Dedicated to AudreyEve ❤️
I DON'T THINK THAT I WILL ever get used to the fact that Bre talked, because even this morning when she fell in step with me the first thing she told me was, "I just saw the new guy with the beautiful blue eyes pull up to the parking lot with Ray. He fricking goes to our school! The school that I attend. Wait until I-"
Her words were coming fast and filled with utmost excitement and I kinda toned her out a bit. Witnessing girls panties on the verge of dropping because my brother was one thing, but actually listening to them fantasize about him was beyond nauseating.
"Hello," I sang to her, waving a hand in front of her face, and then putting my books into my locker. "I have blue eyes too!"
"But he is just beautiful."
"Wow, I'm offended."
A look formed on her face, staring down at me as if I was preposterous. I matched the look she gave me.
The feeling is mutual my friend.
"Do you want to be my sister in law?"
Placing a finger on my lips, I just stood there, watching her tall frame. Like I stood there long enough to notice that her eyebrows were flawless. Really and truthfully, her eyebrows were just too good for her own good.
I also stared long enough to notice that she was actually serious, and because of that, I laughed.
Wow, my brother made the mute talk.
Bre snapped her fingers in my face a few times but stopped mid-way in the air. My eyebrows knitted in confusion, curious to see what made Bre turned into a pillar of salt for that split second but I should have known.
When my eyes landed on the person, I chuckled.
"His eyes are even more beautiful up close. I can get lost in them, and oh my gosh he has freckles too. And a dimple. And his hair! I wanna make his babies. Like today. Forget school," she quickly ranted before he was close enough.
Immediately when Chris stopped to me, he stooped lower to kiss my cheek and did the same to Bre but barely crouching.
Her hands flew to her cheek. "I will NEVER wash this side of my face EVER again."
Again I found myself chuckling in amusement.
Whenever she was mute she never was interested in anything or anyone. It's like she was in her own little world, surrounded by her own thoughts and imaginations. It was weird seeing her this way.
All dramatic and talking!
Chris threw her his crooked left-sided grin and she was gone. Completely speechless and she's been like that for the rest of the day.
Mute!
"WOW," Kat sighed in annoyance. "At least take off those stupid sunglasses for gym class."
"Kat, please. Just leave me alone," Lola murmured, her voice was desperate as if a cry for help.
I don't know how Kat did it, but she was so persistent. I had stopped trying to find the reason for those sunglasses from the first time Lola told us it was nothing. My theory always was if someone wanted to tell you what was up; they would let you know when they were ready.
This theory of mine made more sense to me, especially after that October night. It was devastating having teachers and my brother's friends ask me to explain why the sudden change in behavior or what bothered me.
How could I possibly have told them that everything was wrong?
How could I have possibly explained that I was so blind to see that something was always off about Josiah?
How could I tell them that the guy I trusted raped me, and I had to get over it and move on?
I have to live with this sad truth and find a way to cope because things could have ended differently in a much worse state. Many people had it far worse than me, so why don't I forget?
Why can't I forget?
Dancing became my drug and music became my remedy. A temporary cure to escape my memories.
How could I possibly explain that I was not okay even up to this day?
The past haunted me, far worse than a ghost. Being alone drained the shit out of me because the pained memory completely drowned me.
I shrugged the thoughts away, breathing through my nose.
Now is not the time, Ray.
Kat made another move towards Lola, but I gripped her arm, stopping her as we both watched Lola sag to the bleachers. Lola looked terrible, far gloomy from the person I first met. She was the rainbow to the group, and now she had lost her colors.
"But-"
"Just give her some time, and she'll let you know wassup when she's ready."
Kat sighed again, but this time in defeat. She nodded her head in understanding, looking at the tip of her hair. "I'm getting bored."
"What?" I blurted, completely taken aback.
"My hair color is boring me."
"So what co-"
Someone rudely interrupted my sentence, yelling, "Tom," and flipping her red hair over her shoulders. My nose scrunched in annoyance as I gave Kat my full and undivided attention. I had absolutely no time for the 'angel' in disguise today.
"What's the difference? Tom, Ray it's still a guy's name," she continued.
"What do you want Strawberry Shortcake?"
"Nothing from you duh."
"Yet here you are."
"Just wondering," she smacked her glossy lips, skipping her eyes over my clothes, "What is it with these clothes? You're not a boy."
It was stupid of her to say this because we all wore the same clothes, but I knew what she was referring to. I pushed my hands in my pants to tighten the string that was attached to the elastic waist of my pants.
"What's the problem with the way I dress? I'm not trying to impress anyone."
"At least look more like a girl. Might as well become a dude."
"Get a life, girl. Stop breathing down people's neck all the time. It's annoying. You're annoying. Also, shut the fuck up. Just because you dress as the bitch you are doesn't mean everyone should too."
I turned to see where the voice came from and it was Lola, walking up beside me. A smile crawled up my face. It was satisfying to see that she had my back even though she was going through her own personal problems.
"Since when what you wear defines who you are?" I questioned, curious as to what that red-haired pest was about to say.
Honestly, I was confused and I'm sure it was written all over my face because she rolled her eyes at me. She rolled her hair over her finger. I dressed the way I dressed because I was comfortable.
I slowly nodded, making sense of it all. Probably she felt comfortable too. Before she got a chance to continue talking, I dramatically slapped my forehead. "Oops, how can I forget it does for you. Lola pretty much said it already."
The tips of her ears turned bright red while she patted her boxer short jersey. I walked up close to her until I could see myself in her eyes. "I don't need fashion advice from you, Vir-gin-ity."
Kat jumped next to me with her signature smile. "That spot is reserved for me. I'm the only person allowed to run on about her clothes."
Kat was right and I don't even listen to her, but I did allow her to talk. Besides, she did want to be a fashion designer someday.
I looked to my right then to my left, grinning at the two girls beside me. I do have myself in good hands after all.