Three facts that I can tell you about this morning.
1) It's raining.
2) I've officially got a permanent limp because of the damage I've done to my legs. Well probably. This one isn't really a fact; it's a I-believe-it-to-be-a-fact-so-it's-a-fact.
3) I'm definitely falling for George Weasley.
All three facts are as true as each other. At least two of them are. Okay only one of them is true, I don't even know if it's still raining anymore.
I'm falling for George Weasley. Ever since I've realised it, I'm so aware of everything I say or do. My one fear is that I'm very obvious about my feelings, something Fred is not helping with whenever I catch him sniggering at me. Just because I really really like George doesn't mean I'm about to go confess my feelings to him. There are so many more important things I have to worry about right now. Like finding the diamond and Pibbly.
I definitely cannot be spending my time worrying about whether George noticed me staring at him whilst he made me some soup.
Shutting my eyes briefly, I try and empty my mind of all thoughts about George. But it's no use. It's like that's all my mind and body wants. Every small little action of kindness he's been showing me gets replayed a million times. Each time I react differently and the version of George in my head will always end up professing his love for me. I feel so stupid. Like I'm just a girl with a crazy crush.
"That's what I thought. If we could just go back," Fred's voice can be heard echoing down the hall. I straighten up and grab the closest thing next to me to look busy.
"No, I told you. We're not trying that again," George says firmly as he pushes open the door. Both boys frown at me, but Fred has a twinkle in his eye as if he finds this whole situation very amusing.
"What are you up to?" George asks as I try my best to sound as calm and natural as possible.
"Oh just chilling," I say in a tone that does not sound natural or calm at all.
"With a pot plant?" George asks again, raising his eyebrow at me. My cheeks redden immediately as I put the plant pot down hastily.
"Being close to nature helps me think," I say as Fred coughs, finding my fact to be codswallop. "What were you thinking?" I ask Fred, changing the topic and hoping no one will comment on my strange my behaviour.
George regards me for a second and exchanges a look with his brother before sitting down on the sofa opposite me. The silent conversation between the two twins is not missed by me. I know all too well how communication with these brothers does not require words, having witnessed them telepathically decide, argue, joke with each other.
"Well you said the two memories you saw were linked somehow? Like moving backward in time, around the time your dad wen-" Fred starts.
"Father," I correct him without thinking. I try to ignore the weird look I get, but truth be told I don't even know why I corrected him. It's like it was second nature. My father's always been my father. It feels weird to call him something other than that.
"Okay, your father went to hide the diamond," Fred continues slowly as if he's taunting me to interrupt him again. "It's basically like your mind is rearranging your memories in a way to piece together the story. So I'm pretty sure the next door down would have told you exactly what Pibbly is, it just means going back int-"
"Which is off the table," George cuts in.
"Why? I'm down for that!" I say indignantly. Does George think that I'm not strong enough to do it? Or does he think that I won't be able to find out the information quickly enough? The first time was different, I was not prepared but I am prepared now.
"No," George says flatly, a flash of anger in his eyes. My own hands ball into fists as I scowl at him. He knows how beneficial it was for me; I was able to use my powers again. Ever since the memory search, I haven't been able to use my powers on demand, but they do appear randomly. It's like I've lost all control over them and I'm certain the answer is in my memories.
"I need to find out what it means. I was close. I was so close last time," I say urgently but George doesn't respond, making me even angrier. "I don't need your permission to do it," I retort icily standing up, practically shaking in fury.
"I told you she'd say that," Fred says, but it seems like that's the last straw for George.
"No," George yells, standing too. "I told you. We're not doing that again. I don't care how close you were. Get this in your head," George steps forward, each word said with more anger than the previous. "We. Are. Not. Doing. That. Again."
The silence between us is deafening as I hold his stony glare. His breath is hot and heavy, but there's nothing attractive about this situation. I feel angry. How can he just take this away from me when he knows how much the mission means to me. He's the one who says he should be thanking me for letting him support me, but right now, he seems anything but grateful.
"Guys, let's jus-" Fred starts but both George and I silence him with a look. "Couples," he mumbles to himself before grabbing a cushion to watch us as if we're his new favourite tv show.
