liam's pov
My eyes cast anxiously towards the clock for the twentieth time in the last two minutes. I can't help but to impatiently watch the hands of the clock, glaring at them as if they were mocking me as they slowly ticked past the roman numerals.
I used to dread looking upon the clock, knowing that it meant nothing here in this isolated room. The clock only showed me the time I was not spending doing what I love.
But now, something has come up that causes me to watch the clock from the moment I wake up.
At precisely 12:45pm, the clumsy blonde will waltz - well, I can't really quite say that she dances around, more like stumbles - her way into my room, holding her damn princess lunchbox in one hand, and usually messing around with her long blonde waves with the other. She asks me if she can eat lunch with me, as if I could possibly say no to those big baby blues of hers.
We've been eating lunch together for a week now, and it's quite honestly the highlight of my day. I feel so ridiculous as my heart monitor starts to beep more rapidly the closer the clock gets to 12:45. Thank god I usually can calm myself down the moment Ellie walks in. There's something just so serene about her smile, with her high cheekbones that stick out with her natural pinkness to her complexion.
Josie brings in my lunch, asking as she always does everday, if I need help eating, to which I reply with my same answer, that I'll be fine on my own. After Zayn insisted upon feeding me, I was determined to have some sort of independence. And now with Ellie watching me, I have to do it on my own. How pathetic would that be to ask her to feed me like some child. It's becoming easier and easier each day.
Ellie motivates me quite a lot, even if she has no idea she's doing it.
A knock on the door at around 12:15 causes my eyebrows to furrow together. Ellie doesn't get off for lunch for another half hour, and the lads are all out for the day, dealing with business.
"Come in?" I call out, but it comes out more of a question as I pull my covers up so my bare chest isn't exposed for whoever's entering.
The door slowly sings open and I'm met with those large blue eyes I've come so accustomed to this past week. A pleasant surprised smile ventures on to my face as she exchanges with me one of her world famous bashful smiles.
But she's not alone. Behind her is the very distinguishable Dr. Frenette. Though I was quite intimidated by him in the beginning, I'm starting to see what Ellie has been saying about him; that he is actually a soft-hearted person deep down.
Then four incredibly loud boys pile in after the doctors, whispering and laughing with one another. They all look ecstatic to see me, as they always do. It makes me feel quite loved, but of course, I'd never tell them that.
But then after the lads walk a few faces I had not expected to see. Simon walks in, wearing an unreadable expression on his face as always. He stands with our tour manager Tyler, who I haven't seen since we left the venue, over a week ago. When he lays eyes on me, he sends me one of his friendly smiles, but I can still see the sadness in his eyes. Then a few other faces from management that look familiar, but I can't quite put a name to their faces.
"Hello Liam," Dr. Frenette smiles at me, still wearing that business-like expression that has been permanently cemented to his features, "Your management is here and we're going to discuss your condition and your job, if that's okay with you?" He asks as he takes a seat as a nurse brings in a variety of chairs for everyone.
I can't quite get my tongue to function, so I mumble something incoherent as I nod, trying my hardest to sit up so I'm able to look everyone in the eyes. I try my hardest not to grin like an idiot as Ellie takes the seat closest to me. She taps her clipboard nervously as she eyes the men of management anxiously.
I grow more and more nervous the longer management sits at my feet. Even the lads look rather anxious, and they've done quite a good job at pretending nothing was wrong; for my sake.
"Glad to see you're alive and well, Liam," Simon tells me, still sounding professional, but I can tell by the slight curvature of his lips, that he meant it sincerely. I simply nod in return, biting my tongue from a bitter remark.
I'm alive, but I wouldn't say I was doing well...
"So can we finally get some damn answers here?" A grey-haired balding man, that I've seen with Simon occasionally, snaps at Dr. Frenette, turning the quaint atomsphere in the room and shattering it with tension.
I've never seen anyone talk to Dr. Frenette like that; I don't think anyone dares. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Ellie's jaw drops and she stares at Dr. Frenette intently, biting her bottom lip nervously, sinking down in her seat.
"I'm sorry, but in case you haven't noticed already," Dr. Frenette says in an eeriely calm voice, "But I've been quite busy doing my goddamned job, taking the best care of your client. I'm sorry that I couldn't take the time to sit and gab away with you on the phone," His words quickly turn acidic as he growls at the old man, not letting him walk all over him.
The lads all cast nervous looks to one another. We would never dare speaking to a member of management like that, no matter how badly we have wanted to. Louis stares at Dr. Frenette in a complete state of awe, as if seeing a superhero in real life.
