Twisted Moon - Book 3 of the Black Moon series - Chapter 76: Aftermath (Part 2)
(Noah's POV - Mon. 20 July 2015)
Things don't always happen as you expect them to. I should be waking up kind of confused and in some sort of blurry fog, with reminiscences slowly forming inside my head, thus gradually bringing me back to a state of consciousness. However, this is not the case right now and I believe I would have preferred the other option.
No, this is definitely not the wake-up in haze I would have hoped for.
For one, I know exactly where I am. That bed is far too uncomfortable to be anything else than a hospital bed and the antiseptics smell is another hint. Then, everything is clear in my mind. All too clear, unfortunately. The abduction. The two weeks of confinement. Chris's suicide. The turmoil that followed and Daddy's arrival. His fight with Andrei and his command for me to hide. The gunshot and all the blood on Daddy's chest. Andrei fleeing with Jeremy. That bastard fled with Jeremy...
I wish it would stop here, as if I had nothing to do with all this, but more difficult parts were still to come. My state of panic. Not knowing what to do with either Jeremy or Daddy. My uselessness at helping any of them. My friends' arrival and the realization that it was my entire fault.
That is the worst part and as much as I would rather not dwell on it, the emotion hits me straight in the head. I can already feel stinging tears pool behind my closed eyelids. Despite Aaron's comforting embrace once he got there, I still felt Liam's distress when I mentioned Jeremy. However much I could – and will again – apologize for letting him go, there is nothing that will erase the blame for not even trying. I have no idea how long I have slept and how much time has passed since what happened at the mansion, but just to think that the poor guy is probably still within Andrei's hands hurts me so painfully that I wish the Earth would swallow me whole.
And this is even worse when I think about Daddy. I don't get why Aaron stayed by my side all the time until the ambulance arrived. I didn't deserve any comfort. He should have been beside his friend, trying to save him! I don't even know if Daddy survived in the end but I am so scared to open my eyes and find out. I am not sure I could face this kind of truth. I already don't know how to handle my emotions right now and I am afraid to start another panic attack like I did earlier. The drugs they gave me in the ambulance didn't help that much as they barely soothed my anxiety. I was still conscious when we arrived at the hospital and went through the first exams, though.
They had my body X-rayed for God knows which reasons since I didn't complain about broken bones or whatever. They inspected all the injuries, bruises and scratches. They tried to clean my back and apply some ointments. They drew a lot of blood to make some tests. They took samples around my genitals and back entrance too.
All this time, I was rather passive but things clearly worsened when the time for questions came and they wouldn't answer mine. They wanted to know what exactly happened to me; if I had been tortured and abused; if I had been raped. I didn't want to be reminded of all the things I went through in that hell of a basement. All I wanted to know was if my man was safe and they just wouldn't tell me. That set my mind on haywire and I spiraled into a severe outburst of anger mixed with fear. That's when they sedated me, I believe.
I actually only remember the warmth that spread through my body as I welcomed the drowsiness, but what I appreciated the most was that sudden relief. As if all my worries and pains were taken away all at once. It really felt good to surrender to oblivion, even if only for a few minutes or hours. However, reality is striking back hard as my brain emerges from the dizziness and understands that I still don't know what has happened to Jeremy and even worse, Daddy.
I mean, I feel an eternal gratefulness for my cellmate and all the support he gave me. This is undeniable and I sincerely worry for him. But still, Daddy holds a slightly higher priority in my heart right now and he is definitely the one I couldn't live without. What if the ambulance arrived too late? What would I become without him?
Somehow, I am sure Aaron or any of his other friends wouldn't let me down and provide me with the best support, but that would never be the same. None of them would ever replace the comfort and well-being that Daddy brings me. The realization that he has become my everything is far more painful than I would have thought and the tears and sobs that I have held back for the past few minutes escape my self-control.
"Hey, hey... Shhhh... Calm down, Noah..." a voice that I would recognize among thousands suddenly says. A voice I have craved to hear for days. A voice that would haunt me for the rest of my life if I were to never hear it again. A voice that instantly brings me the bit of the relief I needed to keep a semblance of sanity.
As I gasp and roll to lie on my painful back, my eyes flick open and there he is, right in front of me, his head at the same level as mine, his forehead resting against mine while his thumb is wiping tears from my cheek. All I can see is the darkness of his gray eyes. These eyes that never miss to appease me and make me feel safe. A wave of relief washes over me to see that he is alive, my arms automatically wind around his torso despite the discomfort I feel in my right arm, probably due to an IV, and I nest my face in the crook of his neck to muffle my uncontrollable sobs.
"Shhhh, it's okay, Noah... You're safe now..." he whispers in a soothing tone while he pulls me into a strong hug, being cautious to only press the nape of my neck while his other hand reaches more gently for my back.
