Natalie's P.O.V
Next day when I woke up Victoria called me and asked to hang out with others. None of my friends knew what I went through and I will never let them know that I actually cried for a cheater like him. I wasn't at all in good condition. I had a severe headache and my whole body was aching badly. I barely slept for three hours and those three hours didn't help even a little to calm my nerves.
He's not in my life anymore. I need to move on. I shouldn't even think about him. I kept telling that to myself but that image was still fresh in my mind. This is what happens when you trust people blindly. I felt helpless just as much as Irina was when she went through the same thing. I get it all now. I get why she did what she did. She couldn't see the love of her life in arms of someone else.
But why do I feel this way? He cheated. I broke up. I should be happy now. I knew it from the start. I knew something like this was going to happen. Then why does it hurt so much? Why does it feel like I'll never be able to get over him? Do I lov--- No. Never.
With built up sadness and frustration I got up from the bed and took a long warm shower. I got ready then took two painkillers to ease the unbearable pain.
But the moment I climbed downstairs my pain increased ten times more. Enrique was standing there. He still had the guts to come to my house? He explained everything how Amanda was involved and he didn't kiss her but it all sounded lame to me. Fucking lies. I didn't believe even a single word not his tears not the concern and longing in his eyes. None of it.
I walked outside and got in the car hurriedly. I leaned back in the leather seat and closed my eyes and it happened again. Tears started flowing down to my cheeks. NO. He doesn't deserve my attention. I pressed my eyes brutally and tried to even my breathing pattern. I told my friends everything and just like mom none of them believed me. Ashley was consistent that what he said was correct.
Victoria and Ashley were one year senior in university than me and they knew what kind of girl Amanda was. They kept telling me to change my mind and go back but I promised myself not to let my self get degraded again. He's such a player that everyone believes him no matter what he does. But not me. Not this time.
Next week Adrian came back and I felt guilt covering my pathetic self again. I rejected him and dated someone who broke my trust and me altogether. There's no other man in this world I could trust as much as I trust him. I told him everything that happened with Enrique very nonchalantly and even he was shocked.
He got so angry that he punched the table. His knuckles were all red and he asked me where he could find him. Never in my life I felt that scared of him. He was like a beast, an angry beast who was ready to kill Enrique then and there. I got so startled that I didn't know what to do. Thank God in the very moment mom barged in the living room and told me to go upstairs. I don't know what she told him and how she said it but when I saw him again he was acting differently. She must have explained how none of this was his fault because a girl spiked his drink. What a lame story he made up that day.
It was eleventh day after we broke up but everything was still fresh in my mind. I acted like none of it mattered to me but every night I would cry myself to sleep. Being broken made me emotionless. I forgot the last time I smiled brightly. Everyone kept asking me if I was okay but I was too egoistic to let them know what I was going through. Too egoistic to believe in him again. Too egoistic to accept what my heart had been feeling.
Adrian and I were sitting outside in the lawn of my house talking about random things here and there when Enrique came again. He looked at both of us talking and I saw him getting tensed again but he suppressed the anger and tried to maintain his calm demeanor by talking in a soft voice.
"I need to talk to you alone."
I felt thick silence cover the environment making me shift on the chair uncomfortably. Adrian looked at him and rolled his eyes while crossing his legs and feigned ignorance by grabbing his cellphone from the front table. I replied in irritation and not to look at him I diverted my gaze to the newspaper placed on the table in front of me.
"Do I look alone to you?"
He sighed a little at that frowning in frustration then spoke again this time in a flat tone.
"Yes to my dismay you're not. That's why I am telling you to excuse yourself from this shitty company."
Shitty company? I won't bear it this time. I've suffered enough already just for his sake.
"I don't want to. This is the best company I have right now. Excuse yourself and leave us alone. We were discussing something very important."
"Natalie please--"
He again tried to convince me stepping forward but I cut him in the middle looking dead into his eyes speaking angrily.
"Get out. Who's even allowing you to come here?"
He clenched his fists and spoke angrily in return.
