Saturday 21st
"Where were you last night?" My brother asked as we walked from our front door to the elevator. Next to him, walking close to his side was Chester, their hands tucked discreetly together.
"Huh?" I said, picking my eyes up from beige carpeted floor to my brother who watched me with a curious eye. Chester too pinned his gaze onto me awaiting my answer.
"Last night?" My brother repeated, throwing me an impatient arch of his brows. The space around his eyes creased as he frowned, "I called home and mum said you were out."
"Oh yeah," I mumbled, shrugging casually despite the thumping of nerves in my chest. Nonchalantly I hopped into the elevator after them and pressed the first-floor button, "I just went out with some friends from school."
"Nice," he nodded, his hand still wrapped around Chester's, "Where'd you go?"
"Just to some bars along Oxford," I filled him in, brushing past specifics, "Nowhere special."
Both Chester and Caspian nodded, forearms glued together.
"Did I tell you that I run into Thomas?" I asked cautiously, cradling my clutch better in my hand and adjusting the spaghetti straps of my tight black dress with the other. I shook out the beige trench coat I had in the crook of my arm and slipped myself into it to cover my barely there outfit. Ivy had picked it out for me which explained the lack of fabric which somehow managed to look classier than I'd thought.
"No," Caspian shook her head, staring at me across the lift space, "I bet that was awkward."
"Not really," I frowned remembering mine and Thomas's civil conversation outside the bar, "He seemed like he was doing well, which is good. We're going to meet up soon I think, just to catch up."
"As long as you're not falling back into that same pattern," Caspian mumbled bitterly.
"I'm not," I assured him, shaking my head, my curled hair falling about my shoulders as I did so, "I promise."
Caspian exhaled a disbelieving sigh, "You always say that," he frowned disapprovingly, the way a brother would when discussing his little sister's dating life.
"I know but I mean it this time," I insisted looking him dead straight in the eyes steadily for reassurance.
"Good," Caspian nodded, relief meeting his downcast expression as I managed to keep his worries at bay, "I hate the prick."
"Cas," Chester mumbled lowly into my brother's side.
Caspian's eyes went sideways and innocence crossed his features, "We were all thinking it," He uttered back.
Ignoring my brothers snide comment that resembled Ivy's too well, I listened instead to the dinging of the elevator meeting each floor before eventually I shone the attention on them for a change, "What about you, what did you do last night?"
Barely hearing my question over their own quiet whispers, they both gradually turned to me again and took in what I had asked them. Chester's face flushed whilst Caspian beamed, "I took Ches to that new Italian near the apartment."
"So," I chimed, chuckling to myself and drawing amusement from the bright pink shade of Chester's cheeks, "It was date night then?"
"Andra," Caspian warned half-heartedly, "You're embarrassing Ches."
"I was trying to embarrass you," I laughed, my gaze flickering between the two of them adoringly.
"Not possible," Caspian grinned, his arm lifting up and slinging itself around Chester, "He's the only one in this relationship that gets embarrassed."
Neither me or Chester had missed what my brother had referred to them being in. A relationship. First he accidently confesses love and now this. How nice that must feel, I thought, to have something as simple as knowing what you want and what you feel.
"Relationship huh?" I echoed, a smirk teasing at my lips just as the elevator hit the bottom floor and thankfully for Chester, the doors slid open. I caught one last glimpse of Chester before he and Caspian piled out of the lift. His pink tainted face now donned a luminous red instead. I bit back a laugh.
"I think that's enough taunting from you," Caspian laughed, waggling a scolding finger over his shoulder in my direction from behind them, following them out into the lobby.
"You sound like mum," I called ahead to my brother gauging a loud, offended scoff from him.
"Never say that again," he threatened as we entered into the main part of the crowded lobby. With the new swarm of people milling in and out of the hotel on their Saturday night, Caspian withdrew his arm from his boyfriend's shoulder.
I took it from their lack of PDA and Chester's lack of offence that they still weren't quite in the publicly official stage of their relationship. Either for privacy reasons or things I quite aware of but I choose to respectfully not question them on it.
