Featuring:
hannahmfoley01
twiggs3075
conceptalbumhorsie
PilotOfTheStorm
2020kpool
cutelilunicorn
mistinthemirror
Wicked_Annabella
Chicken_Hoe
radiomeddows
GinaRoseJagger
sheerbrianmayattack
ThatLeavesNoTrace
________________________________________________________
Everyone files right into his or her boat, and I sit down right next to Sara. "So," I ask smoothly, "Why aren't you going with your boyfriend?"
Sara whips out a cupcake and says, "Well," and she takes a bite, "He couldn't handle the fact my cupcakes were overshadowing him. So, we broke up. We're still friends and all, but we just aren't together."
"Well, that's good," and then I try to pull back a bit, "But I mean, it's like, sad you broke up and all..."
Ian laughs, "Oy! Just admit it! You've been in love with Sara ever since we got here!"
"Ugh," and I ruffle my hair a bit, "Hey, Stu, are you going to man the boat?"
"Yes!" and he puffs out his chest to make himself feel proud, "Me and my best mates Grace and David have got this!" The three of them writhe over to the controls, and immediately the boat gets going.
Over in the boat that comprises of some of Camp Folky Assholes and also Emerson, Lake, and Palmer, wait, it makes sense! The ELP boys are Camp Pretentious Assholes! It all makes sense now... Anyways, it seems that some sort of argument is taking place:
"Greg!" Keith squeals, "I DID NOT CALL YOU FAT! I just said it would be better if me and Carl manned the boat!"
"You might as well have, though," Greg sasses. "You know I'm sensitive."
Elisa snaps her fingers, "Children, children! Why don't you let the adults handle this, okay?" She motions to Steve, "Go drive the boat, Steve."
"Wait, why do I have to drive the boat?" Steve whines.
Judy sasses, "Because Elisa told you to." She laughs with her boyfriend, Bob, "Damn! I can't believe I'm not the one causing the drama."
Finally, Carl says, "How about I just drive the boat?"
"Well," Keith snaps, "By that logic I should do it then."
Finally, the boat gets going, and Judy says, "Wow, I really should have just done this sooner." Lily and Elisa snicker, and all of the other guys just sit down.
Over in the boat with the guys from Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin and their girlfriends, Roger shouts as he starts for the boat, "Okay, ladies! If it isn't already clear to you, I'll be in charge. So, just go sit on your sweet princess butts, yes I'm looking at you Jimmy, and I'll Man the boat like a man! However, Jane, you are coming with-," and just like that, he trips and falls face first into the boat, "I'm okay!" He shouts again. Then, just like nothing happened, he goes over to the area where the boat is to be run.
Jane follows behind, "Wait, why am I coming?"
Roger sits down, "Well, dear," and he reaches for her hand, "I was just hoping my darling girlfriend could keep me company."
"Aww," Jane smiles.
"Hey," David Gilmour says, "I get to stay back here with mine, isn't that right, Kay?"
Kay giggles, "That's right, dear!" Then, David and Kay start a pleasant little chat with Nick, Rick, and John Paul Jones, while Jimmy just pouts.
"What's wrong now, princess?" Lee sneers.
"Nuthin'," Jimmy replies. He continues on, just playing with a little hair tie around his wrist. Lee rolls her eyes, and starts talking with Robert Plant.
Over on Queen's boat, Roger ends up manning it, and in The Who's boat, it falls on Roger and Megan.
In the boat with the guys from ELO, Stephanie proudly declares, "I will handle this boat!"
Bev laughs, "Haha, no you're not," and he whispers, "Jeff, please handle this!" Jeff runs to the console, and Bev sits down with Stephanie, who is apparently unfazed by the little switch up.
On yet another boat, Mick sasses, "Okay, I think we can all agree this would be best left in Rod's hands!"
Gina sasses back, "Wow, baby! I'm amazed you don't insist on doing it!"
As Rod silently starts over, Mick says, "Well, dear, sometimes I know when a job is better left out of my hands."
Gina kisses Mick, "Wow, darling, I'm impressed!" The two of them sit down together in each other's arms.
