May 5th, 2014
John gave me the night off, meet me at Berkelouw Paddington if you can and as soon as you can.
I got Luke's text immediately after I finished my homework a little before dinner time. Greg was downstairs playing video games- like always and my mum was cooking spaghetti for the fourth time this week. I didn't plan on sneaking out, no, I planned on straightforward telling her. As much as I wanted to stay in and have dinner with my family, Luke passed an offer of hanging out at a bookstore.
I crept down the stairs, my phone in one hand, Luke's jacket in my other. The suspense was killing me, all I wanted was an answer and that would save me the angst of trying to come up with something to ask her. But sadly, people could not read minds.
"Hey mum," I said quite loudly because of Greg's shouting at his friends and the game. Though she hummed in response, it was hard to hear. "Luke invited me to Berkelouw. Can I go?"
"Do you have money?"
"Sure."
"Would you get food?"
"Yeah."
"Do his parents know?"
"Yeah."
"Then, I guess. Please, don't wreck my car," she said, handing me the keys. I grinned and hugged her from the side as she stirred the pasta.
"Thank you, I love you."
"I love you, too. Have a good time- oh, before you go. Can I ask you a question?" I nodded. "Are you two... dating?" I shook my head. "Oh, okay, have fun. Not too much," my mum said sternly. Scoffing, I took a sharp left out the kitchen and to the front door. I hadn't been to a bookstore in what felt like ages, and I guess I was a little curious to know why Luke wanted to meet up there just out of the blue.
And what did he mean by John gave him the night off? Was Luke still doing housework?
Questions lingered and swarmed through my mind, albeit I knew it was best for me to leave him to do all the talking about himself when he was ready. I had finished jamming and belting to The Kooks when I arrived at the bookstore around at 6:30. There was a space to park just the next building over, I was lucky as hell. Luke's vehicle- new car I was guessing- was parked directly in front of it. I knew it was his because of the polished black and of course, he told me before that he'd never buy a car that's not black.
He was sat in the café with his phone and nothing else in front of him. Just like his car, he was in all black, from head to toe, and honestly I found it quite hot on him. His hand was rested on his cheek, elbow on tabletop as he scrolled through something carelessly on his phone. A girl a few tables down from him couldn't stop staring, and besides the fact that, that made me upset, I knew that if I were her I'd probably do the same thing.
"Evening," I sighed as I sat down in front of him. He looked up at me with a gracious smile.
"Hey," was all he said. "This is a date." I laughed, because I couldn't help it. He was so brashly witted, and it was cute how he straight out said it.
"I was hoping it would be," I nodded.
"But don't worry," he said. "We won't be sitting and having coffee like some boring old shitty couple. No- we're going to explore!"
"You're lame," I groaned but he shook his head.
"It'll be fun. You could get lost in this store."
"I have, Luke," I chuckled and he stood up, towering way above me. "You're the King of cheesy date ideas," I said, standing up, too and we began walking.
"Thanks."
"Mhm, that wasn't a compliment," I smiled while quickening my pace to match Luke's.
"Oh, I know."
A minute later, we were standing in the middle of the Literature section, skimming our way through the selection of books and admiring some in the process. I always forgot how big this place was. The aisle had transitioned into Theatre, and Luke was quoting lines from a "No Fear, Shakespeare" in his best English accent but sadly, it failed and he ended up sounding like a total idiot. Mostly because he is one.
"They still have Les Mis around?" he asked, holding up a large book- twice the size of my head- that looked more like it shared information about the movie and the plot with pictures. "Oops." I looked down and saw that Luke had torn off an envelope that was taped in the book itself, and immediately I shut it and hit his arm. "Ow!" The tall boy whined.
After I put the book back, making sure nobody saw what had happened, I pushed Luke down the aisle of books but he resisted which made his butt stick out. Soon enough, we were in the middle of the Children's section and Luke and I were sitting on the floor while he was reading Green Eggs and Ham to me.
"I fucking hate this Sam I Am, guy," said Luke as he slid the book back onto the shelf. "So annoying."
"You are, too, Luke, admit it."
"I'm anything but annoying!" he defended himself and sat closer to me. "You're the annoying one, with your perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect face."
"I'm not perfect," I shook my head.
"You're not, but I'm my eyes you are."
--
After reading countless amounts of books from that section, we decided, "oh hey we're hungry" and headed down to the café where that one girl was still sitting. Luckily, on the way down, Luke's hand had found mine so it made it obvious that he was somewhat taken.
And yes, that somewhat is beginning to piss me off.
"A bagel with cream cheese and a caramel frappuccino," said Luke to the barista.