"I said I want to talk you damn it."
Adrian was watching both of us very deeply then he stood up and faced Enrique making me panick for some unknown reason. He yelled loudly in a commanding way pointing at the main door.
"And she said she doesn't want to. Now get out."
Enrique turned towards him diverting his full attention on Adrian then spoke darkly gritting his teeth.
"Why the hell would I listen to words of an asshole like you?"
I stood up immediately from my chair and stood behind both of them. I should have stopped them. I knew what was going to happen next. Enrique was already finding excuses to bicker more with him and Adrian wasn't backing out either.
Two guys with height more than six feet and masculine built up were glaring at each other with clenched fists and jaws. No one would want to get crushed between them. I was about to say something to control the tense environment from getting even more tensed but it was too late.
Adrian took one step more close to Enrique then spoke some words with a smirk which I was sure were enough to provoke the possessive beast inside Enrique.
"This asshole is best friend of your ex girlfriend you bastard and someone who can hug her anytime he wants."
That was it. That was all Enrique was able to bear. He grabbed the collar of Adrian's shirt and punched him right into his face as hard as he could. It looked like they both were waiting for something like this to happen. Adrian didn't hold back either. He returned the favor by punching him back. I didn't notice what condition Adrian was in but the moment I saw Enrique my heart clenched after finding the side of his lips bleeding. I moved between them and looked at both of them angrily.
"Stop it."
I so wanted to touch his face to make sure he was okay. But I knew I shouldn't. I knew it wasn't right. My concern doesn't ven matter to him. Stepping on my heart I turned towards Adrian and grabbed his right forearm looking thoroughly at his face. I glared at Enrique and raised my voice in anger.
"How dare you?"
His face was showing nothing but emotions of being shocked and disbelief. I realized instantly the reason behind. Instead of showing my concern to him I was yelling at him. His eyes were fixed on my hand which was touching Adrian's forearm softly. I removed my hand and without looking at him spoke in a cold tone.
"I don't want to talk to you Enrique. Make it easy for both of us and don't come here agian."
He closed his eyes then opened them again, briefly looking at Adrian and me together like he was trying to tell me things. His eyes were full of hurt, regret and complaint then he took few steps back, his eyes not leaving my face even for a second then he shook his head lightly when tears threaten to leave his eyes again which made my heart ache badly. I couldn't even look anymore and diverted my attention back to Adrian. Without waiting for another second he walked out of the house taking quick steps.
.................................................................
After that day he didn't come again. I thought I would be grateful to him for that. In this way I would finally be able to get over him. But I was wrong. It was just some stupid delusional thought of mine. Because of him not coming again made it even more worse.
I was sitting in my house with Adrian and Jason. After a while Jason excused himself since he had a business meeting to attend, leaving me and Adrian alone in the living room. My full concentration was on tv when he sat on the same couch I was sitting in then snatched the tv remote from my hand and switched it off while speaking in a low tone.
"I think you should give him a chance to explain things for once."
I looked at him in disbelief and snapped angrily.
"Don't take his side damn it."
"Never in million years. I am taking your's."
I crossed my arms, eyes looking at the table in front then spoke again in a final tone.
"I don't want to talk about it."
He settled on the couch more comfortably looking at my face keenly then said something which made me question his sanity.
"Fine. Let's talk about something else then. Since you insist that you already broke up with him, date me."
"What?"
I gasped in shock and asked in a whisper still not believing what my ears just heard.
"Yes. You have to move on eventually. Date me. You know about my feelings already."
I turned towards him and commanded in extreme anger.
"Stop it Adrian."
He shook his head slightly and raised an eyebrow gawking at me curiously.
"No, I won't. Give me one solid reason why won't you say yes even though you're single."
I tried to think. First time it was because of the depression I was suffering because of that tragedy happened with Irina. What excuse do I have now? He's right. I am single. I am going to date eventually. Wasn't it me who was feeling guilty not accepting him the first time?
I bent my head down a little finding nothing to answer with and knitted my eyebrows in confusion. He sighed lightly then spoke in a soft voice again.
