Sorry that this chapter is short, but I simply have not had time to truly sit down and write as much as I would enjoy. But, with that being said, I do hope you enjoy the chapter loves!
xoxo Jane
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"You're..." I chocked out, the air leaving me in a single moment. "It's far tighter than I... antici..." taking a breath, I opened my eyes as I held onto the bed. "PATED!"
Regina stood behind me, her fingers making quick work of the strings of the corset that must lay underneath the fabric of my wedding gown. I truly never understood the need for the dreadful things... especially once Lord Vedil had shown how it changed the figure of a woman. Was the way that a woman was born not good enough? Do women in his society truly believe they must alter themselves in painful and drastic ways... simply to catch a potential lovers eye?
"Stop breathing so much, Darling." Mother calmly stated as she sat on the couch, sipping her morning tea as the twins ran around the room. I wished to roll my eyes, but I feared if I opened them again, they would simply pop out of my head. "It will all be over soon. We must make sure the dress fits properly for the wedding."
"Why must I wear something so... terrible?" I cried out as Regina finished tying the corset, keeping the air from filling me with each breath. I felt slightly light headed, my ribs bending to the point where they felt as if they would snap, and the laughter of my young siblings were not helping my irritated state. "This cannot be practical!" I stated, raising up, trying to move into a comfortable standing position.
How could I sit or drink while wearing this dreadful thing!? And how is it possible that I had worn these for cycles and never truly understood the horror and pain of these damned things?!
Turning around, I looked at Regina and my Mother, instantly knowing how simply ridiculous I must look. Regina bit back a smile and a giggle once she saw me, going to sit down with Mother. They simply lay back and watch as my siblings ran around the couches and balcony.
Shaking my head, I walked over to the large mirror, stepping up for the seamstress to help place on the dress.
In the mirror stood a young woman, her body slightly tan, long curls falling down her back and on her sides, large eyes that seemed like that of glass, and a sadness that showed on her lips. How could this shell of a woman be... me? My skin had dulled in color, dark circles lay under my eyes, and I had become thin from not eating the last several days.
It had been three days in total since Skyrin and I had last spoken. He never stood in the same room as I, always leaving as I walked in, or simply never showed. At night the bed was cold, the fire always burning, the curtains of the balcony slightly open, allowing his to walk in.
But he never had. Each moment he looked at me, the very few moments, I could see nothing but heartbreak and sorrow. I feared that my body was starting to show outwardly how my heart felt. There was hardly any rest, my days and nights filled with work or pointless wandering, the only time food or drink passed my lips was when it was forced.
Raising up to look at the gown that covered my body, I could see the lace that flowed down my body. My waist was smaller, too small to be healthy, the silk fabric underneath pleated and flowing down off my hips, fanning down past the calf. My feet were covered, the train of the dress easily going several feet, the lace covering each part of the silk.
My arms and shoulders were covered in only the lace, fanning down into long sleeves that flowed around me. I could see my skin between the beautiful, hand made roses and lilies in the pattern. Yet, as beautiful and elegant as the dress was... it felt foreign and unwelcome. I did not enjoy the way the fabric held against the corset, or how the soft white and cream colors of the dress seemed to make me look like a completely different woman.
In this dress, I was no longer myself... I was a bride. And that very thought disgusted me.
"I look-" I started, only to be cut off.
"Beautiful." Mother said with a soft smile, her beauty filling the chambers with a warm glow that I knew so well, yet never tired of. I wished to roll my eyes at that statement. How could a shell -a living skeleton- be beautiful?
"Breathtaking." Regina said with tears in her eyes. Mother nodded, standing up as she smoothed the skirt of her dress, walking to stand behind me. The veil was given to her by the seamstress, an old woman with wrinkled skin and hands. She was skilled in what she did, there was no doubting that at all. That was why as I looked at myself, the mixed feelings of joy and sorrow swimming around my mind and heart, I felt... nothing. I was not overwhelmed with joy at the sight of the dress, nor happy that I would be married when the sun rose the next morning.
"Like a bride..." I whispered, lowering my head as Mother placed the veil over my head, allowing it to flow down my back, mixing in with the train of the dress.
The seamstress smiled, nodding her head as she looked at me from behind, her eyes glistening with pride at her work.
My brother's had stopped running around the room, only to stop as they walked over to stand beside Mother. Large eyes became larger as they looked up at me, blinking a few times, only to look between each other, their thoughts the same as always.
Donovan stepped forward, his robes flowing as the wind picked up across the balcony, bringing it inside the chambers. He gave me a soft smile as always, golden eyes twinkling as he looked from the dress to me. I turned to look at him, finding a soft smile on my lips as he looked at me.
"Mother is right, Naomi," he whispered as he reached for my hand. I took his hand in mine, somehow bending down to be level with him. He smiled at me, his dimples deepening in his little cheeks. I smiled back at him as he reached up to hug me, only to laugh as Javin ran behind, jumping on my back, giving me a large squeeze of a hug.