"I was so scared..." I breathe out after a long moment.
"I know... but you're safe now and I'll make sure that..."
"Nooo, I was scared you were... dead... all the blood... Are you wounded?" I exclaim, brutally pulling away from him and finally taking in the general situation.
This is a huge slap in my face.
And to say that I am shocked wouldn't cover all the emotions I feel deep down. I have always loved Daddy's strict and somewhat cold expression even if I know that this is only a façade. To me, he just has perfect features and I love every line of his face as much as his dark and regular eyebrows, his trimmed beard and his beautiful long hair, even if it is always tied into a bun.
All I see on his face right now doesn't make him any less handsome, but each of the bruises, scratches and cuts that result from his fight with Andrei are like blows to my heart; really painful blows. My eyes run down his neck and to his chest where I can distinguish the thickness of a bandage beneath his tee-shirt and just above his heart, making me grimace before I look down at my lap. All my fault...
"Hey, Noah... I'm fine, there's nothing to worry about..." he says softly. Nothing to worry about, my ass! That asshole of Crewcut was aiming at his heart and he could have died, all by my fault! How can he say that he is fine?
Just as I am about to express my opinion on the matter, a knock echoes on the door and a man wearing a white overall walks in, followed by a petite woman in pink scrubs. The doctor is tall and I guess he must be in his early fifties. He wears a friendly smile as he gets closer to the bed. The nurse looks less amiable as she walks around the bed to check on the IV, forcing Daddy to move away to the foot of the bed.
"Good evening, Noah, I'm Doctor Clarke. How are you feeling?" the man asks in a deep and reassuring voice while the nurse starts performing what I assume to be the regular check-ups.
"I'm okay... I guess..." I mumble, stifling a wincing grimace when my back hits the pillow as I recline against it.
"You guess? You'll have to tell me frankly, though..."
"I'm feeling good," I lie, briefly peeking up at Daddy but my eyes immediately return toward the doctor when I see his scowl.
"Listen... I am going to check your injuries very quickly, and then, the police have arrived and would like to ask you a few questions and..."
"What? We had agreed to see them only tomorrow in the end!" Daddy grouses.
"I know, Mr. Hall, but they arrived a few minutes ago and say that some things can't wait unfortunately..." the doctor apologizes while Daddy pulls out his phone and quickly types a text. The doctor then returns his attention to me and goes on. "I will be here during the interview with the officers so you don't have to repeat everything twice, but that's only if you don't mind. If at any moment you don't feel good, you just need to tell me and we will take a break, is this clear?" he gently asks. I nod and peek at Camden who is typing again on his phone. The nurse is done with her tasks and she eventually leaves without a word after she noted down some remarks on documents at the foot of my bed.
"Tony is on his way, Noah. He will be here during the interview as well, okay?" Daddy says as he walks back to where he was on my right. Once again, I nod, not too sure I want so many people around me. "I'll be here all the time, Noah. I won't leave your side," he then adds in an attempt to reassure me, but it honestly doesn't make me feel better. I have an idea about the questions I will be asked and I am not certain about how good it will be for him to hear my answers.
Anyway, the doctor starts his check-up of my body. While locked in the basement, I didn't really notice all the bruises around my wrists and ankles, but I don't really mind them. They are not painful and as the doctor says, they will disappear at some point, like the scratches on my hands and knees. Being naked under the gown, I am glad to see that the cock cage has been removed, as has the collar around my neck, but I can't help a little blush when I think that some people must have seen the chastity device and I wonder what they thought about it.
But then I remember I wasn't willingly wearing that one and they must have thought it was a weird perversion from my captor. Unsurprisingly, the worst area is my back and I must admit that it still hurts pretty badly despite the drugs I have been on. In the end, the doctor spends quite some time checking everything and explaining me how I should take care of my injuries later on, but all in all, none of them should leave serious physical damage once they have healed.
Not that I really care at the moment to be honest. For now, I am mostly trying to deal with my emotions and Tony's entrance shortly after the doctor has finished with me, followed by two policemen and another man in a business suit doesn't help. Of course, I remember the man who helped getting my documents back in March and who is also Joshua's head of security. Tony comes to stand on my left and fatherly pets my hair before he introduces me to the man in a business suit – who turns out to be a lawyer – and to the two policemen.
One of them, Detective Angus, looks barely twenty-five; and the other one, Detective Young, seems to be forty-something. Despite their serious expressions, they both look friendly enough and don't seem to give a damn about the dark look Daddy is throwing at them as he sits down beside me on the bed. For some reason, this is the first time I don't feel entirely comfortable having him so close to me. I guess this is only due to the tension I can feel in his body. The atmosphere is quite tense in the room and it remains silent for a long minute after the exchange of polite civilities.