The men of management grumble incoherent complaints under their breath, but don't say another thing to Dr. Frenette. They sit there, looking all high and mighty, with their arms stubbornly folded across their chest.
Glancing over discreetly, I meet Ellie's eyes and she shares an awkward expression with me, telling me with one single look how uncomfortable she feels. I can't help but to smile to myself, unable to stop thinking about how adorable she looks at that moment.
"Now if you're all ready to actually talk some business," Dr. Frenette sits up in his seat, flipping through his clipboard, "Liam's body seems to be healing very well, surprisingly well, to be honest. We're very happy with the progress he's been making," He says, pulling out a pair of glasses and resting them on the edge of his nose as he studies my charts.
The lads all look in my direction, wearing enthusiastic grins as they nearly bounce in their seats with excitement. His words even fill my chest with optimism as I catch Ellie smiling at me through the corner of my eye.
"But you have to remember that it is a spinal injury, one of the most extreme injuries you can have," Dr. Frenette frowns, causing the excitement and optimism to immediately die down, "Before we can even think about getting Liam out of here, he's going to need extensive physical therapy and he'll have to move into a wheelchair, which can take months," He tells us bluntly, not beating around the bush in the slightest.
That's one thing I've always admired about him. Even when I'm on the brink of a mental breakdown, he doesn't lie for the sake of my feelings. He gives me it honestly, which is much more than anyone else has been doing.
"So when do you think he'll be able to get out of here?" Niall speaks up, earning several irritated looks from the management, but he simply ignores them. I can tell by the looks on the other boys' faces that they're just as concerned as he is.
"We can't give a date specifically because we really have no idea. It all depends on how Liam's body heals and how quickly he can get through physical therapy. We understand that he's an incredibly busy man and his time is very valuable, but we're going to be a hundred percent positive that he's been healed before we send him off," Dr. Frenette explains, speaking much more calmly with the boys than he had with management.
"And the physical therapy department here is one of the best in the country," Ellie speaks up, her soft, meek voice taking everyone by surprise.
I can tell by the wide, surprised look in her eyes that she hadn't intended on saying anything, but it had just come out on accident. Both Dr. Frenette and I cast smiles in her direction, trying to rest her at ease.
"Also," Dr. Frenette places a smile on his face as he sits up in his seat, closing his clipboard as he looks around the room to the guests, "Ellie here is the best med student of her class and I have specifically assigned her to Liam, so you can definitely be rest assured he is getting the best care," He tells everyone, causing Ellie to flare up an embarrassed shade of red immediately.
Everyone's eyes are focused on Ellie, studying her carefully. The lads all wear amused expressions as they watch her squirm beneath their scrutinizing eyes. She bashfully hides her face behind a curtain of her blonde hair.
I don't quite understand how one person can be so charming...
"We understand that you run a fine facility here, Dr. Frenette," Simon speaks up, commanding the attention of the room, "But both my company and the band depends upon Mr. Payne. He's a very valuable man, with a lot of money riding on him. Is there any way we can make this condition work with his career currently?" He asks, trying to stay calm, but his irritation gets the best of him as it seeps into his words.
"Absolutely not," Dr. Frenette is firm with his answer, "His health comes first."
The men of management stare down Dr. Frenette, as if that would change his answer at all. But he simply stares back at the men, wearing a confident expression on his wise-looking face.
I cast nervous eyes in the boys' direction, knowing management won't handle this well. They never do when it comes between us and their money. They go crazy over the littlest thing, and having me not available for who knows how long will send them over the edge.
"God dammit!" One of the other men shouts, rubbing his stubble covering his chin with tension, "Liam, kid, you're not leaving us with much options here," He turns his irritated expression towards me.
"He didn't do anything!" Louis shouts back at him, getting on the defense quickly, as always. Harry grabs his arm and tries to get him to calm down, but there's no use with Louis. He's about as tempermental as a bomb.
Simon glares at Louis, giving him a look full of warning, a look Louis has to be familiar with by now.
"Our only other option is letting the boys go on without him," The balding man talks to Simon as if the rest of us weren't here, "Liam can make a public apology and be photographed in the hospital so he'll have some sympathy. It might even bring up sales..." He continues to go on about the business aspect of it.
I can feel the hatred building up in my chest, forcing my to bite my tongue to keep myself from saying something I'll regret. I look away from the panel of crude men sitting at my feet, turning my attention away from them. I catch Ellie's eyes and she's staring at the men, an angry shade of red as she glares in their direction.
