I beat my 7:30 alarm shutting it off at 5:30 a.m. I guess my brain didn't want to understand the concept of sleep last night. I spent most of the night tossing and turning in my bed letting everything from my first day of senior year sink in.
It's only been a day and so much has already happened. My best friend isn't my best friend anymore, my mother feels like a stranger, I didn't do my calculus homework. Fuck.
I drag my feet to the bathroom and stare at the girl in the mirror.
Harry will get over this. He can't be mad forever. He's never been jealous or never shown it at least. He didn't mean what he said. He couldn't have.
I try to lie to myself as I lazily try to put as much of my hair as possible into a ponytail. Loose strands fall on the edges of my face. Whatever. Leaving my face make-up less, I enter my closet slipping on a plain white T-shirt, light denim jeans and my gray Vans. I check the time 7:10, great, I have an hour to kill.
I walk over and sit on the floor next to my bed scrolling through my phone. No texts, calls, voice mails, nothing.
*Can I have a ride to school?*
It's a lame excuse but I need to make sure he's okay and tell him I was lying about the note. I know that lying wasn't the best way but at the moment I panicked and that's all I could think of.
I set my phone on the floor in front of me and bring my knees to my chest wrapping my arms around them and wait. Praying he answers.
Forty five minutes later I walk downstairs ready to take the bus.
"Did you eat already?" My mom asks as I reach the bottom of the stairs. She's leaning against the kitchen table with her hands wrapped around a mug. The smell of apples and cinnamon reaches my nose instantly.
"No, I'll just grab some breakfast at school" I hate school food
"How did things with Harry go last night?" she asks stirring her oatmeal with a spoon
"Um, it didn't go the way I thought it would" I avoid eye contact and make my way towards the door.
"I'm getting that new car today, so if you wanna take the car you can" She asks a small sense of taunt in her voice
I spin around almost loosing my balance.
"Seriously?" I ask lifting an eyebrow. She's never let me take the car to school, mainly because the last time I did that Harry and I raced to school and I got a ticket for speeding.
"Just no racing" She smiles tossing me the keys
"Yes ma'am" I say not helping the grin that's stretched across my face
I walk out into the fresh September air instantly regretting not bringing a jacket, but it's already 8:00 and I don't know how long it will take me to drive to school so I decide to just continue walking.
I turn the heat on high, switch on the radio and peel out of the driveway heading towards school. As I drum my fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm of the song, my thoughts make their way back to Harry.
I wonder what he's doing right now. What if he didn't go home last night? What if something happened to him?
I reach the school in 20 minutes, I take the first parking space I see and sit in the car for a bit just too call Anne.
"Hello?"
"Um Hi Anne It's Alex"
"Oh, Hi Alex, How are you?"
"I've been better, Um I was just wondering If Harry made it home last night"
She pauses for a bit making my heartbeat accelerate. If something happened to Harry It's my fault.
"Yes he came home around eleven, drunk but in one piece" her voice hinting anger or frustration or both.
A wave of relief washing over me. He's safe.
"Oh, okay, I'm sorry I-"
"No, no, I'm sorry for never telling either of you Alex, but your mother and I did it for your own good. I have too go now but I will talk to you soon okay?"
"Okay, thanks Anne and if Harry needs anything let me know"
"Will do, and Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't let this change the way you love Harold" The line goes dead as the tears begin prick at my eyes.
How can it not change anything, she doesn't know what he's feeling and how wrong it is.
I grab my bag and slip out of the tiny silver car. The bell rings before I can make it to our "meeting spot" so I make my way to first period. I look back at Harry's usual parking space. It's empty for the first time since last year.
Four weeks
It's been Four weeks since I've seen Harry. The night at millennium park was the last time I remember seeing him. Every time I called Anne all she would say is that he's okay and that she had to go. Giving me no other information.
Knowing that she had no reason to lie to me, it eased my nerves. But the ache in my chest never went away.The thought that Harry's absences at school had to do with me was gnawing at the back of my mind. I missed him so much.
When I went to go visit him the first couple of days he was MIA, Anne told me he would go out all day then come back at night. She wouldn't see him at all sometimes, but she knew he was home when she felt someone pull a blanket over her each night.
After the second week I eventually stopped going to his house feeling bad for interrupting Anne and her work each day. My routine has become the same since then. I wake up, drive to school, go to class, drive by Harry's house, hoping to find his truck in the drive way, but then driving straight home when I don't. Homework and dinner, alone as usual, then my favorite part of the day. Sleep. I've been taking sleeping pills to help me relax. So each night I have the pleasure of drifting off to a world where I actually got to see Harry's face. A world where Harry and I are laughing and joking around in my backyard or the park. A world where Harry and I weren't siblings. A world totally my own. A nonexistent world that only existed in my dreams. Sleep is my favorite part of the day.