"You don't get to control me," I say in a low voice, causing George to snort.
"No of course not. No one controls Lily," he says sarcastically. He pauses for a second and out of the corner of my eyes I see Fred shake his head ever so subtly. George purses his lips for a second and scrunches his eyes, apparently thinking twice about his retort.
"We're going back into the memory," I say, ignoring his weird behaviour.
"For that you need the potion which I'll make sure you don't get. You need someone to levitate you, which I will make sure Fred is too occupied to help you with. And finally you need someone to ground you and help you find your way back," George says in a low voice, taking another step towards me. "And you are definitely not going to get help with that," he says his voice dropping dangerously low.
"I'll find someone else!" I yell in his face. "I don't need you."
George blinks at me for a second and this time I can clearly see Fred shaking his head as if he's trying to warn me. Well it's too late. George doesn't say a word, but instead glowers at me before shutting his eyes briefly. When he opens them again, they're void of all emotion and he gives me a hard smile.
"Fine," he says in a tone that makes every fibre of me quiver in fear. I stand in shock unable to move, as I watch George storm out of the living room. A bang is heard and I know he's left the house. He actually just left.
Numbly I stare at the door as if I expect him to walk in again. Every part of me is screaming for him to come back. It scares me that he has this much power over my decisions. The fact that he seems to be aware of how much influence he has over me and what's more, he's willing to abuse that fact is even more terrifying.
It's not supposed to be this hard, when you develop feelings for someone, it's supposed to be easier. Things are supposed to make more sense. Everything is supposed to fall into place. But this is not a fairytale, a happy ending is not always guaranteed. It's stupid of me to let my feelings cloud my judgement. If I didn't care about George so deeply, I wouldn't have taken everything he said so personally. This argument would have been a discussion, a heated debate perhaps, but it would not end with one of us storming out on the other.
"Give him time," Fred's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. Blinking furiously, I turn away from him, feeling even more pathetic than before. To think the person who was extremely against George and I talking again is giving me advice? What has my life become?
"He's just s-"
"Just what?" I snap. Eyes red, blood pumping, there is clearly nothing a heartbroken Lily can't do, including snapping at the one person who is showing her some kindness right now. "He can't expect me to just listen to him. This is bigger than him. We're talking about endangered lives here." I continue ranting in a low voice, very aware of the fact that Mrs. Weasley could pop her head around at any moment.
"He doesn't see it like that," Fred says coolly, not bothered at all by the fact that I feel like murdering something. The thought makes me angrier. Both brothers are treating this as if it's just some pastime, a hobby if you will. This means so much to me that I can't even begin to describe my frustration at everything, at George.
"This is the only way we have to find out about Thomas. It's our only plan right now. Just because it doesn't suit him, or he thinks that I'm too weak to d- I'm not weak. I can do this," my voice falters towards the end and it sounds more like I'm pleading with Fred to understand my point of view.
"He doesn't think you're weak," Fred says shaking his head at me.
"So what then? He doesn't think I've got it in me to figure it out? That I'm too slow? That I don't really have a proper pla-" I say in a rushed voice, my voice cracking more times than I'd like.
"He's scared Lily!" Fred puts his hands on my shoulders and practically shakes me as I stare up into his frustrated eyes. They're so similar to the ones I usually peer into, it takes me a moment to realise this is not George.
"Scared? You-Know-Who doesn't know we ar-" I mumble but Fred groans, looking like he wants to murder me.
"He's scared for you!" Fred yells, squeezing my shoulders tightly. He takes a deep breath to collect himself and then gives me an odd smile. "He's scared for your life Lily," he says in a softer voice.
"I- He. I don't understand," I say racking my brains to see if I can find any evidence of where George expressed the fact that he's scared for me. Yeah he's not wanted me to pursue developing my power before but that was because it was physically draining me and we both knew it was fruitless. That's the only real time George has told me he doesn't agree with something and even then it wasn't because he was scared. Or was it?
Fred releases my shoulders and takes a step back shaking his head.
"You can ask him if you don't understand," Fred says in a low voice. He takes one more look at me, before shaking his head and leaving the room. I stare at the empty living room, heart pumping in my ears, as a tear falls down my cheek. It's soon followed by another and another. Before I know it, I'm silently sobbing, unable to keep the emotions behind barriers anymore.
