yet. And if I heard right, Clare said that after she kills - shoots - Luke, they should come back in. So there was no time to fuck around. No matter what Luke was going through, myself, or what just happened.
He said nothing yet as I continued to look around me. I asked him urgently more. "W-Where is the... the key?" I asked him, looking around me more. For the key and also of any sign those men and Francis would come in. I looked back up to him and saw that Luke just... stared at me. And it bothered me very deeply because I was having a hard time deciphering it. He didn't answer me. He just stared at me, breath still hard. And I knew it wasn't just shock. I was shocked myself at just... at just having killed her. I still can't accept it yet. Still didn't... quite get it. It was a blur and something shocking. But I didn't think that was his reason he was shocked. He said nothing and stared at me. It scared me. We had to get out of here and with Francis alive too and he just... stared at me!
Each second passing, paranoia set in and my breath increased. We needed to get Francis too. They were here.... That's all I heard in my head and that's what made me forget about what just happened. Finally, as Luke started to get some sense back, he nodded without saying a word. And that nod was aimed at the coffee table that was shattered and in pieces. But among it I saw, in the pile of glass, was the key. No thoughts. I just rushed around the furniture and got it, returning to Luke as I started to take the handcuffs off him. All the while, in my panic, he stared at me still. Wide eyed, even with his sense returning of what was going on. He still said not a word. But his eyes never left mine as the cuffs fell and I brought his arms forward, rubbing them for him in comfort once before he was finally, thankfully so, in action. Even if that meant a very shook up and pale faced action as I watched him carefully.
Moving the few feet over on his knees to where I left the gun in shock, he picked it up and grabbed it. His eyes were down, breath heavy, and he still... said not one word as I watched him check the gun. Eyes looking over him, I watched him swallow thickly. But he was on edge finally, like me. "Luke?" I asked softly, looking around and ready for anything, waiting for those men to show up.
"It's okay," he said softly. "Clare said for them to come down ten minutes after they hear the gunshot," he said in a quieter voice as he stared up at me, love in his gaze and it made me relax, even if slightly. No wonder why he wasn't as paranoid as I was - we had some time but that wasn't a good reason. There was more to it. But we still were still paranoid over this regardless.
All I knew though was that it was relieving - those words and his sweeter tone. But there was something still bothering him, besides the task of getting Francis out now. That of course would have to come later. Because what happened now wasn't happening ten minutes from now we found out.
A voice came through casually. That was neither me or Luke. "Clare?" we heard a voice grunt as that voice had steps. And with that voice, a few other footsteps started down the stairs. The men... they were coming downstairs. "I know you informed us to not come down no matter what we hear, however w--"
My eyes widened, just as Luke's had. They weren't suppose to come down that quickly. But... they did. And now... now we were stuck. In shock and for me anyway, in fear. Because though I have my personal super hero and savior with me... we weren't ready. We weren't expecting them to come down the stairs. And especially when Luke was checking the gun and probably getting ready to go upstairs where they were waiting with Francis. We wouldn't have been ready, no matter what. It was too late. Luke was still checking the gun by the time they looked out into the living room from the stairs. As if expected to see Clare with a dead Luke. And instead... seeing me and Luke, with Clare dead and laying in the middle of the floor.
So fast... too fast. The moment they saw us, and realized Clare was dead, they didn't hesitate. But neither did Luke who had a few seconds on them.
Staring up, for the second I had to take them in, I saw the two men stop dead on the stairs just as they got their guns out. And Francis... there he was. Standing with them. And it was such a nice sight to see him, alive just as it was Luke. His eyes were wet with tears, having thought his brother was dead. Now... they were wide and panicked. Francis looked between the two men just as I forced myself to back up slightly. Because with the men that started to point their guns, Luke was the first to shoot. He was first, even as he was checking the gun. He was very good. But he couldn't stop everything.
Just as I began backing up, Luke shouted at me to get back even more as I felt him move quickly, and towards me as he aimed his gun up above up through the railing. Then, not a second later, he aimed and fired up at one of the men on the stairs. Yet... if only it were that easy. Because just as Luke aimed the gun and shot one of the men, Francis took a chance. One he felt he needed to and, feeling his chances were good, he bounded down the rest of the stairs. His hands still tied together, he stumbled and moved, did all he could to get down the stairs and tried to get out as quick as he could, knowing his brother could handle this. It was a good chance.
But just as the man Luke shot went down, and just as Francis started to run, the one man left.... His focus and goal was Francis from the start. He only realized too late his other guy wasn't covering him. Otherwise, he probably would have shot at us. And not at the man Luke and I dreaded would get hurt this whole time.
Inevitable at this moment. But very avoidable from the beginning of this long journey. The guy aimed his gun at Francis's retreating form, and just as Luke shot the man, it was a second after he fired his bullet straight into Francis's back.
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A very tough chapter to write so please excuse the errors....