Friday 20th
Walking into the busy bar that weekend I felt as though I were going back in time. As soon as my eyes fell on Andrew and Isaac huddled together at the end of the bar, my mind was set back two years. A familiar sensation of teenage anxiety and insecurity sept into my skin and caused me to hesitate near the entrance.
My heels glued to the floor as I watched them through the swarm of people surrounding the bar. Andrew, Isaac's best friend from our boarding school days, sat comfortably in a stall. He was angled away from me but I could faintly make out his familiar sharp features and honey coloured hair that seemed a few shades lighter than what I remembered. Donning a black shirt and jeans, he looked worlds away from the guy who once refused to wear anything other than jogging shorts and his school hoody.
Much like him Isaac wore a similar outfit, a shirt and trousers suiting him perfectly. I took a moment to fully take him in, watching as laughter boomed out of him and he leaned across to playfully shove Andrew's shoulder. But it didn't take him long to notice me, our eyes like magnets that always managed to find each other.
He saw me by the entrance, lifting his arm up high into the air and motioning me over. Andrew who sat in front of his friend, took notice of the shift in attention and glanced over his shoulder. As soon as he saw me his grin brightened and he jumped off his stall eagerly.
"Andra," Isaac called out over the deafening noise, still gesturing with his hand for me to join them.
I did so with great struggle. Manoeuvring through the packed bar, I found myself nudging and elbowing body's that didn't seem to want to let me through.
When I finally made it to them I'd lost all hopes of appearing cool and collected, instead a flushed colour burdened my cheeks and my straightened hair had been brushed messily over my shoulders. Neither of them seemed to care too much though, both grinning as they took me in.
"Alessandra Royale," Andrew chimed, stepping forward to swoop me up in his arms.
I laughed into his shoulders, some anxiety leaving me, "Andrew Millington," I said, pulling back enough to see his face.
His brown eyes were pinned to me from his tall height, his arms still wound around me as he teased, "God you look amazing."
"So do you," I laughed, my palm brushing over his noticeably larger shoulders, "When did you get so big? Puberty really did come late for you, didn't it?"
"Very funny," Andrew scolded despite being unable to wipe the stupidly boyish grin from his face, "I've been working hard I'll have you know."
Pulling apart from each other, I stumbled back a little. Andrew's hand found my shoulder again and steered me into the stall he had just occupied.
"And it shows," I told him, my brows cocked impressively, "You look good."
Andrew never blushed away from my comment, he was not like most. Instead all he did was smirk, confidently throwing one glance down to his improved muscles, nodding, "Thanks."
The bartenders approached us, noticing Isaac's raised hand and started to serve us. Drew who now stood in the middle of us three, spoke over the bar instructing our orders. Isaac let him, his eyes watching me through the blur of Andrews figure bobbing up and down. I tried not to look back, the intensity of his eyes too much for me to handle. Instead I looked at the bar counter, waiting until my drink was in front of me and when it was knocking it back down my throat.
"So," Andrew chatted, his beer now firmly in his hands when he looked at me again, "How are you little Andy?"
"I thought I told you to stop calling me that," I said throwing an unimpressed glare his way before taking another quick sip of my drink back.
"You did," He smirked, his shoulders pinching up into a casual shrug, "I just didn't listen."
"God," I mumbled beneath my breath amusingly, "I definitely haven't missed you."
Which wasn't true. Even though I hadn't given much thought to anyone from those two years recently, Andrew was one of those people that when you finally met up with again you realised how much you really had missed them. He'd been like a big brother to me while mine weren't around. A brother who unlike Cas and Oliver, knew every little detail about Isaac and I.
"I think you have really," Andrew chuckled, slinging his arm round my shoulders and shuffling closer to me, "But seriously, how are you?"
"I'm doing good," I nodded, purposely not going into details, "How about you?"
"Amazing," he insisted, the glowing smile he wore enough to tell me so anyway. His eyes came down to mine but in his hand, he tipped the beer in Isaac's direction, "Even better now Isaac's back home."
"I can tell," I said, rolling my eyes sarcastically, "You were practically sitting in his lap when I got here."