"You don't have any reason right? And you know why Natalie? Because deep inside you know he wasn't at fault alone."
His words did something to my heart but I ignored it completely.
"I can't believe you're defending him. He hates you. He thought that I was with you---- Don't try to convince me. You're supposed to hate his guts."
He leaned back on the couch speaking darkly his words laced up with underlying emotions.
"Trust me princess. No one hates him more than me. He stole what I dreamed of for a long time. So believe me when I say this that I really want you to break up with him but unfortunately I know too much about you..."
I looked at his face finding him getting tensed all of a sudden.
"What are you trying to say Adrian?"
He looked back then stared for a while reading my face before blasting the bombshell on me.
"Do you love him?"
My eyes widened in shock. My heart started beating thousand miles per second. Do I love him? That's not possible. Never.
I yelled as harshly as loudly I could in response to make him believe every single word of mine.
"Have you lost your senses completely? Who would love a jerk like him? I hate him more than anyone I've ever hated."
He smiled faintly then questioned in suspicion.
"Then why does it look the other way around?"
Without wasting another second I snapped quickly.
"Shut up."
He lightly chuckled at that then spoke in astonishment.
"Haha wow this is the first time you talked so rudely to me."
Damn it. What's wrong with me?
I muttered apologetically.
"Sorry!"
He spoke teasingly in answer to that still smiling a little.
"No need to. I love it."
I rolled my eyes at his stupid behavior. We both remained silent for a while when he started speaking again not breaking the eye contact.
"Do you still trust me princess?"
I answered in a very obvious way looking at him suspiciously.
"Of course I do. Is that even a question?"
"Do you trust me more than him?"
Something broke inside me. Yes, I trusted Adrian more than my own boyfriend. I couldn't speak at all and lowered my gaze to the floor.
"See Natalie? I hate to admit this but if my girlfriend won't trust me more than anyone she knows I think I would act the same as him. You saw them but you just assumed everything without thinking twice. You know what girls usually do when they trust their boyfriends but catch them cheating on them? They slap the hell out of them. They would ask for an explanation at the very least. But I feel like you were already rooting for something to go wrong so that you could blame him."
I looked at him with hurt and disbelief evident in my eyes.
"How can you even say this? You don't know what I went through that time. I saw them kissing Adrian. What could be worse than that? I wanted him to explain but he just came and questioned me that why I was meeting you behind his back. I felt disgusted to even look at him. He was actually questioning me instead. He can rot in hell for all I care."
"You still care for him."
"No, I don't. I won't even give a damn if he dies."
Without even me realizing those words left my mouth bringing in the nauseating feeling with them making me shiver in fear.
He relieved a heavy sigh then chirped shrugging his shoulders.
"I am so glad he's jealous of us. He deserves to die in rage for making you cry."
I rolled my eyes again at his statement and questioned in all irritation.
"Who wants to cry for him?"
He pointed a finger at him and batted his eyes in a suggestive manner.
"Not me."
I smiled faintly in response fidgeting with my hands placed on my lap. He tilted his head to meet my eyes then stated in montone.
"You have two options. Either give him a chance to apologize and explain everything or start dating me."
I clenched my fist and muttered coldly.
"Shut up Adrian."
I looked in his eyes for any hidden emotions to see if he was kidding but no.
"I am serious."
He raised his voice in a challenging way making me confused and angry at the same time.
God, why is he doing it again....
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It was fourth week and my walls were already breaking down slowly. The shallowness inside me was making me insane. But I was still consistent that I don't miss him. That he doesn't matter to me at all. That the reason I wake up late at night sobbing is not him. To make myself satisfied and to get even I did something which I regretted badly after.
I called everyone and told them to go for clubbing with me. Jasmine and Elena came to visit us two days ago. They were very excited about the new culture and all so without even thinking twice they said yes.
We were sitting in a reserved area and first time in life I acted so stupid that within thirty minutes I got wasted. I knew just one thing that he cheated on me and I wanted to get even.