"Fleur just texted me," Chester told me over his shoulder, "She said not to pick her up."
"How come?" I asked, strolling forward till I walked in between the two of them, my forearms brushing against theirs as we sauntered through the lobby.
"She said she left early," Chester explained, eyes down casted to his phone screen as he typed back a message, "She's already at the party with Vic and Hugo."
"We need to hurry up then," Caspian commented, picking up pace, "She'll have your heads if you're later than everyone else."
We all walked a little quicker then, that thought speeding us up as we steered our way through the busy room. We headed in the direction of the doors when my eyes found someone hovering in the middle of the room. Treading foot to foot by the décor loveseats was Asher, eyes glued to his phone as he furiously typed away on it. Back to his normal self he was wearing a black hoodie and joggers and a frowning expression.
My breath hitched in my throat the second my eyes laid on him, a deadly cold feeling of anxiety spreading through my chest, "Chester," I whispered harshly, my feet halting to a stop.
Chester's eyes fell on me curiously and noticing my brash expression stopped walking too. He followed my stare all the way to Asher, his eyes widening when he saw him.
"Change of plans," I said, forcing a smile onto my lips when Caspian looked to me with confusion, "You two go ahead to the party. I forgot something upstairs."
"We'll just wai-," Caspian started to protest but cut himself short when Chester's hand tugged on his and he motioned towards the doors.
"We'll get a drink ready for you," Chester nodded towards me, pulling Caspian along with him through the lobby, "Come on, she'll be fine."
"Ok," Caspian said, tagging along after his boyfriend after sparing me one last confirming nod. I watched them leave, waiting until they had completely gone to finally make my way over to Asher.
I stopped a few feet away from him, "Ash?" Uttering his name and swallowing down a dry lump in my throat, my heart stuttered when I came close to him.
His eyes looked up as soon as he heard me speak, an urgency flashing across them as they found me, "Alessandra," he breathed, for a second relief filling his frame till his usual blank expression came back.
"Ash," I said again, not able to look at him so instead focusing on the phone in his hands, "What are you doing here?"
"What does it look like?" He said sarcastically though his normal blunt force wasn't there, "Waiting for you."
I didn't reply, unsure of what to say in that precise moment. A moment I'd been thinking of since we'd last fought outside the restaurant on Sunday. I'd known that there'd be a time when I'd have to face him again and all week I'd gone over in my head what I'd say when I finally did. I'd come up with hundreds upon hundreds of insults and comments but none of them came to mind now that I actually stood in front of him. I was tongue tied, speechless.
"I've been calling you all night," He said, "All week I should really say."
And he had, every one of the six days we'd been apart there had been a call or text from him. Not once had I answered. As much as my fingers had twitched to reach out and answer each call, I resisted the fighting urge. Instead I would let the call pass, deleting the missed call from my log book as if it were evidence that might find me in deep trouble. Which looking up at Ash now, I know it would have.
"I know," I said, shrugging further into my coat in hopes it might swallow me whole and help me avoid a confrontation with what seemed like a pissed off Asher.
"And what?" He said, arms crossed tightly over his chest in agitation, "You've just happened to be busy all that time?"
As if suddenly realising that he had no right to be pissed I squared my shoulders outwards and jutted my chin up as I shook my head, "No," I said defiantly.
"Oh," He puffed out a sadistic mouthful of air, his eyes hardening as they watched me, "So you've been ignoring me then?"
"Yeah, I have," I said. Mimicking him I crossed my arms over my chest tightly, my clutch dangling lightly from my freshly manicured fingers.
"God," Asher sighed deeply from a kind of mental perplexation, "You've got to be the most stubborn person I've ever met."
"It's not stubbornness," I bit back fiercely at him though we both knew that was a lie. It was stubbornness, I just wouldn't admit it. Though mentally I let myself rest assured knowing it was stubbornness with a reason. He was in the wrong, I was allowed to be persistent in my anger.
"So why haven't you picked up then?" He challenged, his knitted brows unfurrowing themselves and arching in my direction.
"Because I thought I didn't care about you had to say."
"And do you," He questioned me further, his hardened eyes growing gloomier as he awaited my answer, "Not care?"