It hurts. It hurts even more because I care about him. If the whole world was against me, it wouldn't matter as long as I knew I could still rely on George. As long as I know if I turned around, I'd see him smiling at me, with that look he gives, seemingly reserved for moments where I need him the most. The look where I believe I can do anything, achieve anything, succeed at everything, because I know I have George Weasley supporting me.
My knees finally give way and I pour my heart out to the world.
"Please," I whisper, eyes closed. He must think I'm so heartless and cold when he couldn't be further from the truth. It just feels like whenever I keep opening myself up, I keep getting hurt. I'm always here, crying my eyes at out over the people in my life who abandon me.
George hasn't abandoned you
He just walked out, that's the same thing. You don't just walk out on someone in the middle of an argument. You don't just leave. That's not how it works. All you're doing is causing pain. It's ironic, he's just left me here to burn. I don't even know if he cares about me anymore. I'm pouring more of myself into him every passing second, trusting him with my life and more, but he doesn't care. If he cared, why would he leave me?
He's scared.
I'm scared. I haven't been this scared in my entire life. On the one hand I have my father's mission and all the emotions and burden that come with that. On the other, I have George, the person I'm developing feelings for scarily fast. I'm scared. Does he not care about that?
He doesn't know about that.
Of course he doesn't. I can't blame him for something he doesn't know. It's like I want to split myself into two people. The practical Lily who knows she needs to go find the diamond and destroy it. The other Lily who cares only about telling George how she feels whilst bathing in the scent of his freshly-baked-cookie hair.
I tried that tactic once before and it failed. I can't cut George out of my life. And I can't just shut off my feelings. The question I need to ask myself is whether any of this is worth it? What will I regret more? Not completing the mission properly with George by my side, or completing the mission and losing George in the process?
Smiling to myself, I shake my head at the extreme options. I can complete the mission and I can have a meaningful relationship with George afterwards. I just have to learn to compromise and respect his views.
Fred says that he's scared. Never did I consider that to be a possibility, because I didn't really think George would value my life that much. I mean, I thought he understood the dangers of the mission and how I'm willing to sacrifice myself if it means that we'll be successful.
He knows. He has to know. I've made it clear that I have to complete this mission no matter what, right?
My knees tremble as I pull myself off the floor. I don't know where he is, but I have to find him. I need to know why he's scared. He's scared for my life and there must be a reason. Pushing through my reservations, I march into the garden, scanning the fields for any sign of red hair, but before I can even get a good look, I'm yanked to the side.
"Wha-" I start, but a hand covers my mouth before I can say a word. The whole situation is giving me a intense feeling of déjà vu. George motions to keep quiet and I nod, frowning at him. His ears are red and anger just rolls off him, but I get the feeling that this anger is not directed towards me. I don't fail to notice the bruises on his knuckles, evidence that he's been taking out his anger about me in other ways. Slowly, he removes his hand from my mouth, his eyes trained on two people circling the Burrow.
Peering around, my heart sinks as I recognise the shape and movement of the two people.
Death Eaters.
Merlin's beard, Death Eaters are here in the Burrow. My hands tremble as the true weight of what this means hits me.
Count to 10 Lily. Count to 10 and everything will be okay.
One.
Glancing back at George, he too is tense, filled with adrenaline and ready to fight. I can't let him fight. I can't let him die. Suddenly it dawns on me. The fear of losing someone, the fear of someone dying, the fear that you may never see that person again, that same fear runs through me. I would stop George from doing anything that would result him dancing with death. I've seen him close to death before and that is the last time that I plan on witnessing it.
I'm falling for him.
I'm falling hard.
Actually I don't know if it's a matter of falling for him or remembering feelings that I had for him previously. It's like ever since I was in that dark chamber, my heart has been opened up to all these different emotions I had for this man. All the adoration, respect, love, all for George.
"The enchantments will hold," George whispers in a low voice and I just nod again. George glances at me for a second, before turning back to the Death Eaters. But then he whips his head towards me again, eyes wide. His thumbs trace my cheeks and wipe away the tears that I had forgotten were there. He studies my face, seeing all the evidence of my heart wrenching sob and it kills me to see his face fall.
