“This world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another.”
*** *** ***
“I’m sorry. Can we just give you directions when we get to Greenwood Park? We don’t exactly remember the address.”
“Sure,” said the woman glancing at us once more through the rear-view before setting her eyes back on the road. Nicole slouched back against the seat and let out this long sigh which went almost unnoticed. I was in the process of thinking what to say to her when the cab-lady spoke again. “You know, my son also is also in love with hats. I mean, he never takes it off.”
“Excuse me?” We both sat up a little.
“The hat. Is that a thing among you boys again now? Wearing hats wherever you go no matter the time of day?”
“No, I-uhh, we just wear it, you know. It’s not like a trend or anything.”
“But I don’t really see …,” she paused to let out an embarrassed chuckle, “I’m sorry. it’s just, this job doesn’t really give a good chance to talk with my kids so I always have it out on my customers.”
“Especially kids.”
“Especially kids.” She repeated Nicole’s reply after a chuckle. “I’ve got two. Just like you. A boy and a girl. Anyways, are you new in town?”
But apparently she didn’t really wanna know ‘cause she somehow related our answer to that question to the falling of her son’s grades, the rising of her daughter’s skirts, and from there she went on and on about a family she was working day in day out to provide for but hardly ever knew anymore.
Though looking sleep-deprived, Nicole was nice enough to urge her on by putting ‘And?’, ‘Really?’, and such in between her sentences, and I just looked on. The sight of that woman reminded me of Jen: or rather, what Jen used to be before she tied the knot with Ed: a single mother toiling to support a family.
Of course, Jen didn’t have to drive around in a cab all day but she was free as a bird before she took me in: a beautiful single woman in her early thirties with a respectable job; who surely didn’t need a 15 years old girl who was depressed half the time; who didn’t need the burden of giving that girl shelter, clothes – and love. And that girl still calls her by her first name.
Jennifer Collins deserves something better from me. A whole lot better.
“Yeah, this is our street. Thanks a lot.”
“No worries. Oh, here’s the receipt.”
“Hey, thanks,” Nicole took the slip while I closed the car-door. “Take care, Julia.”
“You, too, kid. Remember what I told you about college, alright?”
“Yes, ma’am,” she replied then turned to me once the car was gone and said with a small shrug, “nice lady.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, glancing around the neighborhood. “So, that way?”
If I remembered it right, we were still quite a long away from Liz’s house but we’d decided, with silent agreement, to get off here and let Julia call it a day. It was her son’s birthday, as she realized when she was telling us about him, and we knew she wanted to surprise him so we played good Samaritans.
“Yeah, come on. Those two lovebirds we caged together must be really pissed by now.”
I chuckled and followed her as she crossed the street and we both started walking along the sidewalk of the main road.
“You know,” I started after covering a few blocks without a word, “I’ve been meaning to say this to you.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not usually … like this,” I stammered a little, for no apparent reason. “This getting all jovial and … and intimate with you. I mean, this quickly.”
“I actually liked it better when you were ‘all jovial and … and intimate’ with me, though I had to sacrifice my fresh-cut hair for it.”
“Aheh, I think I did you a favor with that. I mean, it’s a great look. You certainly have the face for it, and less time in front of the mirror, right?”
“See, is that so hard? I’d very much prefer you stay this way BUT …”
“But?” I prodded, ready to laugh.
“But I’m not doing anything for you this time ‘cause you’re just as cute when you stammer, and because I don’t have any hair to have cut off anymore, obviously.”
I giggled as she reached for her hat and swirled the cap around to the back of her head.
“You have this way with you. You know how Liz is with me and I’ve never felt uneasy being around Steve since the first moment I met him, but you just … ”
“Take the cake?”
“Yeah,” I chuckled, and went on to finish the confession. “And thank you, you know, for accepting me.”
She glanced at me, and only smiled – almost to herself, as I felt – before turning her eyes to the front and turning the conversation around 180. “So when are you gonna ask me what happened to the bikes?”
I could only turn away to hide the chagrin on my face. I hadn’t even thought about them till now.
“I checked them back in at the joint at Axus. It was a miracle you made it there in one piece, you know.”
“Actually, I don’t even recall we went to the mall on bikes.”
“Thought so. You know, that’s what I wanted to talk about.”
“Okay.” I nodded for her to continue but she still hesitated for a couple more seconds.
“I really hated it when you … looked at me and didn’t see me. When you were there right in front of me but you were thinking of someone else.”