Even though it must have been obvious, I answered tangling the truth with misdirection, "What does it matter if I do or don't care, I already know you don't."
"Obviously I didn't mean it," Asher sighed, bringing one hand to his temple and running his fingers up along his forehead in impatient frustration, "I was pissed at my dad and took it out on you, I'm sorry bu-."
"Sorry isn't not good enough and neither is that excuse," I told him, a cold touch meeting my face for once instead of his, "You coming here was a waste of time."
His tone was thick with irritation as he peeled his hand away from his forehead before speaking again, "You're being a little melodramatic don't you think?"
"Are you seriously insulting me right now?" I fumed, uncontrolled anger creeping into my frame, "I give you the chance to explain and you decide to take the piss?"
"I'm not taking the piss," Asher sighed, stepping towards me, "It's just that you said you're willing to hear me out but you're even listening."
"I never said I wanted to hear you out," I told him through gritted teeth as my feet started to walk backwards and away from him, "I'm leaving now."
"Andra, no," Asher huffed, his hand reaching out in an instant to grab gently onto my wrist and pull me back round to him, "I know I can be difficult sometimes-."
"Difficult?" I scoffed loudly, "Do you understand how much of an understatement that is?"
Asher ignored the words that flew from my mouth and choose to point out the obvious, "I get your pissed," He said, just as I tore my arm away from him and clutching it tightly back to my side.
"I'm beyond pissed Asher," I said, gnawing down on the inside of my cheek as I fought to contain my anger, "And I always don't have time for this. I have somewhere I need to be."
Asher's eyes followed mine as they briefly glanced at the door, "Where?" He asked, frowning.
"A party," I told him, "It's my friends birthday and I'm already late because of you."
I wasn't trying to be rude, or maybe I was but the fact still stood that I was late to one of my best friend's birthday celebrations and standing with Asher arguing pointlessly was getting me there no quicker.
"Let me come," Asher said, drawing no offence from my spiteful tongue.
"No."
"Why not?" He questioned, eyes pinned to me intrusively as if he were trying to drag compliance out of me, "Let me come and I'll explain everything to you there."
"I don't need you to explain anything," I said despite the nagging feeling that flooded my body, the feeling that told me I did want him to explain everything. I wanted to know why he'd lied, why he'd become so defensive, shut me out. It was killing me not knowing but I knew it would hurt me more to be the first to admit I needed him and his explanations.
"Fine then I won't explain anything," Ash bargained, "I'll just come and we won't even talk."
My brows furrowed deeply as I stared back at him in confusion, "Then what's the point."
A rough sigh fanned across his lips, "Why does there always have to be one?" He questioned almost rhetorically.
"God, Asher," I fumed in frustration, moving my head side to side as if I might be able to shake him out of my mind, "What is wrong with you?"
"Everything," he smiled slightly for the first time tonight, one corner of his lips curling upwards as he said once more, "Let me come with you Andra."
I thought about it longer than I should have. Mentally I had known the second he suggested it that it was a terrible idea, one set for disaster. But I'd come this far in life without ever listening to what the right thing was and with that in mind I ever so slowly sigh in defeat.
"You can only come if you leave me alone once we're there," I said, striking the only deal that I thought might protect me.
"Deal," he said, nodding in agreement, briefly smiling down at me.
"Fine then, come on," I said, ushering him through a sigh to the entrance of the hotel, "We'll have to get a taxi."
*
The second we stood outside Hugo's front door, the party on the inside blaring through the slight crack in the door, I reminded Asher of the deal we'd made.
As to further remind him the moment we stepped inside I split away from him knowing if I stayed for a second too long I'd never want to leave his side. So for that reason alone I left him and walked off without direction. I manoeuvred my way through the wild hordes of teenagers jumping and screaming to the beat of the music that filled every corner of the house. It was one of the busiest, loudest parties I think we'd ever thrown. People I didn't even recognise where there, people who I highly doubted knew Hugo either. Not that he minded whether he knew them or not. From the crazy position he was in, balancing on the back of one the sofas in the living room, singing wildly with the people crowded around him, he looked without a care in the whole world.
