CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR; RHETORICAL
❝She spent a life building walls, and when she was done, she sat there in her 'lonely' wondering why nothing grew.❞
❝..Why...Why did you take me in?❞
➳
I COULDN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD SAT SO STILL FOR SUCH A LONG PERIOD OF TIME. It was like my body was asleep and my brain was awake and wandering the many layers it had buried deep in the dark depths of my head. But then again, I was speaking as if I actually had any perception of time, and that was nothing more than a lie if I continued to talk that way. To all of us, even the nameless group members who were once hard at work, the unknown amount of time that continued to go by seemed to bring us to the edge of our awareness; for usually time is something to be feared when people you care about are somewhere far off, unable to be reached. It made them jumpy and impatient, pacing the lengths of the car with heavy feet while Carl and I continued to hide our fears behind blank stares, keeping each other anchored to the real world with the entanglement of two hands.
With the few objects we had brought inside with us without a second glance from our captors, there was only so much people could achieve before we became forced to do nothing but wait. And so far, with no more tasks left, it was only fitting to imagine a giant knife trying to cut through the tension laced thick in the air. We were all worried, that was easy enough for me to tell without having to know everyone's thoughts and feelings on the subject. But it wasn't something I could relate to, for I couldn't claim the title of a loved one or a close friend in the small amount of time that I had been with them. Apart from Rick, there was nobody else I needed to worry about on my own account. But for Carl, it almost felt as if it were needed to worry about every single one of his group members with him so he wouldn't carry the burden all by himself. I of all people should know the consequences of dealing with a heavy trouble for too long all by yourself.
Was it helping him, staring off into the heavy distance without a word said between us? Should I be worried about the thoughts going through his head and the emotionless haze fogging up his normally bright blue eyes? I'm only used to my own kind of darkness and the way I react when I break down, but Carl had been with me at my darkest. He had helped me through a minor break down and even stayed with me after watching the dramatic scene because, as it seems, that's the kind of person he is. What kind of person would I be if I didn't do the same?
It may seem foolish to now be thinking such things as this in a situation that could mean the death of the people around me, but it was an upgrade from what people would expect me to be thinking; either fearing for my life or crying over the fact that I could die today, for the people around me only saw me as a little girl. But how stupid would I seem if such things were running through my mind? Whining and complaining can't change a dangerous situation, but neither can regular thoughts in a broken mind. Only actions. And what else could I do than help the blue-eyed boy get through this kind of emotional obscurity he had to deal with? Besides, no matter what I did, it wasn't like I was going to be of much help anyway.
Hesitantly, I allow my fingers to tighten their grip on his, tilting my head so that my attention was fully focused on him instead of the others around me. Biting my lip, I force my free hand to reach over and touch him lightly on the shoulder with a finger, gaining his attention in less than a heartbeat.
Slowly, a small smile rises onto my face, the scene of barely days ago replaying in my mind as I repeat the words he once asked, "Penny for your thoughts?"
Even though I had no penny to give, nor did we have any sort of pudding sitting in between us, the boy in front of me still smiled the same smile as he did then, the haze in his eyes growing fainter as my eyes pierce his. He didn't answer immediately, though, instead only staring at my face, moving from my eyes to my forehead and then slowly down to my lips.
"I was just thinking..." He began, his eyes traveling up to my own once more, "About my....baby sister. Judith."
My heart sunk a little in my chest as I watched the simple name bring back the overcast in his eyes, the smile morphing back into the known all too well emotionless mask he most likely put up for the sake of others.
"Is she...?"
"I don't know," he breathed, hand tightening, "But all I do know is that she's gone. I couldn't protect her."
I expected to hear pain laced in his voice, but instead I was shocked to hear a version of malice towards the fact that his sister wasn't here, with us. Was he angry at death? It wasn't abnormal but it also wasn't something I was used to either. Maybe that was just his way of...coping?
"When my mom was pregnant with her....I thought it meant that something good was actually going to happen in this world. That something good can always happen," he looked down at our hands, his eyes never being able to stay in one spot for long as he blinked rapidly, "Maybe I was right. Or maybe I wasn't. Bad things have happened. But I'm still thinking about some of the good things that could happen eventually."
Immediate relief swarms throughout my entire body, numbing my fingers and lightening the weight on my chest. He believed that there was a future to hope for. He wasn't worried about the fact that we wouldn't get out of here. His brain was working the exact opposite of mine. He was thinking about his sister, yes, but he was also thinking about the good. And he was hoping for a better future. I had absolutely no idea what I would possibly do just to be able to think that way every day.
"That's amazing," I blurt, my eyes widening as I clamp my jaw shut, shocked at the words that had managed to slip out of my mouth without thought.
A chuckle shakes his body as he adjusts his back on the wall, peering at me through tired eyes. "Yeah, I guess it is."
