CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX; PRETEND
"It terrifies me how skilled you are at turning your emotions on and off. How you can be so kind and loving one moment then cold like ice the next. Whenever you open your mouth, I never know whether it's going to be I love you or It's over."
"It wouldn't be me taking the blame if she burned down the world we once knew and we all went up in flames with it, for almost everyone could see it in her eyes that she had enough power in her to do such a thing. "
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CARL'S POV
BRIGHT RAYS OF SUN RIPPLED BETWEEN THE MULTIPLE MEMBERS OF OUR GROUP AS WE WALKED THROUGH THE DENSE GREEN FORESTRY, breaking beneath our feet as we pushed through the brambles and leaves covering the sizzling earth. Sweat seemed to pour off of our bodies in waves in the immense and unnatural heat that plagued the land and rooted deep inside of our clothing, forcing jackets that were once useful to be shed and sleeves to be rolled as each and every one of us tried to distract ourselves from the obvious troubles that would be coming ahead if water didn't appear sometime in our near future. For as long as we have been traveling it was extremely hard to tell each season from another, for even though the trees bared partial colors of red and brown, the air seemed to snicker at us with every puff of heat it pushed from the sun and onto our red, exhausted faces. And if it weren't mother nature laughing at us, then it must be father time, who somehow disappeared from our lives as soon as the whole world went to hell and forced our days and nights to blend together into unnatural time spans of walking or waiting for any sort of danger. It was a vicious cycle for all of us.
All of the obstacles I could list off in my head gave our entire group too much of a reason to be on high alert, even if we didn't act like it. Every crackle underneath my booted feet sounded all too similar to the crackle of flames on the exterior of Terminus, and every sigh or heave of breath made me glance at the blonde girl beside me in a large wave of fear, picturing her small frame getting overpowered by hands of the dead, only to instead be caught with her annoyed, yet tired, dark eyes. Of course, I knew fully well that it wasn't mine, or anyone else's, job to worry about her throughout the journey we were taking to Lord knows where, but it didn't stop me from triple thinking every action she did along the way. With every step, she looked closer to falling away and the longer she went beside me the more she looked like one of the corpses from the flaming building we had left behind. The only thing that kept me from forcing her to take a break was the fact that she had actually eaten and slept with whatever time we had to rest last night, giving me enough air to breathe as I thought about her peaceful face tucked against the hollow of her wrist as she slept. But now, wide awake and roaming, it was getting harder and harder not to stress about her health. With her gut covered jacket tied around her waist and a recently found plain gray shirt that most likely belonged to an older man however long ago hanging loosely off her bony shoulders, she looked more like a skeleton than ever. At least, in this heat, she seemed to have more color than when I had first found her holed up in that dark house with nothing but dust bunnies and shut cabinets surrounding her. If we wanted to get far, and fast, we needed the entire group to be healthy and fit, ready to fight or defend with whatever we had. That, of course, had to be a good enough reason to blame my worrying on, for no matter how I felt it was obvious I didn't know enough about the girl whose hand I held in my own to call her a friend.
Almost as if she knew exactly what I was thinking about, the girl by my side turns to look at me, pausing for a moment before her face breaks into a small smile, "Are you done staring at me yet, Sheriff?"
Warmth blooms in my chest and on my cheeks as I let a smile of my own appear on my face, squeezing her small hand that fit perfectly inside my own before releasing my grip on it, chuckling, "Maybe if I had a perfectly good video game in my hands, or a good book, I wouldn't have to stare at you so often."
That, of course, was only half a lie, for video games and stories could only do so much in this world for me. And people like Milah...Well, let's just point out that I'm not really complaining about having found Milah when I did. It's nice of course, to finally have a companion of some sorts after a long time of roaming alone. Once before, I had a friend like her, Sophia, but the memories lacked any sort of uniqueness about them like mine with Milah did. Only card games and homework even in the middle of the apocalypse. And even she had met her brutal end.
"Oh please," the girl chuckles, a small, breathy laugh, "You're too captivated by my beauty to get distracted by foolish things like video games."
Even with her joking tone, it was hard to shake the feeling that this wasn't Milah being...Milah. She was acting as if every single thing that's ever happened to her didn't have any sort of grasp on her emotions. The horrible attack on the roadside...The story of her and that boy...The attack on Terminus... They were only the few memories that I knew about, but even more were lurking around the depths of her dark eyes but never once did she speak of them on the many days our feet had walked. It was hard not to look at her as if she could shatter at any moment, for that's exactly what she did right after the roadside attack and that man....She couldn't have possibly let it go that easily. Nobody could have. Was it something I needed to worry about? Or should I just embrace it for what it is and enjoy the moments of laughter, forever wondering how genuine it is?