"Happy Birthday" I had to all but yell up to him, still dancing in the air until he noticed me down below. His grin widened and quickly he was jumping down dangerously and ramming into me.
"Andra," he cheered into the side of my head as we hugged, "You came."
"Of course I did," I laughed, having to raise my voice high for him to hear me above the music, "I wouldn't miss it. You having a good time?"
"The best," He nodded ferociously, grinning like a Cheshire Cat, a glazed smoky glint to his eyes. I could tell from the scented waves of alcohol rolling off this tongue that he was already drunk.
"Good," I chuckled, feeling half-hearted concern when he stumbled a little on his feet.
"Victoria and Fleur are somewhere over there if you want them," he explained to me, gesturing with his hand to at least three different parts of the house.
"Ok, thanks," I smiled brightly at my pissed friend, then looking to find where somewhere over there was, "See you in a bit."
He didn't respond or if he had I didn't hear him. Instead he just climbed his way back up the sofa till he stood towering over the entire room, roaring like King Kong once he was at full height. The room boomed with him, whipping their hands up into the air as I fought my way through the masses.
"Victoria," I shouted once I got out of the living room and found Victoria and Fleur chatting down a mildly busy corridor near the kitchen. They both turned to see me, smiling and waving as I manoeuvred myself through the last obstacle of people.
"Andra," Victoria cheered much like Hugo had, reaching over and pulling me into a friendly hug straight away, "Hey."
"Hey," I said, hugging her back and then pulling away to embrace our other friend as well, "Hey Fleur."
"Hiya," She exclaimed happily.
"Party looks great," I said to Victoria in appreciation of her hard work putting the party together. My eyes scanned over the space around me once again and then over the two of them quickly.
Victoria had her freshly dyed brown tied up high in a pretty bun and a navy blue, low cut dress sat perfectly on her curves. And Fleur looked just as good, her black curls let loose, haloing around her shoulders and she donned a silky white jumpsuit which sat against her skin tone amazingly.
I admired my friends, their beauty astounding to be around.
"Yeah, I know," Victoria beamed, her white sparkly teeth shining in my direction, "I know it's a bit extreme but it's his eighteenth and his parents said I could do anything while they're aware for the weekend. So I thought why not go crazy?"
"It's very Hugo," I assured her, all of us knowing Hugo was a sucker for big, wild party's that we were never allowed to usually throw or go to, "You did amazing."
"Thanks," she blushed, a pink stain brushing along her makeup covered cheeks, "As long as he likes it, I'm happy."
Another booming cheer echoed loudly from the front room that resembled exactly Hugo's drunken tone. All us girls shared a matching stare, laughing to ourselves at what could be considered our mess of a friend who was inevitably having the time of his life.
It was then that a warm chill echoed through my bones and I realised I was still tucked away under my large coat. I chucked my clutch which had no valuables in it, into a drawer of a side table in the hallway and then slipped out of my coat.
Victoria whistled, her eyes running up and down my body, "Oh wow," she teased.
"What?" I said slyly, ignoring my friend's gazes at my revealing dress and folding my coat up and putting to down on the table.
"Where the hell can I can a dress like that?" Victoria exclaimed, her hand reaching out and her fingers running along the silky fabric resting over my stomach, "You look fucking stunning."
A deep heated blush crept up my bare neck to my cheeks, "Shut up," I laughed pushing away her hand.
"I mean it," Victoria said and beside her Fleur nodded approvingly, "Seriously, where did you get it?"
"Ivy got it for me," I explained, the mood quickly dampening at the mention of Ivy.
"Speaking of Ivy," Fleur's words drew off, her shaped brows cocking in my direction and then Vic's.
"No signs of her?" I asked Victoria, hoping for anything but a no.
"No," she sighed, disappointment behind her eyes, "There's not much more I can do Andra. I text her telling her that whenever she's ready to speak we could but I got no reply."
"And I tried to get her to come," Fleur piped up, her pupils dimming with the absence of our fourth vital part of our little girl gang.
