Positivity.
What was the point when there was so much sorrow and darkness in this world?
I sighed gloomily and stared out the museum window at the dark night. The rain was pouring down and it seemed my heart was overcast with the same clouds that were currently hanging in the sky.
Nathaniel and Ahk were competing to see how far they could throw Rexy's bone across the main room, but I wasn't watching.
I was too busy trying not to cry.
Normally, I tried to think positively about my life, but now the cold voice of reality was sinking in. I had no future. I had no hope for a better life.
I was dreamless. Hopeless.
Aimless.
No high school diploma, not enough sleep, barely enough money to survive, no colleges willing to accept me, no nothing. How could I be positive when there was nothing to be positive about?
A hand touched my shoulder, and I jumped, whirling around to see that Ahk and Nathaniel had stopped their game and walked over.
"Emily?" Ahk said hesitantly. "You seem... upset. Have we done something wrong?"
I almost laughed. Almost. "No. You guys are fine. You can go back to whatever you were doing and leave me alone. I'm not mad."
Instead of leaving, Ahk and Nathaniel exchanged glances and sat down on the floor. Out of courtesy, I sat down too, unsure why they were staying. What did they want? Why couldn't they just let me stare out the window in peace?
"How are you, Emily?" Ahk asked quietly. Nathaniel remained silent, but it seemed the question came from both of them.
"Fine, how are you?" was my brusque reply.
"No." Ahk caught my gaze, sincerity and intensity in his eyes. "How are you? Answer truthfully. 'Fine' can mean a great many things. It can mean, 'fantastic'. It can mean, 'so-so'. It can mean, 'not so well'. It can mean, 'terribly, but you don't care so I'm not going to elaborate'. We're asking this earnestly, so please answer honestly."
Tears stung at the corners of my vision. I looked away. "Why do you care? Why would you ask me that?"
The two of them exchanged glances again. "Because," Nathaniel finally replied. "We think maybe you're not fine, and we want to know if you're okay."
"Why?"
"Because we care about you." Ahk responded simply.
I stared at them for a moment. Then I couldn't hold it back anymore. The waterworks started, and I began to cry.
The reaction was immediate. Ahk and Nathaniel exchanged panicked looks. Nathaniel seemed to be saying, I have no idea what to do with a crying girl, and Ahk's look said, I don't either, what should we do? Then Nathaniel's expression said, I don't know, this was your idea in the first place, you tell me, and then Ahk's went, Well, we should probably try to help her.
If I hadn't been crying at the moment, it would have been humorous to me. In any other situation, I would have laughed.
Ahk and Nathaniel scooted over towards me. Nathaniel patted my shoulder awkwardly, then Ahk shot him a look that said, You idiot, what is that even supposed to do? and gave me a hug. Nathaniel sat there with a glare on his face while Ahk tried to comfort me, and I couldn't help it. I began to laugh through my tears. "You guys are hilarious, you know that?"
They looked at each other. Their expressions said, If she's laughing, did we do something right?
My choking sobs mixed with hiccuping giggles until I wasn't sure which I was doing anymore. "You guys have never seen a girl cry before, have you?"
Nathaniel shook his head, but Ahk looked offended. "I have. I'm just a bit rusty when it comes to remembering how to deal with one. It has been around two thousand years."
"And just when have you had to deal with a crying female?"
Ahk shrugged. "Plenty of times. I had lots of little sisters." He smiled a little. "They all adored me. If you just give me a second I'll remember how I used to--"
"Uhh, Ahk?" Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. "She's not really crying anymore, so I don't think you need to remember anything."
"Mmmh. Fine."
My tear-streaked face was probably stained with mascara (why, oh why had I worn makeup again today?), but at the moment I wasn't really worried about that.
Ahk finished reminiscing and became serious again. "Emily, why were you crying? I know you've stopped now, but there must have been a reason."
"Oh." My voice choked and I forgot my laughter. "Well... mostly the reason I was crying was because you guys actually care. It means a lot to me, you know?"
"But there's something else, isn't there?" Nathaniel guessed. "Something that's making you depressed and unhappy."
I nodded slowly.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I slowly met his eyes. "Do you really want to have to deal with a crying girl again so fast? If I start to tell you, there's a one hundred and ten percent guarantee that I'll..."
"Would it help you to talk about it?" Ahk questioned.
