5 months ago..
I combed my hair free of any knots as I sat in front of my vanity mirror. The long brunette locks were finally something to be proud of, after I had cut off the evil split ends and washed out red I had last put in from a box job at the supermarket.
Placing the brushed down, I picked up a lip balm and applied a faint layer of the fruity flavour before smacking my lips together and ruffling my hair slightly. Once happy, I stood up and walked across the bedroom slipping on my black silk robe as I exited the bedroom.
My home was filled with low lights and candles as I relit one candle that seemed to have an issue staying alit, fussing over the last few details, I sprayed myself with a little perfume and hid the bottle before pulling out two bottles of beer and placing them down.
The sound of the doorbell ringing caused my heart to leap into my throat. I was excited but also worried as I rushed across my apartment and fumbled clumsily with the door until I could finally open it.
Swinging it back, I had blown the whole seductive and teasing mood out of the water, I was running on excitement and a little desperation.
His presence took me by surprise, as always, knocking the air from my lungs as I looked at him. His tired expression, slumped shoulders and dark eyes.
I swallowed back all my urges as I looked up at him, watching the mood change behind his eyes as he stepped into my home without invitation.
His large hand seizing my throat, causing my pulse to leap up a few notches to rapid. His fingers tightened gently until it became almost uncomfortable. With a gentle pull my body was flush against his, my eyes fluttering up to watch him carefully.
His lips sank onto mine, gentle and almost shy. Something I knew this man was not.. Feeling his nervousness, I responded, leading slightly until he came back with a little more force. His warm tongue delved into my mouth seeking mine.
My body curved against his frame as his other hand grasped my ass whilst a groan left his throat. Pulling apart, his hand fell from my neck and over my body causing a shiver to rip through my system.
Catching his hand in mine, I held onto it and lead him away from the door, giving him enough time to kick it closed and for me to grab the two beer bottles before heading to the bedroom.
Once inside, we both relieved each other of any fabric and fell between the sheets of my bed.
We didn't speak, neither of us needing to fill the moment with unnecessary bullshit and meaningless talk whilst we both tried to coax the other into instigating sex or sleep. But of course he always ended up leading for sex which I happily obliged, for the first two times at least...
I understood his primal urges and needs, I understood that he wanted to forget about reality for a while and that meant burying himself in my body and pushing me to the point of which we were both exhausted. But I also understood his need of connection and throughout what sometimes could feel like the worlds most meaningless sex, there would be a connection. A fraction of a second, sometimes two seconds where we would pause in favour of looking at each other. Wiping the hair and sweat beads away in order to see each other clearly before our heads would lean against each other's and a gentler kiss would be shared.
Those few seconds were all he ever needed, the confirmation that someone was there. Someone understood some of the stuff he was going through, but never enough to push him on it.
Before the moment disappeared and we were back to working on each other's needs.
+++
I stood in the doorway, covered in a shirt that fell to my knees, drinking from a slightly warm beer whilst observing the man sprawled out in my bed.
His extra large frame had me smiling gently, as he laid there. Totally motionless and fast asleep on his front. A sheet covering his ass slightly as his leg escaped the cotton.
Licking my lips slightly, I felt the proudness of them, from endless kissing, biting and tugging. Walking across the room silently, I covered his ass properly and left his leg exposed. Knowing full well that he would only kick it away a few seconds later. He was a tummy sleeper, sometimes I wondered why, for me, I always found it comfortable but slightly restricting. But for him? He didn't sleep any other way. Deep down I wondered if it was to protect the organ within his chest that had seen it's fair share of hurt, upset and hate. That the giant of a man was protecting his heart from anymore pain and anger.
My hand brushed across his bareback gently, divulging in the hardness of his muscles and the softness of his skin, warm to the touch as his blood pumped around his body whilst he slept.
"Sleep well." I whispered pressing a kiss onto his forehead as my hand played with the hair on the back of his head before I moved away leaving him to rest.
I placed the painkillers onto the side and took his empty beer bottle away. Replacing it with an almost frozen bottle of water. I knew when he would wake, he would need the tablets, it was just a question of whether he would take them...