The biggest scoff released itself form Andrew, his arm retrieving away from me and his elbow nudging into my forearm, "Oh shut up, we all know that spots reserved for you."
"Andrew," I all but managed to choke out, my cheeks afire from humiliation. To say I was shocked at his bluntness was an understatement. Why I didn't know, that was the Andrew we knew; inappropriate, straightforward. But still hearing him talk so openly about Isaac and me when I had spent so long keeping it under wraps was mortifying.
Isaac must have felt so too because his face and neck flushed red. He shook his head side to side disapprovingly as he spoke, "Come on Drew."
"Sorry, sorry I know," Andrew exhaled, his expression wide and innocent like a child's would be after being scolded, "Isaac's already warned me, I'm not allowed to talk about you two. I swear my lips are sealed."
"Ok," Isaac scoffed, a breath of air fanning sarcastically out of him, "You couldn't shut your mouth longer than a minute."
"Not true," Andrew stated, lips pursed in disagreement.
When their bickering died down and the second round was ordered I moved the conversation on desperate to stop any mention of Isaac and I.
"So," I said, taking a sip of the second drink they'd bought for me, "I hear you're in Manchester now."
"Yeah," Andrew nodded, moving so he leaned his back against the edge of the bar and his head angled towards me, "Ross, Peter and me are sharing a place."
"And what about Lucy?" I asked him, recalling his old girlfriend. Lucy was a cute little blonde he'd dated on and off through most of his school years. She was smart and funny but never good enough for him I always thought. She loved making their relationship complicated and making Andrew work for her. He always knew it but was so desperately in love that he never minded too much, "Anything new there?"
"No Lucy news," Andrew's head shook side to side, a momentary sigh of deflation leaving him, "We split up less than a year ago now."
My smile dimmed and my free hand reached out to his arm sympathetically, "Sorry."
"Don't be," He reassured me, his hand finding mine and squeezing it once before I pulled it back, "I'm with someone else now. She's amazing."
"Oh," I cooed, waggling my eyebrows teasingly, "Who is she?"
"Her names Tilly," Andrew said, a look of content crossing him as he continued to go on about her, "She's an intern at my dad's law firm. Stunning, I swear. You wouldn't believe I scored her."
"Sounds like you're in love Drew," Isaac said opposite me and though his voice was taunting, the smile on his face assured me he was really happy for his friend.
"Maybe I am," Andrew shrugged, biting down on the left side of his mouth to control the grin that threatened to spread across his whole face, "Who knows. I mean I've already met the parents."
"Wow," I blew out an impressive puff of air, brows raised high, "Big steps."
"I know," he chuckled, "But joking aside, she's amazing and I'm really happy right now. Everything seems to be going right for once."
I wish I could have said the same for my life. But constant run ins with my mother's boyfriend and an ongoing silence between Asher and I only reminded me that everything for me was going the opposite from right.
"I'm glad," I told him.
"Yeah," Andrew hummed, his eyes drifting off for a moment before quickly zoning back in on me, "But what about you? How's things with you? I can never really get much out of Isaac about you, I'm curious."
"I've not really got a lot going on these days," I shrugged, sighing slightly to myself before taking another gulp of my drink.
"Bullshit," Drew laughed, his knuckles gently shoving at my shoulder, "The Andy I know is always up to something
"Honestly, these days it's just school and friends," I said, mostly telling the truth, "Not much going on
Andrews eyes went sideways and found Isaac who sipped quietly on his beer, "Except Isaac moving back," Drew said, his smile morphing into a thing of mischievousness.
"Yeah," I said, my heart beat stuttering, "I guess there's that."
"I bet you were happy for him to be back," Andrew said, attempting slyly to coax out of me something I think neither me or Isaac were ready to hear.
"Surprised is more along the lines of what I'd say," I mumbled, dodging Isaacs gaze.
"I know, me to," Andrew said and as if realising he wasn't going to get much more out of me he changed the topic, "You were doing great over in Melbourne, I thought we wouldn't get you back for a long time."
"You know I am going back right?" Isaac said, one brow thrown up in the direction of Drew.
He sighed, nodding, "I know."