She looked at me, for my order, in which I just said "same". There weren't any Starbucks sizes here, and if you didn't decide on a size, they would give you a medium anyway.
"So," he stated as we sat down. "I need to tell you the truth." His anxiety already spiked, his hands were shaking and he was looking for something to stall with. But he couldn't find anything.
"Just, take your time," I pleaded and he nodded.
"You probably figured this out but John is making me work on the house, and if I do something wrong, h-he-"
"Luke!" yelled the barista and shortly after she yelled, "Paige!" too. Luke got up immediately and retrieved our food so he could continue talking to me.
"-he threatens me," continued Luke. "When I didn't show up for a month, Paige, and I came back to you, practically crying, because he held up a gun, and threatened to shoot me. He wouldn't let me leave for a whole month because I left on your birthday. And when he pulled that stunt, I sprinted. I ran all the way to your house.
"Like I said, I need to tell you the truth... the whole truth. Maybe even a little bit more of my back story," he drew in a quick breath while I listened. But I wanted to know why Luke's life was like this, when he didn't deserve any of it. "Wow, I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start from the very beginning," he joked. "No, I'll start from where you don't know anything."
"Oh," I whispered in a low tone, quiet enough for him to hear nothing.
"I knew earlier, I would need to tell you at some point, but I'm not exactly a good kid, Paige," Luke lightly laughed and picked at the bracelets lined on his wrists. "In my second foster home, the sons, they took me to people's houses, when they weren't home, and robbed them. Eventually," he swallowed. "I began doing it all on my own. I pick-pocketed, I stole, and then when I left them, I got a girlfriend."
Luke stayed silent for a few moments, and wouldn't look at anything but his feet.
"I had her for a few months, until one night, she found out I stole from her house and she got mad. I g-got mad, t-too and-d, Paige." I looked up and Luke was blinking to stop himself from crying. "I slapped her. My God, Paige, you have no idea how much I hated myself after that. I never got to apologise, I never got to say how much of a fuck up I was. And at home, I was treated like shit, too. After I did that to her, I stopped stealing, I stopped being a criminal and I stopped liking who I was.
"She was a reality check, for me, to realise that nobody will like me if I'm an ass. Hell, I knew I was horrible and that's why I hate myself because I'm so scared that the bad guy might come back. I don't know how much I can show you that I've changed, I don't even know if I have changed."
While it all sunk in, Luke rubbed his eyes over and over, to stop himself from getting too worked up and emotional. I didn't know what to say. I felt like I learned all this too fast, but really, it was the perfect time. He wasn't his past self anymore, but he was still Luke. And even though I'd practically known him for over half a year, I felt like I've known him for years.
Neither of us had touched our food, or drink. Luke was still playing with those damn bracelets, yet more aggressively since I wasn't answering him. I didn't know what to say.
"I can't promise anything," he whispered.
"You don't need to. I understand why you don't want to date now, though." I wasn't scared for myself, I felt if I did that it would be somewhat offensive. I was scared for Luke, because there hasn't been one person in his life that's treated him right except Calum and I, and if Luke does something wrong, it always seems to stab him in the back. "But you can't let this stop you from living."
He nodded and hung his head down low, afraid that if we locked eye sight, the world would collapse.
"I never feel ready," he mumbled, holding his hands still. "I'm not ready to face my past and I had to put myself together just to tell you all of this. I'm so scared. I can't lose you." Luke was trembling, so bad that I had to take him away, while half the people in the café were staring at us like we were mental.
"Luke," I scolded once we were out of the way and hidden in the store. "If you're thinking you're gonna lose me over something that happened in your past, then that's crazy."
"I am crazy," he interjected, sniffing. "Who fucking slaps their girlfriend?" I knew he was purposely beating himself up for this, he got used to doing that all his life. "I'm a fucking idiot."
"Look at me," I said to him after his fit of furiously running his hands through his hair and pacing. He did as I instructed, however. "How long ago was this?"
"2 years ago from April 12th," he answered specifically. That was when I realised, he would truly never forget about that. He knew he messed up so bad, he remembered everything. "I hate this," he groaned. "I thought telling you everything would make this better, to let you know that I think I finally trust you but right now I just feel like I'm being eaten from the inside out because you may not talk to me or I'll screw everything up again. I'm going to screw everything up because I always have my whole life and-"
"Luke," I interrupted him, sighing. "We all screw things up, you've just been surrounded by people who like to remind you that. And yeah, hitting her was a mistake-" he winced. "-except we all do stuff we regret, but surely, I'm not going to regret liking you or liking hanging out with you. I'm glad you think you can trust me, and I promise you," I smiled. "You're not going to lose me over this."