“Oh,” was all I could mutter in response. I didn’t really know what to say next either, which led me to use my usual last resort I’m sorry.
“No, it’s not that I’m mad at you. I just want you to understand that I get, you know, obsessive, and when I get like that, I … do things. Stupid things. Sometimes even on purpose.”
Her walking slowed and she threw a quick sidelong glance at me before letting out a half-hearted chuckle.
“And I don’t want you to hate me when I do that.”
“Hey,” I edged closer and, just as she turned to look at me, I took her hand without any hesitation, “not gonna happen.”
I never hated Kim for being that way, but of course I didn’t add that.
“Phew,” she exhaled and let out a small laugh afterwards, then asked, “can I keep this?”
She raised her hand and I noticed the scrunchie that she took from me earlier on her wrist.
“I suppose, if you really want it,” I teased but she just glanced at me with some sort of indecisive look in her eyes. “What?”
“No, it’s just,” she started with a relatively serious tone, “I almost thought of ruffling your hair.”
“Well, that would’ve been unwise. I just had it done.”
“Oh, really?” She exclaimed with feigned surprise.
But actually, I did. I didn’t have it cut but had it waved halfway and Noel fixed it so the bangs hang lower now. She said this style is called ‘Funky Poofy Waves’ or something. It kinda looks good on me. Well, at least I like to think so.
“Really,” I announced with my chin up, my hand feeling my hair which was falling over my shoulder.
“You mean, just like I did before you blackmailed me?”
“Exactly.”
She laughed and then it turned into a smile as she went to dig up what she was going to say earlier. “As I was saying, I just got this weird feeling that something bad is going to happen, you know?”
“Huh, why?”
“I don’t know. I mean, we’re having so much fun together, and there’s this ‘we can have too much of a good thing’, and stuff like that.”
As if on cue, the shop we’d got the bikes this morning came into view along with the old-time water tower which was two streets over from Liz’s house, which meant it was only a matter of minutes before I had to reunite with my mess. Naturally, a sigh escaped me on its own accord.
“Though, I don’t really think I can have too much of you,” she said with a chuckle, stringing my mind back to her. “So, Jennifer is coming back tonight?”
“Yeah,” Maybe it was just her attempt to change the direction of the conversation but I was just glad that the thought crossed her mind to ask about Jen. “I’m gonna have to go pick her up with Liz.”
“Mmm. You know, the school probably would have contacted her by now.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid, actually,” I confessed, “I don’t want her to hear about this from someone else.”
“Maybe you should call her.”
“Aheh, and say hey, Jen. How are you? By the way, I tried to kill myself yesterday?” I half-joked but a sigh was inevitable afterwards, “I did try to do that this morning, though. It’s just … I just keep hanging up before the dialing starts.”
“Don’t worry,” she said and I felt her hand on my shoulder for a short second, “she’d understand.”
I nodded, and we didn’t say anything for some time, until she started again with a statement/question.
“By the way, I found something yesterday which might belong to you.”
“Yeah? Is it my phone?” I asked but answered it myself. “But it can’t be. Liz said she has it.”
“Yeah. No, I found an Ipod.”
“Ipod? I don’t think it’s mine.”
“Really? ‘Cause I really think it’s yours.”
“Can’t be. I never had one.” Well, I’d once shared one with Kim but she took it with her when she left.
“Hmm,” she gave me an unsure nod, the confusion in her eyes meeting with the same in mine before she pursed her lips. “Okay, then.”
“Okay, so how do you know Noel?”
“Oh, she and Evelyn went to Skyline High, too. They were friends of Maggie.”
“Maggie?”
“Steve hasn’t told you?” she queried with surprise in her tone, and I somehow felt there was also relief.
“No, who is she?”
“Ask him. He’ll be more than happy to tell you,” I was about to protest when she continued. “Evelyn graduated but Noel left school last year as a junior. She’s actually the same age as me, one year older than you.”
“Right.” Noel had told me that much but I gave her a nod anyways. I was actually aching to ask her about that Maggie girl, but decided to keep it till later. “I didn’t get a chance to ask her. Are they sisters? They seemed really close.”
“Aheh, not really. They’re just friends. Well, not just friends,” she paused a little before continuing, “Evelyn is in love with Noel.”
“Huh, like in love?”
“Yeah, and Noel doesn’t know.”