Reluctantly, I half-nodded. "Maybe..."
"Then you'd better get it all out of your system while you still have someone here to comfort you." Nathaniel chimed.
"Wow." I glanced between them. "You guys are so sweet..." My eyes started to fill again, and I attempted to blink the tears back. I took a deep breath. "I guess I better start at the beginning."
They stayed still in front of me, watching attentively, giving me their full attention. I drew in another shaky breath and began.
"A little over six months ago, my life couldn't have been more normal. I was a senior in high school, got pretty good, average grades, had arguments with my parents, couldn't wait till my life was my own..." I sighed. "I didn't even realize how perfect my life already was."
Nathaniel and Ahk were watching me intently, absorbing every word. I couldn't believe how thoughtful the two of them were being.
"It's funny," I continued bitterly, "how quickly things change. How fast you start to realize that you weren't grateful for all the things you had and don't have anymore. And that's what exactly what happened to me.
"One day, seemingly out of nowhere, a twist came and turned my world upside down. It had seemed like an overall nice day. A shining sun. Birds singing. And there I was thinking the things out of tragedies and horror movies only happened 'on a dark and stormy night'." A humorless laugh escaped me. "How wrong I was. Overnight, my whole life was gone, shattered in an instant. My parents were away on some sort of business trip. I was alone at home, up past midnight doing homework and studying for my math test the next day. And my phone rang." I tilted my head, trying to keep the tears out of my voice. "A normal phone call, I thought, but no. The call was to notify me that my parents had gotten in a car accident, a pretty serious one. My dad was in the ER on life support, but my mom--" my voice cracked and a sob choked out of me. I tried again. "My mom was already- gone." A tear squeezed out and I was trembling all over.
"At first I couldn't believe it. It was shock. Numbness. I didn't comprehend it. It wasn't real. But after my dad got home a couple days later, without my mom, without the laughter and happiness she always brought... everything started to become real. I don't have any siblings, so it was just me and my dad. He'd been drinking a lot lately -- one of the reasons for their more frequent than ever fights before the accident -- and I started to dread being home. When I was a little girl he used to beat me with a leather belt when he was angry or frustrated. I wasn't allowed to tell my mom about it. Now he yelled at me whenever he saw me, and then three weeks after the-- the accident, he got a girlfriend. Three weeks, and he'd seemingly moved on, without a trace.
"Then he started telling me I couldn't go to school. I don't know why he didn't want me to go, but my absences became more an more frequent -- and I started failing in all my classes. Two months before the end of the school year, he pulled me out for good. As soon as I turned eighteen, he kicked me out of the house and told me I had to find my own place to live now -- said he didn't want to support me any longer than he had to. Now I'm living alone, without a roommate, in an apartment, trying to figure out my life. I have this job and nothing else to help pay bills, and no college will accept me. Why would they? I have no high school diploma and terrible grades in my senior year -- because of my dad's insistence that I not go to school. Without a college degree, I'm worth next to nothing. No real business is ever going to hire me, and what with my working overtime at night like this and sleeping during the day, I'll probably never get out enough to meet someone and get married, which is my only hope for getting out of my current dead-end situation. And now I'm sitting here, telling you guys my whole life story and one of you has problems of his own to worry and the other I don't even know." By now my shoulders were shaking violently with the force of my choking sobs and so was the rest of my body. "I j-just want everything to go b-back to the way it u-used to be, with me living at home and my mom st-till there, and me not worrying myself sick about -- about paying the bills, o-or crying b-because I don't know whether or not I'm going to eat this m-month." I choked the words out like poison, and then my sobs became too violent for me to get even one more word out. I was staring at the ground, knowing I was pathetic and miserable. No one wanted to listen to me.
At that moment, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, and suddenly Ahk was there, holding me and comforting me.
He rubbed my back, keeping me close and whispering in my ear. "Shhhh. Shhhh... It's okay, Emily. We're here to help you. You don't have to feel like this. Hush now, don't cry. Shhh... Emily, you're okay."
Apparently, he had remembered how to deal with a crying female. Because there was something about the way he held me, the way he spoke so softly into my ear, murmuring sweet nothings and trying to calm me, that made my tears lessen and my sobs subside slowly.
The words he spoke next made me blush as he whispered them in my ear, so softly that I wasn't certain if he had actually said them or if it had been my imagination. "You're even beautiful when you're crying."