"You're getting lost in my eyes again, Sheriff," another grin, another laugh as the corners of her eyes crinkle, making my heart rise to my throat as her freckled face beamed with the humor laced in her words.
"You wish, Sunshine," I retorted, finally dragging my eyes away from hers to look at the surrounding trees that littered our path, the faint heat in my cheeks easily blamed on the persistent fierceness of the bright sun ahead of us and not on the current conversation.
Maybe it wasn't right to assume the state of Milah's stability. Maybe she was actually happy and just trying to move on from the things she wanted to forget, and I was only being the monster trying to drag her back to those moments. And maybe, just maybe, I was overthinking things just so my own mind didn't have to worry about the actual situation at hand. But would it be such a crime if I was? I had called it from the beginning: Milah was a distraction and it was shown in almost every action she did. Then, I hadn't known how much things would change in such a short time period, but now that I do things have been forced into a different perspective. One thing is for sure, though; It wouldn't be me taking the blame if she burned down the world we once knew and we all went up in flames with it, for almost everyone could see it in her eyes that she had enough power buried in her to do such a thing.
And hopefully, neither I or Judith would be caught in the mass destruction if such things ever came to be.
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(A/N: Here lies my heart and soul due to the fact that Carl called Milah the most basic nickname ever. RIP.)
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"Help!
Help, anybody! Help!"
With a thudding heart and light feet, I push past the layers of branches and leaves, every limb scratching at my face like sharp talons as I continue to run towards the sound of the petrified survivor. The closer I came to the yelling, the more the growls and snaps became louder in my ears, echoing around in my brain as I reached towards the gun safely tucked in my side. Finally reaching the open clearing, I had the weapon out in one fluid movement and aimed at the nearest corpse, barely thinking before my finger twitched on the trigger and my bullet went flying into the thing's brain. Behind me, came the rest of the group, all coming at the small horde of Walkers that surrounded the scared man trembling atop the large boulder. He seemed to be defenseless, no doubt weak and to no use of us. Nonetheless, I had still begged my father to come save this man. Let's hope, for my sake, that he was a survivor worth something to us.
"Come on down," Dad requests once all the corpses had been killed, walking forward to look up at the dark skinned man with his intense gaze, taking in his odd clothes and formal attire not made for this type of activity. With a lurch, the man jumps off the boulder, his legs almost giving out from underneath him as he lands. Every inch of him screamed weak, sending anger coursing through my bones.
I could feel Milah's small hand land on my shoulder, her bitter annoyance at the situation bouncing off of her as she neared closer to me. We both were two sides of a coin, no matter the differences we may have had growing up, we were still too much alike. But I didn't let her get in my head, instead keeping my eyes on my father and the man, latching onto every word they say, waiting for any sign of danger or any reason at all not to trust this man.
"You okay?" My Dad asks, his head tilting as he scans the man once more, most likely checking for any form of injury or bite resting on his skin.
Barely able to raise a finger, the man almost immediately lets the contents of his stomach empty, narrowly missing the older man's shoes as he throws up whatever he had to eat last. Looking away, I catch Milah mid laugh, once more astounding me as I watch the girl's face transform into a look of genuine entertainment at the man's weakness.
Quickly, before I had a chance of getting caught, I turn back to the man, who has now straightened out and was wiping his mouth with his black shirt sleeve, looking up at my Dad apologetically. "Sorry."
After mumbling his words of thanks, the man finally notices our number, eyeing our guns and weapons with narrow eyes before looking back up at my Dad and straightening his shirt, "I'm Gabriel."
"Do you have any weapons on you?" My Dad ignores the introduction, his number one priority being safety for our group and to be a threat for the singular man in front of us. With a nervous laugh, the man looks at every face in our group, waiting for someone to join in, but to no avail.
"Do I look like I would have any weapons?"
The question itself was an obvious answer. From what I could tell, this man had some sort of Minister outfit on. With the collared shirt, suit jacket and matching pants, he seemed as if he were a newborn survivor walking out into the world for the first time since this hell started.
"We don't give two shorts and curlies what it looks like," Abraham snaps from behind, his accent as thick as ever as he shakes his head at the man, no doubt changing his posture to add more of a threat to his words.
With a tremble in his voice, Gabriel finally answers the question outright, "I have no weapons of any kind."
A sigh of relief almost escapes my mouth as I lower my gun, letting it hang loosely at my side as I scan the trees instead of staring at the man who was no doubt scared to wit's end by us. Hopefully, if he was smart, he wouldn't lie to a group this big. But I should know better than to rely on hope.
"The word of God is the only protection I need."