“Oh,” I muttered, then frowned when something occurred to me, “but they are close, right?”
“Uh-huh,” she threw me a suspicious glance, “What?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Come on. Tell me.”
I did hesitate a little more but eventually asked, “it’s just, wouldn’t it be weird for Evelyn?”
“Weird how?”
“You know, when Noel hugs her, or kisses her, I mean, like, on the cheek or something, wouldn’t she be uncomfortable?”
“Oh,” realization in her eyes turned to pleasant surprise before she slowly turned away and said in this weird intonation, “You’re worried about Evelyn’s feelings? What, you don’t think she’d try to take advantage of Noel’s trust in her?”
“Huh, why would she?” I questioned back, a little confused, “You said she’s in love with her, right? Why would she do that?”
“Yeah. Yeah, she never would,” she just regarded me with this strange hopeful look and posed the strangest of questions, “what would you do if you were Noel and finds out the truth?”
“What do you mean?”
“Say when we get back to Elizabeth’s place, she confesses that she loves you that way, what would you do then?”
“I …,” I started but it took me a little while to really process the next words, “… I think I’d be surprised. I mean, of course I’d be surprised.”
“Mm-hmm. And?”
“And, I-uhh, I think I would feel …,” I stopped with a breathy sigh, “I don’t know, Nicole. I don’t even know where all this came from.”
“Would you despise her?”
“What? No. Why would I despise her? I mean, if she really loves me like that, that … wait, does she?”
“No, not as far as I know.” It wasn’t that big to be a lump but whatever suddenly found itself in my throat vanished as quickly. “So, would you, you know, feel betrayed, after everything you’ve done together?”
“No, I don’t … wouldn’t think she’s been taking advantage of me, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“But what happens afterwards? Would you feel awkward, or distance yourself from her?”
Wow, what is with all these questions?
“Well, I … you know I’m not gay so if she could understand that, I would, like, point a gun to her head,” I paused to let out a laugh and she chuckled also, probably to not make me feel awkward, “and threaten her to stay as my best friend.”
“You’re something, you know,” she commented with this strange – and as it looked to me, relieved – smile as we turned into the street and made for Liz’s house which was just at the corner. “Think they’d be out looking for us?”
“Well, her car is still here. Maybe they hadn’t even woken up yet.” I joked as we walked up on the porch.
Only when it was swung open a while later by one redhead who fixed me with this unnerving gaze once she saw me, I realized why this uneasy feeling had been creeping up my spine since the moment Nicole knocked on the door.
Please, Liz. Don’t say anything weird and make my life any more complicated than it already is: a voice kept chanting in the back of my head until she’d done a second once-over of me and parted her lips to speak. But of course it was only me who was out of my her mind to ever doubt Elizabeth Davis.
“Wow, nice work, Rea. You really went and got your hair done without me.”
“You mean, she let them shave all her hair off just to humor you.”
“Well, yeah. Cool, right?”
“Right,” she gave me a silly look before bringing up Noel again. “So that stylist chick.”
“Yeah, she’s just awesome. I was going to keep my hair as it was but she really sold me on this.”
“So, what? You’re buddies now?”
“You know there’s only one buddy for me.” I was going to tease her next and say it was Nicole but that unimpressed yet satisfied look on her face stopped me. “Give me a glass, please.”
“Say please one more time,” she threatened as she sat down at the table with the water bottle. “You do look good with that hair, though.”
“Really?”
“Would be looking a lot better if I was there.”
“Yep, no doubt,” I placated then downed the water in one go. “Hey, where’s that big fat apple of your eye? Still asleep?”
“Oh, you mean Grumpy Cat? Yeah, he just left. Said his father fed-exed him something so he had to back to his house to see.”
“Grumpy Cat?”
“You should’ve seen him when he woke up and found out that you two were gone.”
I couldn’t help but notice for the hundredth time that she was particularly cool about us leaving her and Steve alone together, which made me ask with a wink, “But you made him feel better, right?”
“Funny,” she said with a mock laugh then suddenly got serious, “Speaking of which, where’s that sister of yours?”
She jumped out of the chair and rushed out of the kitchen, and I followed her up the stairs and into her room, where we found Nicole snug in her bed. “Oh, no, no. Hey, you. Get up. Get out of there.”
Of course I grabbed her arm and held her back before she could touch her.
“What?!”
“Let her sleep. Come on.”
“Not in my bed, she’s not. Rina, let go.” she still protested while I dragged her out of the room, and closed the door.