I lifted my head, face streaked with tears. He trailed a finger along the line of my cheekbone, brushing the tears away.
Nathaniel cleared his throat, shooting Ahk a glare.
Ahk only smiled faintly and continued to brush his hand gently across my cheek. Nathaniel looked away, seething, and Ahk finally spoke. "Emily, why didn't you tell me before?"
I didn't meet his eyes. "You didn't ask. You have your own problems, Ahk. I don't want to be dumping mine on you as well."
There was a long silence as Ahk searched for words. "Perhaps I know enough about sorrow that I don't want anyone else to have to experience it." he finally said in a quiet voice. "Perhaps I don't want anyone else to have to go through what I've felt... what I feel."
I had no response to that.
After a moment, Nathaniel spoke up. "How can we help?"
I shrugged. "There isn't much you can do."
He thought for a second. "Do you need help finding a college to accept you?"
"I've kind of... given up on that." I admitted. "I don't think I'd make it through college."
"Do you need money?"
I shied away immediately. "No! I won't accept money from anyone. If I can't earn the money myself, I don't deserve it."
Nathaniel shrugged. "If you change your mind... my family is pretty well off."
I shook my head vehemently. "Mm-mmm. Nope. Not gonna happen. I'll make do with what I have."
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Nathaniel quipped.
I laughed bitterly, my pessimism getting the best of me. "People say that. But where do you get the sugar and water? And how can you expect life to give you anything? I try hard to be a good person. I try to be kind to everyone. I got good grades in school until my dad pressured me to drop out after my... my mom passed. I help people when I can. And what has life given me? Nothing."
Ahk leaned in and whispered to me. "I have a better saying. When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering how you did it. When life gives you nothing, plant your own garden instead of waiting for some obscure tropical sour fruit."
That startled a laugh out of me. Not to be beat, Nathaniel chimed in. "When life gives you jelly beans, eat them all before your little sister sees them."
I turned to stare at him. "What kind of symbolism is that?"
He shrugged. "Who said anything about symbolism?" Then he showed me his water bottle. "Now. Let's try for some optimism. Is this half empty or half full?"
"It's mostly empty." I mumbled. "There's barely any water in it."
"It's a third of the way full." Nathaniel corrected.
Ahk looked at the glass. He looked at me. "You're both wrong. This glass is all the way full."
We both turned to look at him. "What?" I asked, confused.
He smiled patiently. "This glass is full, though maybe not full of what you expect or want. This glass is a third of the way filled with water... and two-thirds of the way filled with air. It's all the way full."
I gazed at him in surprise. "Now, that's optimism." I mumbled. But I couldn't help the smile that was playing around my mouth. "You guys are great."
Ahk and Nathaniel gave matching grins. "Why, thank you." Ahk said.
"Don't let it get to your heads, though." I warned, seeing their smug expressions. "I don't want to have to deal with a couple of self-absorbed, overconfident, cocky associates every night at work."
Ahk shot me a hurt look. "Is that all we are? Associates?"
"Ouch." Nathaniel agreed.
I laughed. "Okay, friends, then. Is that any better?"
"Much." Ahk looked satisfied.
Nathaniel brightened. "Hey, let's have a pull-up competition on the door frame."
For a moment, I just looked at him, waiting for the punch line. When I realized he was serious, I groaned.
"You men are so competitive." I grumbled.
"Sexist." Nathaniel accused while Ahk shot me a mock offended glare. Nathaniel turned to him. "At least she called us 'men'." he said in a stage whisper.
I turned to shake my head at them. "I couldn't very well call Ahk anything else, could I? He's two thousand years old, for heaven's sake. He's mature."
"I would win." Ahk was mumbling sideways to Nathaniel.
I stopped short. "At least, he was until the two of you started competing for whatever it is you're competing for."
Nathaniel wants paying much attention to me. "Who says you would win?" he asked Ahk.
"I'm from Ancient Egypt." Ahk said as if that explained everything. "More strenuous work there."
"Uuuugh!" I groaned in exasperation. "You two..."
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Wow, so 2636 words. That's a lot. I had no clue.......
Please don't forget to vote, comment, et cetera; it makes me reaaaaaallly happy (like, you don't even know how happy) and thank you so much for reading!!