" I don't know what's going on with her, sorry," u shrugged, sad too that Ivy wasn't here with us, "I wish I could do something but you know her. She won't listen to anyone."
"Not your fault Andra," Vic insisted, her hand brushing against my wrist comfortingly, "But let's forget about that tonight, she's the one missing out."
Fleur nodded smiling at me reassuringly, "Exactly," she agreed.
"Cheers to us," Victoria replaced her frown with another glowing grin, her lips pulled up to her eyes as she tipped her drink into the air.
Fleur raised her half empty glass to meet Victoria's and I just tipped my head in the direction of the clashing drinks, "To us," I smiled.
The two bashed their glasses together and ten pulled them back p their lips and took large sips. When Fleur drew away her own drink she motioned it towards me. I smiled gratefully at her as I took the drink and had my own large gulp of it.
I was focusing on the rush of the alcohol down my throat when Fleur gasped beside me, her fumbling hand finding my arm and tugging on it, "God," She breathed, her smile faltering and surprise taking hold of her features.
"What?" Victoria asked in concern once noticing Fleur's sudden nervousness.
"Is that Asher?" Fleur managed to coax the shaky words out of herself.
"What?" I said now repeating Victoria. My eyes widened with alert as I followed the path of her sight to where Asher walked out of the living room door.
"Look, over there," Fleur said, discreetly pointing her finger in the direction of him, "It's Asher, right? Jonathan's son?"
"The one you have a crush on?" Victoria questioned, her concerned expression now morphing into something of smugness. My stomach churned undeniably in jealous, I couldn't help it.
"I don't have a crush on him," Fleur defended herself, though the shy smile touching the ends of her mouth said otherwise, "All I said was that I thought he was cute."
"Hot was the term you used," Victoria teased Fleur who carefully watched Asher as he typed something into his phone and stood alone at the end of the hallway, "You should go say something."
"No," Fleur jumped to say, shaking her head, "I can't."
"Doesn't matter now," Victoria grinned, her elbow nudging into Fleur's forearm with tease, "He's coming over here anyway."
Both mine and Fleur's eyes grew even wider, rushing to where Asher was before. Now he was closer, his long legs striding forward in the direction of us. His eyes met mine instantly and stayed on me, the faint outline of a smile on his lips as he approached us. He looked me up and down, long and painfully slow, like he hadn't seen me yet tonight. He had though, except now he was just seeing a lot more of me.
"Hi," He said, louder than usual because of the thumping music. He tore his eyes from me and acknowledged my two friends when he did, "It was Fleur and Victoria right?"
Victoria nodded, biting down on her glossed bottom lip as she tried to be discreet about the smug smirk that fought its way onto her mouth, "Yeah."
Fleur said nothing, too tongue tied I suppose, and instead just nodded making a small incoherent sound.
"Asher," He said, reintroducing himself, "We met at the bar."
"We remember," Victoria empathised, nudging the shy girl beside her once more, "Don't we Fleur?"
"Mhm," Fleur mumbled, smiling stupidly up at him unable to rip her gaze away from him. It was a feeling I was all too familiar with, not wanting to look away. Asher had that effect.
"Nice to see you again," Asher said, smiling politely down at her, his gaze flickering to me once before back to my friends.
Fleur giggled, a sound I hated too much in that moment to admit, "You too," She said quietly.
We all lingered on a silence then, Victoria watching Fleur's blushed state, me secretly glancing at Asher and him blatantly staring right back.
"So, Asher," Victoria hummed, taking another large sip of her drink and looking over the rim of the glass at him, "How did you hear about the party? Are you here with someone?"
I prayed he wouldn't say it, that for once he might do something I actually wanted him to do.
"I'm here with Andra actually," He said ignoring completely my instinctive glare, and doing the opposite of what he knew I needed him to say.
Victoria and Fleur both simultaneously frowned, "What?" They said.
"I was just about to tell you guys that Jonathan and my mum asked me if I could bring Asher out again," I rambled on, thinking up on the spot a white lie I could tell them to spare the gory details of Asher and I's complicated relationship, "Give him a chance to meet everyone again."