I saw a guy dancing lazily on the dance floor with his friends so I spoke in a daze.
"Wow, he looks handsome. I would love to kiss----"
Victoria looked at Ashley then snapped angrily while glaring me down.
"Shut up Natalie. You don't know what you're saying."
They all were looking at me deadpanned but I could care less at that point. I shook my head in a slow motion then spoke in a dreamy voice.
"No, I know. He's so sexy. I'll be right back."
I stood up quickly taking large steps where the guy was standing. I was barely two steps away when Ashley stood infront of me glaring at me crazily.
"Stop being a kid. You'll regret this later."
I smiled widely shaking my head again swaying my hair right and left.
"No, I won't. Move."
She still didn't move and spoke in a final tone.
"No way."
She looked nothing but an obstacle which aggravated me to my core. I became serious too and questioned angrily.
"Who the hell are you to order me around?"
I walked past her and was about to grab the guy by his neck when she yanked me by my elbow and dragged me a little far from the dancing area. Rest of our friends were looking at us awestruck standing behind. I looked at her with gritted teeth and tried to walk there again but what she did next made me glued to the ground. Though I would be grateful for that for the rest of my life.
She slapped me making my face turn to the other direction. It wasn't that hard slap but it was enough to bring me back to reality. I looked at her in disbelief but her eyes were filled with only concern and worry for me. I closed my eyes when that image flashed before my eyes again.
Enrique was unconscious. His eyes were closed. Only she was kissing him. He didn't know a thing. He was just lying there unconscious. I opened my eyes slowly and my breath hitched. I was crying again but I didn't hold back this time. I cried my heart out. Ashley hugged me immediately rubbing my back softly.
"It's okay Natalie. Let it all out. We all are here for you."
I don't know how much I cried or what happened afterwards because after I woke up I saw myself lying down on my bed. I felt something heavy on my stomach. I looked more openly and a light chuckle escaped my mouth.
The heavy thing was Victoria's head. Ashley was sleeping beside me but in the opposite direction and Victoria's foot was poking Ashley's nose. Jasmine was sleeping on the couch and Elena's legs were all over Jasmine's resting body. Nobody told them about the guest rooms?
I walked in the washroom and took a long warm shower then wore some comfortable clothes and walked outside. I dried my hair and sat on the bed thinking about the events happened last night. I face palmed in frustration and guilt. I actually tried to kiss some random guy from the club?
Why can't I forget him? And even if I can't forget him why can't I go back to him? Why can't I forgive him then?
I knew the answer. I was afraid. I was afraid to get myself more addicted to him. Afraid to not hold back anymore. Afraid to love him. This whole month made me realize one thing. I can't live without him anymore. It's just not possible to pass my day without looking at him. I was yearning for his touch yearning for the intensity of his eyes and emotions, yearning for his love most importantly...
I told everyone what I was going to do and they were extremely happy and satisfied about my decision. I booked a flight in the morning and went back to New York. I checked in at a hotel and settled my stuff there. I was still not ready to live with him. I just wanted to see him once and talk things out so I went to his apartment in the evening and the moment I opened the door the sight before my eyes made my jaw drop to the floor in shock.
The apartment was whole other definition of messed up. There were clothes everywhere. Countless socks, neckties and shoes were scattered on the floor of the living room. His room door was open. Bed cover was piled up at the edge of the bed while there were dish plates and glasses everywhere. Kitchen told a totally different story. Unlimited amount of delivery boxes half opened were placed near trash can which was already full of garbage. God what did he even do to this place?
I almost vomited because of the unexpected view. I walked inside the guest room and I sighed in desperation even more. It was all neat and clean just like how I left it. I looked at the bed and the bed cover was all wrinkled up and blanket was folded on the left. Did he sleep here?
Thank God, I didn't bring my stuff in this idiotic girl's apartment. It was seven in the evening but he was still not here. I should go. God knows where he is and when he would come back. I was tying my hair in a ponytail and was about to turn back to get out of the room when I heard the clicking sound and someone walked in making my heart beat fast against my ribcage.