“Come on, Liz. She’s really tired.”
“So?”
“Okay, I’m not gonna continue this conversation,” I concluded when I was done frowning at her reply.
“Do I really have to let her sleep in my bed?” Of course the answer was me pursing my lips, at which she pouted. “Whatever.”
“You can be really hard sometimes, you know.”
“Proudly,” she curled her lips and pulled her arm free of my hold before we entered the living room. I followed in just in time to see her sling her butt down on the couch. “Only one day and already siding with her.”
“I’m not siding with her!” I tried to pacify as I sat down beside her. “I just wanted to keep her asleep so I could talk with you.”
She turned to look at me with her eyes narrowed, “sleazy little bastard. I’m so not gonna cover for you when Grumpy Cat gets back. Ohh, speak of the devil! Wanna get the door?”
I didn’t hear it the first time, but caught it when the knock came for the second time. Of course I didn’t get up. “You go get it.”
“Uh-uhh, no can do.”
“Hey, anyone home?” Annoyance put into words carried over to us, and eventually I got up with a sigh.
“Wish I had a friend.”
“Don’t you dare,” she threatened and raised her hand with a throw pillow in it. My feet quickened as I giggled, and a smile was still there on my face when I opened the door.
“Hey.”
Steve looked up, his mind obviously on whoever he was talking to on the phone. “Yes, she’s here. Yes, please hold.”
“Hey, Steve,” he didn’t even spare a glance at Liz who greeted him from behind me as he displayed this worried look before handing me the phone.
“It’s Jennifer.”
“No, it’s Elizabeth, Jennifer. I’m Rina’s friend.” before I realized, Liz had ran out of patience watching me hesitating and had grabbed the phone from Steve’s hand. “No, no. yes, She’s here.”
Steve walked past me and gave my shoulder an encouraging squeeze before entering the house. I didn’t remember to gave him any kind of response watching Liz’s face turn from concerned to downright edgy listening to whatever Jen was saying.
Finally, that tiny bit of sense left in me took over and I reached out to her for the phone, which she gave to me immediately.
“… please. Tell her. Tell her that I will explain everything when I get there.”
“I-it’s me, Jen. I’m sorry.”
“Rina? Rina, listen, I’m gonna… I’m gonna tell you everything. I don’t know what you’ve heard but I’ll explain everything, okay? I know I should’ve told you long ago. I should have.”
No, I didn’t know of the reason why there was such anguish in her voice. I didn’t even know what she was talking about. I was too caught up in my own guilt.
“I’ll understand if you despise me right now. But even if you decide to leave me, I swear I’ll tell you everything. I’ll explain everything. Just don’t do anything rash, okay? Please? Don’t do anything …”
The only thing I realized was that I couldn’t tell her the truth. At least not yet.
“Jen, no. No, it was … it was an accident. Just an accident. I just slipped and fell and hit my head, and … it was just an accident. Jen?” My heart started to pound against my chest as she suddenly stopped talking. “Jen?”
I gulped, and took several deep breaths before I finally made up my mind and uttered that one word which filled my heart with warmth once it slipped past my lips.
“Mom?”
It was as if the silence grew even more deafening. I even thought I could hear her take in and exhale sharp breaths as we both seemingly tried to understand what I’d just said. At last, it was her that spoke out first with a shaky voice.
“What … what did you call me?”
There was nothing to be shy about. I knew that. But I still bit on my lip and looked down before saying it again. “Mom.”
“Oh, honey.”
“I’m fine. Really, I am, but I want to,” I shifted on my feet and glanced around inadvertently, “… I wanna see you.”
She breathed out a small chuckle, “I’m coming home. It’s only a few minutes before the flight takes off, and I’ll be there before you know it. Can you just …?”
“Yes?”
“Can you call me that again?”
Of course I couldn’t help a smile: a smile of satisfaction. “Mom.”
She smiled. I couldn’t possibly know but I felt it. It was a few more seconds before she spoke again. “It’s the final call. I think I have to hang up.”
“Okay.”
“I’d been trying to call you once Ms. Stewart called and told me what happened. You just didn’t pick up. It was … it was hell.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I lost my phone.”
I looked up when Liz tried to get my attention, and I gave her a nod when she gestured with a bright smile that she was going back in.
“I know I should’ve called. I just couldn’t find the strength to. I’m really sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay. I even thought you found out … I mean, just wait for me, alright?”