Looking at Carl now, hatless, drained of energy and looking defeated, it was almost as if I were looking at him with brand new eyes. His hat seemed to serve him as armor, and without it, he was nothing but a boy with thoughts that he couldn't control. Sometimes he was afraid of those thoughts. Sometimes those thoughts led him to do drastic actions. If you looked at it that way, you'd probably realize that he seems no different than I am. The only major change is that he wore his armor like an actual knight should, while I dragged mine around and let it burden me throughout the whole journey.
"Carl?"
He blinked, tilting his head as a response towards my sudden bubble of speech.
"...Why...Why did you take me in?"
His eyebrows furrowed, forming a familiar edge in-between them as he thinks over the question. To me, the question hadn't even struck my mind until now, and it was a hard one to get rid of unless I were to ask it. Was it because of pity? Or maybe because he saw the little sanity I had left and forced himself to act upon the thought of humans saving other humans. Either way, I wasn't going to allow myself to get affected by the outcome of his answer. I had made the mistake once already today with Glenn's words and I wasn't going to repeat myself.
"I took you in because-"
Four gunshots, sounding like explosions in the once silent air around us, cutting off any of the little conversation that was going on in the car, and more importantly, cutting off the words I needed to hear. With hurried movements, Carl and I both shove ourselves out of our sitting positions, our hands falling out of each other's grasp as we walk towards the entryway of the car. As I walk, I reach a hand to grab on to the top of Carl's discarded hat, my right hand holding tightly onto the rim as I try and catch up with Carl's hurried pace in front of me.
Without warning, a thunderous boom rings throughout the air, shaking the floor underneath our feet and making the rusted walls around us rattle. An actual explosion?
"What the hell is going on?!" The redhead growls, swinging a heavy fist against the door of the car, quickly followed by the skinny brunette with the beautiful face, who placed a calming hand on his shoulder.
"Someone hit them," Michonne states, peering into the small opening as the others join her.
"Maybe our people got free," the nameless dark skinned lady comments, looking everyone in the eye in hope of reassurance and agreement, only to be shoved out of the way by the man with the mullet, barely saying a simple "Excuse me."
In a hurried manner, the man kneels down, pressing his hands underneath the doorway and twisting his fingers in an unknown and indecipherable pattern.
"What the hell are you doing?" a girl questions, her short hair being the only thing visible to me from the back of the group.
"I might be able to use this shell to compromise this door. From the sound of things, there might not be anyone left to open it."
I almost laughed at the poor guy's idea. With the mixture of his mullet, his Georgian accent and the fact that he thought he could open a large doorway with only a shell, I could barely restrain myself from scoffing and slapping him in the face.
"Eugene. I'm sorry, but shut up."
That response forced me to cover my mouth with my free hand, hiding the chuckles of laughter that plagued my body as I watched the odd scene unfurl in the midst of this confusion and chaos, a small squeak of an 'okay' falling from Eugene's lips as he continues to fiddle with the door. Inappropriate of me to laugh when rapid gunfire could be heard from outside, yes, but it was something that felt great and light in my chest, freeing my lungs and making my energy the slightest bit more alive.
"Hey," Carl's voice rings throughout the car as he steps closer to the light, "My dad's gonna be back."
Warmth spreads throughout my chest as I uncover my mouth, my laughter dying down as I let it swing loosely to my front, fingers beginning to fiddle with the rim of the worn out hat as I watch the boy with my full attention. The amount of determination and pure confidence he had behind his words made the worry in my stomach die down, for all my brain wanted to think about was the fact that Carl might just be faking his mindset just to keep me at bay. Only now, as I watch him now, I couldn't help the feeling of fleeting contentment.
"They all are," the woman behind him adds, turning to each and every one of us with her green eyes shining, "And we need to get ready to fight our way out with them when they do."
The warmth dies, fluttering one last time in my chest before fully extinguishing as me and Carl exchange glances. We both knew that I was in no shape to fight against whatever was out there, but if it came to it, I would do whatever I could to defend the others around me even if it meant death to myself.
Is it strange to hope that it wouldn't come to that?
➳
I'm literally trying my best to get back into schedule....Is it working?
Yeah....That might not be happening very often, though, since my school starts tomorrow....Kill me please I beg of you.
*cough*
So my baby Milah is growing up in the ways of romantic relationships and it brings a tear to my eye just writing it out :')
And Carl is finally manning up and throwing out those vibes if you get what I'm saying *wink wink*
...
I hate myself I'm done sorry.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
If you did, make sure to avoid being a silent reader! Comment, vote, and follow for more awkward writing!
Sincerely,
Your Awkward Author,
Andrea ♥️
{NOT EDITED}
{POSTED AUGUST 6TH, 2017}
{WORD COUNT; 2202}