"You are?" I asked quietly, my words almost being swallowed whole by the noise around us. But he heard and his eyes went to me sadly.
It hadn't even crossed my mind that Isaac might leave again but for some reason, I didn't want him to. We'd barely seen each other since he'd been back but just knowing he was had settled some comfort into my mind. I felt not so alone in my secret, like I could call him whenever I began to panic about it and he'd only be five minutes away. I felt like I had my best friend back, the one person who knew every little thing about me.
"Yeah, I mean I don't know when," Isaac all but stuttered his words, flakes of uncertainty sparked across his expression, "Not for a while though."
"But you will go back?" I said, more of a statement than a question.
"Eventually," he said, shoulders pinched up into the tiniest shrug, "To finish off school."
"And then he'll come meet me in Manchester and we can finally be roommates again," Andrew said swapping sides so that his arms were now slung around Isaac.
I thought of Asher and Drake in that moment. How whenever drake tried to put his arm around his friend, Ash would shrug him off. Then I just thought of Asher. Always Asher.
"I don't think so," Isaac scoffed loudly, "I never want to live with you for as long as I live."
Andrew recoiled away from Isaac, feigning upset, "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, his hand slapped against his chest and he regarded his friend.
"It means you were a terrible roommate," Isaac laughed, not in the least bit concerned with the exaggerative expression Andrew possessed.
"How?"
"Drew," Isaac said, still laughing, "You're messy and loud and a total slob."
"Come on," Andrew whined, his eyes running to me helplessly, "I wasn't that bad. Back me up here Andy."
He searched my face for a sign of agreeance but when he never found any and I remained silent, he groaned, "Not you too," He said.
"You were kind of messy," I said, vaguely remembering the clutter of clothes and books that blanketed Andrew's side of the room. Isaac hadn't exactly been the neatest person but compared to his roommate, he'd done a good job of keeping it in some sort or order.
"That's not fair," Andrew said, his index finger pointed and jumping back and forth between Isaac and I, "I always cleaned up eventually."
Isaac watched his friend with amusement, shaking his head as he corrected him, "Eventually being weeks at a time."
"Ok so maybe practically I wasn't the best roommate," he admitted, hands held up in defeat, "But I always covered for you with curfew and let's not forget all the times I crashed in Ross's room so you two have some 'time' together."
He made it sound worse than it was, like we were some crazed teenagers who couldn't get enough of each other. Which may have been true half the time, but for the most of it we'd spent out time together talking and laughing, pretending that what we did would have no consequences. Isaac and I had been friends long before we were anything else and that side of our relationship, the physical side, hadn't been there till long after we first spoke.
"Yeah ok drew," Isaac said sarcastically but even he couldn't stop the embarrassing blush that touched both of our cheeks. I ducked my head as if to conceal it but it was no use.
"It's true," Andrew said, "I must have slept on Ross's floor hundreds of times."
"It was not hundreds of time," Isaac scoffed, his expression scrunched up in disbelief.
Both of Andrews brows went up towards his hairline, "Felt like it," he uttered beneath his breath before taking a big mouthful of his drink.
He was wrong though. It didn't feel like it was hundreds of times. Nowadays it felt like I'd spent less than one night with Isaac, that our time together was nothing but a blip in time, a second that I could have just imagined all along. The only reassurance I had that it did happen was the way Isaac stared at me now, like we were back in his room pressed together and locked away from the world. The thought alone sent thousands of shivers through me.
*
"So," Andrew said later on that night once Isaac had slipped away for the toilet. It was just us two at the bar now and the serious way Drew was staring scared me.
"So?" I frowned, hesitant to where he was going with this.
"You know I have to ask, right?" He said and I knew instantly what his intentions were.
Hundreds of questions we both knew he wanted to ask hung in the air like a thunderstorm above my head.
"Andrew if it's about Isaac," I sighed, leaning my head into my palm and resting my elbow on the counter of the bar, "please don't."
"I'm sorry but I have to," Andrew said, concern wrapping itself around his features, "It's weird seeing you like this."
"Like what?"
"Like those two years at school ever happened," he uttered, sending my heart racing.