It's okay. I understand now. I get it.
But the words don't leave my mouth.
Two.
"Lily?" He asks, his eyes searching my own for an answer.
BANG
The noise makes us both jump as we both draw our wands. My heart rate increases to a point where I think it is actually quite unhealthy. Mind racing with all the different ways this could go, I glance at George who just nods and we dart into the field to stop the Death Eaters from getting close to the Burrow, from getting close to my home.
Perhaps they won't recognise me.
Perhaps it will be some low ranked Death Eater trying to make the Dark Lord impressed. They can be easily disposed of without any questions.
Perhaps I can get through this like I got through the attack on the store.
Of course they know who I am, I'm Snape's girl. The thought makes me sick, but being linked to someone as high profiled as Snape, means I can easily be identified in a crowd. I could just Obliviate their memories. But then I'd have to explain to George why I'm doing that.
Three.
This is an impossible situation.
My eyes dart to the red headed figure running beside me. He has no idea of my feelings right now. He thinks I'm being cold and heartless. He thinks I don't understand, when in actual fact it feels like my eyes have been opened for the very first time. This man means more to me than I can express in words. He means more to me than my identity; my dark secret. He means more to me than the mission.
Four.
I can't, I can't let him die. I can't let him get hurt. It would kill me.
Rubbing my fingers together, I'm surprised to see that they're alight. Patting them against my arm, I try to extinguish the flames and to my relief they disappear. My power must be responsive to strong emotions or whenever I feel overwhelmed. It's another thing I'm going to have to be careful with, I can't let the Death Eaters see the truth.
"Stupefy!" George roars as I duck to dart away from a curse. I have to make a choice, I'm out of time.
"Come out, come out to play!" A voice cackles and my heart sinks. What is Bellatrix doing here? If it was anyone but her, I would have a choice in the matter. I would be able to keep my secret and still protect George, but I can't. Not with her.
"Come on Weasel Weasley, come out," she sings out and my grip on my wand tightens. Don't listen to her George. Please don't listen to her.
"Leave from here," George growls and I feel my heart sink. She still hasn't seen me so I have some time to think. My black dress sways in the wind as I shut my eyes for a second to come up with a plan, but I draw a blank. Every single plan ends with George hurt or worse. I don't know if I can follow through with any of this.
Feeling sick, I crouch down and watch in terror as Bellatrix and George exchange a few curses, darting around one another as if they're dancing. One misstep and he's dead.
Five.
"You look so lovely without an ear, why don't you let me take off another?" Bellatrix asks in her crazy tone and something snaps in me. Shutting my eyes I take a deep breath.
I'm so sorry George. I have to do this.
"Sect-"
"Protego!" I yell as I jump out from my hiding place. George stares at me in horror whereas Bellatrix has this smile on her face as if Christmas came early. Straightening up, I put a mask on my face as I turn to my old nemesis.
"So, so, this is where little Fowler has been hiding," Bellatrix says grinning, her eyes lighting up, as I step forward to stand in front of George.
Don't look at him. You can't look at him for this to work.
Six.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I say, my voice hard. I don't dare turn around to see George's face, I can't bear to know what he may think about all this. This is my final secret, the one I thought I'd take to my grave. This is my last secret George Weasley and now you know every single thing there is to know about me and more.
"When all the other Death Eaters have been fighting the righteous cause, you've been down here, playing house with this pathetic blood traitor?" Bellatrix laughs as Nox joins us. He's her puppy, of course he'd be here. I glare at her, the grip on my wand tightening, an action she doesn't fail to notice. This doesn't seem coincidental to me anymore.
"I wonder, what will the Dark Lord think about your extra curricular activities?" Bellatrix whispers and it takes every ounce of my energy to keep her gaze and smile at her. Her taunts sound dangerously like she had someone tip her off about my location.
"I believe he'll think I'm acting just like I'm supposed to," I say in a low voice causing her eyes to widen ever so slightly.
"Oh really? Pretending to be on the other side? A double agent? A traitor. The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree," Bellatrix says in a voice that tells me she doesn't believe my lie at all. But I just smile at her as I take a step towards her, ignoring her jibe about my father.