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(A/N: Literally editing this and hating myself for the amount of time skips :,) )
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A stray lock of gold fell in front of the girl's smiling face as she looked down at the cooing toddler in her arms, giggling as the baby showed a smile of her own. Chubby fingers reached up to land on the girl's scarred cheek, gently patting it before entangling themselves in her dirt layered hair. It wasn't caution or nervousness that fluttered in my chest as I watched the scene unfold, but rather, a faint trace of longing or contentment as I saw the raw emotion beam in the depths of Milah's dark eyes. Somehow, she had won over my judgment and pried Judith out of my gentle grip, immediately connecting with the small girl as she sat down on the ground and let the tiny toddler busy herself with her hair or her long, calloused fingers. The scene, however wrong the timing was, brought a smile to my face and a laugh to bubble up from my throat, causing Milah to peer up at me through her lashes before giving her full attention to the toddler once more.
The dull light that shone through the stained window panes was barely enough to see through, but the surrounding mirrors and shiny, decorative pieces that hung scattered around the large room made it easier to bear and adjust to. The room, however decorated it may be, held nothing to catch my attention, only causing my displeasure of our meeting with the newcomer to worsen, no matter how much I just wanted to push the thoughts out of my mind and lose myself to the scene of the pretty girl in front of me innocently playing with the youthful child.
After fully interrogating Father Gabriel, we had finally ended up here, his camp/church where he claimed to have hidden out in for a good portion of his days before finally wandering outside for the first time only a couple of days ago. With canned food from a recent food drive to keep his hunger at bay and writing for entertainment, this man claimed to be fully content in living underneath the "words of God". To me, it seemed like a waste of time to worry about how much of his words could possibly be the truth. The man himself was nothing more than a trembling mess who couldn't do much more than stumble over a few bible verses and retreat back to his corner where he busied himself by leafing through the pages of his leather bound bible. This wasn't what I had in mind when I had hoped for usefulness to come with the package of finding a newcomer, but maybe the boring scene and setting around us could transform into something better and magnificent.
Or, maybe this man was just full of lies and we were too ignorant to see through them. More importantly, I was too ignorant to see through them. For I was being blinded by the dimming hope of a new future where nobody needed to worry as much as I, barely fourteen years old, had to in this day and age. To some, this place could still be another Terminus. And to others, like me, this place could be a safe haven. Somewhere to relax and regroup and let our minds settle before going on to greater places. If it were the latter, it would mean big things for us. Me and Milah, Judith, Dad, our entire group could live off of here for as long as needed before we set off again. If we were to stay, then maybe we could actually find a better place to move on to, for we couldn't possibly get lucky twice. The prison was a mere coincidence. A lucky break. This would need structured planning and level headed people to join together and think about an actual future. It wasn't the best plan, but it was the only one we could actually live off of. Terminus couldn't have been our only chance at a sanctuary.
"Carl, are you listening?"
My thoughts had buried me too deep for me to notice that my Dad was halfway through one of his lectures, forcing shame down my throat as I trained my full attention on him. Looking into his eyes, I watch as he kneels beside the pew I was seated on, his gun still in his hand as his fingers fumble with the small detailing.
"Yeah, sorry," I responded sheepishly, brushing my hair out of my face as I meet his intense gaze, trying to scramble some sort of recognition of any of the words that he had said before.
"I need you to hear what I'm about to say."
I nod once more, pushing every thought of Milah, or Judith, out of my brain. "Okay."
"You are not safe. No matter how many people are around. Or how clear the area looks. No matter what anyone says. No matter what you think.
You are not safe."
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A small chapter in Carl's POV for a change...I kinda like this new perspective.
You know one thing I hate, though? ALL OF MY STUPID TIME SKIPS.
I just completely loathe this part of the season. It's literally the worst bit for me to write because it's so boring and monotone until they reach Alexandria. I mean, I understand that some will fight me on this because #Bethyl but *cough* I'm not a shipper and I wasn't as sad as I should've been when she died.
Whoops.
Expect more time skip chapters like this because how in the world am I supposed to make Milah sit through this before she herself falls asleep mid-chapter??? (And she's the kind of girl who never sleeps so please take that into account.)
Anywhoo, I'd like to thank saltysloth5 for these bee-yoo-ti-ful fanart/covers/my new phone wallpaper because danggggggggggggggggg
So beautiful <3
Anyways, now that I've officially finished fangirling over my own story, I'll end this long Authors note with my usual....
Did you like today's chapter? (If you didn't please let me know why :,) )
If you did, make sure to avoid being a silent reader! Comment, vote, and follow for more awkward writing!
Sincerely,
Your Awkward Author,
Andrea ♥️
P.S. : All of my support and love goes out to the families who are still dealing with the pain of losing someone on 9/11. Remember, I'm always one PM away if you ever want to talk about anything. All the love ♥️
{NOT EDITED}
{POSTED SEPTEMBER 11TH, 2017}
{WORD COUNT; 3285)