At school no one seems to notice nor care where Harry's been. It seems stupid but it hurts to know that if something were to happen to him, no one would give two shits. There would only be me and the suffocating ache in my chest.
The only time when my step brother, (I only call him that when I'm sure no one can hear me, so mainly in my head) isn't on my mind, is when I get to health.
Louis had taken Harry's seat and at first my initial feeling was anger towards the blue eyed boy. How could he just sit there knowing it's taken. But after the first week it came to me that the seat was no longer Harry's.
It started with the whole "Oops, I dropped my pen, could you pass it to me?"
I rolled my eyes at his use of the oldest line in the book and all he did was smirk as I handed him the pen.
Then it turned into passing of notes that read Do you have any idea what he's talking about? or Do you think she could be any more stupid? Often I would laugh or scold him for his sense of humor. He often tries to guess interesting facts about me wondering what makes me extraordinary. So far all he's got is the fact that I can cross one eye. He was funny and nice and took my mind off Harry. So I liked health
Now it's October, the leaves have morphed to orange and brown, already littering front lawns and sidewalks and there's still no sign of Harry. How is he getting his work done? What if he doesn't graduate? Where could he be?
As I walk into health I instantly feel the cold air from outside make the hairs on my body stand up. I look around and notice all of the windows are wide open. Louis is already at his seat blowing warm air into his clasped hands.
"What's going on?"
"Health lesson today has to do with the trees or something" he says rolling his eyes "Why he has the windows open I have no idea, It's freezing balls outside"
I take my seat next to Louis and run my hands down my bare arms. Damn this T-shirt. Coach Randolph walks in beginning his lecture on how beautiful the environment is. Goosebumps appear all over my arms and I can see my fingernails turning blue. Fuck. I shouldn't have left my Jacket in my car.
"Here" Louis says suddenly slipping off his jacket and handing it too me
"Um no that's-"
"Just take it" He says flashing a smile
I hesitantly take the black sweatshirt and slip it on. It smells like cigar smoke and cologne. Oddly I don't mind the combination.
"Thanks" I smile, heat rising up my cheeks. I look over and see he's wearing a black long sleeve. He's slim but not skinny. His long hair has reached the bottom of his neck and is pushed to the side at the front. It looks nice. He looks nice.
The class goes on as our teacher explains to us the different ways a body might react to the pollen, bug bites ect. I zone out a couple of times when I notice Louis eyes on me, but every time I turn my head to look at him he quickly look away as if nothing happened. I couldn't help but giggle when I caught him and at that he laughed making the corners of his eyes crinkle in the cutest way possible.
"Is there something you would like to share with the class Mr. Tomlinson?" Coach Randolph asks directing the classes attention to Louis
"Well I was just wondering what our sex lives have to do with trees and air? Not that there's anything wrong if you're into that sort of thing" His voice full of sarcasm
The class bursts into laughter as Louis turns to look at me. I shake my head at his inappropriate comment but the grin on my face deceives me. He nods and lets out a chuckle.
I snap my head up as the door suddenly slams open, the smile on my face disappears instantly.
Harry walks in looking directly at our teacher. He's wearing a black sweatshirt, black jeans, brown boots and his beanie. An outfit I've never seen before. He hands Coach Randolph a note and doesn't look up at me nor the boy who has taken his seat as he stalks off to a desk somewhere behind me.
I nervously twist the ring on my middle finger and force myself not to turn around. I'll seem like a lost puppy, like a pathetic wimp if I turn around to just make sure he's really there. Is he really here? Please let him be there. I slowly turn my head to my right, glancing over my shoulder.
His emerald eyes are already staring back at me. He's slumped back in his seat with his eyebrows pushed together and his pink lips set into a thin line. His eyes hold an intense emotion that I can't decipher.
His eyes travel down towards my chest and that's when I see it.
The fire in his eyes isn't sorrow or regret, it's anger. I'm sitting next to Louis wearing his sweatshirt and I don't have the balls to say two words to my best friend.
I open my mouth to say somthing when the bell rings, signaling the end of class.
The class begins to filter out as I begin to tug at my sleeves.
"Just keep it" Louis says slinging his bag over his shoulder.
"No its okay" I say in a nervous voice. I notice Harry is still seated at his desk
"Alexandra Jane keep the sweater, Ill see you tomorrow for lunch" he leans in pecking my cheek before exiting the room.
My cheeks begin to heat up as I look over at Harry. His eyes are wide, livid.
I don't have time to say anything to him because as I open my mouth, he kicks the desk in front of him, flipping it over, and stalks out the room.
I push my books in my bag and follow him towards the parking lot. As I get in my car I watch him climb into his truck. He drives off campus and I immediately follow.
He's not getting away this time. I'm going to find out where he's been for the past month whether he likes it or not.
A/N Omg chipotle, haha anyway Thanks for reading! Love you all! xx