"You look pretty like a flower!" Javin said, laying his head on my shoulder as they both hugged me. I found a tear to burn my eye as it tried to fall down my cheek.
"Thank you," I whispered to the room, closing my eyes as the reality started to sink in.
Lord Vedil would be docking today, and with his return, along with the arrival of his children, and the rest of the Royal guests arriving... the hours were finally upon us. I would be married by tomorrow's afternoon, with not one country, but two and a husband. I will become a mother to his children, and will soon be expected to have my own, consummating our marriage and bringing forth a new generation in the Royal bloodline.
It was all too much, nauseating even.
With one last smile, I stood and allowed the seamstress to remove the gown and corset.
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The morning had quickly passed, and as the breeze of the Red Sea brought Lord Vedil into the Kingdom, I found myself refusing to go to the docks. Part of me wishes to run, hide in the shadows, turn away from what lay ahead of me, and never look back. Yet, the other part of me screamed to move forward, take control of the situations at hand, and refuse to back down.
I was being torn into two completely different directions. One towards who I wished to be, and the one that I was destined to be.
My hair flowed down my back, blowing softly in the afternoon breeze, the skirts of my dress flowing around me. I wore a deep plum this day, knowing it was customary to wear a royal color before an important ceremony, such as marriage. The gardens were empty, the castle bustling with laughter and excitement for the evenings festivities. Ladies, children, men, each soul all except for mine, seemed to be filled with joy and excitement.
So why, in a moment that should be happy, did I feel nothing but dread?
Lifting the skirt of my dress, I stood at the edge of the gardens, the meadows and forest stretching out before me, begging me with open arms to rush into them. A smile lay on my face as memories of a child Skyrin ran across the fields in my mind. His laughter was contagious, long legs running after a very young and childish Naomi.
"You can't catch me!" I cried out, the skirts of my dress flowing behind me, the soft morning breeze flowing across the meadow.
The soft giggles and laughter echoed across the meadow, bouncing and rolling with the wind, keeping me close to the memories.
Yet, as I slowly stepped into the soft blades of the grass, feeling the strands between my toes and on the soles of my feet, I could watch as the memories changed into a younger memory. Skyrin's height changed, growing taller, tall as the trees after an entire cycle. And the more he changed, the more I seemed to change before him.
The skirts of my dress grew longer, flowing into a soft blue that matched Mother's eyes. I smiled, picking up the skirts of my dress, allowing me to move forward with ease. Between the trees, I could see shadowed figures of thoughts moving around, playing and laughing before me. The memories danced and grew, the laughter deepening and growing, giving a certain... heaviness to the air that was new and growing.
"You'll never catch me!" I cried out, looking over my shoulder as the skirts of my dress went behind a tree, making a strange zig-zag across the meadow.
My smile stopped growing as Skyrin jumped forward, catching the younger me, causing the two to roll down the meadow slightly, tangling around the other. Stopping, I watched at the tree line, feeling the breeze against my skin, smelling the change of the cycle on the wind.
"I'll always catch you," Skyrin whispered, looking down at the younger girl, curls flowing around them as they lay in the soft grass in the early morning dew.
And with that smile, we had kissed.
It was my first kiss.
"You seem lost in thought," I heard behind me.
Gasping, I turned around, seeing a familiar face.
Mysterious and large brown eyes looked down at me as I walked towards him, only to watch as he bowed at the waist. Holding the skirts of my dress, I moved across the grass to go to him, bowing my head as I curtsied before him. "How is it that you grow more beautiful each time I must go?" He whispered, eyes soft.
My cheeks burned at his comments, the memories still rushing through my mind. Bringing my wits about me, I watched as he offered his arm to me. Slipping my hand onto the bend of his arm, we moved forward into the garden.
"I was not aware that you had returned," I stated, keeping my eyes forward as the dragons flew above head, casting a shadow of the gardens for a few passing moments. Yet, even as I looked up at the large figures and wings in the sky, I did not see the one dragon that I truly wished to speak with. "I do hope your journey was pleasant."
Vedil chuckled at that, placing his free hand on the top of my own. I smiled, looking up at him as I bit down the bile that flowed into my mouth.
He is a kind man, a respectable man Naomi! This marriage is not for you, not for Skyrin, but for your people and country! Remember that!
"As pleasant as it could possibly be with three children that have no patience," he chuckled. I smiled, keeping my lips tightly closed, not wanting to be sick once again. "I have never wished to jump off a ship before, but I suppose there is a time and place for everything." Vedil looked down at me, raising a brow. "Have I surprised you in an unexpected and unpleasant way?" He asked softly, coming to stop our walk.
Taking a breath, I shook my head, looking down at the pebbled pathway beneath out feet. My feet were still bare, having forgotten my shoes at the edge of the pathway by the meadow.
"Of course not, darling." Smiling at him, I felt his hand hold onto mine slightly tighter, comforting me. "I suppose it would just be the fluttering in my stomach. I'm slightly..."
