Chapter 43
When we get to my room, I let him go in first, then follow after. I quietly shut the door, and then stare at it for a minute, allowing myself some time to calm down. In the meantime, I can faintly hear the bed creak as Caden sits down, and how he clears his throat when I take a little bit too much time gathering my emotions and thoughts.
Sighing internally, I turn around and look at him. I make sure my face is blank, wiped of any emotion that could possibly give my thoughts away. He looks at me expectantly, and then his eyes switch from me to the spot next to him on the bed.
I take the hint and go to sit down next to him, a careful distance away. Not far enough to be taken as an insult, but not close enough for accidental contact. Crossing my legs at the ankles, I swing my feet back and forth, waiting for him to say something to me. I’m determined not to start this conversation.
All of a sudden, my pad and pen invade my sight, as Caden carefully places them on my lap. I grab my pen before it rolls off onto the floor, and then lift my head to look at him. He smiles a little bit at me, and then adjusts himself so he’s angled towards me.
“I’m guessing we really need to talk.” He says, more of a statement than a question. Nonetheless, I nod. I watch as he looks down at his hands, as if deep in thought. Finally, after a few tense moments, he looks back up at me. Looking at him expectantly, I wait for him to go on.
“First of all, I never meant to touch you. I know you hate that so bad. Honestly, I had no idea it was you who walked out. I’m not sure what I would have done if I had known it was you, but I definitely would not have just let you fall. But Senna, you can’t do this to yourself!” He motions to the bandages on my arms, a distressed look on his face.
I self-consciously tug on them, then tuck my arms close to my body to try to hide them.
“I want to help you, Senna, I just don’t know how. I’ve heard the doctors talking about how Becca is apparently ‘close to making a break through.’ With you, and I really hope she is. Because I hate seeing you like this every day. Not speaking, afraid of being touched, anti-social and just a basic recluse. It isn’t healthy. Being in this whole place isn’t healthy and just imagine, if you could get better, you could get out of here. Actually leave and go make something of yourself.” He stops again, to take a deep breath. I take that time to write something down quickly on my pad, and show him.
‘I don’t know how to ‘ get better ‘. I’m not even sure that I want to. This place is basically all I’ve known for my whole life… I wouldn’t know how to function in the outside world.’
“Senna! There are counselors to help with that. I would even help you with that. I will be getting out of here soon; all of my drug problems are being worked on, and I’m already feeling better than I was when I was put here. I’m not trying to force anything on you; I’m just trying to help you.”
I look at him uneasily, biting my lip. I’m not even sure that I want to talk about this right now.
“Can you just promise me that you’ll try? It seems like you are doing so well… And I’d love to see you be okay for once. So, promise me?” He asks, smiling a little, while still looking distressed.
Sighing, I write I promise and show him. His face lights up and he looks truly happy. I, however, can’t stop the immense feeling of dread that spreads over my body.
***
Caden sticks with me for the rest of the night, and even sleeps in my room again. He seems to be really bipolar lately, switching from being in his own room and then back in mine. I honestly wish he would just make up his mind and pick a place. I don’t tell him that though, not wanting to be mean.
He stays with me all through the next day too, even during my meeting with Becca. In fact, he engages her in conversation about what she’s been doing with me, as if I’m not even there. I can’t really say that I mind, though, it keeps her from questioning me heavily about what I did and why I did it.
Finally it’s time for us to go to lunch, and I gladly escape out of that stuffy office. Caden is only a few steps behind me though, blabbering on about something Becca had said. I don’t pay any attention while I’m grabbing my food, and sitting down.
He keeps talking all throughout lunch, seeming very excited. He even says that he’s going to start coming to my sessions with me. I roll my eyes, not even attempting to tell him that that isn’t necessary.
Even so, I can’t help but be a tiny bit flattered that he really wants the best for me, no matter how much I might not want it for myself.
***
I hope you liked it.
Happy Late Easter.
-Lexi