Finally it's another Saturday. The amount of tests I had to endure on Friday have sucked the life out of me. I had an english test, a math test, and a biology test! Like, do these teachers have some sort of secret meeting to discuss student torture?
Well, I know Ms. K probably does, considering she admitted it the other day.
Other than life sucking tests, Friday was the day when I finally had the guts to go to the doctor about my stomach. Diagnosis? Well, I don't know if I have much longer.
Eh, just kidding. I just had that horrible and annoying stomach flu. Me being the stubborn girl that I am, I only went to the doctor after I was almost over it. Now, I'm perfectly fine.
I asked James to come over at 11ish to help me with the baking that I'm doing to raise money for SickKids hospital, but it's already noon and he isn't here yet. We must be good now, right?
I take out my cellphone and call him. It rings for quite a while before he finally answers. "Hello?"
"Hey idiot. It's me, where are you? You said you'd help me bake today?" I ask him, trying to sound as normal as possible. I always call him an idiot, keep it cool. Do you know how hard it is to keep your cool when your heart is basically playing trap music with its beat?
He coughs. "I'm sorry. I-I got sick. I have a cold right now so I can't come over. I don't wanna get you sick too."
"Oh okay. I hope you feel better soon!" I try to put some enthusiasm in my voice, but I don't think that I'm hiding my sadness all too well.
"Thanks. See you on Monday." he responds.
"Bye."
"Bye."
The worst thing about this situation is the fact that I am terrible at baking. I am so bad that I've brutally murdered hundreds of cookies in the oven. I really wanted to see him normal today and I thought that having him bake with me was a good idea. Unfortunately, nothing in my life goes as planned.
The only other person that can bake is Jasmine. So, I decide to text her and ask if she's available.
Me: Yo Jas...you got time today?
Jasmine: For what? Is Carol planning something that's almost illegal because I told you guys I don't do that.
Me: What? Ofc not. I need your baking skills.
Jasmine: Why?
Me: Fundraiser. Can you help? James bailed.
Jasmine: I'm available at 7ish. Is that okay?
Me: Yep. See you at 7!
Now that that's settled, I can go on with what I wanted to do today. Wait.. I have nothing to do today.
Idea!
The perfect way to get James to act normal again is through food! I mean, everything can be solved with food, right? Since he's probably dying from coughs, I'll make him hot soup.
Subconscious: Uh...you can't cook for life. You literally caused a fire in the microwave-
Okay! I get it! I think about ways to cook soup without setting anything on fire. I start opening a bunch of cupboards in search for ingredients, when my eyes lay upon something miraculous.
Instant cup noodles.
The only thing I have to do with this is boil some water and put it in the cup! Bam! I open the tap and fill the electric kettle with water. Then, I plug the cord in, flip the switch and wait for it to boil.
As I wait, I decide that maybe adding some vegetables and egg would be a good idea. I put the eggs with water on the stove to boil. Meanwhile, I cut up some vegetables.
The switch on the kettle flips off and I know that the water is ready. I pour it into the cup of instant noodles. After a few minutes, the eggs are done boiling and I cut them up into small pieces.
I empty the cup into a glass container for easy carrying. I let the eggs and vegetables sit at the top, in a pleasing design. I may not be able to cook, but I can arrange things really well.
Feeling proud of myself for not ruining anything and for keeping the kitchen in good condition, I place the container of soup in a plastic bag and head out the door.
"Bye Lola Nora!" I shout to my grandma, who is the only one in the house right now. My parents are buying something from Walmart and my sisters are at the mall without me because, and I quote, "We're buying you some wardrobe items because your closet hurts my eyes." Obviously, they didn't want my sense of style to interrupt them.
"Bye!" she yells back.
I walk in the direction of his house, through the rich people neighborhood. All I'm thinking is, That idiot better appreciate my effort in making this! Even though, it is just cup noodles. This is good cooking when it comes to me.
I ring the doorbell and Ate Kelly, their housekeeper, opens it.
"Ate Kelly! How was your vacation?" I ask.
"Great! Ang ganda sa Cuba!" (Great! It's so pretty in Cuba!) she replies.
"Where's James? May ibibigay lang po ako." (Where's James? I just have something to give.) I tell her, holding up the plastic bag.
"Nasa quarto." (In his room.) she says, and I head up to his room.
I knock on his door and receive no answer. Assuming that he's probably asleep, I'll just leave the bag in his room and steal a piece of paper to write a note. I slowly open the door, and it lets out a creak. I step inside and see him.
Sitting on the bed.
Kissing a girl.
No, not the same one from the hallway, if you must ask.
I just want to walk out of here and save my vomit. I've seen this so much already that I should be used to it. I should. I've seen him kiss and flirt, all while rolling my eyes to hide any hurt. So why can't I do it now?
I put my hand on the doorknob, ready to show myself out the door when I knock over something, causing him to break the kiss with the girl and look over to where I'm standing.
"Sorry." I mutter, looking at the picture of the two horrible dancers and return the frame to it's position.
James and the female look at me. The female glares at me, probably mad that I interrupted their steamy make-out session. James bites his lip and he looks away from my gaze, probably embarrassed from having an audience. Part of me wants to kick that chick out of the freaking window, but the other part of me wishes that James was with me instead of her.
"James. I-uh," I force a small smile and hold out the plastic bag. "I brought you some soup...for your cold. I'm so glad to see that you're doing better."
I place the soup on his desk. "Oh yeah, I hope you know that you're probably still contagious." Then, I turn to the girl and smile. "I truly hope you don't catch any bugs."
I get out and slam the door. My foot is already on the step when I feel an arm holding me back. He turns me to face him. I look him in the eye, my eyes starting to glisten unwillingly. Don't cry, don't cry.