I turned to face him. He looked devastated. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face was all pale. His eyes were puffy and first two buttons of his shirt were undone along with the knot of the tie. His hair were disheveled. I was already angry at him then his look added fuel to the fire inside me. How could he be so careless? But instead of asking him about that I questioned something else angrily.
"Why the hell are you so late? Or were you at a club waiting for some random girl's kiss again?"
He heard me silently and kept on scanning my face thoroughly. I knew what he was going through. I was feeling the same.
The longing
The pain
The sadness
The regret
Then he stepped forward and without giving any answer to my question hugged me tightly. This. This touch of his. I missed this. I missed his warmth. But I'll never let him know about it ever.
A tear escaped my eye which I wiped quickly. No. I'll never be this weak in front of him again. Something wet my neck and it registered on my mind what was happening in the very moment. He was crying! He already looked so depressed and now his tears made my soul shiver. I tried to push him to look at his face but he didn't let me.
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Enrique's P.O.V
I craved her like I never craved her before. She didn't know that late at night someone would wake up and call her name in a whisper sometimes with yelling sometimes while begging. She was living her life without any stresses and that made my already broken self completely shattered.
That day when I saw her talking to Adrian so casually like that it made me realize that maybe she had already moved on. She even touched him in front of me. She didn't show any concern towards me but was worried for him instead. I never went to Brazil again.
I indulged myself in unlimited amount of work. I would come back late at night just to look at her room once that maybe I would find her there. But no. I found it empty every single time. I had no purpose to live. I was nothing but a living corpse. No one knew what it did to me. It wasn't just guilt. The longing to see her close to me made me insane. This distance between us made me love her even more.
I was moving on with just one hope. That she would eventually come back but deep inside I knew she won't. She would never forgive me. I just needed one chance to tell her that I never doubted her character that I never thought so low of her. I was just a possessive guy who heard the love of his life talking about her best friend in a romantic way and he lost it.
Only if she said that she loved me. Only if she told me that she wanted to be with me and me only even just for a single time I would have assurance and sense of my security.
I love you. I love you Enrique. I'll never love someone else other than you.
That's all. That's all she had to say to make me trust her blindly. Though I trust her already but I don't trust that asshole. I never will. I'll always get jealous of him since he's the only guy who has her heart and trust since all these years. Why can't I be her preference for once...
Everyday I would go straight to her room but that empty room kept disappointing me. I was losing myself every passing moment. There's no way she wouldn't know what I was going through but she didn't care. It was making me heartless and cold. I forgot the last time I smiled. I wanted to see her face. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to feel her near me.
In that whole month I got dependent on sleeping pills. Sometimes I would wake up screaming her name. I lost count of how many times I cried for her. I called aunt a lot and every time she would say the same thing over and over again. She needs more time. She's not willing to come there yet.
For those thirty days I didn't sleep in my room. This time even her painting didn't help. Her room her bed was full of her scent. Whole apartment was extremely messy but I could care less about cleanliness that time. Only room which I kept clean was her's. Everything was as instact as she left it.
Whole day the only time I would feel relaxed was when I slept on her bed. I would inhale every remaining scent out of the bedsheets. Her pillow was covered with my tears. But she forgot me just like that...
It was just any other day when I came back to the apartment as usual heading straight to her bedroom and the moment I opened the door I forgot to breathe again. She was standing there tying her hair in a ponytail. Then she felt my presence and turned back.
"Why the hell are you so late? Or were you at a club waiting for some random girl's kiss again?"
She looked dead serious while complaining like that. This can't be a dream. This expression of her. She's here. She came back.
Without giving her any answer of that stupid question I took large steps towards her and hugged her without giving a damn about her glare. I kept gripping my hands around her waist like if I loosened even a bit she would disappear. Without even me realizing my tears wet my face for the millionth time. She tried to get out of my hold but I didn't let her.
How could I? My whole world was standing close held up in my arms making my messy self soothe down after which felt like eternity.
To be continued...
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God bless my thumbs.
Amen.
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Peace lover :)