"Noah," Tony says softly, calling for my attention. "Today, we are not going to ask you for too many details on the last two weeks if you don't want to, but the police need to know a few things in order to find not only Andrei but also Jeremy..."
At these words, my heart constricts and tears start spilling from my eyes. Daddy wraps an arm around my shoulders and catches my right hand into his, but his words don't really soothe my guilt for Jeremy. I cannot even look up at all the people around me for fear of seeing the accusation of my cowardice on their faces and I lower my head, focusing on the white bed sheet spread over my lap.
"We understood from previous interviews with several of your friends that this Mr. Andrei was about to flee already when Mr. Hall arrived, but unfortunately, we haven't been able to spot him anywhere," the older policeman says after a minute. "Do you have any clue on where he was headed?" he then asks, but the words remain blocked in my throat. It is like my brain refuses to think about what I heard back then, only allowing my emotions to speak up. "That would be really helpful to find the young Jeremy..." the policeman insists kindly.
This finally makes my brain click on what I should do. As much as I don't want to relive the last two weeks, I cannot allow myself to be selfish and not think about Jeremy. He needs to be saved and the sooner the better. I can't begin to imagine the things he may be enduring around the furious Andrei. It makes me sick to think that I am here, safe and surrounded by people who care for me while he is alone again and without anyone to support or comfort him. This only worsens my remorse and sinfulness, and the only thing I can think about as an attempt to redemption is to let out all that happened. I know that the next hour or two are going to be hell for me. And they really are hell, but I owe this much to Jeremy and all the kindness he showed me during our captivity together.
Having to go through the memories of the past two weeks is not as difficult as I would have thought because I somehow manage to detach myself from all the emotions I felt back then. I mostly feel like a robot or a machine recounting some events, as if I was never one of the characters involved in the story they tell. For a long, long time, only my monotonous voice echoes in the room, relating one event after the other, from the moment I was dragged into that van in Lisle until my friends arrived on site.
The first days in isolation in the basement. My escape attempt and the punishment that followed with Andrei's surprise visit. The introduction of Jeremy. The way we were forced to interact and my thoughts on their scheme to use each other as a means of pressure. Everything that Andrei told me about my family, his fetishes. I also mention all the things Jeremy and I were forced to do, including the training with Snobbish, how I was forced to blow Jeremy, and that horrible late afternoon with Chris. I don't leave out any details.
Although I keep my head lowered, I can sense everybody's reactions; the lawyer's and the doctor's uneasiness by the way they often clear their throat; the policemen's eagerness for details as they nervously take notes in notebooks; Tony's anger while he grunts and cusses every once in a while.
But the worst is Daddy. I wish I had asked him to go out of the room to avoid him listening to all of this, but I guess I just wasn't able to entirely get rid of my selfishness. Even if his presence doesn't soothe me much, I still appreciate his hands massaging my right hand, but I can definitely feel all the tension that emanates from him and which exponentially increases with every new form of torture I endured within my captors' hands.
I apply myself to provide scrupulous descriptions of Snobbish, Crewcut and Baldhead and the roles each of them played, not only during the last two weeks but also what I understood from Andrei's words. When I mention Chris's visit and all that happened that late afternoon, Daddy moves away from me to punch the wall, interrupting my speech for a few seconds. I make a mental note to ask him later whether what Andrei told me the following morning was true and what really happened in his playroom that night. I just can't help wondering if his wrath is directed at Chris or if he is feeling guilty for something he may have really done that night. However, I soon get my answer when he gets back to me, apologizing for this little outburst and resuming his caresses on my hand. He explains that Chris only tried to take advantage of the situation and jump him, but that he firmly rejected him that night.
I decide not to dwell on what I should be feeling about that and eventually finish recounting the last hours of my captivity, enhancing even more tension in Daddy with what Andrei was about to do before Chris called and the turmoil started. His hands squeeze mine more firmly when I mention what Andrei revealed about my parents and the fact that he had them killed. I wish he would stop stressing because their death doesn't affect me one bit after what they did to me. I finally stop talking after I have informed them on Andrei's intention to drive to Texas. I am just feeling empty now. Daddy wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his side.
"You'll be safe now..." he whispers.
"You've been courageous, Noah. Well done..." Tony says in a deep voice behind me as he ruffles my hair.
"Thank you, Noah. This will be very helpful," the younger policeman adds.
"Then I think you should go and continue your research now that you have all the information you needed," Camden suggests dryly.