"Oh, cool," Victoria nodded, accepting my reasoning with no pretence, Fleur neither, "Well you're more than welcome here."
Asher's head bowed appreciatively in Vic's direction, "Thanks," he mumbled kindly.
"Would you like a drink?" Fleur then burst out all of a sudden, the most words I think she'd said in front of him ever.
Asher paused for less than a second, looking to me for something of confirmation. I choose to give him nothing, not even a glance. He wasn't here with me, he could speak to anyone and do anything he wanted to. He definitely didn't need my say so.
"Yeah," he said finally, "Sure."
"The kitchen's just through here," Fleur instructed, pointing down the hallway to the entrance of Hugo's kitchen, "I'll show you."
Just like that the two of them were off together, walking away from me and Victoria towards the kitchen. I followed slow behind them and Vic tagged along to, watching with me as the two of them interacted.
Asher's head was ducked down, Fleur's neck craned up as she attempted to speak louder so he could hear her better.
She guided him through the kitchen, giggling as he said something, "She's definitely got a crush on him," Victoria commented, staring at them in amused scrutiny. Unlike her excited expression, I wore a scowl a deep knitted frown threaded into my brows.
"He's hardly her type though," I uttered, my tone vaguely bitter as Fleur poured Asher out a drink, passing it to him. Their hands brushed against each other's and Fleur's cheeks darkened, her smile brightening. He smiled back, bringing the drink to his lips and taking a smooth gulp of it.
"Does Fleur even have a type?" Victoria frowned, her eyes running sideways to me conspicuously.
"No, I'm just saying that from what I've seen he's quite rude," I shrugged casually, pretending not to be bothered by the back and forth chit chat occurring between him and my best friend, "Fleur's always saying she wants someone nice."
"Wow," Victoria chuckled sheepishly beneath her breath, grinning like mad to herself. Catching her entertained tone, I looked sideways to her as she leant against the frame of the door and fixed me with a knowing gaze.
"What?"
"You're nearly as bad as Fleur," Victoria taunted with satisfaction.
"What do you mean?" I interrogated, my defence switched on as she hinted at something I hoped I was to conceal.
"I mean," Victoria let her words trail on for a second too long, teasing me with the drawn-out pause, "Fleur might not be the only one with a crush on little Asher."
An embarrassing heat rushed to my bare skin as I gawked at Victoria, "I do not have a crush on him," I rushed to deny much like Fleur had before.
My friend's brow cocked arrogantly towards me, pleased with herself to have noticed something no one else had yet, "Really?"
"Screw you," I huffed, knowing which battles I could and couldn't win. This wasn't one I had the energy to even fight, "I'm going to find Chester."
I heard the ringing of Victoria's laugh as I left her alone at the entrance of the kitchen, weaving my way through the house to find my brother and his date, two people I was determined to steer away from Asher and my more than obvious feelings for him.
*
As the party rolled on into the night, my frustration grew. From a distance I watched Asher. I stood on the other side of the room to him with Victoria and Hugo, the two of them curving against each other as they danced and blissfully ignored me. Asher was in the opposite position of me, he was beside Fleur swamped with her devoted attention. It was where he'd been all night, right next to her.
And I didn't know if it was the way she beamed up at him or just the lingering remnants of his and mine but I began to resent Asher more and more as the night went on. My head throbbed dangerously, a mixture concocted from the music, alcohol and sight of Fleur and Asher and my hands scrunched up into rounded fists.
As one song drew to an end and another began shaking the room, Hugo and Victoria engrossed themselves in each other's lips and my patience snapped. I stalked through the dancing crowd, my high heels pounding down hard against the floor and occasionally other people's feet. Shoving and pushing, not caring about anyone else, I marched with defiance and stupidity up to Fleur and Asher.
"Hey Andra," Fleur grinned barely managing to look away from Ash but with great effort doing so, "You having a good time?"
"Yeah," I nodded, forcing a smile back at her despite the grinding on my teeth behind my lips, "You mind if I borrow Asher a second?"
"Oh," She sighed, a disheartened expression touching her delicate features, "Yeah course."
