Chad wasn't concerned about packing for his trip without much notice. His mother was an unofficial expert at packing luggage, something he picked up just by watching her do it over the years. He only packed one suit, confident that he'd probably never use it unless he wanted to make a good impression on someone. The rest of the bag had shorts, shirts, and even a few pairs of jeans. Chad was also well aware that it wasn't legal to walk around with the amount of cash he had in his envelope, especially when flying across borders. To solve this problem, Chad purchased four pay as you go credit cards and filled each of them with few grand each. He did however put about six hundred in his wallet which was perfectly legal. That still left him with a few thousand which he stashed away in a safe he had in his condo. This was the first time he was going anywhere that had nothing to do with work, which was strange to say the least. The last time Chad had gone on a trip that was entirely unrelated to work was his honeymoon with Paula. That was close to eleven years ago, but it wasn't something Chad liked to think about as he shook his head, unwilling to go back there. He hadn't slept that much the night before, but it didn't matter. Chad was hoping to get some rest on the plane, which was going to be in the air for several hours. Like he had the day before, Chad put on a pair of jeans, sneakers and a dress shirt that he wore untucked and with the sleeves rolled up a tiny bit. It was a look that he liked very much, and when he came down to the lobby of his building, a car was waiting to whisk him off for the airport. Like his father had always told him, Chad had arrived to the terminal where he flight was departing two hours early, which would give him plenty of time to get through checkout and security. If he was lucky, he'd find a seat at his gate near and plug so he could charge it before getting on board. He had a spare battery with him, but preferred not to use it if he didn't have to just yet. While he standing at the checkout to get his boarding passes, the lady who was taking his information looked back at Chad with a confused look on her face.
"Two tickets, Sir?" She said, looking up at him. "Who is the other seat for?"
"They're both for me." Chad replied, "I paid full price for both. There isn't any problem with that, is there?"
"No, Sir." the lady said, handing over both boarding passes, "Thank you for choosing to fly with us."
"Thank you," Chad said, taking both of his boarding passes with him. "Have a nice day."
He had no issue getting through security but had to take a fair walk to make it to his gate. So when he finally arrived, Chad was happy to sit down and relax while waiting for his flight to start boarding. Once the announcement to board was made, Chad hopped back to his feet, grabbed his carry on and got in line. Each passenger was scanning their boarding passes as they walked through the gate, and as Chad reached the scanner, he had both passes beside one another. He waved his pass slowly so the machine had time to process one and then scan the other as well, basically confirming both seats for himself. As he strolled onto the aircraft, he only showed one pass and then shuffled down to his row. As he was getting there, he couldn't help but notice an attractive young lady sitting in the window seat, checking messages on her phone. Chad tossed one of his carry on bags above him while placing the other in the middle seat of their aisle. As he was making himself comfortable, she looked at the bag and then him.
"You might have to move that," she whispered to him.
Chad smiled and showed her both boarding passes. "It's all good. There should be enough room under the middle seat for both of our bags if you'd like some extra foot space."
"Oh," the lady said, realizing what was going on. "That's a smart move."
"I'd like to think so myself." Chad confessed, "This is a long flight so I prefer not to be wedged together like a sardine."
"Why not just go first class?" she asked.
"I considered it, but the space isn't that much bigger and with this I can put the middle tray down to put food on and the space in front of me isn't cramped either. This is just easier and it's not as expensive either."
"You've got it all worked out," the lady said, "Thank you for doing that, I don't want to be cramped during a long flight either."
"My pleasure," Chad said as he extended a hand to her, "I'm Chad."
"Penelope," the lady replied.
Things were quiet as the two of them went back to what they were doing, micro managing things to prepare for takeoff. About five minutes later, one of the stewards came over to their row.
"Could you move that bag above?" she asked, "We're going to fill that seat with a stand by passenger."
"The hell you are," Chad coldly replied, "This seat is taken."
"Oh," the steward replied, "Is the passenger in the bathroom?"
"No," Chad answered, "The seat is mine. I bought it."
"Excuse me?" the steward said, surprised by the comment.
Chad produced the two papers he used to get on board. "How many boarding passes do you see here?"
The steward paused for a moment. "Two."
"That's right," Chad confirmed, "I purchased two seats for myself, which means this seat is mine."
"Sir," the stewardess started, trying to remain civil, "This stand by passenger is only traveling to Miami. He wouldn't be making the second leg of the trip to the island if that's what you're worried about."
"What I'm worried about," Chad repeated, with a very hostile tone, "Is having some fat, sweaty hippo sized man who couldn't even afford to pay the full fare squeezing into the seat between us. Nor am I willing to risk having a screaming baby beside me, wailing in my ears for even just the first leg of the flight. I bought this seat to give myself some extra space to make my trip a little more comfortable. Unlike your stand by passenger, I paid full fare for his seat. You're not putting anyone in there. So do me a big favor, respect my purchase and bugger off."