Back on our boat, Stu, Grace, and David call in unison, "All ships forward!" As if in perfect formation, the boats all start forward.
Judy shouts at us, "They are boats, not ships!"
Lily snaps, "Whatever, at least they didn't call them bananas or something else completely off."
Grace shouts, "Thank you, Lily!" We all tow on forward, and
On our little boat, Hannah says, "So, Jon, we were asking about your love life!"
I start huffing, "Well, you know, I think the bigger question right now is where are all of my band mates?!"
"I'm right here!" Rick shouts from the floor, "Steve Howe is down here, too!"
Hannah squeals, "Oh, my goodness! Steve Howe, is that you?"
Steve replies, "Yep, in the flesh!"
Rick sasses, "Wow, what am I? Chopped liver?"
Grace coughs and says, "Eww, no!"
"I'm only the greatest keyboard player in this whole campsite," and he grimaces, and then shouts at Camp Folky Assholes' boat, "MR. EMERSON!"
Keith shouts back, "Oh, no, no, no. What are you trying to start?!"
Hannah laughs, "Its pretty obvious. He's saying he's better then you."
Keith rolls his eyes, "Yeah, I didn't need that clarification..."
Elisa hugs Steve Winwood, "Oh, darling. I'm happy you don't get in these petty little fights."
[I'm sorry, but this is the only way to explain Steve's reaction:]
Elisa laughs, "Well, okay then, Steve!"
Judy slaps Steve on the back, "Take pride, Steve. I actually like you."
I decide to stop listening to their conversation, as it sounds really nasty... I'll be honest, I can't handle nasty things.
Hannah begins, "So, we were asking about Jon's love life?"
Rick squeals, "Oh, my goodness Jon! Please tell us all of the details!"
I give Rick a weird look and say, "Whoa, why do you care about that, Rick?"
"Isn't it obvious?" and Rick sits next to him, "You are my little friend and I care what happens to you."
Gina waves from her boat and says, "Aw! It is so sweet how everyone care for Jon!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Hannah sasses, "Now just tell us!"
Judy shouts, "Is this even a relevant question? I'm not even sure if Jon has passed puberty yet."
"I absolutely have!" I snap, "And, I'll have you know that I know what sex is!" Damn, that was loud...
"Well," Judy says, "You didn't understand some pretty blatant sexual innuendo. I mean, Lily and Keith were obviously out fucking last night and you thought they were killed by a bear!"
Lily snaps, "Whoa, we were not out having sex! You honestly expect me to break up with one guy and screw another in the same night?!"
"Yes," and Judy laughs, "And I'm very impressed with you, dear. You chose his enemy. Very, very well done." Lily and Keith roll their eyes, and Judy continues, "Anyways, you just seem so innocent it seems hard to believe you are ready for a relationship."
Katherine shouts from across the river, "Brian and I think he's ready!"
"Thank you, Katherine!" I shout back.
"Don't mention it, honey bun!" Katherine shouts back.
Sara finally comes over, and hands me a cupcake, "Well, how do you like that?" she asks.
"It's absolutely delicious!" I respond. As if it were nothing, Sara grabs a hold of my shirt and begins kissing me, and naturally I kiss back. "Eh, someone had to make the first move!" she says as she starts playing with her hair.
Kay leans over from her boat, "I ship you guys so hard!" Wow, Kay likes shipping people, doesn't she?
Megan starts working at her boat even and says, "Oh, my God! Little Jon has a girlfriend!" Basically, everyone on the river starts to clap.
Steve Winwood kisses Elisa out of nowhere, and then he sasses, "Wow! I don't get applause when I get a girl?"
Judy sarcastically claps, "Whoopee-de-do! We are all sooo proud of you!"
Elisa snaps, "Judy, was that necessary?"
"Um, yes?" and Judy laughs, kissing Bob's cheek as they both share a joint.
Keith pats Steve on the back, "It's okay, man. Most of us don't get applause..." I lean back in my little seat, and everyone continues conversing with all of their boat mates. However, I swear I can hear some lurking in the corner...