I sit up in the small clearing where we must have fallen asleep and yawn. I look over at Damian and see he is still asleep and not to mention snoring; I giggle at the image my brain creates of a dragon snoring and its prisoner about to escape. I hop onto my feet and take one last glance at Damian before I bolt off into the woods. I walk around the small clearing until I find a path that must have been beaten down by various times of use by the animals. I walk only a few feet into the bush just far enough I’m invisible from the world yet close enough I can still see where Damian is sleeping. I pull out my knife my father gave to me before he died to protect myself; so far all I have used it for is to harm myself. Slowly I roll up my left pant leg to expose the small, shiny pink puckered lines on my thigh. I stroke them tenderly; I only have a few, maybe fifteen but they all mean something. I had never thought of cutting before my parents died; I was an average happy go lucky teen who was almost popular and never got in trouble. I had started harming myself the day I arrived in Bella Monte; three cuts, each representing a dead member of my family…the other twelve all represent an event in the past three years that have made me plunge into a depressed state or just made me feel empty. I run the back side of the blade over a clear piece of skin. I take a few minutes to conjure up the guts to do it; after a few minutes I slide the blade over my skin and open a wound on the lower part of my thigh…that makes sixteen I think to myself. I see my blood steadily flow down my legs for a few moments starting to get a little woozy. I am so distracted by the blood I don’t notice Damian’s approach.
“Kuryen what are you doing!?” he exclaimed pulling off his shirt to push against the wound which revealed his nicely shaped body; I can’t help but think about his skin against mine. I giggle out loud because of my thought of me and him.
“Damian I’m fine really I am.” I say taking his shirt off my wound and pulling my pant leg back down; I heal abnormally fast so I’m not worried about bleeding out any time soon.
“I don’t care if your fine or not I want to know why you would do this to yourself.” He whisperers putting his hands on either side of my face. I get up off the ground and place my hands over his intertwining our fingers so I can bring his hands down to his sides.
“Come out into the clearing and I’ll tell you its too dark in here.” I say dreading what I have to explain. He follows me to a soft patch of grass where we sit down.
“Ok so you want to know why I do it.” I ask hoping he will say no.
“Yes.” He says calmly. I can see that look in his eyes. Pity.
“Ok first off though I don’t want to be judged for it and I’m going to stop when I feel like no sooner nor no later and you can’t make me stop either deal?” I say sternly glaring at him through my hair.
“But Kuryen you have to sto...”he didn’t finish his sentence because I cut him off.
“Damain stop! Either you shut your mouth and listen or I’m not telling you!” I snapped at him; I could feel a ball of tension building up in my stomach.
“Ok I’m sorry Kuryen…” he whispered.
“There are only a few you know, 16 actually.” I pause looking up from the hands to his reaction which he hid well but not well enough I couldn’t see the pity in his eyes; not that I blamed him. “And they all mean something it’s not like I do it for no reason.” I say sounding strained. I fiddle with my fingers contemplating on how to get him to understand this is just what I do to cope. “Damian I know you don’t understand it and I don’t need you too I just need you to know I don’t do it because I’m unhappy I do it out of guilt. I made it out alive and all of those other people are dead. I know what you’re going to say: oh Kuryen it’s not your fault and yes I know that but this is how I cope. These scars.” I pause gesturing my hand to where a bit of blood has soaked through my pants. “Are here to remind me what I survived through.” I finish in a big rush.
“But…Doesn’t it hurt?” he asks putting his hand on the inside of my thigh where my scars are.
The next sentence comes out almost instinctively because it even surprises me. “Yes but it’s the pain that lets me know I’m still alive if it didn’t hurt I might as well be dead.” I whisper. The shock that spreads across Damian’s tanned features hurts me but I don’t let it show on my face.
“I get that your hurting Kuryen, I do but why make the hurting permanent; why put yourself through that?” he asks sounding confused.