Very discreetly, I reach out my hand, trying to get her attention. She snaps out of her furious trance as my hand taps her leg lightly, causing her to jump. I send her a reassuring smile, as big as I can muster up myself at the moment, trying to get her to calm down. I've never actually seen her angry before.
And why am I not surprised that she looks just as adorable... I can't imagine shy, cute, clumsy Ellie getting mad at anyone. Part of me wants her to let them have it, just so I can see a new side of her.
I want to see every side of her.
"You've got that all wrong," Louis speaks up, again being pulled back on his arse by Harry.
"We're not going on without Liam," Zayn finishes Louis's idea, stating it clearly for everyone to know.
"You guys-" I try to object, knowing that it's ridiculous for them to even think of putting everything on hold because of me.
I let out a sigh as I run my fingers through my short hair, wishing Ellie and I could just have a normal day, eating our lunch like usual. I hate conflict and will avoid it at all cost, especially when it's a disagreement with the lads.
"Liam, don't even start," Harry tells me, not looking like he's enjoying this argument either. He's one of the most sensitive ones out of us all; our disagreements affect him the most.
I set my jaw in a stubborn place, irritation prickling beneath my skin as everyone continues to talk over one another, completely ignoring me.
"So you're trying to say that you're willing to drop everything right now? Everything that you all have worked hard for?" Simon addresses the lads, anger evident on his face, making me wince, waiting for him to explode at them all.
"That's correct," Niall nods," Not if Liam isn't there with us," He simply shrugs, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.
"This is ridiculous!" One of the men cry out, getting to his feet in a hurry, grabbing his fancy black jacket off the back of his seat, creating a ripple effect amongst the other men, following his suit.
Simon looks over to me, such disappointment in his eyes. Guilt weighs me down, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Frustrated tears well up in my eyes as I look away, staring at the tiled floors and Ellie's clean, white sneakers.
"We'll keep in touch with you, Mr. Cowell to let you know how Liam is coming along," Dr. Frenette stands up, reaching out to take Simon's hand in his. I can tell Dr. Frenette wants all of the men out of his hospital as soon as possible by the way he stares at them with a grimace, making them feel uncomfortable.
Soon their grumbling voices are gone from my hosptial room, leaving behind the silence of the boys and the beeping of my heart monitor. After a few moments, Ellie finally gets to her feet as well, pushing her hair out of her face as she wears a heavy expression on her face, as if she were deep in thought.
"Are we still on for lunch?" I ask Ellie, speaking softly, as if that would keep the lads from eavesdropping.
Ellie's expression transforms within a matter of moments. She quickly hides her concentrated look, the wrinkles on her forehead disappearing as that dazzling smile of hers enters the room.
"Of course," She nods, not knowing in the slightest how much that meant to me, "I'll be back in a bit," She tells me before quickly hurrying after Dr. Frenette, leaving me alone with the lads.
But instead of tormenting me about Ellie, they all wear quite serious expressions on their face. I can tell this whole conversation was beginning to take a toll on them. They must now just be seeing the severity of their decision.
"You guys can go on without me, honestly," I speak softly, not trying to push them, "This is our dreams," I try to rationalize with them.
"Yeah Liam, our dreams," Zayn speaks up before I can go on, "Including you. It just wouldn't be the same if you weren't there."
"I think you're forgetting why you're in here," Harry says slowly, his eyes avoiding mine as he picks at his nails nervously, "You saved us, Li. We wouldn't just abandon you," He looks up, his green eyes full of sympathy.
I just let out a sigh, looking at the faces of my best mates, wondering if I had made the right decision pushing them out of the way. Perhaps it would have been better if we would have all died together. Then I wouldn't have to live with this guilt on my conscience; that I'm keeping them from fulfilling our dreams.
But who am I kidding. I'm Liam Payne; I always put others in front of me, no matter how much it kills me inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
an: hello everyone! this chapter was again a serious one! there'll be quite a few in this book, in case you haven't realized that. that's why i'm trying to add as much elliam fluff as possible, to off-set all the depressing stuff!
but i spent an hour or so and plotted the next like twenty chapters, nearly to the end! so updates should come much more easily and much quicker from now on. [ok, once i'm graduated that is. which is in 62 days! ahh]
this chapter is dedicated to @TheFallingRain for being the sweetest, most amazing human ever and i'm happy to see that she's made it to yet another one of my books! thanks darling ily <3
keep the comments coming! i love fangirling with you all over elliam. i'm already attached to them and it's only the eighth chapter. uh oh.
love always,
perksofbeingaweirdo