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James.
The boy that can kill me in so many ways, both good and bad. Still, I feel too many things as I stare at his face, still handsome, still tempting, though he looks weaker and tired. I can tell that he's somewhat uncomfortable, as he bites the inside of his cheek.
"I need to go help Jasmine in the kitchen." I tell him. My voice was supposed to sound strong and confident, but the words came out in such a way that it was softer than a whisper.
"Lara." He says my name with so many hidden meanings behind it. With longing, guilt, sadness. As he grabs my arm, it feels too familiar. Much like the time where I tried to fight my tears in front of him. Though I can't bring myself to look at him, I know that he's staring me down so intensly that I might melt.
I want to tell him to stop looking at me, to stop making me feel this way, but I can't. No matter what I do or try, he will always be the one who gives me butterflies. As much as I care about living creatures, I just need some insect repellent to kill those damn butterflies.
"Miss can I buy a-" I hear a older voice begin to ask but is interrupted with Kiera's voice.
"Shh! I'm trying to watch something!" she exclaims, and I know she's talking about James and I.
"I'm sorry about her rudeness, I can help you." Carol offers.
"I need to tell you something." James says softly.
I pull my arm away harshly, almost knocking down the cupcake stand. I look him in the eye, giving him the harshest glare that I can possibly give. "I don't need to hear anything."
"Please. This is the most important thing I've ever needed to say. Just let me say it." My harsh expression falters at the slightest bit. He walk over, behind our stand and grabs my hand. He leads me out of the crowded area, over to the other side of the building.
It's quiet. The only thing in the backround is the faded noises from the event.
I look down at my shoes. Yup. My shoes are really nice.
"You know, there are alot of words I'd use to describe myelf." he starts, and I wonder where this is going.
"I'm arrogant."
I look up at him and he looks at back at me, his irresistible dark brown eyes peering into mine.
"I'm loud."
"I'm annoying."
"I'm a jerk."
"I'm stupid."
"I'm an idiot."
"Now, this arrogant, loud, annoying, jerk, stupid, idiot is really sorry for being so utterly stupid. I never wanted to see anyone hurt you. I never wanted to see a day where you cried. Here we are, and I'm the reason I see your tears fall for the first time. I'm sorry for hurting you, for ditching you."
Is this where I admit to him that I was jealous? That I saw him as something else? Is this when I am supposed to cinfess? Maybe. But before that, I want to know one more thing.
"Why'd you do it?" I ask, my voice hoarse. As the words come out, I feel like I need to cry. "Why did you ignore me? Why did you detach from me? Did you realize that you were tired of being my friend, so you just left? Tell me!"
He doesn't answer, and instead his gaze drifts to the ground, just like mine.
"I want to forgive you. Just tell me why you did it. Tell me, I'll understand."
"I-I-I can't." he stutters and I freeze up. It was so easy to do. He could just give me an excuse and I'd get over it.
"Just tell me your excuse." I plead, hoping that he'll give me something, anything.
"I can't."
Those two words send a paralyzing feeling through my spine. Those two words leave me standing in front of him, frozen and unable to breathe. I feel dead.
"Then I can't forgive you."
Those are the last words I say to him.
As I turn around and speed walk back to the courtyard, I try to control my breathing, which is so uneven that to the normal eye, it looks like I'm having an athsma attack.
However, I will not cry. Not this time, no. Not me. He should be the one crying, not me.
Guys.
Let me explain.
I really wanted to write this. I really wanted to give you the rest of this. (And I will so don't worry).
This is all I have right now and I won't be able to post anything else for a while until I get settled in at school. I have to put my education first, right? It's the third day of school and I feel like I'm under so much pressure. I feel like a complete idiot compared to everyone else. And I have no idea how I'm going to handle everything.
Today was my third day of school and I'm already having a nervous breakdown.
I have 3 quizzes, 2 labs, and a test coming up. Already. And I'll be completing daily science quizzes too! So yay me. Guys please pray for some sort of miracle for me.
So yeah...
I hope I get time to write on the weekend. And I'll probably skip my birthday next Friday because I'll be being tested on Matter and Elements and whatever. But I need to make the best of the situation.
I don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry. I'm such a crappy author and my grades are probably going to go down the toilet unlike my MC's.
You guys are like the awesomest people on the planet and I'm disappointing you. I'm sorry. I suck.
This is quite depressing for me to write.
I hope you guys keep this in your library because trust me, it will not end like this. When I start something, I finish it, okay?
It might be next week. Or next month. Or a random day in freakin November. But I will come back. Please don't give up on Lara or Alana. They're still here. They still have plans and things to do.
Sadly, unlike them, my highschool doesn't come with cute boys dropping at my feet or shipping teachers or fun experiences. My highschool is books (not novels, just textbooks) and endless hours of studying.
I should end this eternal author's note.
I love you guys. I love you all because you supported the dream of a 14 year old author who craved a life story that could actually be interesting. Thank you for supporting the world I get lost in, where I can live and experience things that I can't do in real life.
Thank you
I won't lie. I'm terribly sad to be writing this. I'd rather write and have this little escape of mine than to be where I am now. But I can't.
-Summer
P.S. Lolll it sounded like I finished the book. Hahaha. You're getting an update when I get to it. Btw this is the same in both HTBTBTW and TSBB. So you don't have to reread it in the other book if you read that as well.