+++
Movement from the bedroom door made me look up to see the stark naked man, sleepily stumble around until he found his bearings by leaning against the doorframe. I smiled gently as he stepped back to pull on the door hanger, to remove my dressing robe. I watched as he pulled around him and his brows frown at the small lamp which had been emitting traitorous light against his eyes.
"What time is it?" He croaked.
"A little after 4am." I informed him as he tied the small robe around him.
The combination was comical, a man whose life was built around the darkness was now stood in my apartment, dressed in a purple fuzzy robe with the white silhouette of a bunnies print, which ended halfway down his thigh. Grunting he disappeared into the kitchen before reappearing with a piece of fruit.
"I can make you some food?" I offered putting my pen down as he frowned at the orange as he peeled it.
He shook his head and shuffled over to sit beside me in the couch. "No I need you for something else.."
I nodded and pulled the cushion onto my lap and patting it, it was a routine I had become to love. He lowered himself onto the couch and placed his head on the cushion gently whilst he peeled the rest of the orange and placed the peel onto the coffee table.
"How you feeling?" I asked pushing my fingers into his hair.
"Microwave shit."
"Bad one huh?"
"Hmm." He nodded looking up to feed me a slice of Orange first before eating a slice himself.
We both shared the fruit, whilst he got some downtime and a little pampering and I got to massage his head and play with his hair for a while. A little enjoyment I found.
"You haven't told anyone about us... Have you?" He asked looking up at me.
"No. Why would I do that?"
He shrugged "I just had a dream.. It's nothing.."
"Tell me." I urged.
"Well people found out, and you got hurt.." He frowned.
I smiled gently "It was just a dream, I know the importance of keeping this quiet. I also know that it would end the moment someone found out and why would I risk that when we both enjoy each other so much?"
His lips pulled back into a smile at that before he lifted another piece of Orange to my lips and fed me it.
My hand swooped down around his jaw and held his face as I kissed him gently. "Just you and me."
"Just you and me." He repeated before eating some more Orange.
We fell into a comfortable silence until his head rolled to the side to look at the coffee table taking in the majority of paperwork and photos.
"Why do you always leave me in bed?" He asked making my fingers pause.
"I- I don't know, I guess, I worry that I might wake you up. So I try to slip away to give you that much needed rest." I replied.
He nodded slightly before rolling into his side. "I know the moment you move." He sighed drawing his finger along my leg absentmindedly before giving my knee a gentle squeeze. "It's not just about sex, is it?"
"No way.. No. Maybe the first two times, you know when we were so hung up on getting each other off but since then and now.. It's never just been sex." I answered honestly.
"Good, because it hasn't for me either." He replied giving me a few more minutes of playing with his hair, until he was getting up and pulling me off the couch.
"What are we doing now?" I asked as he smirked.
"Going back to make breakfast and then we are going back to bed where you will sleep beside me, I hope."
My face surrendered a smile and I followed behind him happily.
It was here that I found my happiness, my enjoyment in life as I stood in my kitchen at 4am watching the handsome man in my dressing robe prepare food. The same smile playing on my lips as I realised the sleeves to my robe will never be long enough for his arms. How even a man surrounded by darkness and evil could look so innocent and happy whilst dressed in woman's robe with white bunny prints on. Taking on a whole new meaning of an animal lover..
"You gonna stand there and watch?" He asked teasingly causing me to move from my position of observation.
"Maybe, you know I kinda like the house husband type." I replied causing him to chuckle.
"Yeah well I don't think I'll ever be the husband type, but cooking? I can do that." He answered patting my backside as he retrieved the flour from the cupboard, also giving me a wink as I watched him.
I flushed and tried to concentrate on making food but his presence was alluring and soon I fell back into my observations of the 6 foot man. Taking in every angle and shadow cast across his face in the dim lighting, how his hair stuck up at all angles and how much darker his tattoos looked.
I don't know when it had happened, but I did know that I was falling hard for this man. Harder than what I've ever fell before.. But nothing was simple or clear cut.
I had fallen for a man with a reputation for loving and leaving women, with a rap sheet of women longer than Santa's Christmas list, a man I knew had been burnt by love before, I also happened to fall for someone I had been warned to stay away from....
I knew I wasn't the one, but I hoped and prayed I was his only one, right now...
I was falling for Zak Bagans.
Dalliance - A casual romantic or sexual relationship.