*A/N: don't usually do this, but this is the song I listened to whilst writing this chapter."
"Fred."
Neither George nor I break eye contact when Fred announces himself. There's no way the tension is going to be broken with some lame joke, not now, not after everything.
"Ok-ay then," Fred says rubbing his palms together. "Why don't we just sit down for a second and just catch up?" He asks as he pulls up a chair for himself and his brother. He looks just as worn out as George, but he doesn't have the same weariness or dark shadows. What have they both been up to? Why aren't they in the Burrow? Did George tell everyone about what I did? How did I get here? What happened to Malfoy?
Questions fly through my mind, but as George's slightly tremble as he reluctantly sits down, makes all of them disappear except one.
Do you still love me?
My eyes burn with tears. I blink them away quickly, there is no way I'm going to burst out crying right now. I have to be strong. I have to show him that the girl he fell in love with is still here, no matter how lost he believes her to be. Argent, Fowler, none of it matters with George. All that matters is who he thinks I am- whether he believes me to be the kind, compassionate, fearless girl or a bloodthirsty, narcissistic traitor.
"I'll start then," Fred says when neither George nor I say anything. "Hello everyone, my name is Fred. Not much has happened since the last time we all spoke. I'm a famous radio show host now, I have at least 4 battle scars which is way cooler than any lost ears, oh and I'm learning how to juggle." Fred says with a grin on his face. Against everything, I raise my eyebrow at him to which his smile widens.
Why is he being so nice to me? This is the second time George has been abandoned by me. Last time Fred made it very clear that I was treading on thin ice, but now here he is trying to make us all smile and act as a peacemaker. What's changed?
The thought frightens me. If something could change Fred so fundamentally, then I shudder to think what George is like now.
No. It's only scary because nothing is in my control.
That may be true, but there is no way I'm confessing that right now. Especially not to George.
"So who wants to go next?" Fred asks leaning forward. The sharp look in his eyes as he darts between his brother and I, doesn't go unnoticed. The lump in my throat travels to my mouth making my tongue feel like it's swelling up.
"How about I ask you guys questions and you just talk to me?" Fred says when neither of us reply. The hard look in George's eyes makes me want to crumble, but I know now more than ever that I need to be strong for the both of us. George has to understand why I've done this. That's the only hope we have for a happily ever after. I can't force him to understand. There's the chance that he'll just freak out and hate me even more but I have to trust that the George I know will understand.
"So," Fred clears his throat as he leans forward. "Lily, erm, how do I put this lightly?" Fred's eyes dart to the mark on my bare forearm. I've been so preoccupied with everything, I didn't even realise that it was on show.
"Oh what the heck, Lily should we kick you out? When did you convert to the dark side? Are you going to kill us?" The questions stream out one after the other. George glances at his brother for a split second, his cool façade dropping. I have to stop myself from smiling at the mental conversation that happens in that tiny second. Oh how I've missed those.
"Yes," I say in a low voice causing both eyes to snap to mine. George's hand twitches as if he's ready to draw his wand, but his eyes light up as if he's surprised I even answered. "I mean no."
"Which is it? You can't say yes you'll kill us and then change your mind!" Fred says his voice becoming increasingly higher as it usually does when he's nervous.
"I'm not going to kill you," my voice is strong despite it being barely audible. "But you should probably kick me out," I say, not able to meet George's eyes.
No. Be strong.
My eyes snap to his as I stare into them fiercely. This man knows me more than anyone else, if there's going to be someone who has my back, it's him. I have to convince him that I'm worth saving. The girl he once fell in love with is long gone, but we had a solid relationship after the memory loss. One built on honesty, trust and understanding, he has to remember that.
"Okay," Fred says slowly, his hand still dangerously close to his wand as if he's ready to restrain me further if needs be. "George, brother, your tur-"
"When did you become a Death Eater?" George interrupts, anger laced in his tone. My mouth dries again as I send a desperate look to Fred.
"George that's not how this works. She opened up, it's your turn now," Fred says calmly.
"She didn't answer all the questions," George says to Fred, then to me, "When did you do it?"
"I mean I did ask her three questions, so real-"
"When did you betray me?" George yells standing up.
"Last year," I say at the same time. It takes a second for me to realise the question had changed.
The silence is so deafening, I almost want to burst out laughing or crying just so that it wouldn't be so quiet. The tremble in George's hand, the reddening of his ears, doesn't deter me. It's only when I see the pain in his eyes do I try to stand, completely forgetting that I'm a prisoner. The binds prevent me from moving as I watch helplessly. George blinks furiously as he fights away his tears. He turns to face me for a second as if he's searching for something, or someone. But then as if he gives up trying, he shakes his head slightly and leaves the room.
My heart stops.
I've broken him.
It was stupid of me to think that we were strong enough to deal with this. This is all my fault. If he hadn't met me, none of this would happen. I've been ruining his life since the moment I met him. I've been selfish. I've always been so damn selfish.
Fred gives me a small smile, but the pain in his eyes is clear as day as he follows his brother out of the room.
What have I done?
My hands clench into tight fists. This can't be happening. I fell for him again after losing all my memories. I told him all my secrets. I tried to... I tried to save him. Everything I've done, it's always with the knowledge that he'll be okay. That somehow I'm protecting him, from the Dark Lord, from my past, from myself.
He's always been there for me whenever I needed him, even when I didn't. Even when no one else would believe in me, George would be there. He'd be unwavering in his support no matter how much I pushed him away. It suddenly dawns on me that the only reason Fred is being kind is because George can't.
He hates me.
How could I have ever expected anything else? Push someone away enough, eventually they'll listen. I've lost him.
As if my body realises what just happened, pain erupts from everywhere. My hands tug at the chains as I scream out. After everything I've been through, the memory loss, losing George, becoming a Death Eater, the search for Pibbly, losing George again, losing more innocent people, being tortured by my guardian, all of it must account to something. I must have some pity points with the universe. He can't just leave without hearing me out.
"George," my voice is hoarse, but I try to stand again anyways. "George please," my voice is slightly louder as I picture him broken. His last words to me echo in my ears tormenting me more than any stupid potion could.
When did you betray me?
"Please listen to me," I beg, my voice cracking as I choke down a sob. We're George and Lily. Lily and George. We're supposed to survive. Our love is supposed to be strong enough to get through anything.
"I didn't betray you, I would never - please just listen to me," the tears pour down my cheek as true desperation sits in. I can't lose George, it would be like losing a part of me. He's been the only one who truly took the time to understand me, who listened to me, who made me see the world in a better place. He taught me how to love again and again. He made me who I am, both before and after my memory loss. My love for him triggered my powers.
This can't be how it ends.
"George!" I scream. Maybe it's from the emotional exhaustion from being tortured or maybe it's the fact that I've never seen him like this before, but I don't have the energy to pretend anymore. Nothing is okay. It's not going to be okay. I'm never going to be okay.
And now I've destroyed someone else's life too.
I'm sorry George. I'm so sorry.