A spur of courage took a hold of me when I let my hand grab Asher's wrist and I began to pull him along with me. He followed without question, speaking over his shoulder to Fleur, no doubt easing her worries when he said, "I'll be back in a minute."
I didn't hear what Fleur had said back and neither did he because I'd already managed to tug him with me to the door of the living room and into the hallway. Behind me Asher made no protests as I led us through the house till we reached a small narrowly arched dip in the wall near the front door.
I ducked us both into the space, spinning around fiercely quick to face him, "I think it's time you go," I quipped, my face contorted in annoyance.
Asher took a short step away from me so he could see properly stare down at my face. He frowned broodingly, "What?"
"It was wrong to let you come here," I told him, my eyes briefly checked with paranoia around us to assure we were alone and not being watched by someone who could moisture our position alone to the side of the party.
"Why?" He asked, a sharpness rooting itself into his tone as he added, "Because of your friends? The ones you lied to about me."
"You really don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to lying," I sneered back at him, refusing to hear anything but my own voice which told me how angry I was. Angry that we were fighting, angry that I wanted to forgive him, angry that Fleur saw in him what I did.
"Maybe you're right," Asher said, continuing to provoke me like I should have expected him to, "But tell me what's the difference between you lying to them and me lying to you?"
It wasn't a question he meant for me to answer because just as I'd even began to register what he'd asked, he was speaking again taking my anger and inciting it in himself, "If anything, your lie was worse."
"How the hell do you work that one out?" I sputtered, my bewilderment almost surpassing my anger. Almost.
"Because I lied for an actual reason," Asher spat, his jaw tightened and eyes cynically cold, "You lied because you're ashamed of me."
If I were in a stable mental space I might be able to see how he'd think that. Too most people that's what it might have looked like too, but I know the truth and it wasn't that. Far from it. And because it wasn't the truth and I was hyped up on fury, I rejected the idea of reassuring Asher and instead focused on shouting at him.
"Fuck you," I raged, angrier than I'd ever been with him, "I am not ashamed of you."
"Yes, you are," Asher contradicted, challenging me when he squared his shoulders up to me and stepped into my space.
"I'm not the one ashamed Asher, that's you. You're ashamed of me and my lifestyle and I know because you hide it from all your friends, refuse to be a part of it, turn your nose down on me and my friends," I exploded, raging on despite my lack of breath, "And I don't know why I'm even having to defend myself right now. I shouldn't have let you come here. All you've done tonight is piss me off and flirt with one of my best friends."
"First of all, I was not flirting with Fleur, secon-," Ash attempted to defend himself but I cut him short, a detailed expression of disgust meeting my features.
"I don't give a fuck what you were doing with Fleur," I cursed, another lie.
"It sure sounds like you do," Asher dared to say, forgetting completely his second point as he caught onto my jealousy. It was obvious by that point, he could read me easily.
My heart jumped up into my throat, pounding there as he took another bold step closer to me. He rocked on his feet there, as if testing the waters. When I did nothing but stare wildly up at him, he fixed himself to the spot.
"Don't do that," I said, my voice noticeably dropping in volume as his enclosing presence affected me deeply, "Don't try and divert the attention onto me."
"I didn't," Asher lied, eyes heavy on me watching as my chest shuddered from a combination of nerves and adrenaline.
"You did," I said, hoping that if I spoke confidently enough it might hide the notable effect he had on me physically, "You were going to say something and then you never finished. You turned it around on me an-."
"I was going to say that I could never be ashamed of you," He interrupted, voice lower than before but loud enough that it reached through all the whining background noise, "But you never let me finish."
Any other protests I might have had before died on my tongue there. My mind clung to his words and my mouth clamped shut, I was too stunned to speak.
"I didn't come to fight with you Andra," Asher told me, his stance softening and frown lifting only slightly.
"Sure feels like you did," I uttered cynically, my grudge undeniably set in stone.
"You're the one who's fighting here Alessandra," He corrected me, "I just came to sort things out."
My hands that had till that point hung helplessly by my side, lifted upward and entwined over my chest stubbornly, "There's nothing to sort out," I told him though every instinct in me disagreed. There was everything to sort out. Him, me, us.