By this point the Steward was red faced and she stormed off, likely to speak to her co-workers and maybe even the pilot about what was going on. His instincts were correct as what looked like one the pilots came walking down to their row to speak with him. He seemed more annoyed than angry about the situation.
"I'm told you're making trouble, sir." The pilot started.
"Me? I don't think so." Chad replied, "I merely informed this lady that the seat she was trying to fill was purchased by myself and that she didn't have my permission to put someone else in it. I was informing her of my purchase, how is that considered causing trouble?"
"Why did you purchase two seats, Sir?" The pilot asked.
"Because I wanted to and I could afford it." Chad answered, "Do I need any other reason?"
The pilot sighed, "No sir, you do not."
"There's no law that says I can't buy more than one ticket for myself." Chad continued, "I could buy every seat on this flight if I wanted to. There is no legal reason to refuse my request. The airline and the people at the check in had no issue taking my money and giving me two boarding passes. I legally purchased both of these seats. So unless the airline wants to see me litigate over what was a legal purchase, I suggest you leave me and my two seats alone."
"Do you honestly think any lawyer would want to waste their time suing over the price of a single seat on an airline?" the pilot them asked.
"I am a lawyer," Chad then coldly replied, "And I'd happily file this suit, just to annoy your bosses and force them to spend tens of thousands in legal fees just to fight one seat on a plane. They'll be furious, as will the share holders, especially with you. No one sits in this seat. So pretty please with sugar on top, leave me and my two seats alone."
The pilot sighed, "There's nothing we can do. Please tell the stand by he'll have to wait for the next flight."
"Yes, sir." The steward said, with a sour look on her face as she turned and walked away.
"Wow," Penelope said as she watched the pilot walk away too, "They didn't look impressed. I'm sure they're not used to someone challenging their authority."
"Do I look like I give a shit?" Chad countered.
"Are you really a lawyer?" Penelope asked.
"I am," Chad answered, "But I'm on a forced vacation, trying to relax because I was a tad too hard on everyone in the office."
"I saw a little of that intensity right now," Penelope said, "but don't get me wrong, I'm glad you stood up to them. Knowing our luck, it was this big fat guy who probably needed two seats anyway."
"Or a woman with a wailing new born," Chad added, "That would have made this long flight a complete nightmare."
"You're preaching to the choir on that one." Penelope agreed, "I'm going to have to remember that the next time fly, especially on long flights like this one."
"Who flies stand by anymore anyway?" Chad continued, "Pay the full fare you cheap piece of shit."
"Amen to that," she agreed.
Despite the small spat over a seat, they were still on time to take off and in the air ten minutes later. Chad could still feel the cold glare from some of the stewards, but he didn't care. Chad was more content with the foot space and arm space since both he and Penelope used the middle tray to hold their drinks. He could tell that she was enjoying the benefit of have an empty seat between them, which made for a nice relaxing flight to paradise. Yet things took a turn for the worse about half way to their destination when Chad vacated his row to taken a piss at the back of the plane. When he returned to his row after relieving himself, there was a man sitting in the middle seat beside Penelope, who also didn't' seem to be too impressed with the new addition. The man was a little overweight, hairy in all the wrong places and smelt of cigarettes. This was exactly what Chad was trying to avoid. He stood there for a moment and then took a long, deep breath before speaking.
"Excuse me," Chad started, "Who are you and please explain what the fuck are you doing in my seat?"
"Your seat?" the man replied, "This seat has been empty since we took off."
"That's because I bought it!" Chad roared back at him. "These are my seats!"
"I was having issues with my own," the man replied, "The steward said it was okay to move up here."
"She was wrong to do that." Chad corrected him, "Go back to your own row."
"Excuse me, Sir." The steward said she came down to their row. "Is there something going on here?"
"You know what the problem is," Chad said, turning to face her. "Please inform this fat, hairy piece of shit to get out of my seat and go back to his own."
"Sir," the steward replied, "There is no need for language."
"And there's is no need for you to act like a total cunt," Chad sharply retorted, "Yet here we are."
The steward's face went even redder than it had the first time. She was shocked to even hear that word tossed at her. Rather than continue talking to her Chad turned to the rest of the cabin.
"Anyone here that would like to make an easy hundred bucks?" he called out.
Several hands shot up in response. Chad pointed to one of them a few rows away from him, someone who looked big enough to be a body builder.
"You there," Chad called out. "What's your name?"
"Alexander." The man replied.
"Well Alexander, today is your lucky day." Chad said to him, "I'll give you a hundred bucks if you kick this asshole out of my seat," Chad said, pointing to the dick in his middle seat, "and escort him back from whence he came."
"Sir, you are making a scene." The steward said, upset by the bribe.