"You doubted my guardian and look where that got you," I whisper, taunting her. "Did it hurt to know that the Dark Lord kept information from you, the woman who claims to be his most devoted companion?" I sneer, satisfaction seeping in when I see a vein bulge out in her forehead.
"The Dark Lord doe- He tells me ever-"
It's not hard for me to fake a laugh whilst watching Bellatrix stumble on her sentences. Nox takes a step forward, but she holds up a hand to stop him.
"If I tell the Dark Lord I found you defending a bloo-"
"Who said I was defending him?" I laugh taking another step towards her. "You know not what the Dark Lord has entrusted me to do. I am working for Severus Snape, who is working for the Dark Lord. If you have any issues, I suggest you take it up with them," I say offhandedly, twirling my wand with my fingers. The rush of energy is exhilarating, but it does not have the same effect on me as it used to. I'm not addicted to the feeling. There's something else, someone else I'm addicted to now.
"Snape?" Bellatrix laughs. "You haven't come to speak to him in months," she taunts back, regaining her confidence. "Not that you can tell, he doesn't look the slightest bit bothered."
Seven.
That jibe hits me hard but I maintain her gaze, determined to see this through with George alive at the end of it. I can't let George die. I would risk everything if it would mean George gets to live.
"Just because we don't invite you to our meetings doesn't mean they don't happen," I say in sing-song tapping my head. To this, she stares at me, as if she's trying to figure out what I'm saying is true or not.
"Then you won't mind if I finish him off?" Bellatrix says, jabbing her finger at George.
"By all means, be my guest," I say without hesitating, trying not to think of George's face or eyes right now. I'm destroying our relationship with all this, but I'm doing it for the sake of his life.
Bellatrix draws her wand and I side step away from George to give her a clear shot.
"But just know that I'll have to tell Snape who will tell the Dark Lord how it was you who prevented me from getting information from this man. Information that is crucial to the success of the Dark Lord," I say smoothly, again causing Bellatrix to stop in her tracks. "You know what I'm talking about of course, what with you being the most trusted companion and all."
I can almost see her brain ticking as she mulls over this situation. She can't admit to not knowing what I'm talking about because of her pride, a fact I'm relying on to get both George and I out of this alive. The Dark Lord has been keeping Bellatrix out of a lot of decisions lately, something I only know because of her reactions. It was a deadly risk to play, but it's working and the stakes are life or death.
"You won't mind if I stay? To watch?" She says innocently, but the danger is there, hidden in her dark unforgiving eyes.
"Of course. But I'd stay back, you might get burnt," I say to her in a grave voice. "It's my interrogation tactic, you'll see," I say nodding for her to move back quite a few paces. She regards me for a second, before snarling and nodding to Nox. They both turn and walk away. Once I'm satisfied at their distance, I turn around to face George.
Eight.
His face is unreadable.
"You have to choose, are you going to fall left or right?" I ask in a low voice, too low for Bellatrix to hear. He just stares at me not saying a word and I have to ignore the fact that I just want to break down and cry. I have to ignore the nagging feeling in me to confess to George my feelings. I have to ignore all the memories we have because right now George Weasley's life depends on me.
He looks down for a moment and I glance back to see that sure enough both Bellatrix and Nox are patiently waiting for me. I can do this. I have to do this.
"George, please," I whisper pleading with him and he looks up. But he's not looking at me, he's looking at the mark on my left forearm that got exposed when my dress tore. He recognises me for exactly who I am and it hurts. It hurts more than some stupid argument we had, because now I know there is no going back.
Just when I found him, I'm going to lose him again. I'm going to lose George.
The hatred in his eyes is so clear. At least that's what I think it is. Or is it confusion? I don't know, it doesn't matter. What matters is that there's no hiding anymore. The monster is out and ready to play. It's time for me to stop hiding who I really am. It's time he finds out.
His eyes haven't left mine. They're hard and blocking the emotions that are probably wanting to spill out. I'm probably the mirror image of him. Who knew that we would end up in this position like this? I honestly thought I could protect him for longer. That I could be both people, Argent and Fowler. But I can't. If only he knew how much I tried for his sake. I tried to be both people. I tried to be good and tame the monster, but I just couldn't help it in the end. It's like I constantly had a battle with myself as to who I wanted to be - Argent or Fowler?