"They shouldn't have," I said with Ivy in mind. All I could see when I blinked was her face if she ever found out about me and her brother, a picture that would haunt me forever.
"But they did, you can't change that," Andrew almost lectured, something resembling wisdom in his tone, "They happened and you can't pretend forever."
"Andrew," I said, a crushing weight of anxiety pushing down on my chest, "I love you and no offence but you really don't know what you're talking about."
It was wrong of me to say it because in all honesty he did understand. He understood better than most.
He seemed to think so too because he shook his head and said, "I'm the only one who seems to know what they're talking about. Andra you two were inseparable, you barely ever left each other's side. How can you go form that to this?"
"I don't know," I practically whispered, the answer lost to me and words too. I fell into a deadly silence, my eyes watching the slow swirl of drink in my glass. I could feel Andrew's gaze on me but I pretended not to notice.
"I didn't mean to upset you, really," Andrew said finally, breaking the awkward silence between us, "I just – I don't know. I worry about him."
"I know."
"Because he still loves you," Andrew told me, his eyes piercing right into me, "you know, that right?"
"Yes," I breathed, "I know."
As much as I wanted to lie to myself and tell myself he didn't, that it was just the idea of wanting something he couldn't that kept him coming back to me. As much as I wanted to believe that, I couldn't. Almost as much as I wanted to tell myself that I didn't still love him back just a fraction, because I did.
"And I -" Cut short by Isaac's booming voice, Andrew quickly screwed his mouth down and looked away from me abruptly.
Isaac's hands clamped onto Drew's shoulders, shaking him a little and gesturing with a head tilt towards the bar, "Another round?"
"Huh?" Andrew frowned, his ability to quickly brush off conversations like that, lacking. Unlike me, someone who had many opportunities to practice getting better at it, "Yeah, same for me."
Andrew nodded, briefly looking at me and then back to Isaac who reached for his wallet, "Me too."
*
We stayed in the bar most of the night but around ten o'clock Andrew grew bored and forced us to move on o the next bar along the street. It was just as packed as the last one but luckily we managed to get a table outside on a raised table and stalls. Andrew had gone in to get the drinks and when he came back we all settled down and chatted another hour away.
We spoke about a lot of things, boarding school, Andrew's life in Manchester, Isaac's time in Melbourne. But never one did we venture back to the conversation of Isaac and I, none of us dared to anymore. I quickly grew more comfortable around the two of them and was beginning to finally let loose and have a good time.
But my happiness was short lived.
Around eleven clock when the sky was black and a chill settled around the city, I heard my name called the left of me. My eyes went to the entrance of the bar we sat outside and there I saw Thomas. He'd just come out of the bar, one hand holding a fresh beer and the other was tucked away in the pocket of his jacket. The black jacket that was thrown over one of his favourite shirts and beige slacks.
"Andra?" He said, the laughter that had been rolling out of him dying and a frown crossing his face. Leaving his two friends side he strolled over to my table, his eyes flickering briefly over who I was with but resting back on me quickly.
"Thomas," I said through the breath that had hitched in the base of my throat, "Hi."
"Hi," He said now right in front of me. My eyes took him in the same his did mine, surveying me from head to toe. I would have been offended if it wasn't Thomas and if I wasn't dong the exact same. I'd almost forgotten how good looking he was, especially when he was dressed up for a night out.
"What are you doing here?" I asked dumbly, the answer obvious from the beer screwed into his palm.
"Same thing as you probably," He said, tilting his head downwards to where my drink rested in front of me on the table.
I paused for a moment, unsure of what to say to him, "How have you been?" I asked, settling for the most natural question there was when seeing someone you hadn't seen in a while.
"Good I guess," Thomas shrugged, a smile flirting with the ends of his lips as he looked down on me. I could tell he'd had a bit to drink but then again so had I.
"I meant to call you," I said suddenly, "I re-."
"Andra," He interrupted me before I could even spit the words out, "It's fine."
In slow movements, I nodded grateful that he'd spared me from having to justify myself.
"Andy," Andrew said my name whilst clearing his throat loudly. He gauged my attention and I quickly remembered the other two people with me who stared cautiously between Thomas and I, "You going to introduce us?"