“I already told you it’s how I cope!” I scream at him. I am up and running in an instant. I don’t pay attention to how long I run for or what my surroundings look like but I can hear the crashing of Damian behind me the whole time that lets me know I’m not alone. When I finally collapse of exhaustion my arms are tore up by the tree branches hitting them, I am covered in mud from falling down and my face is tear stained. Damain comes up behind me and for a moment I’m embarrassed that he’s seeing me in this state but that feeling passes quickly.
“You know this is usually where I would say something witty but at this moment I am too tired.” He said between breaths. I can see he is as worn out as I am. He is humped over resting his hands on his knees panting like a dog, not that I have room to talk because I’m slumped against a tree and I sound like a dying dog.
“Ya and this would be me giving a rude retort to your witty remark but since you didn’t give me a witty remark I guess it’s not needed.” I gasp out between breaths. I attempt to get up but I can barely hold my own weight let alone walk any further.
“Forget about it Kuryen we need to rest, we ran for a long time.” He said laughing at me; his laughs turn into coughs.
“Really how long did we run for?” I ask in an indifferent tone.
“About 3 hours.” He said sounding like he had a bit more energy now.
“Wow that’s a really long time.” I mumble to myself. I hear Damian say something but I don’t pay attention because I can feel the fatigue weighing on my body. My eyelids start to droop as I fall into a peaceful sleep…
Time skip
I wake up sore, hungry, grumpy and with a headache; I must have out done myself yesterday with the running. I go over and wake Damian up because we need to make some miles. I rub his shoulder gently and he wakes up almost immediately.
“Kuryen what time is it?” he asks sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. I take a quick peek at the sun and judge it is about eleven am.
“Eleven.” I say peeling off my sweater and tee shirt so I am left in my tank top.
Damian who is now standing up turns around to face me with a smile on his face as I stretch “Well my morning just got a whole lot more interesting.” He said walking towards me. His arms wrap around my waist and I immediately press myself against him and rest my head on his chest.
“I’m sorry about yesterday Kury, I shouldn’t have pushed you to that point.” He whispered into my hair pulling me closer into a tight hug.
“Its fine Damian I shouldn’t have flipped on you.” I say quietly into his chest. I’m still mad at him but not mad enough to ignore him anymore. I slide my arms around his waist and stick my hands into the back of his pants which makes him shiver but I don’t know if he shivers do the the fact that my hands are cold or he likes it, either way it makes me giggle. I can feel his hands slip up my shirt and under my bra strap which in return makes my skin prickle in pleasure.
“Damian I’m not ready and I don’t want to do it here.” I whisper digging my nails into the lower part of his back; I didn’t mean to do it but it was like my body protested what my mouth enforced. As if my body was having a rebellion against my brain my arms slide out from behind him and up to his neck so I can pull his face down to mine. When our lips connect I feel a twang of pain because I know I am leading him on; my thought is soon forgotten when he peels off my shirt and his kisses trail down my neck, between my breasts, on to my stomach and he finally ends with a series of small kisses over my belly button.
“Damian I can’t I’m sorry I just can’t I’m not ready.” I whisper tilting his head upwards so he could see my eyes.
“I understand Kuryen.” He said picking my shirt back up and sliding it over my head.
“Thank you.” I whisper and that’s the last thing I say to him for the next three days. I can feel the unspoken tension between us. We spend our time walking to wherever it is were going. We don’t speak a word to each other until we walk into a very large clearing only it isn’t beautiful like the other one before and it’s not a clearing it’s a barren landscape for as far and the eyes can see; the l grass is transformed into dirt and weeds and I can’t see the end it’s like the trees just stop all at once. I don’t see the gray building hulking over me until Damian points it out.
“Hey look at that Kuryen; what do you suppose it is?” he asks. I don’t know how to answer him because I am too distracted by the high barbed wire fence that surrounds the building. I notice a small yellow sign on the fence that says high voltage. How wonderful. Now all I have to do is get in there and find out exactly why it’s here and what it is I think to myself. But deep inside I am ready to burst with happiness because I was right. And the government…well they are a bunch of scum sucking liar’s.