grief isn't what anyone tells you
it's not the five stages on the therapist reception poster
no one told me grief was acting normal, everything okay
while inside the world crumbles to dust
no one told me grief was sleepless nights, 5am kitchen wanders and taking hot showers in the middle of the night
no one told me grief was not eating, speaking, sleeping, feeling
grief is an intense feeling of numb, of drinking until you stop crying, of drinking until you can't stop crying
grief is self-reflection in the midst of loneliness and contemplation of your own existence
grief is wanting to leave the earth and never return
grief is having no words, only screams, cries, swears and punches to the wall or yourself
on some days grief is not leaving the bed
on some it's being able to scribble out a bad poem or two
on some it's wishing death had taken you instead