"Yeah, course," I stuttered, shifting round in my seat again to face the two boys opposite me. My hand picked up and gestured between my ex and Drew, "Thomas this Andrew an old friend."
"Hi," Andrew said polite enough, his arm stretching out across the table and hand open for Thomas to shake. He did, placing their palms flat against each other's and shaking for a couple of seconds before retrieving their hands.
I then pointed to Isaac, a sense of dread running through my veins, "And this is -."
"Isaac," Thomas finished my sentence for me, his eyes focused on Isaac with an intensity I remembered from the coffee shop when we'd broke up, "Yeah, I know, Ivy's brother. Good to finally put a name to a face."
"Mhm," Isaac hummed, feigning a smile in Thomas's direction. He all knew it fake, even Thomas. Which was why I found it no surprise when they never shook hands.
"And this is Thomas," I said finally, my hand brushing against his forearm but quickly pulling away when Isaac's eyes watched me with a fiery quality.
"Her ex," Thomas added, his words directed right at Isaac.
"Wow," Andrew laughed, an unnerved tone to his voice as he mumbled, "Not awkward at all."
"It's not awkward," Thomas reassured the table, tearing his eyes off Isaac and finding me again, "Me and Andra are cool, right?"
I nodded, smiling as much as I could manage, "Yeah course."
Thomas's free hand gently laid itself across my back as he bent down and said lowly, "Mind if I pull you away for a minute? Just to talk?"
"Ok," I said, bobbing my head slowly as I slipped of the stall and back onto my heels. Thomas's hand remained firm on my back as I turned to Isaac and Andrew and pointed at my stall, "I'll be back in minute, save my seat."
"Will do," Was all I heard Andrew say as my feet began to walk and Thomas steered me away from the table.
We didn't go far, only a couple feet away so we were on the opposite side of the bar's entrance. Thomas led me around a crowd of drinkers and he stood behind them, out of sight from my table.
"Thomas," I said as soon as we'd stopped walking and were completely alone. I rushed to say everything at once but he stopped me before I could.
"Don't tell me," He smiled sadly, "I don't know all the facts."
"I'm just here to see Andrew," I explained, feeling the desperate need to put his mind at ease, "Not him."
"It's fine Andra," Thomas assured me, taking a short sip of his beer, "You don't have to explain yourself to me."
My breaths were shaky when they left me and my legs felt unstable from the rush of nerves that washed over me, "Still, I want you to know there's nothing going on."
"I believe you," He said, leaning his shoulder against the wall of the bar, "You're not that stupid."
It sounded cruel but I knew what he meant. Because if I'd came here to be with Isaac, I'd be risking my friendship with Ivy once again. And Thomas was right, I wasn't stupid enough to do that.
"How are you really?" I asked him, moving away from the conversation of Isaac for what felt like the hundredth time this evening.
"I'm ok," Thomas nodded, his eyes glazed and smoky from the alcohol, "There's been a lot going on."
"Same here," I admitted to him, "What's happening with you?"
He shrugged casually but saw right through it, "Just stuff at home, nothing to worry about."
I went to ask him again what was really wrong but he dragged up something else before I could even form the words in the throat.
"Tiff said she saw you the other week," Thomas mentioned, "In the coffee shop."
"Yeah," I said, my mind running back to the awful run in I'd had with his sister, "I tried to speak to her but – well you can imagine."
"I'd apologize for the way she way acts but I feel like I've done that too many times now," he said, chuckling gently before lapsing into a small pause. When he spoke again, his voice was sentimental, "But I appreciate you trying still."
"Well, better late than never right?" I said, attempting at humour but failing completely. Thomas seemed way to serious to even consider taking in my jokes.
"Yeah," He said, tilting his head dup then down and let his eyes sober into mine, flickering down to my lips then to my eyes again. He sighed, "I really miss you Andra."
"I miss you too," I told him, meaning it.
"Maybe we should meet sometime," He said dropping his hand with the beer in it to the side and taking a small step closer to me, "Catch up?"
"Sure," I said, his closing proximity unnerving me, "But just as –."