A huge frustrated sigh took a hold of Asher then as if he might lose his mind any second. His hands left his sides too and reached up to his face to rub the pained expression bothering it, "Lord help me. Why can't you just work with me for one minute?"
"Work with you?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes, work with me," Asher said ripping his hands from his face and taking one short stride away from my heavy breathing body, "Jesus Andra I feel like I'm fighting a damn war with you half the time. I know this is my fault and I messed up but would you please just work with me this once?"
I breathed with sudden control, surprising myself, "Tell me why you lied and maybe I will," I said to him in a much calmer tone to the one I'd been using most of the night. It must have surprised him because his gaze snapped to me and a sigh rolled off his chest.
"I don't even know," he admitted his feet carrying him a step back towards me though we were drawn like magnets together, "When it comes to my family I'm used to not talking openly."
"Is it always going to be like that, you not wanting to talk?"
Asher's shoulders slowly pinched up into a small shrug, "I don't know."
"This won't work for me then," I confessed, my head shaking side to side, a denting frown meeting my forehead as I attempted to conceal my disappointment, "I can't do the whole not talking thing Asher."
He must have sensed my seriousness on that matter. He must have known that I really meant it, "I know," he nodded, his eyes soberly swallowing me whole.
I waited for him to say more, tell me that he didn't want me to give up or that he'd try and open up more. I waited and waited and when he didn't say anything a flare of anger sparked inside me again. I pointed a sharp finger in his direction and raised my voice, "You don't get it, do you? I was never asking you to tell me everything all at once, all I was asking from you was to give me one little thing. But you wouldn't."
Asher steps were back in place through my rant, moving towards me in a second till his towering body was inches from mine, "I know, I know all of that."
"I'd tell you anything you want to know about me."
"I know," Asher echoed tensely, his jaw clenching tighter, "You don't need to keep saying it Andra."
"I'll say it until you realise that I mean it. You've got to want to make this w-" my mouth opened to finish but I never got to. Asher stopped me mid-sentence, his lips assuring my silence. He'd got to me faster that I'd thought possible, slanting his head and pushing his lips over mine, shutting me up in the midst of my rambling.
I received him gladly, my whole frame collapsing into him senselessly. My lips and his moved together, a hot mess as we embraced in the dark archway alone. The party which had drained out till then, now filled my ears again, the music matching the thumping beat of my palpitating heart. It boomed on in the distance as me and Asher attempted to draw each other closer than we already were. He stood infringed of me, his chest flush against mine, arms wrapped around my body and gathering me tight.
We stumbled backwards slightly, my hands running up his chest to his neck, tracing along his burning skin till they met his jaw bones. I held onto him there, bringing his face closer to mine if it were possible.
In that moment I intended to stay like that for as long as I possibly could, clinging to Asher like I depended on it. Which I felt like I did; depend on him. So much so that when he pulled his lips away because a shriek behind us in the hallway, I sought desperately to bring him back to me.
But Asher was distracted, still leant against me though when he looked over his shoulder at the random girls that had made the annoying noise. My hands still hung around his neck and I gently pushed my finger against his jaw till he was looking back at me again.
He sighed when his eyes met mine, "Andra," he mumbled, resting his forehead against mine.
I curved further into him, hugging my arms around his shoulder in a moment of insanity. It was all insane, what we were doing, what he made me feel. I felt like I was slowly losing grip on reality.
"I'm never going to be great with words Andra," His said suddenly, pulled his face away from mine and staring down at me."
"You don't need to tell me that," I said, my voice deprived of the amount of sarcasm it would usually have.
"I'm going to say things I don't mean," He continued, ignoring me and getting through whatever, he had to say. It was important for him to get it all out, I could tell, "And you're just going to have to give the chance to apologise when I do mess up."
"I do?"
"You do," A smile touched his lips, one that was genuine and reserved for me, "And in return I'll have to give you the chance to apologise when you mess up."
I scoffed lightly, "Who said I'll mess up?"
"You're bound to at some point," Ash teased, his hands on my waist as his smile grew into a boyish grin, "No one's perfect."