"Lara I can explain-" he starts.
I push his arm away and laugh, another forced one. "You don't have to explain anything. What am I? Your girlfriend? We're not even friends!" The reality breaks everything inside of me. A teardrop escapes from my eye and I hastily wipe it off with my jacket sleeve.
"I-"
"Don't worry. I'm not affected by anything. Just be glad that as an aspiring doctor, I have the heart to care for people who are sick."
"I'm sorry." he whispers, his voice hoarse.
"You know what? I'm not even mad about you flirting with anything with boobs. We scheduled something and I needed your help! I don't understand why you would just blow me off like this!" I shout, though trying hard not to. The truth is, the hurt of seeing him with another girl was a hundred times more painful than him ditching me.
I wait for him to say something else. When he doesn't, I turn around with tears beginning to fall. I run down the stairs and out of the house.
Maybe I stop thinking, maybe it's because my mind keeps travelling in circles wondering where I went wrong. My heart starts beating fast, my feet hitting the ground rapidly as I run. My lungs feel like they're crushing and crumpling into a ball, yet at the same time, tearing apart. Still, I don't stop. I run as if the ground is on fire. Maybe the situation is worst than that. My brain feels like it's about to explode with every thought pushing the walls, trying to escape. All I can think about is escape.
Escape.
Escape.
Escape.
My legs can't take it anymore, giving up and letting me fall into a crouch on the sidewalk, even though my mind tells me to run faster, to go as far away as possible. I can't. The tears start to fall and I wipe them away. They begin to morph into uncontrollable sobs, taking the away the air from my lungs.
Why am I even crying? I'm used to this. I'm not supposed to cry. I'm supposed to be the happy one. The funny one. The strong one.
I stop sobbing when I feel something wet on my cheek. I open my eyes to see a familiar golden retriever. I look up and see Xander, who is looking at me with worry.
"Need a friend?" He sticks his hand out and helps me to my feet.
I shrug. "Maybe."
"Why were you crying?" he asks softly, handing me a handkerchief.
"I wasn't." I deny. "I was sweating through my eyes."
He scoffs. "Yeah right."
"I was! I was exercising so hard that the sweat just came pouring out of my eyes!" I exclaim.
He laughs before saying. "Let me walk you home. I don't want to see you sweating through your eyes anymore."
I nod and this time, I let him be a friend to me.
We get to my house and Xander gives me the space that I ask for.
***
I lock myself in my room with only a bowl of some tasteless popcorn to comfort me. Yeah...I should really buy some tasteful food instead of stealing low-calorie snacks from the twins' room.
I turn on some depressing music and lie down on the floor dramatically because, how else am I supposed to hypnotize myself into forgetting the past 16 years of my life? My postion makes me feel even more depressed at first, but then I begin to realize how familiar this seems.
I stare at the ceiling, thinking about which movie has a similar scene like this when I finally realize that I am reenacting Lilo&Stitch! The thought puts a little smile on my face, however I quickly go back to feeling absolutely nothing.
If you would call an endless pit of melancholy nothing, that is.
The tears have stopped for a while, but I feel them coming back. I turn my head to the side and let the little drops of water trickle down the side of my face and create a little puddle on the wooden floor.
I open my eyes and see a box, underneath my bed. I gradually sit up then reach to get the box. Carefully removing the lid, I look at a bunch of nice notebooks. When the familiarity settles in, I start to go through the pages.
My diaries.
There are three full notebooks of words from my daily life. I kind of went through an emo phase during the ages of 12-14. I read the pages of my past memories, laughing at my dramatic entries and tiny problems that felt like the end of the world.
After what seems like hours, I reach the middle of the last diary and find an envelope. I read the outside of the envelope:
To James
I gently open the envelope, careful to not rip it, then pull out a folded piece of lined paper. I unfold it and start reading it. The date is from 2 years ago at this time of year.
Dear James,
I'm pretty sure that I'm over liking you.
"Liar." I say out loud.
I knew it was impossible from the start. You are a player. You date the popular girls. The pretty, sexy, trendy girls. You are Mr. Popularity. I guess I thought that I stood a chance because I knew you...I saw you, before you were ever Mr. Popularity, Mr. Hockey star, Mr. Teen heartthrob. I knew you since we barely knew how to walk. When you held your hand out to help me get down to the lake, when we ran on the boardwalk, when we did ballet. It seems like an eternity ago, doesn't it? Maybe I knew you before, but now it's like looking at you through a puddle of muddy water.
Impossible.
I guess you became another person when I wasn't looking. And you left me behind.
I wasn't ready for that.
They say that people change. I can accept that. However, it still seems to me that you didn't change for you. You changed for them.
Everyday I miss you. The you I used to know. The you that I thought would end up with me. I guess I need to grow up, huh? Know that reality is not my dreams? I'm sorry, but I think I might be in love with you.
Isn't that just the craziest thing?
Sincerely,
Lara
*Sobs*
Y'all can kill me for another sad chapter...
I honestly felt so freaking sad when I wrote this. Whenever I write, here's a little fact:
So I put myself in the mc's shoes and get myself feeling exactly the way they are. So when I was writing, and before I wrote this, I was legitimately in my room, staring at the ceiling, and almost crying as if someone broke my heart. So yeah...
Just a little fact about your loser author. XD
What did you guys think about this chapter anyways? What is wrong with James lately? Do you guys still believe in Jara...or are you guys moving on? Please give this a vote and comment and a share! Also, let's hope that my current writer's block goes away! And thanks for passing 20k reads and getting this to 38 in humour today!!!!
-Summer :)
Well dang...sorry for that eternal author's note.