23. Declined Love
No matter how angry you could be, not matter how cold hearted, once you see one of your friends suffering through a broken heart. You can't help, but feel sorry for them.
A heartbreak is one of the most painful things you can through, mentally. You can physically feel your heart is broken up into a million pieces while, a stabbing feeling. Your stomach drops and you start to feel uneasy. Your heart stops beating, sensing your body into shock as the tears start falling uncontrollably down your face.
What hurts worse is when you loved them, but they didn't love you back.
Blake loved Tara. Tara loved his title and torturing me with it.
Somewhere in me, I kept telling myself he deserved this. This is what he gets for pushing his friends away. That he should have listened to Theo the first time.
But no one deserves this type of pain he's going through. It is mentally and physically painful.
I could feel his face being peeled off my now wet shoulder. I stared into his big brown eyes, trying to figure out what to say but he got to it first.
"Julia. I'm so sorry for how I've been treating you and Theo these past weeks." He sniffles. I've never really seen Blake cry, let alone show any sadness. He's such a happy person all the time.
"I've been a douche." He looks down at his feet. "I guess I sorta deserve this don't I?"
"No one deserves this." I finally speak up.
He looked up with a smile.
"I mean. Yeah, you deserve something. but not this. This is just painful for everyone." I explain.
"Yeah." He wiped a tear away. "Julia."
"Yes?"
"Can we start over. Before everything started to go crazy?" He asked.
"You can't just erase and forget everything, Blake. No matter how much you want to." I tell him.
"I know." He mumbles. "I just miss hanging out with you. You actually made me see things in a new way. Allowed me to drop my popularity act and be myself."
I smiled at this.
"So can we just go back to how things were?" He asks again. "How we were?"
No matter how painful it was for me to say this. I had to. "Yeah. Let's go back to who we were."
He smiled before walking towards his car. His tears were drying up now, but you could still see the pain in his eyes.
I could feel his pain in his eyes.
"Rebecca I haven't felt so upset and mad like that before!" I scream through the phone.
"Well, you shouldn't be happy about it either." She tells me. "He deserves to feel pain for what he did."
"I know, I know." I sit on my bed with a sigh. "I just wish I could forget I even met him sometimes."
"I'd hug and slap you right now if I were there."
"I'm serious Rebecca. He has just made me feel all sorts of things."
"It's called love," Rebecca says.
"I hate to love," I confess. "It's so confusing. He's so confusing."
"He's trying to make thing right," Rebecca explains. "In a strange Blake Hunt way."
"Theo told me they had a huge fight that drove him to break up with Tara," I tell her. "That he finally was able to convince him that Tara could care less about him."
"Was it true?"
"Tara didn't even act sad," I tell her. "Which made Blake realize Theo was right all along."
"Julia. As your best friend, you need to confess your feelings for Blake."
"He just broke up with Tara!" I say. "Besides he probably only wants to be friends. He wanted to forget about all the craziness between us."
"Julia."
"What?"
"You need to tell Blake how you truly feel because right now he feels like a complete screw up."
"Good. He deserves that."
"Julia."
I groan. "Fine, but not right now. He needs time to move on."
"You won't regret it, Julia," Rebecca said, smiling to herself.
"I've regretted a lot of things, Rebecca," I say right before hanging up the phone.
I snuggled up in my blanket, shoving another spoon into the cookie dough ice cream besides me. Stuffing my cheeks full as I watched the newest episode of Pretty Little Liars.
"Chinese!" Dad called, walking into the house holding two bags with Chinese food.
"Why did you get two bags?" I ask, pushing Koda off me.
"Well, I invited Blake to dinner." Dad smiled.
"Dad."
"And I'm heading out so I thought this would be a good time for you guys to retie your friendship."
I couldn't argue because there was a knock at our door and Koda sprinted to it at the smell of Blake.
Dad opened it up with a smile, welcoming him inside. Koda jumped up onto him in excitement. Koda missed him, that's for sure.
"Thanks for inviting me, Mr. Lee." Blake flashed dad a smile while struggling to get past the excitement of Koda.
"I'm so sorry, but I have to get to work." Dad winked at me. A part of me died. "But you can stay and help Julia finish all this."
"No dad it's fine-"
"Sure thing." Blake cuts me off. "Drive safe."
Dad smiled before walking out of the house. Secretly mouthing me the words you're welcome before shutting the door.
"I'm starving," Blake said, rubbing his hands together as he examined the food dad brought.
Blake was so much happier now, or at least more happy than the whole crying thing today.
"You okay Julia?" Blake asked, walking towards me.
He's doing this, let's go back to how we were thing really well."
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lie.
I don't know how long I can do this.
"From what I know about girls. When they say they're fine, they aren't."
My smile was weak and fake. I just wanted to scream at him. tell him I'm not fine. I haven't been fine since that day in the laser tag arena. How you told me to just forget about that kiss as if it didn't mean anything. I was the opposite of fine.
"Julia?"
"I'll be right back." I quickly say, walking off quickly to my room.
I have to tell him. I have to tell him now or else it's gonna eat me alive.
"Julia?" Blake knocked at my door.
Okay, here you go, Julia Lee.
I opened my bedroom door, "Blake I have to tell you something."
"I know," Blake said.
"Wait for what?"
He lifted up a letter from the School of Visual Arts. Dad must have opened it before he left or mom sent over her copy to prepare him for the blow of a teenager who either will be excited or extremely upset. Dad wasn't very well at handling situations like that.
I scanned the paper and in bright red letters, I saw the words that just shattered my heart into a million pieces.
Declined.