My black dress sways in the wind as I take a deep breath. The mark is clear on my arm now. Who was I kidding thinking that I could hide it? No one else recognised me, well no one but him. Snape could always see me for who I was and now the truth is out for everyone.
"Well, what will it be?" I ask my voice sharp. He just stares at me. Huh. For once, I guess I've made him speechless. It's like he's calculating what he should do by trying to figure out what I'll do. Well good luck, because even I don't know what I'm going to do.
The wars almost over- the climax is coming. The final battle. And for once I find myself unsure if I'm on the right side, if I made the right decision, if I just wasted a year. I've got nothing to lose. Not even he can stop me from what I'm going to do, even though I can tell he wants nothing more than to stop me- even if it means certain death. He's made his choice.
"There's no going back Argent. Not after this," he says with his tone matching mine. I blink as a part of me falters for a second. His tone is so harsh, I feel the walls crashing down around me. He's giving me a choice, to see if I'm the girl he knew and love or someone else entirely.
No, I made my choice. If I do this I'm going to lose him forever. But if I don't then everything I have done to this day will be for nothing. I can't let him dictate my choices anymore- I let go of all that a long time ago anyways.
A part of me always knew that I could never really forget him but maybe we wouldn't be in this position if I could. Then no one would have to get hurt. No one would have to die. This is it. I know what I'm going to do. I know what I have to do.
"My name is not Argent." I say in a low voice with a grim smile. Surprise flickers across his face and I know that there is definitely no going back after this. Was it all for nothing? All the memories we shared, everything? When it all meant that we would end up in this position, fighting on opposite sides, not able to understand why.
My heart throbs as I ball my hands into fists. I have to do this. If I want to save him, if I want to save his life, then this is a sacrifice I'm going to have to pay. I care about him so much that I would do anything and more. I'm way past just falling for him.
A surge of energy flows through me as everything falls into place. I never lost my power in the first place, I just wasn't channelling the right emotion.
I throw my wand on the ground, I never really need it anyways. My redheaded demon sent to taunt me because of my decisions. To test me. Well I've always known what I would do in such a situation- now it's time to see if I'm true to my word.
Nine.
"My name is Lily Fowler and you are about to see what happens to those who attack a Fowler," I say bitterly shutting off all my emotions as the flames stream through my hand. Fire engulfs everywhere and I know if Bellatrix is watching she won't be able to tell the fact that I caused the fire wandless. The surrounding field alights as I feel sick to my stomach. I had to do this. I had no choice. But no matter how many times I repeat the mantra in my head, nothing can prepare me for what I see next.
I watch as they hit his body, his eyes finally dropping their barriers and the pure shock outlined as he limps on the ground. The fire won't harm him. It's not harmful unless I mean it to be, it's just a show for Bellatrix and sure enough the flames die out on his body, leaving him completely unscathed. I've managed to steal so much time here at the Burrow and for that I'm eternally grateful, but now fate has finally caught up with me.
I just hope he understands. He has to understand.
Deep down I know that it's a helpless desperate cry. He's never going to trust me again. I'm never going to be able to explain myself to him. He's always going to see me as this person, the enemy.
My eyes shut as the tears finally escape from my eyes as I fall to my knees. I've lost him.
I... lost.
Ten.
*** A/N***
THERE WAS A FLASHFORWARD THAT I HAD TO ADD IN THE STORY SOMEHOW I'M SORRY!! (Chap 26 for reference) It could have been a dream, but I suppose this is more exciting!
It was my summer mission to finish this story and I actually got really close. The story is nearing the end... DW there's more than 10 chaps left, but idk how much more than 10 - we'll see.
That being said, I am going back to uni this weekend and I simply will not be able to spend as much time writing anymore and these chapters take AGES to write. This one for example has taken me almost 5 hours. Also I don't have the next 10 chaps mapped out yet so that might slow the writing process down as well. So this is the last chapter for a while... sorry in advance
New goal: get this finished before Christmas??
After the story is finished, would you guys be interested in some chapters/snippets from George's POV??
As always, thank you for voting and commenting