"Friends," Thomas sighed, his eyes screwing shut for a long, unbearable second. When he opened them again there was clarity in them and he retraced his step, moving backwards, "Yeah, I know. I'm fine with that."
"Ok," I smiled, "Good."
*
Back at the table, an uncertain quietness settled around the three of us. Thankfully Thomas and his friends had slipped back inside the bar. Out of sight and out of mind, I thought. But Isaac obviously thought not.
"So," He drew out his words, watching me with stony, hard eyes, "Thomas?"
I exhaled a tired, frustrated sigh, "Don't," I warned, swallowing back the rest to my drink.
"I'm just saying, I never even knew you had a boyfriend," Isaac shrugged, leaning onto the back of his chair and slinging his arm over the side of it.
"I don't," I corrected him, "Thomas is my –."
"Ex, yeah he said," Isaac said bluntly, "When did that even happen?"
I fought an internal battle of whether or not to say it. But when I looked up at Isaac and his blunt expression it was like he could draw the truth out of me, "At the end of last summer and a little after we got back to the city."
There was nothing wrong in what I'd done with Thomas but suddenly sat in front of an upset Isaac I felt like I'd betrayed him somehow, like I'd cheated. And I knew that if it was the other way around and it was Isaac telling me about someone he'd dated after me, I'd feel just as hurt.
"Last summer?" He echoed me, brows furrowed.
"Yeah."
"Ivy never said anything," Isaac said, bringing his arm back around and grabbing his drink of the table. He gulped viciously down another mouthful of beer, eyes still pinned to me over the rim of his glass.
"I don't suppose she thought she had to," I muttered.
Isaac never replied, only stared at me in silence.
"Don't judge me Isaac," I snapped when I couldn't take his quietness any longer, my voice coming out in a patronising tone I hadn't intended to use, "You're the one that left."
"I'm not judging," Isaac shrugged, trying hard to contain his hurt but it was seeping through with every word he let out, "I'm just surprised."
"Why?" I stormed my voice rising unintentionally, "Is it that hard to believe that someone might have actually wanted me?"
"No, why would you even say that?" Isaac fumed, suddenly snapping as he hit his glass back down on the table with a hard thud. A raw anger swept into his voice, a dangerous mixture with the hurt that was displayed openly on his face, "I was your boyfriend Andra, I did want you."
A guilt chewed away at my insides, my heart sitting uneasy in my chest my stomach quickly flipping. I should have said something to comfort him but he beat me to it, asking, "When did you two break up?"
"Why does it matter?" I sighed, a frustrated hand running up over my cheek and to my temple, my thumb slowly rubbing the skin there.
"It doesn't," Isaac said, "I'm just asking."
"We broke up a couple of weeks ago," I told him, too tired to keep things back anymore, "We were on and off, off mostly. But we've ended it completely now."
"When?"
"Near the end of last month," I mumbled, chewing on the inside of my cheek and staring down at my lap abruptly.
"So, when I got home?" Isaac spoke roughly, his voice suggestive. We all knew what he was thinking.
"It wasn't because of you before you even say so," I blurted out quickly, reassuring both him and myself, "It had nothing to do with you."
"I wasn't going to say that," Isaac shook his head, denying it.
"But you were thinking it," I whispered, my head ducking down in shame.
He frowned harder, his brows pinching together, "I wasn't."
"I was," Andrew weakly joked, choosing humour as a way of softening the rising tension. He failed.
"Andrew," Isaac fumed, his mood forcing itself onto his friend, "Really?"
"Sorry."
The table became consumed with quiet, the gulping of Andrew's throat the only noise. The silence was short lived though, Isaac brave enough to end it, "Look let's not fight. We were having a good night before any of this. Let's just enjoy the rest of it?"
I hesitated but as soon I looked into Isaac's eyes all resistance left me, "Ok," I muttered, nodding.
"Yeah?" He said, brows raised as if questioning me once more.
"Yeah."
A relieved sigh fanned from his mouth and the corners of his mouth forced themselves up into a tightened smile. I tried to send one back to him but I could barely manage.
"Thank fuck for that," Andrew exhaled exaggeratedly, bursting up from his seat and pointing to the bar, "I say it's shots time."