"Apprehensive?" He finished, giving me a sympathetic smile.
"No, not at all," I cried out, laughing to conceal my fear. How could he possibly know? "I've never been married before, as you know." I whispered, letting go of his arm, only to wrap my arms around myself in a protective manner, stepping back a few times. The air was thin around him, like a hand that was brought around my neck, chocking it out of me. How was it that in the few minutes he was here, I felt slightly off balance, yet alright at the same moment?
Lord Vedil took a breath in, nodding his head as if the answer was as bright as light in front of him.
"If it's our wedding night," he started, looking at me with a softness that I had not seen from him before, "I'll be gentle." He whispered, taking a step forward.
He believes...? Oh thank Gods, he believes I still have my virtue. Though, no one but Regina, Skyrin, and I know that Skyrin had taken it, while I took his.
Letting out a harsh breath that sounded like nervous laughter, I looked down as my cheeks burned, knowing fully well that not telling the truth was a skill that I did not possess. I wasn't Christopher, seeming to bend and twist the truth into his favor, all the while never having a hair out of place.
But, if he believes that the lie that I have portrayed all this time is the truth, then I do not see why I should not keep playing along.
"I'm not worried about that," I whispered, looking forward, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. It was a soft burn, like that when you come too close to a fire. Yet, when he looked at me, I felt slightly more vulnerable than anticipated. "It's the..." I cleared my throat as the burning spread over my cheeks, embarrassment setting in. "It's the audience that will be attending." And that I will be marrying you, and not the man that I truly love.
I had been informed the past day that a few of the guests arriving were coming for one particular ritual. It would appear that in his culture, the consummating of a marriage must be watched... assuring that the marriage is valid. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I found my hands to start shaking at that thought. There would be no way of removing myself from this situation.
Vedil stood in front of me, capturing my chin in his hand, causing me to look up into his eyes. They darkened slightly, long lashes fanning across his brows and cheeks. He truly is handsome, but he's just not...
"There's nothing to worry about, my love." He whispered, stepping forward. I let out a shaking breath, feeling the lump in my throat starting to form once again. "The priest and priestess have done this ceremony thousands of times." I looked up, nodding my head in understanding. It was still my choice to say no to the ceremony, but with him having given so much money and men to my country, I was indebted to him.
Nodding my head, I ran my tongue across my lips, trying to stop the dryness that seemed to choke me and cause the lump in my throat to grow.
"I want to share my life and culture with you, Naomi," he whispered. Smiling down at me, his brow furrowed slightly. "Do you not wish to share your life with me? To grow old and save your country with me?" His voice lowered slightly, seemed to be saddened by the statement.
Once again I was torn into two completely different sides, one screaming at the other. I did not wish to marry him, nor spend the rest of my long life with him and his children. I wished to marry Skyrin, grow old and fade away together, to see our children grow.
But Vedil, he had given so much, far more than I had ever asked for. There could be a shortage of fish in the sea, and he would bring ships filled to the brim. When the banks held no money, he brought his currency over the Red Sea, insuring that the economy would not fall. And now, he promised to marry me, help me watch over my kingdoms and people, and the only thing he wished in return was to marry me.
I felt as if I had been backed into a corner, not knowing which way to turn. And Vedil was the only man who could give me an answer, a solid answer to help my people, to help myself when I did not know that it was needed.
Did I wish to share my life with him? Perhaps in the grand scheme of things, it might not be the ideal life, but would it be so terrible? He is kind, wise, knowing how to control situations that I had not even thought of yet. And there has yet to be a time when he has not pushed further than I could go.
"Of course, Darling," I whispered, placing my hand in his, smiling at him. "I just suppose it's the dragonflies that are fluttering in my stomach. Perhaps it's the joy that I'm feeling," I added, smiling up at him, feeling my cheeks burn with self pity. I have no other choice, there is no doubting that.
Vedil let out a breath, seeming to be relieved as well as joyful. Tightening his hand around my own, he placed it back into the bend of his arm.
As we started to walk forward, I could see that he was in deep though, his mouth in a frown, and his brows furrowed. For the first time in the many cycles I looked at him, truly looked at him as more than just Vedil. His eyes held small wrinkles around the edges, yes, but what I hadn't noticed was the small brown dots that sprinkled across his skin, darker than that of freckles. Small imperfections littered against a King, whom seemed perfect. I could also see the way that his brows were perfectly groomed, only to have a hair out of place.
Something seemed off about this situation.
Perhaps it was the nerves, as I had told him? But, the more that I lingered on that thought, the more it just didn't seem to fit.
So why was it that my chest felt as if a weight was being placed on it the longer I was around him? And why did I feel as if I couldn't breath? I had these feelings before, but the closer that the hours of the wedding approached, the more those feelings increased.
Why is that?
Looking up at the details of his face once again, I found my brow furrowing the same as his had.
Perhaps it's time to return to the temple to pray.