Chapter 50
"Annie" I screamed, making my way to her.
"Missy!" She pulled me into a strong hold, not letting me go.
When she pulled away her hand found its way to my belly, where a baby bump should be forming. This made my mood take a sudden crash. All the happiness I was feeling drained from my body. I felt like washed up cargo, forgotten and alone.
"Missy, what's wrong?"
I shook my head to clear my thoughts, but it was too late the sinking feeling was slowly taking over. The unbearable pain in my chest was back. I knew this was going to be hard, but there was nothing I could do to prepare for it.
"I... lost it." It was no time until I was in her arms having the life squeezed out of me. The comfort was something I needed. She understood. She knew the pain I was feeling, unlike Eric. I knew that he tried to understand, but no man can truly understand if they are not the father. He hates Jace and I know there is a little part of him that does feel some happiness I lost it.
We cried together. Right there, in the middle of her living room our lovers standing around awkwardly, we just cried. There was a bond between us, Annie and I, which was so strong at times we did not have to say a word. And right now, the bond was unbreakable.
After our tears had dried and our hearts were somewhat healed, I pulled away, desperate to save this day.
"Yes, Okay." I collected my thoughts. "I guess I should introduce someone to you." Annie's smile grew knowingly. He was my 'prince charming' as she had put it once before. "This is Eric." I did not add a last name afraid that Jason would put two and two together.
When my eyes met his I saw the worry resting there, along with the longing to comfort me. But my outburst in the car had me blushing and turning away.
"So this is the Eric?" I did not miss the awe in her tone. "He is smoken!" She made sure I was the only one to hear.
She was right. He was the handsomest, most dashing man I had ever laid eyes on. And, he wanted me, for now. I was his girlfriend, but how come it just did not feel like enough anymore?
Walking over to him, I pushed the awkwardness away. He had not said a word to me in the car, and I was afraid things would never be the same. I took his hand and noted that he was calculating my every move making me try ever so hard to act normal. Easier said than done, I had a hole in my heart and it was waiting patiently for him to utter the three little words.
"Eric, this is Jason and this is Annie." He took each of their hands giving them a stiff shake.
Annie stared at him as if he was a famous supermodel. I could tell she was shocked at his size and looks. Obviously, she thought I was lying about his looks. That will teach her, I guess.
"So, you and Missy, eh?" Jason chuckled, "Not bad man, not bad at all." He seemed to find the whole thing extremely funny and I had the slightest clue why.
"Why don't you guys head to the living room while we bring you some beers?" I followed as she made her way to the kitchen.
Just as I entered Annie had spun around toward me, a serious look plastered on her face.
"You're falling to fast, Missy!"
"What?" I had told her everything and she agreed that he was kind and genital. Now, I was at a loss of words. I didn't understand the sudden change in her.
"You and Eric aren't going to make it if you fall so fast, again."
"How can you say that?" I forced myself to not lose eye contact.
"Over the phone I just thought he was your rebound. But, I saw the way you looked at him. You would follow him to the end of time if you had to."
I shrugged, "Is that such a bad thing?"
"Yes," her voice soft as a whisper, "you just broke up and on top of that just lost a baby. Missy, you don't love him. His is only a rebound and a crutch."
"You're wrong." I knew she was just looking out for me, afraid that I would get hurt again, but I could not help but feel my heart breaking. She could be completely right. But the burning feeling inside me told me she was completely wrong.
"I love you, girl. You know that. I just don't want to see you get hurt. How do you know he loves you back? How do you know he will never leave you?"
"I don't," I cowered in defeat. I had tried to salvage an afternoon of fun but she just wasn't going to let that happen.
"Here take these beers. I'm going to grab some chips."
Eric seemed to since my down mood, but I did nothing to hide it. All I could do was stare at the wood flooring and pray to God that we could leave soon. Annie had broken what little spirit I had left.
It was not long until Eric settled into the vibe of my friends and everyone was laughing, except me. Being the sweetheart Eric is, he kept a hand on my knee at all times, comfortingly. I was glad he never took it off, because if he had I probably would have lost it, again.
Annie seemed to notice what her words had done to me, and the regret was clear in her flowing blue eyes.
"...yeah, I have been working on the old thing forever." Jason huffed, bringing me back to the present. "Come on, I'll show you."
Eric glanced at me, as if asking for permission. Smiling sadly, I shooed him on his way. He didn't leave without placing a soft kiss on my lips.
"I hate myself." She sulked when they had both gone.
"No, you're right. I don't know if he loves me, but I just can't stop loving him to save myself. I never have been, and I never will be able to do that."
"You may be making the biggest mistake of your life but I had killed your spirit of the only good thing you have. He is good to you, Missy. Real good to you. I'm so stupid." How could I stay mad when she hated herself for saying it?
"NO, you brought me back down to earth." Her apology was already working; my spirits were on the rise.
"So, he just can't keep his hands offa you, eh?" She winked, and just like that I had forgotten all the hurt.
I blushed uncontrollably, "You have no idea."
It sent her into a fit of laugher and things seem to be right, again. We chattered all night about the loves of your lives.
We had originally planned to see my mother and Katie tonight, but the guys hit it off so well we stayed.
"You and Jason seemed to get along well." Finding conversation when things were so awkward between us was almost impossible.
"Yeah," Eric said, walking from the hallway, a toothbrush in his mouth and boxers swung dangerously low on his waist.
"What did you guys talk about?" I managed to look away from his form.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" He joked, in an effort to lighten the mood. It didn't work.
"Yes, I would like to know." I began in order to distract myself from the lump in my throat. "I would really like to know what Jason found so funny about the two of us."
Holding up one finger in signal for me to wait a second he took off to the hallway bathroom. I grabbed a magazine from the bedside table. The nagging worry of him not loving me back was almost unbearable.
I had just leaned my back against the headboard, slowly skimming through the pages when he came back.
"He was laughing at something Jace had told him."
"What was that?" as hard as I tried to hold back my frantic look; I knew Eric could see it.
"Jace had told him once that he was afraid he would lose you to me, and that he wasn't sure he loved you like you loved him."
Again, the lump in my throat was rising. I was not going to cry, not here, not again. I need not cry over Jace anymore, but so many things in my life were attached to him. A lost baby, years worth of memories, and a friendship that is lost forever. Tear still found an escape, a silent river fan down my face. At the moment, I hated myself for crying. Eric didn't deserve this.
He was at me in one second, holding me, caring for me. But not loving me, which was what I wanted. The longing was one of the most frustrating feelings I had ever felt in my life.
"What did I do?" He chuckled in an effort to lighten the mood. Still, it did not work.
"Nothing," and it was true. I can't expect him to say I love you when he himself is not ready. This was my fault, not his.
He rolled on his back, head on a pillow. I still rested my head on the headboard of the bed. It put me at just the right angle to see him.
My mood swing now coming to a close, I ran my fingers through his soft hair. In that moment I didn't care if he loved me. I knew I loved him and I knew nothing would change that. I knew for a fact that I would love him until death do us part. And that had me dreaming of a wedding and family with him.
I remembered him once saying to me 'Don't give up on me, Missy. You can always try again.' Did that mean he would be the one to give me that second chance?
He softly snored, rolling over until his head rested on my chest. The position backwards from what it always was. This was what I wanted. I wanted him, forever and ever. And as long as he did not love another I would be here, loving him.
"I love you. I love you so much." I whispered as he dreamed on.
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