“Of course.”
“Stay safe. I can’t wait to see you,” she paused and sighed, “I can’t.”
“Me neither.”
“Heh, maybe if I hear you say that one more time, I might manage to actually hang up and not miss my flight.”
“Okay, Mom. Don’t miss the flight, Mom. Come home soon, … Mom.”
She laughed heartily, making it hard for me to remember who sounded like life had been squeezed out of her just two minutes ago.
“Okay, I’ll call you again when we land in London.”
“I’ll be there, and there’s a lot I have to tell you about Nicole. See you soon.”
“See you.”
With a sigh of content, I unstapled the phone from my ear when she finally hang up.
This day is really shaping out to be great. Scary great.
“Hey, were you planning on coming back in?”
“Heh, yeah. I just felt like …”
“Being alone?” There was room on the doorstep but she deliberately nudged me aside plopping down beside me. “It went well, right? With Jen?”
“Mmm, it went great.”
“Can I ask you something?”
I threw a surprised glance at her. “Since when did you start asking for permission?”
“Jennifer sounded really anxious before you took the phone from me. Like guilty anxious,” it wasn’t like her to hesitate but she did again before continuing. “What happened in Sydney? She kept saying she’d tell you everything. Everything about what?”
“I think,” I started but hesitated a little before continuing, “it’s about her past life.”
“Past life?”
“When she was young, I think maybe she had a child out of wedlock.”
“Oh,” she muttered then asked with a little reluctance, “did you know about it before?”
“No, and if her mom didn’t bring it up, I don’t think she would’ve told me. Well, she still hasn’t told me, technically. This is all guesswork,” I confessed but I still could do nothing to forget that name my grandma had called me by that night – Jamie.
“But why wouldn’t she tell you? I mean, it’s not a crime to … you know. She was young. It happens all the time.”
“My guess is she wants to be perfect,” I smiled to myself, “for me.”
“I’m jealous.”
“Of me? Don’t kid yourself.”
“You got Jen, Nicole just dubbed you her family. Whereas I have parents who’ve adopted money as their third child, and I’m stuck with their second child.”
“Yeah, I was just wondering where Kevin was.”
“Mmm, he’s at a day-care two blocks over. Speaking of which,” she raised her hand to check the time, “It’s almost time to pick him up.”
I gave her a sheepish smile. “If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have to send him there.”
“Please, he’s where he belongs. I love him and all, but I try my best to give him less chance to piss me off, which seems to be his specialty.”
“I’ve always wanted a little brother, though.”
“Be careful what you wish for,” she said getting up and putting her jeans in place. I also got up. “You might just find out what it feels like to have one tonight.”
“Cool!”
“Yeah, yeah. Hold that thought,” she muttered and went back in the house while I followed her with a smile.
“Maybe I should go tell Steve we’re going out.”
“Yeah, good call. He’s upstairs probably with Nicole,” she sauntered into the kitchen while made for the stairs but her voice stopped me before I reached there. “Hey, why don’t we go get dinner while we’re at it?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“You wash up and change. I’ll be in the car.”
Her head disappeared back into the room, and I turned and started up the stairs.
But I found out Nicole was awake – wide awake – and that Steve was in the same room before I opened the door which had been ajar. And the first thing I heard Nicole say, or, rather, growl, drew a sigh from me. They were fighting, again.
“You’d better stop talking.”
“It’s so taboo yet you can justify yourself because you’re not related by blood.” My hand reaching for the knob stopped in mid-air as I froze. “Cut to the chase, hurting your father is just an excuse.”
“Stop.”
“You get the most exciting catch you’ve ever had yet, and can still.brush it off as an act of
denial. I.don't think you've even thought about the girl who comes here in hopes of a family and gets …”
I couldn’t tell if there really was a thudding noise that came from inside the room because even before Steve was cut off my heart had already started pounding and my mind racing.
“I want her?”
The hand that came to rest on my shoulder from behind should’ve scared the life out of me, but it didn’t. Because my mind just didn’t have enough power to process anything beyond what was going to revealed to me, and I just looked on as Liz came to stand in front of me.
“You think I want her?” She seemingly tried to decipher the meaning of the helplessness on my face. She didn’t really have to though. ‘cause it all came clear in the next second. “No, Steve. I don’t want her.”
“Don’t try to deny …”
“Because you don’t just want someone you’re in love with for life.”
…………………………
…………………………