"I don't care!" Chad said, "We're in the middle of the ocean, there is no place where you can land to kick me off. You knew this seat was taken and you did it just to piss me off and you were successful. Now I'm going to get Alex here to kick this asshat out of my seat."
"I would have moved if you offered me the money," the man in his seat said.
"And reward your shitty behavior?" Chad replied, "I don't fucking think so."
"Hey man," Alexander chimed in, "I won't get in trouble for this will I?"
"I'm a criminal attorney," Chad answered, "If this lands you in any trouble I will represent you myself at no charge. So please remove this asshat from my seat."
"Come on man," Alexander said to the man in his seat, "I heard him the first time they tried to do this. He paid full fare for that seat, which means it's his. Get out of it and go back to your row or I will remove you."
The man didn't want to be involved in an incident in the air, so he got up out of the seat and walked back to his row. Chad dug into his wallet and took out a hundred dollars, and handed it to Alexander when he returned to his row. While it put a small dent into his free cash, it was worth it to see the look on his steward's face.
"Don't do that again," Chad said to her.
"You're an asshole." The steward said to him, coldly.
"I prefer the term Douche Bag," Chad replied, sitting back down in his seat. "And that's Councillor Douche Bag to you."
She walked away as furiously as she did the first time he told them off and some people around them couldn't help but laugh.
"Oh man, that is him!" someone from another aisle said, "That's the lawyer who punched councilman Peters in the stomach!"
"He also told the judge to go fuck herself," another voice called out.
Penelope looked at Chad after hearing the two men talking about him, with a surprised look on her face. "I read about that story. Are you that lawyer?"
"I'm afraid so," Chad confirmed, "Forced vacation, remember?"
"And here you are pissing off the stewards," She said, smiling at the show that was played out before her. "You're totally living up to that nickname here."
"I noticed that too," Chad, sighing deeply, "Not exactly the foot I really wanted to start this trip off on. My therapist would be totally pissed at me now."
"They're making you see a therapist?" she asked.
"A condition of release from contempt," Chad informed her, "It's been helpful. He was the one who suggested I take this trip. Not off to a brilliant start."
"Speak for yourself," Penelope disagreed, "This is the most fun I've had on a flight ever. Just try to stay mellow so the stewards don't poison our drinks."
"Duly noted."
"Good night, Douche bag,"
"Night."
The next few hours were super quiet on the plane, mostly because the stewards finally learned not to fuck with the lawyer in the first place. When the plane finally landed, Chad was pleased to see the authorities had not been notified of the incident and he was free to stroll off for the baggage claim. While he was standing there waiting for his bags to pop out, Penelope stood beside him.
"So where are you staying?" she asked him.
"Some place called the Eternal lagoon," Chad replied.
"That place is expensive," Penelope said, as she grabbed one of her bags, "I'm going to be staying someone a lot more economical."
"That's too bad," Chad replied, "I enjoyed your company."
Penelope smiled at the compliment, "If you invite me to come down to your resort and hang out by the pool, arm twisting would not be necessary."
Chad took the hint and took out on of his business cards from his wallet. He took out a pen and scribbled something on the back. "That's my cell, don't be a stranger."
"Thanks," Penelope said as she took the card, "See you around."
Chad watched as she walked away and then turned to realize that he had missed one of his bags and would have to grab it the second time it came around. She seemed like a nice person but he wasn't going to wait for her to call to have a good time. He wasn't here to meet someone, just to relax and recharge like his therapist had recommended. After fetching his bags, he strolled over to the section of the terminal where the air buses parked. Janet said the resort had a bus that would take him directly to the resort and it only took him a few moments to find the one for the Eternal Lagoon. It was a vibrant looking bus with bright colours and a picture of ocean on it and while Chad didn't like the exterior, the interior was very comfortable and that was more important in his books. The driver took his bags and tossed them into the back and then he got onto the bus and grabbed a seat beside the window. Without warning, a big man crashed into the seat beside him and as Chad looked over at him, he couldn't believe his luck. It was the same hairy guy who tried to steal his seat halfway through the flight. He looked back Chad and smiled.
"Is this your seat too?" he asked him.
"Nope," Chad confirmed, smiling at his lame attempt at humor. "But this ride isn't going to last several hours, so I'm okay with that."
The man laughed at Chad's joke, "I'm really sorry about what happened during our flight. I honestly didn't know you paid for them both."
Chad sat up as he appreciated the apology. "Thanks, I think the steward was just angry at me and used your situation to make it worse."
"I personally don't approve of the C word," the man continued, "but I happen to think you were right to use it then. She was a real sour puss."
Chad laughed. "Yes, she was."
The man offered Chad a hand. "I'm Harrison."
Chad quickly shook his hand. "Chad Barrington."
"Wait a second," Harrison said, pausing for a moment. "I know you... you're Councillor Douche Bag!"
All Chad could do in response was slouch into his seat and deeply sigh. The ride to the resort was only a half hour, but now was going to feel like hours.