"Unfortunately, we have concentrated our searches more in the direction of the West after what your friends told us about Seattle and California... from the conversation you had with that Andrei on Saturday evening. We need to start the investigation all over again. It's too bad we didn't get that yesterd..." the older policeman says as a deep rumble echoes in Camden's chest.
"Noah was in no state to testify yesterday. And if your incompetent colleagues in Lisle had done their job right from the start when we found Noah's necklace that Monday afternoon, that would have helped! I told them it was an abduction and not a teenager's whim to run away!" he barks, causing me to cower against him.
"That's the legal proc..."
"I don't give a damn about your legal procedures! There was enough evidence!"
"Camden... Calm down now..." Tony reasons before he turns toward the policemen. "I think you have all you need now and this boy needs some rest," he then subtly says. I am somehow relieved to see that they get the message and everybody leaves soon after, even Tony, saying he will come back later.
"I think you should try and sleep now..." Camden whispers as he disentangles from our hug. Like hell I'm going to sleep! Certainly not after rehearsing all the events! There's a high risk for nightmares, here!
"No! I don't want to sleep... I'd rather go home now..." I breathe out, clinging to him.
"I'm afraid that won't happen anytime soon, Noah. The doctor said you need a lot of rest to recover."
"I can rest at home..."
"But they want to keep an eye on you and get all the results of your tests first. I doubt they will release you before the end of the week..."
"Whaat!??? No!! I don't want to..." I start whining but I am interrupted by the door opening again. The same doctor walks in followed by another doctor, a middle-aged woman with light brown hair who looks a bit too serious for my taste. I don't like this much.
"Noah, I would like to introduce you to Dr. Elizabeth Hann," the first doctor says. "She is a therapist and would like to speak with you since you have been willing to talk to the police earlier. I think that..."
"I don't want to speak with a therapist..." I grumble, reclining against the pillow.
"I think it would hel..."
"I said I don't want to speak with a therapist!" I repeat more firmly.
Seeing a shrink is just not my thing. I don't want to have to go through more explanations about what I experienced during my captivity. I don't need it. I already saw earlier that it wasn't that hard talking about it, and it's not only because I was able to detach myself from what I endured. Or rather, yes, it is. It allowed me to realize that what happened to me wasn't much compared to what Jeremy has had to suffer for so many months. I mean, it had to help me put things into perspective.
"Hi Noah," the woman says with a honey voice. "You have been through a lot recently and I am only willing to help you."
"I don't want your help! I just want to go home!" I shout, causing Daddy to stand up from the bed and face me.
"Noah..."
"I don't want to... Camden! Please tell them all I need is to go home with you!" I beg him. If there is one person who should understand me here, that would have to be him; my boyfriend; my lover; my Dominant; Daddy.
"Noah... I believe you should at least try and..." Camden tries to reason me and I don't want to hear the rest.
I can't believe he doesn't even side up with me. Don't they understand that I accepted to talk to the police this afternoon only because I wanted them to find Jeremy? I don't need to relive this nightmare again; not now, not ever! That just sets me in a fit of anger that has my body shuddering as I scream my rejection to speak with the therapist. I am probably worsening my situation but I just can't help the hysteria that seizes me.
Daddy tries to calm me down but it seems like my anger is going out of control. My body starts convulsing and I soon find myself pinned to the bed by the two doctors and Daddy while a nurse hurries inside the bedroom and to the IV stand with a needle in her hand. Seeing her only increases my anxiety because I can easily guess what the syringe contains and I don't want to sleep. I don't want to face my memories in nightmares. I don't want to feel the relief that accompanies the warmth provoked by the substance that quickly runs through my veins.
Sadly, I just cannot fight the drug. Darkness almost immediately surrounds me and my last thoughts go to Jeremy and Camden.
I can't help worrying for the first one. I hope Andrei didn't pass his anger on him. I feel so bad for not saving him when I could have...
I just feel angry at the second one for letting them do that to me. He knew I didn't want to sleep now.
And then, there is a lot of guilt because all this mess is only my fault.
Published on 22 September 2017
Sorry for the delay, but here you go with the new chapter. Clearly, I'm not entirely satisfied with it and if you see typos, feel free to comment them, and I'll correct them ;) Once again, thanks for all the get-well messages. I've probably missed a lot of comments to reply to in the past few days, but that sickness has me in terrible pains and exhausted, so I hope it'll soon pass.
So, it was a bit dark in Noah's head but the next chapters are kind of floating anyway, between Camden's insecurities coming back and Noah's worst side-effect of his captivity being guilt. If you're expecting a huge therapy with a psychologist, you'll be disappointed, I've kept that for the next book. Noah's healing won't be that long in the end because he mostly needs to speak with the right persons and to hear the right things.
Now enjoy the weekend and hopefully, the next chapter will be up on Tuesday!